Sunday, 29 December 2019

What Happens When You Tell Your Truth?



Welcome to Mummy was a Secret Drinker. If you've found this page because you're looking for help quitting drinking then WELCOME!

All the information and support you need is in this blog. There are hundreds of posts, all free to read and share.  Click here for a good place to start! You can also find daily advice and inspiration on the SoberMummy Facebook page.

If you're looking for more information about me and what I've been up to recently, plus my recent blog posts, you can find me at www.clarepooley.com

I can't believe it's nearly five years since I started writing this blog, and two years since I published The Sober Diaries, the warts-and-all story of my first year without booze.

I'll never forget the long, dark nights before publication. I hardly slept. I was utterly terrified, not just about the book being out there, but about the fact that I was booked to appear on Woman's Hour, the Steve Wright show and Lorraine, and was going to be all over loads of publications, including the Daily Mail.

I hadn't been booked to discuss some impressive charity work, or business venture. I was expected to tell the whole world my darkest secrets, how I'd found myself drinking around ten bottles of wine a week, how I'd become a terrible mother, how I'd been anxious all the time, hugely overweight and unable to sleep. How I'd hated myself.

By December 28th 2017 I was convinced I'd made a terrible mistake. Was it too late to pull the plug? It was. The books had been printed, the advance paid, the PR lined up. I thought I was going to be horribly trolled, by people telling me (with some justification, I thought) that I was an unfit mother and a terrible human being.

You see, I'd spent YEARS covering up all my weaknesses, filling in the cracks, hiding my recycling bins, freshening my breath and curating my social media feeds. If you looked at my life from the outside it all looked pretty damn perfect.

But I gritted my teeth and did everything my publishers told me to do, then waited for the fall-out.

It never came. There were a few horrible comments in the Mail Online (my favourite was if I was her husband, I'd be drinking a bottle of wine a day!) but that was it. Instead what I got was a deluge of messages from people all over the world saying thank you for telling your story, because until now I thought I was the only one who felt like that...

What I discovered was that telling your real truth not only changes your life, but can transform the life of so many other people too, and create magical communities.

And that made me think. What would happen if we all told the truth about our lives? 

I started writing again, but this time a fictional story, about a little green notebook titled The Authenticity Project in which a terribly lonely widower and artist - Julian Jessop - tells his truth. He leaves the book in a cafe where it's picked up by the owner, Monica, who resolves to track him down and transform his life.

The book is passed between six people including Hazard, a cocaine and booze addict and Alice, a mummy instagrammer, who all write their stories in its pages, leading to a life-changing world of friendship and forgiveness.

I wasn't sure whether anyone would be interested in my novel which, like this blog, I wrote partly as a form of therapy, but - incredibly - it's being published in twenty-nine different languages in 2020.

If you'd like to read The Authenticity Project, it's out on February 4th in the USA in all formats (click here to pre-order), and in audio and e-book in the UK (click here to pre-order). The UK hardback is out on April 2nd, and other languages throughout the year.

A huge thank you to everyone who's followed my journey. I am so grateful to you all. And if you're new to this blog, then know you are not alone. Thousands of us have been where you are, and life is going to get so much better...

Love Clare x




29 comments:

  1. Looking forward to reading your new book Clare and good luck with the book launch. I'd just like to say a big thank you for everything, you've transformed my life. 20 months AF and living my very best life! Biggest hugs, Meggie xxx

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    1. I’m truly hoping this works for me to :-( xxx

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    2. Had over a week off drinking (after at least a bottle a night for years). Felt great. Had a wine just now as a Friday 'treat' but.. It doesn't feel like a treat. I'm irritable, over emotional. I don't think I want this. I don't think this is me. I think this might be the start of permanently sober. Any help or comments gratefully received.

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    3. Hi Meggie. Just checking in on Day 2 of AF. I came upon Clare's book "SOBER DIARIES" and am listening on Audible. It's amazing! I stopped drinking last year for 9 months but thought I could moderate; I can't :( I want to feel less foggy and less depressed, which I think is the fault of the Dopamine hit from alcohol. Wish me luck!

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  2. Ps SO glad to see you back blogging! xx

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  3. Good luck Sparkle. Give it all you've got as it's SO worth it xx

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  4. Hello Meggie I’m Looby from well I cannot remember how long ago you and all the others were so great , I stumbled quite a few times and thought i could handle a few �� ,,, we all know how that turns out , did 6 months AF until December,,still reading and getting all information i could to help me along my journey,,,, field of bunnies, with the menopause bloody thing i slipped knowing ,, what would happen ,,reading Alcohol is shit ,,,, very good . at moment and know i do not want to feel that in my body ,and the anxiety and depression that alcohol make YES alcohol is Shit i know ,,, i am happy healthy and looking forward to a AF New Year’s Eve here from New Zealand,thanks Clare you and your books and blogs started my life to freedom and from yesterday starting again (the 6 weeks that i drank after 6 months AF was shit I couldn’t function like i had been) thanks so much happy New Years to all ��������....i think you always liked my mojis Meggie �� , should get back on the blog to strengthen my journey,,,,,,

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  5. Hey LL, happy New year!It's so lovely to have you back and I hope you are staying sober in NZ tonight, good luck I'm rooting for you. Will message more later but I have to go out now. Stay close and stay strong, you can do this xxx

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  6. All good and sober HNY Meggie xx

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  7. Well done Looby Loo, you are awesome!! x x x

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  8. Hi again Looby Loo, good luck with the start of your new sober journey, are you hoping for forever this time? Like you I had a lot of ups and downs at the start of my journey and did a few months AF and thought I could moderate but was back to drinking every day before I knew it. I've now somehow got to 20 months after a lot of soul searching and pain, man it has been bloody hard at times but I am hoping I'm safe from booze now. I can at last manage nights out without any cravjngs and I actually enjoy myself socialising sober and its perfect waking and not worrying I'd been a dick the night before. I picked up the Sober Diaries again recently which was my bible at the start and I re-read one of the last sections, Clare's synopsis of her last year and can really identify with it. I don't go out much now in the evenings but I'm so much happier in myself and I am at peace with myself. I keep busy doing other things and I've lost friends along the way but have made new ones who are worth 10 times my old drinking friends. Good luck for 2020 Looby, you can do this!!! xxx

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  9. Wauw! Congratulations! Who bought the Danish rights? Cause I sort of feel like I should translate it.

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  10. How are you doing Looby Loo? xxx

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  11. Congratulations! Five years, where has the time gone??? But really, your story was the first one which got me to challenge myself to stop drinking. It's taken a few years, but I'm getting there! You are a super star!! xo, Lia

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  12. Good luck Lia, sounds like you are doing well xx

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  13. I’m on day 5 sober. Just wanted to tell someone. :)

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    1. Well done! I hope you are still hanging on in there. Have you joined many support groups, they're really helpful x

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    2. Join club soda or Pirates for help

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  14. Many Thanks for the shared this informative and interesting post with me.
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  15. I read your book whilst on holiday in Mexico, I had been thinking and trying to cut down the amount I drank for a while as I too would wake up in the morning and promise myself that tonight I wouldn't drink, but always on the way home id stop at the shop and pick up a bottle as I deserved it I'd had a stressful day! I'm not sure if I'm an alcoholic or not but I want to drink less and I've tried just drinking at weekends and it creeps back into the week slowly but surely. I came back from Mexico on 21 Jan, bought myself my last bottle of sauvignon blanc and drank only 2 glasses before I was so tired I went to bed, the next day I finished the bottle, drank 2 large rum and cokes and decided that the next day would be day 1, I'm now tucked up in bed after day 2 and I'm feeling very positive about this journey I'm about to make, I've promised myself I'll give it 100 days and reivaluate the situation then, I'm determined and I thank you for insiring me to take this step, loved the book and I've passed it on to a couple of friends that I think need it too. I'll let you know how I get on but will refer to that little voice in my head as the wine witch too as that's what it is to me too. Thank you and looking forward to feeling the benefits soon I hope x

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    1. Good morning from NY! Wanted to check in and see how you are doing. I am also on the sober train - today is day 7. I've done this before for 9 months and it gets easier. I felt, on a trip to Portugal, that I deserved to go back to wine and just moderate. No such thing for me apparently....eventually I was drinking every day. I've gained weight again, feel lethargic and depressed. It was time to get healthy and treat myself better. I do feel much better! and know that it will get easier. The first week is hard. Please check in. Hope you are treating yourself well.

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    2. Hey, how are you doing on your sober journey? Hope things are getting easier and that you are hanging on in there xx

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  16. Many congrats. I'm ordering a copy asap. I know it will be amazing because you're such an amazing writer. Lots of love xxx

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  17. Many Thanks for the shared this informative and interesting post with me.
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  18. Many Thanks for the shared this informative and interesting post with me.
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  19. Your style is unique in comparison to other people I've read stuff from. Thanks for posting when you've got the opportunity, Guess I'll just book mark this site.
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  20. I have JUST discovered you Clare...am thoroughly enjoying your 'warts and all' story!! It's just wonderful!! I am a newbie and feeling pretty scared...but hanging in there!! Your book and your recommendations are amazing and the support that is out there...well, I just had NO idea, buying into the lonely and isolating "I am dreadful and must hide' theory. I'm going to make this THE most emowering thing I've EVER done, I reckon!! THANK YOU for your commitment and bravery. xox

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  21. Thanks Clare.
    Your blog along with https://dontdrink.org are my 2 favorites when it comes to trying to quit alcohol.

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