Alcohol and Breast Cancer

I used to love Autumn. Falling leaves, woollies and mittens, Bonfire night and Halloween....

But then, almost exactly three years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and Autumn's never been the same since.

Now the fallen leaves remind me of standing in the local park, howling like a mad woman because it was the only place I could cry where the children wouldn't see.

Halloween was the night before my operation, when I hid under my duvet, saying a private farewell to a sizeable chunk of my left boob, ignoring all the trick-or-treaters ringing on the doorbell.

Bonfire night reminds me of the party we went to where I became unable to handle small talk. Vague acquaintances would ask me " How are you?" and I'd reply "I have breast cancer." Believe me, it's a conversation stopper.

It's really, really easy to think that's never going to happen to me. That's exactly what I thought. Until it did. 

The truth is, breast cancer is terribly common. But there's one thing you can do that will significantly reduce your chances of it happening to you, and that's QUITTING DRINKING.

Dr Ellie Cannon recently published a supplement in the Mail on Sunday on how to cut your risk of breast cancer.

She says that around 3,200 cases of breast cancer each year in the UK are linked to alcohol. Just drinking three alcoholic drinks a week (ha ha!) increases your risk by 15%.

The Chief Medical Officer, Dame Sally Davies, after reviewing all the evidence of the link between booze and breast cancer, said last year that whenever she's about to have a drink she thinks "do I want the glass of wine or do I want to raise my own risk of breast cancer?" This comment was treated with outrage by the media. It's a message that no-one wants to hear.

Alcohol can damage the DNA in your cells, and it also leads to increased levels of oestrogen. In over two-thirds of breast cancers (including mine), oestrogen acts like rocket fuel.

Interestingly, Dr Cannon goes on to talk about other risk factors, including lack of sleep.

Numerous studies have shown that long term disrupted sleep patterns may be linked to breast-cancer development, and women who are sleep deprived are more likely to have highly aggressive cancers. (This is also down to that pesky hormone, oestrogen, whose levels rise in poor sleepers).

Now, when I was drinking I had terrible insomnia. I'd get to sleep, no problem, but then wake up again at 3am, tossing and turning and hating myself. Now, I sleep like a baby.

Guess what another crucial factor in breast cancer development is? THE MUFFIN TOP! Also known as 'the wine belly.' Oh boy, did I have one of those... Then I quit drinking, and now I can look down and see my feet! I've lost twenty-eight pounds and the belly.

Research suggests that 5% of breast cancers could be avoided by maintaining a healthy body weight. And weight around the middle is especially dangerous.

A recent study showed that women who go up a skirt size every decade between the age of 25 and the menopause have a 33% increased risk of breast cancer in later life.

So, if you quit drinking you reduce not just one but THREE of the major risk factors for breast cancer.

Yet another good reason to put down the vino.

If you need some inspiration, information or just something to take your mind off the wine witch, then check out the SoberMummy Facebook page here. I post every week day at wine o'clock, and if you click 'like' on the page, Facebook will keep you updated.

To find out more about my first year sober, and how I kicked cancer's arse, read The Sober Diaries, click here (UK) and here (USA)

Please, please share this post. It's important.

Love to you all,

SM x

POST UPDATED OCTOBER 2018

Why Alcohol Makes You Fat

Last night I watched a programme on the BBC called The Truth About Alcohol.

(Thanks for the tip SW6Mum)

It was a light hearted look at the effects that alcohol has on the body.

It was a tad trivial, with the usual discussion about 'how to avoid hangovers', and 'why a little red wine is actually good for you.' But, even so, great to have a programme about the negative effects of booze on prime time TV.

Inevitably, they looked at the impact alcohol has on our weight.

Now, we all know that alcohol is full of 'empty calories', and they pointed out that drinking a pint of  beer has the same effect, calorie wise, as eating a jam donut. A glass of wine is like eating a tea cake.

If I ever think about taking up booze again, I imagine sitting in front of the TV and eating five tea cakes in swift succession. Bleurgh!

But that wasn't the interesting bit.

They then took two groups of young men and put each group in a room with 2 pints of beer each, and several bowls of snacks.

What the men didn't know is that whilst one group were drinking 'proper beer', the other group had alcohol free beer (my favourite: Becks Blue. They ought to sponsor me).

After about an hour they totted up the results and discovered that the group with the real beer ate significantly more than the Becks Blue chaps. The booze made them hungrier.

And when you added the booze calories and snack calories together, the boozy lot demolished 30% more calories than the others.

Imagine doing that every night!

And we've all been there, haven't we? Hoovering up the crisps at the drinks party, ordering Death by Chocolate at the restaurant, or raiding the snack cupboard after a big night out.

Plus, what they didn't discuss in the programme is the morning after!

If you wake up with a hangover the last thing in the world you want for breakfast is a green smoothie. Oh no! You want CARBS. And FAT. Preferably combined in something like a bacon sandwich, or a greasy fry up.

It's no wonder I gained 21 pounds in a decade. Frankly, it's a miracle it wasn't more.

But, here's my (familiar to all you regular readers) health warning:

DO NOT EXPECT TO LOSE WEIGHT STRAIGHT AWAY WHEN YOU QUIT.

I know. It's really unfair. You give up all those calories and then..... Nothing. In fact, many people GAIN weight initially.

Do not panic. Our metabolisms are complicated machines, and they take a while to adjust. And you'll probably crave sugar initially. Quitting booze is not easy, and if cake helps then EAT IT.

Most people find that, at around 100 days alcohol free, the weight starts to come off. Slowly slowly. About half a pound a week.

(Plus, even before the scales start moving you'll notice that you look much less puffy and the wine belly starts shrinking).

And here's the magic thing: it stays off! Unlike every other 'diet' I've ever done.

Fourteen months in and I've lost that 21 pounds, without changing the amount I eat all all.

I've stopped losing weight now, but it's not going back on. And I still eat cake.

So, if you weren't already convinced that quitting booze was the right thing to do, then look down at that wine belly and think again..,.

Love SM x

Reasons to Quit Drinking #1: Weight Loss

I'm aware that it sounds a little shallow, kicking off my 'Reasons to Quit' series with weight loss.

Perhaps I should have started with something a bit more weighty (excuse the pun), like health issues, or mental wellbeing.

But the truth is we know drinking is bad for us, and we know we have to stop, but it's not easy, and we deserve a bit of a perk, don't we?

And I can't be alone in being a teensy bit interested in the idea of getting skinny, as more people find my blog via Google by typing in 'stop drinking and lose weight' than any other search term.

Weight isn't just a vanity thing for us women - it affects all areas our lives. Our self esteem, our relationships, our health, and the way other people view, and judge, us.

Throughout my childhood, teenage years and my twenties I was effortlessly slim, but from my late twenties onwards (about the time I started drinking heavily) I steadily gained weight.

By the time I quit drinking, last March, I was a UK size 14 (US size 10) and weighed 11 stone 10 pounds (164 pounds).

Not only did this give me a BMI in the 'overweight category', but it made me feel bleurgh. I'd lost my mojo. I felt unattractive and old. I knew that that confident, skinny person was still in there somewhere, but muffled by a layer of blubber and pickled in booze.

I particularly hated the 'wine belly.' (See my post on The Wine Belly). I was asked several times by young children whether I had a 'baby in my tummy.' Mortifying. People would offer me their seats on buses!

It's not surprising that alcohol makes us gain weight. After all, a bottle of wine contains around 600 calories. I was drinking around ten bottles a week! That's 6,000 calories - more than two whole days worth of calories!

Plus, as soon as I'd had a few glasses of vino, all thoughts of moderation in anything flew out the window. Pudding? Why the hell not? Chocolates with coffee? It'd be rude not to!

Then you wake up with a hangover for which there's only one cure: a carbs/fat combo, like a bacon sarnie, or a large blueberry muffin (one of your five a day!).

Over the years I tried endless diets: The F Plan (endless fibre), the Beverly Hills diet (lots of fruit), Scarsdale Medical diet (detailed meal plans), Hay diet (complicated rules about protein and carbs), Cabbage soup diet (just what it sounds like), The Cambridge diet (milkshakes), Atkins (no carbs), Dukan diet (no carbs), Low GI diet (low carbs) and the 5:2 diet (2 days fasting a week).

(Just writing that list makes me feel hungry).

All of them would work for a while. I'd lose up to around ten pounds in a month. But they were impossible to stick to long term, and as soon as I started eating normally again, the weight would pile back on, plus a bit extra for good measure.

I did the exercise thing too. Jane Fonda's workout. Rosemary Conley's hip and thigh workout. Stepping. Spinning. Running. Large rubber band things. Blow up balls. Callanetics. Weights. Body Pump. Body Attack and that funny machine that you stand on while it vibrates.

(Just writing that list makes me feel exhausted).

I did get fitter, but not much thinner.

Since I quit drinking I haven't followed any particular diet. I've not been to the gym much, although I've been pretty active as I've had so much energy. I've not been hungry at all.

Yet I've lost nearly twenty pounds.

I'm now a small UK size twelve, maybe even a ten (US size 6). I've gained cheekbones. I've lost a chin. And the muffin top that I thought was obligatory for all mothers in their forties? Completely gone!

I may not be a MILF, but I am in pretty good nick for my age.

And the great news about this diet is that it is very simple. All you need to do is not drink alcohol.

But there are some caveats:

1. It is slow.

You will probably only lose about half a pound a week. It's not like those 'miracle' diets where you lose half a stone in week one. It's slow and steady. But any nutritionist will tell you that's the best kind of diet, and the only way that's sustainable.

2. It isn't immediate.

Most people don't lose weight initially, many even gain weight at the beginning. It took me until about day 100 to start seeing results.

Firstly, it takes your body a while to adjust - it's had a huge shock. Secondly, you'll crave sugar when you first quit, and cake and hot chocolate are invaluable quitting tools. Let yourself indulge initially - one thing at a time. When you're ready, try to use exercise as a way of managing cravings instead of sugar.

3. You have to stay sober.

Otherwise it'll all pile back on.

So, if you're in the early days of going sober, and starting to waver, stick a 'fat' photo of yourself on the fridge next to a picture of Kate Moss and keep going!

Check out the SoberMummy Facebook page HERE for inspiration, information and a few great laughs, every week day at wine o'clock. 'Like' the page to stay updated!

Love and skinny hugs to you all,

SM x

Wine Bellies Can Kill!

One of the very best things about quitting drinking is losing the dreaded Wine Belly.

Here's how I described mine just after I quit, eight months ago:

I have a horrible, muffin topped wine belly. As I sit here in my size 12 (US size 8) skinny jeans, a little roll of flab - like a child's rubber ring in the swimming pool - is hanging over my belt. Lovely. If I lie down in the bath (spoiler alert, do not read this if you are eating lunch), and grab my belly fat with both hands it is - ironically - about the size of a bottle of vino.

(For my full post on Wine Bellies click here)

I wouldn't describe my belly now as a pancake, but it's certainly no more than a gentle hillock. If I grab the belly fat in the bath these days, it's about the size of one of those pathetically small, two gulps and it's gone, bottles of wine they serve with your meal on airlines (I always used to ask for two, obviously).

I got the tape measure out again, and my waist has gone from 36" to 33", my belly from 41" to 37", and my hips from 43" to 39". That's pretty incredible!

I have a favourite belt which, for years, I could - with a bit of breathing in - just about fasten on the first hole. It's now, comfortably, on the 4th hole. And nothing spills over the top of my jeans any more. I'm certainly not wearing crop tops, but nor am I scaring the shoppers if I reach up to a high shelf at the supermarket and accidentally expose my midriff.

This is, obviously, great news in an aesthetic sense, but, according to research published this week, it's also amazing news for your health.

It is, apparently, way better to be obese all over than to be relatively skinny with a beer/wine belly.

The study showed that normal-weight adults who carried fat around their middles had twice the risk of early death than those who were overweight or obese but with normal fat distribution.

The reason belly fat is so dangerous is that it doesn't just sit under the skin and wobble (like the bingo wings or thunder thighs), it wraps itself around your vital organs and massively increases your risk of stroke, heart disease and type 2 diabetes.

(For more on this see this article by CNN)

To see if you're at risk just divide your waist measurement by your hip measurement. The magic number is under 0.85. Mine used to be 0.87 (BAD), it's now 0.846 (GOOD - just).

So, quit the vino and you'll lose the muffin top and live longer. What's not to like?

Don't fret if you've stopped drinking and haven't yet lost any weight, or the belly. It takes time. Plus, to start with you really need to be kind to yourself, and if that means eating a whole mountain of cake to keep the wine witch at bay, then so be it. One thing at a time. Baby steps.

It will shift eventually, little by little, half a pound or so a week, which will all add up to a huge amount of vanishing lard. In eight months I've lost 17 pounds. That's a whole toddler I'm no longer carrying around with me.

(For more on this see Stop Drinking, Lose Weight?)

Happy, sober and skinny Saturday to you all.

SM x

Mirrors and Photographs

For at least a decade I have avoided mirrors. Or looking glasses, as Nancy Mitford would have said (she deemed the word 'mirror' frightfully infra dig. Along with toilet, serviette and fish knives).

I would hate it when a mirror snuck up on me unawares. I'd suddenly be confronted by my image and think "when did my mother get so fat? Yikes! It's me. Look away you fool, before you're turned to stone...."

If I knew a mirror was coming I could prepare. I'd suck my cheeks in, angle the head to avoid double chinnage and suck in the belly.

#1 calls this my 'scary mirror face', and says it looks nothing like me.

I hate photos even more.

Until the age of around 33 (when #1 was born), there were loads of photos of me. SM partying, SM hugging Mr SM (and his predecessors), even SM on various beaches topless!

Last ten years? Barely a single picture. All erased at infancy. I've been as merciless as Herod. Thank god for digital technology! One click and ppppffff....gone.

So our last decade of family albums show Mr SM, the heroic single father of 3. Or they would if photo albums hadn't been one of the activities that went by the wayside in favour of drinking.

Anyhow, a couple of days ago I went to the supermarket with #3. Once we'd finished and paid up I wheeled the laden trolley towards the lift. #3 pressed the button and the doors opened.

The lift was already occupied by a lady with a trolley, so I moved to the side to let her out. She was a fair bit younger than me, slimmer and well turned out. The sort of person I liked to think I was. But wasn't.

She moved to the side too.

Then I realised that the lift was empty. The back wall was mirrored. I was looking at myself!

The sobercoaster isn't always easy, but once in a while the universe throws you a gift like that moment of realisation, and it makes everything worthwhile....

Love SM x

Stop Drinking, Lose Weight?

Day 118.

One topic I get more questions about than (almost) any other is weight.

We assume, for obvious reasons, that whilst quitting drinking is going to be hard, a major bonus will be skinniness! After all, one bottle of wine contains around 600 calories. One week's worth of wine (assuming a bottle a day) is 4,200 calories - two whole day's worth!

I googled alcohol and weight loss, and found endless fitness sites that state, categorically, that the quickest, simplest way to lose weight is to cut out alcohol.

Sadly, it doesn't seem to be that simple for us.

I'm sure that, for the moderate drinker, the equation really is straightforward, but I know from all the e-mails I get and blogs I read that for we more 'enthusiastic' imbibers is often doesn't work like that.

As far as I can tell there are two main reasons:

The first is that, after years of pouring in liquid calories that have to be metabolised by the liver before anything we eat, we have rather messed up our metabolisms. Our bodies are not 'finely tuned engines' but are totally over lubricated. If you think about how long it takes to deal with our messed up brains, then imagine how long it takes your body to even itself out too.

The second reasons is that so many of us turn to sugar to help with cravings (see Cross Addictions). Sugar gives us the quick dopamine hit that we've been missing, plus it's comforting. Hell, we deserve a bit of a treat given all this bl***y denial.

But it becomes really easy for sugar to become our new 'sodit'. We used to think 'I've had a hard day, so - sod it - I'll have a glass of wine.' Now we think 'I'm pissed off and knackered. Sod it, I'll have a bar of chocolate.'

I really don't think that we can beat ourselves up about any of this. We need to be kind to ourselves, and to reward ourselves from time to time. BUT, weight loss can be a huge motivation, so if it's at all possible to develop a habit of using exercise (running, yoga, whatever) as a way of dealing with cravings rather than food, then obviously that makes more sense.

Needless to say, I have yet to practise what I preach in this respect....

These 'little treats', the sodits, can quickly add up. One slice of chocolate cake, a hot chocolate and two Becks Blues is easily the equivalent, in calorie terms, of that bottle of wine. So you can see how easy it becomes to actually gain weight, rather than lose it when you quit.

When I quit, nearly 4 months ago, I did lose around a pound a week for the first 6 weeks. BUT then I stopped losing weight and started gaining! I was horrified. I didn't mention it here because I didn't want to de-motivate anyone.

So, the reason I'm mentioning it now is that....drum roll......finally the weight seems to be FALLING OFF! 2 pounds a week.

Since day 1 I have lost a total of 10 pounds. 2.5 inches off the waist and wine belly, and 3.5 inches off the butt. I weight less now than I have for FIVE YEARS!

The difference is, I think, partly a matter of time, and of the metabolism evening out, and partly down to getting used to listening to what your body is telling you.

We have spent years, decades even, drowning out our body's natural responses. It says "Yikes! That's a poison! What are you doing to me?" We say "shut up and have a Nurofen!" It says "I'm not hungry, I've just been drugged and dehydrated." We say "shut up and have a greasy fry up."

I feel terrible about what I've put my body through for so long, and feel it's now time to show it some respect. So I'm listening. If I end up eating all the leftovers after the children's supper (which I often do), then I don't just eat again, automatically, with the husband. I check if I'm feeling hungry and if I'm not I don't eat.

God that sounds like toddler level nutrition. I do apologise. But, spookily, it's totally new to me.

I used to eat for all sorts of reasons - cross, bored, hungover, drunk. Now I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm not. And it's working, despite the fact that I'm still having my treats - the hot chocolates, cake and AF beers.

Next stop....yoga!

Please let me, and everyone else, know how you're doing on the journey to beach-body-ready, and any tips you have in the comments below....

Have a great weekend!

SM x

P.S. For an update on my progress then see this post from January 2016 (click here)

To buy the book, telling the story of my first year sober, with lots of help, advice and few laughs along the way, click here.

Related posts: The Wine Belly, From Muffin-Topped, Puffy Faced Alcohol Addict to Goddess! and Wine Bellies Can Kill!

Turning into a Goddess - Update

Day 64.

Talking of Goddesses, yesterday's papers were filled with pictures of Kate Middleton as she swanned out of the Lindo Wing looking all glam and coiffed, and like she'd just been to a garden party rather than having given birth to a new princess.

I came down the steps of the very same exclusive, private hospital with #1, #2 and #3 (I was much richer then!), but looking haggard, exhausted and fat. I was not troubled by the photographers.

Not only is it great news that William and Kate now have the heir and the spare, but it also gives all of us a very public sober counter. Princess takes first steps: one year sober. Princess goes to primary school: five years sober. Princess goes to secondary school: 11 years sober. How handy is that? Thanks, Kate!

Anyhow, it is nearly 8 weeks since I posted 'From muffin-topped, puffy faced alcohol addict to Goddess!' so I thought an update was in order.

Back then I weighed 11 stone 10 (164 pounds). I now weigh drum roll......11 stone 3. I have lost 7 pounds! Half a stone. Around 3.5 kilos. My BMI is now 24.6 - NORMAL RANGE (top of).

The fab news is that I haven't actually dieted. In fact I've been eating more puddings and chocolate than ever before. But I have cut out around 600 calories a day of alcohol.

(If you are just starting out on this journey then BEWARE. Firstly, you often don't lose weight to start with, and lots of people actually gain weight. Don't be discouraged! It takes our bodies a while to adjust, plus it's easy to use sugar as a replacement dopamine hit. Personally, I think we have to go easy on ourselves and pig out from time to time, however try to be aware of the difference between eating because you're hungry and eating because you're emotional. Do the latter as little as possible!)

The other good news is that the first puffy fat to go was around my face and the dreaded wine belly.

Whilst my waist is still 36", my wine belly is 39" - TWO INCHES smaller. Doesn't sound like a huge amount, but it honestly makes a big difference to my profile. If you remember, when I last posted I confessed that if I grabbed my belly fat with both hands in the bath it was the size of a wine bottle (ironically). Well it's now, appropriately, the size of a 300ml bottle of Evian. Yay!

And the butt? An inch smaller. Again, small but noticeable. Not Cindy Crawford yet, but getting there.

But you know what the biggest change is? This is one that it's taken two months for me to become properly aware of. For the first time in over a decade I feel 'in tune' with my body. I know it sounds new-agey, but bear with me.

When you drink every day you drown out all your body's natural messages; the ones that tell you when you are hungry, tired and thirsty. I used to eat, not because I was hungry but out of habit, or because I was hungover, or fed up. I would sleep because I'd drunk too much, and wake up before I'd had enough rest. I would drink...all the time! For any of a myriad of reasons!

Now I know when I need to eat, and I know when I've eaten enough. I go to sleep when I'm tired and I wake up feeling properly refreshed (see sleep, glorious sleep). And I drink...because I'm thirsty! What a novel concept. It sounds odd, because this is really basic, human stuff. Stuff babies can do. But - looking back - I'd totally lost the ability (or rather I'd literally drowned out the ability) to do any of it.

So, I may not be a veritable Goddess just yet, but I am starting to be a properly functioning human being. And that's progress!

Love SM x

Simple pleasures

When I quit drinking 58 days ago, I didn't realise that it would have ramifications on pretty much every aspect of my life.

One thing that has totally changed is my relationship with breakfast.

Back in the smoking-like-a-chimney and drinking-like-a-fish years which characterised my twenties, my standard breakfast was two or three Marlboro Lights and a jug of strong coffee, accompanied by a hacking cough. Nice.

Then I gave up smoking, ramped up the drinking, and rediscovered a love of food. I gained at least a stone (that's fourteen pounds to you Americans, and about 7 kilos for the continentals).

For the last few years my standard breakfast has been a boiled egg with toast (how British is that?). Pretty healthy. A good start to the day. But I was never terribly excited by it. Apart from anything else, it's hard to be enthusiastic about anything much with a constant low level hangover.

But now, not only do I wake up feeling perky, I wake up ravenously hungry. If you think about it, BS (before sober) I would consume, on top of my supper, a bottle of wine containing at least 500 calories. Then, having drowned out any willpower, I'd probably have raided the children's snack drawer for kit kats. No wonder I wasn't hungry at breakfast time!

Oddly, my favourite breakfast of old - the egg - is no longer at all appealing. It's just not sweet enough. Many of us crave sugar when we quit - apparently it has a similar effect on the dopamine (happy hormone) levels as alcohol. Alcohol is, after all, another form of sugar and grain, just in liquid form. It's very common for alcoholics to use sugar as a coping mechanism in the same way as they used alcohol. Oh God, will it never end?

So now I find that the best way to keep the sugar cravings at bay is to have a 'healthy' sugar hit at the beginning of the day. Move on you boring old oeuf, and hello 'SoberMummy's Sunrise Suprise' (the suprise being OMG no hangover!).

How to make 'SoberMummy's Sunrise Suprise':

Take 3 big spoons of plain Greek yoghurt. Throw in a handful of fresh berries (I like raspberries and blackberries best), and sprinkle with a really good quality granola.

(Note: for those children of the 1970s (like myself), do not confuse granola with that horrible, dusty muesli that our mothers tried (in vain) to get us to eat instead of Golden Nuggets or Coco Pops. Granola is way more yummy. And crunchy).

This breakfast is my new addiction. All the major food groups represented: good fats, low GI carbs, fibre, calcium, omega acids and vitamins. And it's seriously yummy.

Now I know why they say breakfast is the best meal of the day.

Huge congrats to Kags, one of my first readers, who made day 50 yesterday. She has a really sweet tooth, so this post was in her honour.

Love SM x

5 signs that you're a problem drinker

Today is Day 40! Woo hoo - the big FOUR OH. Have a glass of veuve cliquot to celebrate! Oh, whoops - perhaps best not....

I used to be - and still am - obsessed with those quizzes called things like 'are you an alcoholic?' or 'signs that you're a problem drinker.' The problem is that I always found them too reassuring, despite the fact that I was drinking at least one bottle of wine a day.

I would happily stick crosses against questions like: Do you get the shakes in the morning? Do you get blackouts? Have your friends and/or family asked you to cut down? And, until 41 days ago (see Secret Drinker Hits the High Bottom) I confidently shook my head to 'Have you ever drunk in the morning? and Do you hide alcohol?'

But these questions were providing a false sense of security. We all have different 'ah ha' moments - those things that, in the middle of the night when we're wrestling the demons and sweating out the Chablis, make us realise that our drinking is actually a bit of a problem.

So, in the interests of honesty, and so that I have a written record to remind myself what life was like BS (before sober), here were my five signs. Please do, for the benefit of any worried drinkers reading this, add your own in the comments below...

(1) Dealing with hangovers

I started to notice that most people who wake up with chronic hangovers have the reaction 'Oh my God, I am never, ever, going to drink again'. And, indeed, they manage not to for at least a day or two. My reaction to a hangover had become 'Oh my God, I am never going to feel better until I can legitimately (i.e. after 12pm) have another drink.' This, I eventually realised was a sign.

(2) Trying, and failing, to 'moderate'

Problem drinkers all desperately want to be able to moderate. We do all sorts of deals with ourselves. Do any of these sound familiar: I will not drink on school nights? I will not drink before 6pm/before dinner/at lunch times? I will not drink alone/at home? I will not drink spirits/wine? I made many of these deals with the wine witch over the year or two before I quit and I was never able to keep to them for more than a week or two. This was another sign.

(3) Obsession

I started to spend more and more time thinking about drinking. For example, an hour or so before 'wine o'clock' I would start to obsessively check my watch. I would check my fridge daily to see how much wine was available, and plan my shopping trips around school runs accordingly. If the husband and I were 'sharing' a bottle I would constantly check that I was getting at least my share (hopefully more). Spending lots of time thinking about drinking is not a good sign.

(4) Physical and Mental Health

I was never hospitalised. I never blacked out or threw up. My doctor never twigged how much I was drinking (I 'fessed up' to 14 units a week - lol). But I had a terrible wine belly. I was overweight and puffy. I had debilitating insomnia (see sleep, glorious sleep), and I was miserable and stuck in a rut. It took a long time to twig that these were all signs.

(5) Deception

I have always prided myself on being really open and honest, but towards the end of my glittering drinking career I started to lie. I lied to myself - constantly - about how much I was drinking. I lied to my GP (see above). I 'confessed' to my friends to drinking 'oooh, about half a bottle a day - isn't that terrible?' And then I started to hide half full bottles of wine in the cupboard so that when the husband came home I could pretend that I hadn't started drinking yet. For me, this soul destroying deception was the final sign.

So, next time the wine witch whispers in my ear that 'I wasn't so bad really. I've done 40 days without wine already, surely I can have just one?' I can re-read this post and remind myself how much better life is without all of that stuff.

If you're a drinker and recognise yourself in any of this then please do join me on this rollercoaster of sobriety. It's worth it.

Love SM x

Sleep, glorious sleep!

Day 24 today - yay! I was thinking about what's changed in the last few weeks, and one of the biggies is sleep.

Putting this in context: I have had terrible insomnia on and off over the last decade. I've gone through weeks at a time averaging no more than 3 hours a night. Things got better when I quit full time work, but I still had terrible broken nights. I used to look at my children, spread out over their tangled covers like comatose starfish, dead to the world for at least ten hours at a time, and wonder where it all went wrong.

My classic night's sleep would go like this: After supper and children's bedtimes, longsuffering husband and I would retire to sofas to watch TV. Within 30 minutes (at around 9.30pm) I'd usually be fast asleep (due to lack of sleep the previous night, and the wine I'd drunk before, during and after dinner). At about 11pm husband would wake me up and I'd stagger upstairs, brush teeth and fall into bed. By 3am I'd wake up, dying for a wee and a bottle of water, then I'd toss and turn and fret and worry and hate myself until about 6am when I'd fall asleep and have weird dreams. The alarm would go off at 6.30am and I'd drag myself out of bed, exhausted.

Not only is constant, low level exhaustion a bummer, but it's also really bad for our health. It exacerbates depression and weight issues, is really bad for your skin and your heart, and increases your risk of colon and breast cancer. Ironically, all these issues are also caused by alcohol addiction, so for us it's a double whammy.

I tried all sorts of insomnia cures: herbal remedies, prescription drugs, hot milk, aromatherapy baths, notebook by the bed, meditation, exercise - you name it. The one thing I didn't try, obviously, was giving up alcohol.

I've done a bit of research, and it transpires that the link between alcohol and insomnia is a well proven one. Drinking alcohol makes you fall straight into a deep sleep cycle initially, but Doctor John Shneerson, head of the Papworth Sleep Centre in Cambridge, explains that "as the alcohol starts to wear off, your body can come out of deep sleep and back into REM sleep, which is much easier to wake from. That's why you often wake up after just a few hours sleep after drinking."

To feel refreshed you should, ideally, have 6 or 7 cycles of REM sleep. After drinking you typically have only 1 or 2, which is why you feel exhausted the next day. You're also likely to wake up several times to wee, due to alcohol's diuretic effect. All the weeing, plus sweating, dehydrates you and makes you thirsty. Plus, alcohol can make you snore, or even cause sleep apnoea. All of this adds up to just a few hours of poor quality, fitful sleep. Sound familiar?

Now, this blog comes with a bit of a health warning: many alcohol addicts find that, at least initially, when they stop drinking their sleep gets worse. It can be difficult getting off to sleep when you're used to using alcohol as an anaesthetic. If this is the case for you, don't panic - give it a while to settle down and, hopefully, hours and hours of uninterrupted slumber will soon be yours.

I found that - despite years of drinking at least a bottle of wine a day - from day 1 my sleep was totally transformed.  I still find it odd trying to go to sleep without being fairly drunk. I lie in bed with the lights off, wide awake thinking "I am never going to get to sleep", and then - somehow - it's morning! A miracle!

These days I'm wide awake until around 11pm. I actually get to watch the end of TV episodes and discuss them with the husband, rather than him having to fill me in the next day. I sleep for 7 hours solid. No waking up in the middle of the night, no weird dreams or angst. I wake up feeling muggy and heavy (just like the children when they're in that floppy, not quite awake phase), but 15 minutes later I'm bouncing around like the Duracell bunny!

God, I love sleep! It's the next best thing to chocolate. It's transformed my energy levels, my mood, my life.

So, this morning I bounced out of the car with #3 outside her school and one of the Mum's calls me over. "Hey, SM," she says, "you look amazing! Have you been on a diet? I didn't recognise you from behind!"

My arse (is that 'ass' for you Americans?) is officially unrecognisable. I guess I've gone from 'bottoms up!' to 'bottom's shrunk!'

The Wine Belly

One of the worst side effects of a regular Chablis habit has to be the dreaded 'wine belly'.

Now, I'm not horribly fat. I'm a UK size 12 (14 on a bad day). For my American friends, that's a size 8. Doesn't sound too bad, does it? BUT I have a horrible, muffin topped wine belly.

As I sit here in my size 12 skinny jeans, a little roll of flab - like a child's rubber ring in the swimming pool - is hanging over my belt. Lovely.

If I lie down in the bath (spoiler alert, do not read this if you are eating lunch), and grab my belly fat with both hands it is - ironically - about the size of a bottle of vino.

The problem with being relatively slim except for the wine belly is that it makes you look 5 months pregnant. And there is nothing worse than some poor woman asking you when it's due, or a curious child asking talking about 'the baby in your tummy'. Plus, if you're at a party quaffing back the vino while looking up the duff you get a lot of hostile looks from the Pregnancy Police.

Not only is a wine belly not the best look aesthetically, it's also very bad for your health.

A wine belly gives you what's called 'the apple shape' where fat is stored around the abdomen and vital organs, rather than the bum and thighs. This is, according to the National Health Service website, the very worst place to store fat as it makes you far more prone to type 2 diabetes and heart disease.

According to the NHS, a woman's waist should ideally measure less than 32". 32"-35" is high, and over 35" is very high. They also suggest measuring your waist to hip ratio i.e. inches around waist divided by inches around hips. For women it should be less than 0.85.

Now my BMI is (just) in the normal range, but my waist (when I started this journey) was 36" and my waist to hip ratio was 0.87 - both of these measurements put me well into the danger zone. No surprise there!

So what causes the wine belly?

Well, wine, obviously! Booze has 7 calories per gram, making it the second most calorie rich micronutrient after fat. A bottle of vino usually contains at least 500 calories - that means that if you drink a bottle of wine a day you are drinking 2 extra day's worth of calories a week! A small glass of white wine (125ml - that's really small, right ladies?) contains the same number of calories as 6 teaspoons of sugar.

And that's not all - Dr Pamela M Peake (author of 'The Hunger Fix') claims that the body can't store calories from alcohol for later like it does calories from food, so it has to 'press pause' on your metabolism in order to deal with the alcohol and, while it does so, any calories you've eaten get stored as fat. Peeke adds that 'research has uncovered that alcohol especially decreases fat burn in the belly...that's why you never hear about beer hips - you hear about a beer belly.'

There are 2 other reasons why drinking alcohol leads to piling on pounds which I'm sure you'll be familiar with.

One is that drinking makes you lose your inhibitions, which means that you're far more likely to pile into the 'death by chocolate' at the end of a meal. The second is the dreaded hangover. Because your body needs energy to recover from your previous night's marathon, it makes you crave fat and carbohydrate rich foods (like the classic British fry up), and dehydration makes you even hungrier.

Confusingly, red wine contains something called 'resveratrol' which can help you burn fat, BUT (and it's a big but, or is that a big butt?) only if you drink no more than one glass a day. Excuse me for a minute while I grab my belly fat and roll on floor laughing.

So, after 3 whole weeks (yes! Count 'em! 1..2...3...yay!) of not drinking any alcohol at all, what has happened to my wine belly?

Bear in mind that I have tried many diets to shift it in the past. I've given up fat, I've given up carbs, I've ditched gluten and dairy. I've tried everything except giving up alcohol. This time I've given up nothing except alcohol. In fact, I've even added in a fair bit of chocolate and cake which I've never eaten much of before.

For the first week I didn't lose any weight (I think my body was busy re-hydrating), but now I'm steadily losing about 1.5 pounds per week. I've lost 3 pounds over all. I've also lost 1.5 inches off the belly.

It doesn't sound like a huge amount, but I swear that the 'jeans that don't lie' now fit really easily. I've also lost an inch off the bum.

Again, sounds insignificant, but child #1 said this morning "Mummy, I think your butt has got less saggy." Talk about damning with faint praise. She then continued "Your boobs are still saggy, though."

I bit back the urge to reply, for the hundredth time, that the saggy boobs are almost entirely the fault of #1, #2 and #3. Particularly #3 who refused a bottle for nearly a year (she doesn't take after her mother, does she?!).

I'm going to stop now and caress the old wine belly in a fond way because its days are numbered. Bye, bye belly, bye bye......

UPDATE: One year after writing this post I'd lost two stone, that's twenty-eight pounds, or 13 kilos, if you prefer. And the wine belly? What wine belly! Now when I look down I have a totally uninterupted view of my feet, and I can spend the money I used to spend on expensive vino on SHOES.

If you'd like to read the whole story of my first year after quitting booze, you can find my book - The Sober Diaries on Amazon by clicking here.

For more inspiration and information, visit the SoberMummy Facebook page here, and 'like' to stay updated.

Love to you all,

SoberMummy (Clare Pooley)