Wednesday 11 May 2016

Sober Blogging Community

When I started writing this blog, I didn't realise how much camaraderie existed between the sober bloggers around the world, and with those readers who comment frequently.

I thought blogging would be much like writing a diary - just one that strangers can read too.

Actually, it's like being part of a huge global family, but one where everyone understands each other, and there are no secrets (so not like any real family then).

That's what makes it so hard when people disappear. In a real life family you could pop over and bang on the front door until they open up. Failing all else you can send the police round.

All we can do with disappearing bloggers is leave a message on their blog expressing concern and sending love. And disappearing readers can't be contacted at all.

I always hope they've just got bored with all this thinking about not drinking, and have swanned off into the sunset, clutching their virgin mojitos in one hand and a lush toy boy in the other.

I always suspect they're back to downing endless glasses of wine, and not wanting to feel any more guilty than they already do.

I hope they know that if and when they do come back they will be welcomed by all of us with open arms and absolutely no judgement. We've all been there, or if not there exactly then somewhere. We all have our baggage and our demons.

I was thinking about this because yesterday I had a lovely e-mail from a lady asking if I knew what had happened to Daisy H (Sober Girl, Wife and Mum).

I do have 'offline' (e-mail) relationships with quite a few of the other sober bloggers, but not Daisy, who has not posted since December 22nd.

Does anyone know how Daisy is?

Also missing in action is Bea of Be Sober Bea. Last posted two months ago, and has closed down her blog. Exploring Something Else - gone quiet for four months. And two of my early and favourite readers - Kags and Tallaxo. Where are you now?

If any of you are reading this, then please comment below, just to let us know how you are and if you need help.

If you're missing anyone else then please add their names, in case we can find them again too, or at least let them know we're thinking of them (should they find this page).

One of the bloggers I correspond with is Annie (A Dappled Path). We're meeting up tomorrow for the first time. Under a clock in a train station, just like a Hollywood movie.

So, if you see two middle aged ladies at a station hugging, but looking a little awkward, that'll be us. I'm telling you all so that she can't back out. I know what she's like....

Love to you all

SM x

44 comments:

  1. That will be lovely for you to meet up with a friend you made on your sober journey. I met up with a uni friend today, she loved the wine too and has been sober for 2 years now ! yay ! We had a lovely time having a swim, sauna and Jacuzzi followed by lunch !! I think I will spend all the money I am saving from not buying wine at a health spa .. I haven't felt this relaxed for ages !

    ReplyDelete
  2. Very cool post. I'm only on Day 18 but already feel the camaraderie of this sober universe. Keeps me going. So glad you are meeting with Annie!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm sad about Daisy's blog as well - it was great. She has a non-sober related Facebook page which she once mentioned in her blog. I started following it at that point and she still posts lovely photos regularly on it, so maybe she just got bored of blogging as her being sober became who she was? Have a lovely meet up with Annie :) x

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've been reading your blog since November, and have posted a few times, but because I haven't manage to stay sober uninterruptedly since January (although I have drank only 22 days out of 131 days, which is a huge accomplishment for me) I feel underserving to comment; however, what you have written today makes me realize how absurd I am! I constantly re-read your earlier post, and have thought, what happened to Tallaxo? I hope he’s well.
    I think, like myself, many are still here, we just aren’t as vocal at times. But please know, I still think you are an inspirational writer. And even though you started this blog because of your alcohol issue, I love reading anything you write about. Life is about stories we live though and you manage to share wonderfully.
    I’m super excited to hear about your meet-up with Annie! Till next time…

    ReplyDelete
  5. What a treat - two blogs in one day! I didn't catch your spa blog until this morning, and assumed it was today's.. and then came in from work to find another to read! Lia Leon is right - we enjoy reading your blog for its own sake (a bit like a soap!!). I loved the thing about never having been so clean - for me that competes as a favourite phrase with my chosen one from "I don't know how she does it" - There was definitely another also. (Must remember to post christmas cards. Also, must remember to book smear. Also, must remember to put out angel wings for Emily's nativity play. What else? What else? There was definitely another also).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I loved that book too! I'll never forget her 'distressing' the shop bought mince pies ;-)

      Delete
  6. Glad you're meeting up with Annie! Hers is the only other blog I comment on. I am struck by how supportive women are of each other and how much love and caring there is for people who need it. It's very special.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I read lots of blogs and comment on a few but mostly just here. I find and follow blogs you and others are talking about. Time and the bottle has also recently closed her blog. She was so honest in her struggles and so desperate to be sober and I miss reading how she's doing. I don't blog but still feel part of the sober community online and it's very important in keeping me af as there are so many women similar to me. I am delighted and amazed that you are still blogging as I would really miss you if you stopped. Yet we've never met! Have a great time with Annie, another woman I've never net yet feel I know and care about x

    ReplyDelete
  8. Have a great time with Annie!!! I wish you guys could post pictures!!! But, we are secret drinkers and quitters!!!
    I am missing "One Sober Kiwi." She also shut down her blog. Anybody know what happened to her? I miss her!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm sad about Time's blog. I thought she had great style.
    From someone who is still lolling at the beginning of the obstacle course, I can say from experience it means so much when you read a "hey, come back" comment. Never stop doing that guys.
    Have a wonderful time with Annie. xx :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Backing out? I wouldn't dream of it...I can't wait to meet you. Annie x

    ReplyDelete
  11. That is so terrific that you are hanging out with Annie! Many of the people that I really liked in my old moderation group disappeared. It was a yahoo email group. Once they left, the desire to stay in the group and the desire to moderate went out the window. We all lift each other up and it's hard when important parts of our community disappear.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I didn't know that TATB had gone from our world. It makes me desperately sad and has turned my day grey. I liked her honesty and her style and I hope that she is safe and can beat this bloody awful thing that we are all cursed with. We often see people going quiet and it usually means that their battle has taken a difficult turn but SM is absolutely right in that we don't judge - because we've all been there. I am too depressed to write any more this evening. If you're there TATB then drop someone an e mail or leave a comment and let us know you are OK. For myself, I only consider that I have won the first skirmish; the war goes on.

    Justonemore

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wasn't worried about TATB, as she does sometimes go quiet for a bit, but I just checked and it's been four weeks. I'm hoping that she'll see this post and know we're thinking of her x

      Delete
    2. Looks like she's quit her blog altogether which she hadn't done since I started following her... :-(

      Delete
  13. Finding this entry as useful as usual. I am currently on day 24 - started looking into cutting down on drinking in the New Year and decided I probably needed to give up completely. Aaaah!! Never knew there were all you lovely folk in a similar situation!! I don't bother with the internet that much, but this makes me think it can be a great help.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I was wondering what happened to Kags and Tallaxo, too! I'm on day 39. Reading your blog, SM, made the difference for me. Until I found you (by googling "how to lose weight and still drink" hee hee), I could only last 9 days at most. I didn't intend to commit to becoming AF, but reading your blogs from the very first one to the present changed me. I sent you an email message and you responded! It made me feel validated as part of this incredible group of people who have a common personal goal. Wow! Please don't stop writing. We need a place to gather. Plus, your writing is terrific.
    My rheumatologist is pleased, too. I have relapsing polychondritis. I'm on a crazy mix of immune suppressing drugs. My doctor told me that I need to cut way back on alcohol. I did not heed his advice for 2 years! Yikes.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi SM,

    I promised myself I would wait to read your whole story until I commented, and I've finally done it! Though after four days of binging on your blog, I now feel the inevitable low of being forced to 'moderate' here on in. It's been 36 days since I've had that feeling though, so things are looking up!

    I would like to say 'thank you' for a wonderful blog. It has been very inspiring to read, and fills me with promise of what is to come, as long as I have a good perspective on it. You're a great role model in that regard.

    I look forward to following you on your journey. (Even if it will be, depressingly, in rationed form.)

    Cheers,
    'DeeDee'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome DeeDee! I'm so pleased you found us. Huge congrats on 36 days! You're through the worst already! Moderation sucks ;-)

      Delete
  16. It's so sad when we lose sober bloggers. I always went quiet when I fell off the wagon. One of the reasons I admire Annie (A Dappled Path) so much is that she has blogged through her whole journey, good and bad. I wasn't brave enough to do that. Have fun at your meet up tomorrow! A x
    PS I just checked and TATB has shut down her blog :( I will miss her. Time, if you are reading this, please come back xxx

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hello SM & All. I am new to the community and this is my first response. I have read the entire blog so I feel like I know all of you - I have been wondering about Kags and Tallaxo too. I am not the Kelly selling the weird stickers either!

    I am on day 38, the longest I have ever even attempted, and I would not be this far if it weren't for this blog. It has given me such a sense of optimism and the understanding that I can't quit for 3 weeks and yell "next I fixed that annoying problem" as I will quickly go back to a bottle of wine every night. I now understand that it takes months if not a couple of years to get your brain back to where it should rightfully be. It makes so much sense but gives me such peace on the days I feel terrible to know it is normal and just hold on. I just can't go to AA, tell my GP or admit to anyone other than husband that this is a problem so this is such a great forum for me. I have read tons of books and several of the blogs. I am all for telling family and friends "I am on a health kick". The few I have told that I am not drinking have been a bit annoyed with me - but I now understand that too!

    What an amazing, strong group of people and one I want to be a part of for a very long time! I do not plan on disappearing as I am a better mother, wife, person without all the wine. My husband is so much happier and it makes a happier household over all.

    SM- I just turned 47 and am the exact same height/weight as you started out at. I have lost 2 lbs and aspire to that slim figure you now have and I USED to have. I am one year behind your sober date and very much plan to follow in your footsteps.

    You will lose followers/ posters some along the way but you are helping so many - even if for a short time - and when you help someone there are many lives impacted for the better (children, husbands, etc) as well. Just remember that. :) Have a great evening.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Kelly! Welcome, and thank you so much for your lovely comment. HUGE congratulations on your 38 days! You're doing brilliantly. So thrilled xxx

      Delete
  18. Since entering this sober realm at the start of the year - and so fortunately finding this blog almost right off - I can think of two other bloggers, in particular, that I came across and felt empathy with...each of whom has gone silent. It Leaves a person concerned, worried...and quite helpless feeling. Nothing to be done but hope for the best....and to take heart from the camaraderie of those who do stay in touch - encouraging, indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hi SM! I'm still sober! Haven't written in a while because I have just moved to be closer to my adult children and get out of a relationship where he didn't seal the deal after 2 years of living with him in Boston! Ugh! It's really hard!!!
    Need support!
    14 months almost!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So sorry about your rotten ex, Jen. But well done you getting through all of that without drinking! We are all sending you love and strength xxx

      Delete
    2. Good for you! No. GREAT for you!! Doing whats best for you and sticking with the sober....hurrah!

      Delete
  20. I am guilty of dissapearing from the blog world. I'm back now, but I had this blog over a year ago and deleted all my old posts when I started drinking again. I stopped commenting on others blogs, BUT I still read them. I just felt like a fraud if I commented as part of the requirement for a sober blog, I felt, was to be sober. Hopefully one of the people you mentioned is still reading from time to time too and gets in contact.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think you need to be sober in order to comment? Just on the road towards it? There are lots of people at various stages of sobriety and who range from people with a bit of a bad habit (me) to those in grave danger. Surely that's part of how these online places are so special? You're not a fraud. I wish you well.

      Delete
    2. Walking on sunshine is quite right! I've had many e-mails and comments from people who read and commented for months or years before taking the plunge themselves. I did the same. You just need to wait until it's the right time for you (but don't wait too long!). Big hugs xxx

      Delete
    3. I agree, I have always loved reading the comments on this blog wether they are by those who have quit or still working up to it xx

      Delete
    4. Thanks, I think blogging really helps. I probably should have kept it up last time. I love reading a dappled path, it lets me know I'm not the only one who finds this really hard. Not the only one who keeps trying, but is yet to get significant amount of time under our belts. I'm sure we will get there though. X

      Delete
  21. Hi,always have a hitch when replying as it gets stuck and then I can't rewrite or add to my comment. I have my glass of San Pelerino although it has sometimes been stronger. I want to tell you this amazing thing I did today, I went on an EFT course ie . Emotional freedom technique which is tapping. You tube ounder Gary Craig and dr roger Callahan. Signing off in haste much love xxxxx amazing stuff, miracles

    ReplyDelete
  22. Last sentence wasn't clear but like I said I can't make the changes on my ipad. Imeant to say You Tube it . The founder is called Gary Craig

    ReplyDelete
  23. I'm 53 days in and have really enjoyed the very helpful blogs and the number of women who I feel such a connection to just by reading about their own journeys. Am fairly new to this, so have not been following many of the blogs you mentioned, but I've regularly followed yours so I did want to take this moment to thank you for sharing your thoughts. As the others have said, reading about your experiences has helped me make it this far. Can't believe how much we have in common (as seems to be true with so many on here). Anyway - thanks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome Tennessee! And congratulations! So glad you found us xxx

      Delete
  24. Dear SM - love this post and all the comments. Day 130 (ish) for me - how cool is that I've lost track of exact number! (Although have got it written down at home). I would not be here without you SM. Slight concern over a couples dinner coming up ( what will my excuse be for not drinking) and family holiday ( how will I enjoy it without cocktails and cold beers and sharing vino with the hubby. Grateful for advice on these 2 scenarios that anyone can offer. However I am so aware of just how amazing I feel and keep re reading my list of awful high bottoms - I cannot go back there and subject my hubby and kids to awful drinking SFM. Onwards and upwards. Love to you all - my dear sober cybersphere buddies. Xxx

    ReplyDelete
  25. Isn't it wonderful to have this supportive group of people? We wouldn't recognise each other at the supermarket but we know so much about each other's hearts, especially yours SM. I too hope that the wheel of change hasn't spun too many of us into that swamp of the obstacle course (too many mixed metaphors!) and that they have spun out to the next level of sober life!Thank goodness you are here SM!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I've just read this having had Annie refer me here. All I can say is thank you so much for even wondering how I am. Its truly touching. xxx

    ReplyDelete
  27. I am on day 6 and would not have made it this far without this blog. I cannot face going to AA meetings but I know that I will be logging onto this every day! Thank you everyone xx

    ReplyDelete