Sunday 1 May 2016

Cancer Recurrence

I do apologise. I know this is a sober blog, not a cancer blog, but regular readers will know that last October, seven months after I quit drinking, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

(To read my story from that point, click here).

What we breast cancer 'survivors' are terrified of is recurrence.

If breast cancer comes back, anywhere other than in the breast, it's called 'secondary breast cancer', and it's incurable. 85% of people with secondary breast cancer are dead within five years.

The most common places for it to crop up are the lungs, the liver and the bones. (And eventually all three of those).

Anyhow, the reason for the medical lesson, is that I've had pains in my left shoulder and arm for the last week or so, and I'm freaking out.

I know I'm being illogical. I know I'm overreacting. That's why I'm blogging about it, because I find that just the act of writing it all down helps me to calm my anxieties.

(Which is why I recommend blogging, or writing a journal, to everyone).

For my own personal benefit (so no need for you to read on!), here are all the reasons why I am unlikely to be dying:

1. I had a full body scan only 5 months ago which, apart from the dodgy left boob, was clear.

2. I had an ultrasound just a few weeks ago which showed nothing at all in my boobs or lymphs, and it seems unlikely that my cancer could have migrated so quickly from my breast to my bones without ever showing up in any lymph nodes.

3. My cancer was not a fast growing one. In fact, it was pretty lazy. It's improbable that it moved its arse so swiftly.

4. Since the pains are on my left side, where I had surgery, it seems far more probable that my muscles, nerves etc are all just a bit out of whack on that side.

5. Secondary cancer in the bones generally gets you in the spine or legs first.

6. I only get pain when I move in a specific way, whereas bone cancer tends to be more constant, especially at night.

7. Surely life's not that bloody unfair?

I'm seeing my oncologist next month, and he'll do blood tests for cancer markers, so I can ask him about it if it's still causing problems then, but in the meantime....

.....hurrah! I feel a great deal better. If you made it to the end of this post then thank you for your patience. Normal service will be resumed tomorrow.

Love SM x

32 comments:

  1. I would see if I could get the oncology appointment brought forward. Or at least see your GP. Its worth it to put your mind at ease. X

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  2. Blogging is good. Keep in touch. Annie x

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  3. Thinking of you! I lost my mom to cancer 10 years ago and know the fright of it all. Get checked sooner rather than later please!!! Probably all your reasons why it's not back are right and it's just a fear that will pass. I have loved reading your blogs and am thinking of you!

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  4. Hugs to you SM. My dad had leukaemia then secondary bone cancer so I know it is scary. He said it felt like constant flu, just deep down aching. Get yourself checked out as soon as you can. Maybe it got yanked about during a Dashing White Sergeant? We were at a wedding a couple of weekends ago and I thought I'd dislocated my shoulder after a particularly vigorous foursome (reel). Big hugs xx

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  5. I would think all is ok SM as you've rationalised. Number 8 is that cancer doesn't usually hurt, at least initially. Which is even more scary. Certainly was for my mum when she got secondary lung, primary breast. I know exactly where you are coming from....Difference with her case though is that no lifestyle changes were made from initial case to recurrence....
    All of this points to having to live in the present, the now. Who knows when our number is up. And to be present we need to be sober, which is the best present we can give ourselves. Sending you love and positive thoughts xx

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  6. Hey SM, Sorry to hear of your concerns - which I hope will be cleared very soon. As a forty-something (for me that something is 11) myself - I can attest that things like shoulders, knees and feet just hurt a bit more as we get older. I agree to check with your GP - and have your concerns removed. E

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  7. Get it checked out to put your mind at rest. Hope all is OK. Xox

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  8. Get it checked out to put your mind at rest. Hope all is OK. Xox

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  9. Since it is on the same side as your cancer, could it be the nerve pain you get from the sentinel node biopsy? I had terrible pain when the nerves started to feel "alive" again! I had breast cancer on both sides and had the node biopsy on both sides. I know they moved a nerve to get to it. The feeling was numbness until it started to wake up! I know from Sloan Kettering, they said that if after 2 weeks, a "problem" that you are having should be checked out. That being said, I too, had physical ailments in the year or two after my treatment finished and I would just email my oncologist! Sometimes they had me come in, sometimes they knew exactly what it was! Sometimes, I even sent my onc. pictures of my boobs! (Talk about a bad day at the office!) So, call, email, your onc. No harm done! You don't want to live where your mind is now!!! Trust me!!! xo

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  10. I am so sorry it must be so scary but all the guys are right above and your own reasons are so true. Get checked asap and back to your awesome sober blogging. xx

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  11. Everything you have stated is true. It wont be cancer of the bones Im sure. Dont torment yourself anymore. Next time it jumps into your head tell it NO. Just like you would with unnecessary thoughts of alcohol. How could it be in your bones if 5 months ago it wasnt even in your lymph nodes. That time frame wouldnt work now would it!

    Much love to you for all your reflections. You have helped me no end

    Helen.

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  12. I can't add anything to what those who were a bit quicker off the mark than me have said. With many, many things which I worry about these days, I do find that writing them down (which somehow stops them circling around in your head) does help in terms of anxiety reduction. But it's also useful to write down what you experience on a day-to-day basis to refer back to at your appointment in case you are like many of us and your memory goes blank at the very moment you need it to function! Not to teach you to suck eggs, but where is the pain, when does it occur, etc etc.

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  13. I'm sorry that you have to worry. You deserve to be worry free about this and it really stinks that you can't. I concur with others that trying to get to that appointment earlier might help.

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  14. Take care and try not to worry xxx

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  15. Thinking of you! Your blog has changed so many lives, I'm sure. We're all following you and sending loads of positive thinking your way! HD

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  16. Hug. Go see your doctor. Maybe you have pulled a muscle and it would put your mind at ease.

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  17. I would say it's nothing at all. If it makes you feel any better my shoulder and arm hurts too, and it's not cancer, it's bursitis. If I were you and the aching doesn't go away I'd go to the dr earlier. Not because there is going to be anything wrong, but to put my mind at rest. X

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  18. Hi SM, just want to add my pennies worth of positive thought to you..I too find that writing down worries makes them lighter, I hope you manage to get peace of mind sooner rather than later, you deserve to be just cracking on with life...I often think in these situations if it were your child you would move mountains, sending big hugs, Rx

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  19. Lovely SM, please see if you can bring forward your appointment. Stressing about it can't be good - then when you get the all-clear treat yourself to a massage xx

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  20. Dear SM, You're not over-reacting, it's natural for you to be worried and, having had a sister-in-law who died having developed secondary breast cancer, you should definitely be very aware of what your body is saying to you. However, as you say, your pain is very likely to be unrelated. I agree with others though... try and get your appointment brought forward so that the oncologist can reassure you that you're fine and you can stop worrying. Thinking of you xx

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  21. Your worries are absolutely normal and it is extremely likely to be nothing. My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer five years ago age 43. It was grade 3 but hadn't spread. They threw everything at it and she's fine (fingers crossed). But I remember in the months after the end of her treatment she was convinced every little pain was the cancer back. Google and you'll see how common this is! Big hug. x

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  22. Next month feels like a long time away and your peace of mind is worth more than that. Perhaps you could see your GP or a physio to rule out other explanations if an earlier consultant appointment is not possible? Stress causes the body much harm so if there is something you can do then I'd do it. xxxx (hug)

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  23. I agree with everybody else: Go see the doctor, but it's very, very unlikely to be a recurrence. Also, don't use that headline again!
    A pain in the left arm/shoulder/neck is also often caused by stress and anxiety. And last: I've begun taking CBD-oil for anxiety and stress, and it works! Check it out if you need a little help. I only take 4 mg a day (disregard the dosage on the bottle, that is for elephants).

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    1. Ulla, what's CBD oil? I'd be interested in checking it out. Thanks!

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  24. Hi,
    A friend of mine has prostrate and bone cancer but he doesn't have any pain, so the pains you have are unlikely to be bone cancer. Please thought go to your doctor xx

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  25. Sending lots of love and energy. I agree, for peace of mind go and get it checked out, then you can let it go. x

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  26. Go to the doctor now. Don't wait a month! I too am the cancer club (2003, carcinoid) and there's no way my psyche could take a month wait. Self care means going sooner, simply to put one's mind at rest.

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  27. Dear SM - totally understand your concern even against logical evidence suggesting you shouldn't worry. I guess that is the new world we must inhabit as people who have loved ones recently given the all-clear from cancer. Any twinge or feeling under par gets us worried. Maybe that never goes away. Hopefully we can learn to be less anxious as time passes. mx

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  28. Yes you will be concerned about every twinge but try not to worry.I regularly have aches and pains in my cancer side ( right for me). Even after 3 years. Often had jabby pains in first few months and it is quite early days for you. Nerves can take over a year to heal. Saying that I convinced myself last week that a rash I had was a type of lymphoma (keep off google) it wasn't, my G P actually laughed a bit as I had written it down to show her in case she misdiagnosed me. I can laugh now but the fear is real. If it helps to write it down for us to comment on don't hesitate - we are all here for you!

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  29. I haven't had cancer, so I won't claim to understand the experience, but it seems to me these thoughts are normal, but you're doing a great job of analyzing and challenging them to sort out what's based on reality.

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    1. I agree with what Nancy has written above. SM you are expressing yourself about your fears beautifully! Your feelings and anxiety I hope will be lessoning

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  30. Your title made my blood run cold...so, so glad it's not true!

    I do think we drinkers are both highly imaginative and world-class worriers. I had shingles attack my upper left chest and shoulder last year and the pain was unbelievable...and it lingers. Every time I get stressed I now get pain in my chest and left breast...so my immediate conclusions are 1)heart attack, 2) cancer, or 3) wretched shingles are coming back. Tick as preferred.

    I have no answers...I think a personality transplant would be the only solution for me at this point, and I'm pretty sure medical science isn't capable of that yet...but I send you hugs and many thanks. Yesterday marked four months and I have this blog to thank in large part.

    Be well, sweetie.

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