Why a Pandemic is the Best Time to be Sober

Like millions of people around the globe, I feel like I'm living in an unfamiliar, and unwelcome, parallel universe. 

The TV I watch, books I read and vivid dreams I have show people hugging, kissing, travelling, partying and working in offices. My diary is filled with festivals, concerts and theatre trips, parties and a few holidays - events that will never happen. 

Instead, we are all living in a world of isolation and fear. Even if we are lucky enough to be healthy, we worry for our friends and family, for our livelihoods, for the world.

At a time like this, it's easy to think that alcohol will help. Indeed, alcohol sales in the UK have increased by around 50%. My local supermarket's booze aisle has been stripped bare, and my social media feed is filled with memes about alcohol being the only way to survive all this. 

And yes, alcohol does - temporarily - blur all the edges. It softens our reality, which needs an awful lot of softening right now. It provides a well-deserved treat at the end of the day, when our lives are suddenly devoid of pleasures. And surely now is not the time to make our lives even harder by denying ourselves a drink?

I get it. But, now really is the very worst time to be drinking.

Firstly, alcohol increases anxiety. I know that seems counter-intuitive, but it really is true. Yes, initially it makes your shoulders relax and you can feel yourself unwinding. But, as the alcohol leaves your body, that anxiety returns magnified, often in the middle of the night.

Sleep is difficult enough at the moment, and alcohol makes it much worse. Booze might lull you off to sleep, but it'll wake you up at 3am and taunt you until your alarm goes off.

Keeping the ship afloat right now - trying to work from home while simultaneously home-schooling, providing endless meals, cleaning and doing all that worrying - is really, really hard, and so much harder if you throw a hangover into the mix. 

Also, drinking makes us short-tempered, and when you're stuck in a small space with your family, you do not want to add fuel to the fire of any simmering resentments.

Added to all of this, alcohol is a drug. The more you drink, the more your body and mind come to rely on it. And, like being on holiday but without any of the fun, a pandemic is a time when all the usual restrictions don't apply. You probably don't have an office to go to. You can start drinking earlier and earlier in the day and pour increasingly large measures - and you probably will. It's very, very easy to turn a moderate drinking habit into a serious problem.

There are some really, really good reasons to be sober right now.

Once you're past the first hard days of not drinking, being sober makes you so much calmer, stronger, and more able to cope. You probably have parents or children, or both, relying on you, and you really want to make sure that you're up to the challenge.

Also, alcohol messes with your immune system, and everything we know about this terrible virus tells us that the fitter and healthier you are, the more likely it is that you'll be able to shake it off relatively easily.

If you've been secretly worrying about your drinking habits for a while, this is actually a really good time to quit.

The hardest thing about the early days of going sober is other people. Dinners, drinks parties and holidays are tough to start with, so often the newly sober will self-isolate for a while, just like you're doing right now. You can easily empty your cupboards and fridge of alcohol and not go near the booze aisle when doing your weekly shop. It's probably empty in any case!

One of the things I'm most grateful for right now is being sober. 

If I were still drinking, I would be constantly anxious about where my next drink was coming from. Then I'd feel guilty about that anxiety, when there are so many more important things to worry about. I'd have emptied the cupboards of loo roll and pasta, and filled them with wine. I'd be (even more) bad tempered with the kids and the husband, and would be spending my evenings comatose and my mornings hungover.

Just writing that paragraph makes me feel queasy.

So, if you're thinking about quitting drinking, do it now. Then, when the world finally gets back to normal, you'll be in the very best shape to make the most of everything it has to offer. And if you're newly sober and struggling, don't make the mistake of thinking that alcohol would make it easier. it would only make everything so very much worse.

To read about my first year sober, and for hints and tips on how to do it and what to expect, read my memoir - The Sober Diaries.

For more information and inspiration, check out my SoberMummy Facebook Page. I'm doing a Facebook Live session on Thursday at 8.15pm UK time (after the clapping).

If you'd like to take your mind off everything and are looking for some feel-good fiction, my new novel - The Authenticity Project - is out now!

If you'd like to find out more about me, or to contact me privately, go to www.clarepooley.com

Love to you all. Stay safe and well.

Clare Pooley (aka SoberMummy)

What Happens When You Tell Your Truth?

Welcome to Mummy was a Secret Drinker. If you've found this page because you're looking for help quitting drinking then WELCOME!

All the information and support you need is in this blog. There are hundreds of posts, all free to read and share.  Click here for a good place to start! You can also find daily advice and inspiration on the SoberMummy Facebook page.

If you're looking for more information about me and what I've been up to recently, plus my recent blog posts, you can find me at www.clarepooley.com

I can't believe it's nearly five years since I started writing this blog, and two years since I published The Sober Diaries, the warts-and-all story of my first year without booze.

I'll never forget the long, dark nights before publication. I hardly slept. I was utterly terrified, not just about the book being out there, but about the fact that I was booked to appear on Woman's Hour, the Steve Wright show and Lorraine, and was going to be all over loads of publications, including the Daily Mail.

I hadn't been booked to discuss some impressive charity work, or business venture. I was expected to tell the whole world my darkest secrets, how I'd found myself drinking around ten bottles of wine a week, how I'd become a terrible mother, how I'd been anxious all the time, hugely overweight and unable to sleep. How I'd hated myself.

By December 28th 2017 I was convinced I'd made a terrible mistake. Was it too late to pull the plug? It was. The books had been printed, the advance paid, the PR lined up. I thought I was going to be horribly trolled, by people telling me (with some justification, I thought) that I was an unfit mother and a terrible human being.

You see, I'd spent YEARS covering up all my weaknesses, filling in the cracks, hiding my recycling bins, freshening my breath and curating my social media feeds. If you looked at my life from the outside it all looked pretty damn perfect.

But I gritted my teeth and did everything my publishers told me to do, then waited for the fall-out.

It never came. There were a few horrible comments in the Mail Online (my favourite was if I was her husband, I'd be drinking a bottle of wine a day!) but that was it. Instead what I got was a deluge of messages from people all over the world saying thank you for telling your story, because until now I thought I was the only one who felt like that...

What I discovered was that telling your real truth not only changes your life, but can transform the life of so many other people too, and create magical communities.

And that made me think. What would happen if we all told the truth about our lives? 

I started writing again, but this time a fictional story, about a little green notebook titled The Authenticity Project in which a terribly lonely widower and artist - Julian Jessop - tells his truth. He leaves the book in a cafe where it's picked up by the owner, Monica, who resolves to track him down and transform his life.

The book is passed between six people including Hazard, a cocaine and booze addict and Alice, a mummy instagrammer, who all write their stories in its pages, leading to a life-changing world of friendship and forgiveness.

I wasn't sure whether anyone would be interested in my novel which, like this blog, I wrote partly as a form of therapy, but - incredibly - it's being published in twenty-nine different languages in 2020.

If you'd like to read The Authenticity Project, it's out on February 4th in the USA in all formats (click here to pre-order), and in audio and e-book in the UK (click here to pre-order). The UK hardback is out on April 2nd, and other languages throughout the year.

A huge thank you to everyone who's followed my journey. I am so grateful to you all. And if you're new to this blog, then know you are not alone. Thousands of us have been where you are, and life is going to get so much better...

Love Clare x

Welcome to Mummy was a Secret Drinker

I used to hate January. It's cold and dark. The bathroom scales are the harbingers of doom and you dare not even peek at your bank balance. It's miserable.

But now, it's one of my favourite months of the year. Because if you don't drink, you feel like a bit of an outlier for most months of the year, but not, my friends, in January.

Right now, we sober people are surfing the zeitgeist and feeling positively fashionable. I was even in the Sunday Times Style Magazine last weekend. Whoop whoop.

Another New Year bonus is that I get thousands of new visitors to this blog, and if you are one of them, then WELCOME!

I started writing Mummy was a Secret Drinker when I first gave up booze, back in March 2015. I used the blog as therapy, and I wrote every single day. So there are nearly 500 posts on here now.

I thought it might be helpful to signpost some of the ones that you might find most useful.

You might want to start by reading this post, which I wrote when I'd been sober for 1000 days. I had no idea how much quitting alcohol would change every aspect of my life. If you need some inspiration, you'll find it here.

The post I wrote on Three Secrets to Success gives you my top tips for getting sober.

This one, on Making Sober Less Shameful features the TEDx talk I did on what it's like to quit alcohol in a world where everyone drinks.

If you want to learn a bit more about how addiction feels, then try this post on Understanding the Wine Witch.

If you're still not sure whether to quit drinking, or just cut down, then read this: Why Don't You Just Drink Less?

If you'd like to read my blog from the beginning (which is quite an undertaking), then click here.

If you're a fan of the Facebook, then I post inspiration and information every day on the SoberMummy Facebook page. Click here (and 'like' page if you want to stay updated).

If my regular readers have any favourite posts you'd like to highlight, please add them to the comments below!

You can read the story of my first year sober in the book described as 'Bridget Jones Dries Out' - The Sober Diaries. Click here for my Amazon page in the UK, or here for the USA.

Happy New Year to you all!

SM x

5 Ways to a Fabulous Sober Christmas

If you're approaching your first ever sober Christmas, you're probably feeling a bit nervous about the whole thing.

I remember.

I was terrified about the idea of Christmas without booze. I thought it would be really hard, dealing with the constant triggers. I expected it to be boring and joyless. I pretty much wrote it off, and just wanted to get through the whole thing as quickly as possible.

Now, I'm approaching my fourth sober Christmas, and I promise you that I am more excited about Christmas than I ever was when I was drinking.

Like all of these things, the first time is the hardest, because it's all so new. You've spent decades doing Christmas one way (drunk), so it's bound to be a bit peculiar trying to do it a totally different way.

I remember when I first got married, being really nervous about Christmas. You see, every family has their own Christmas traditions, timings and rituals that somehow become totally sacrosanct, and you know that as a 'new' family, you're going to have to compromise and merge your traditions to create a new template.

Well, learning to do Christmas sober is a bit like that. It will eventually be just as good as the old Christmases (way better, in fact), but it will be different. You'll have to find new rituals and traditions to replace some of the old ones. But you will.

So, here are my top five tips for a fabulous sober Christmas:

1. Be brutally honest about Christmas Past

Okay, this is the mental 'limbering up' phase. You can start working on this one right away.

It's very easy to look back at Christmas with rose tinted glasses, and to remember only the jolly times. That glass of wine while wrapping the stocking presents on Christmas Eve. The first glass of champagne while cooking the turkey. The glass of red wine with Christmas lunch, and the whiskey while you watch Christmas telly in the evening.

STOP RIGHT THERE.

Go back and look again. Remember what happened next. All of it.

Remember how you drank too much while wrapping the presents and got some of them muddled up (or was that just me?). Remember waking up on Christmas Day with a hangover, feeling meh, and unable to get excited about the day ahead.

Remember getting drunk before lunch, messing up all the timings and forgetting the gravy. Remember the family arguments and falling asleep in front of the telly, missing the end of the film you'd been really enjoying.

Remember Boxing Day, feeling like death.

Does any of that ring any bells at all?

The truth is, Christmas probably stopped being really fun several years ago. The booze wasn't making it better, it was actually sucking away the joy.

Whenever you find yourself yearning after the 'good old days', replace those images in your head with the real ones.

2.  Don't try to be Superwoman

This is really important.

You are doing an amazing and brave thing, for you and your family, in giving up alcohol. This is the very best Christmas present you could possibly give. You DO NOT need to make everything else totally perfect and prove yourself some kind of superwoman as well. Do that next year, if you must.

This year, keep it as simple as possible. Don't try to cram in too much socialising or hosting. Don't over promise. If necessary, claim some kind of illness and cancel some things. Just focus on you, and your immediate family. The rest can wait.

Try to build in some time when you can take yourself off and hibernate for an hour or two, and recharge your batteries.

3.  Think about What You're Drinking

Make sure that, throughout the day, you have special drinks lined up.

The choices here are totally individual. Some people find 'fake booze' - like alcohol free wines and beers - really helpful, others find them too much of a trigger. Work out what works for you before the big day, and make sure you have stocks in.

I will be having a Seedlip and Fever Tree tonic on Christmas Eve, a spicy Virgin Mary while I'm getting the lunch ready, and a glass or two of Torres Natureo alcohol-free red wine with lunch. The truth is, I'll probably finish the bootle of wine over the course of the afternoon, because old habits die hard.

4.  Line up Treats

We big drinkers get out of the habit of treating ourselves, as for many years our go-to treat has been a glass of wine (or similar).  Plus, drinkers tend to have very low self-esteem. We don't think we deserve anything special.

Over the next few days have a really good think about other ways to treat yourself over the Christmas period.

Since you're missing all those booze calories, you can buy yourself some yummy foodie treats for the big day. Go wild. It's only one day. Feel no guilt.

Download your favourite books, music and movies. Invest in a pair of snuggly cashmere socks.

I'm going to book my eldest daughter and myself in for a pedicure on Christmas Eve, and I'm taking the whole family to Winter Wonderland.

Plan a giant lie-in on Boxing Day, or a shopping trip to the sales. Think how much cash you've saved by not drinking over Christmas, as spend some of it!

Do whatever you know will make you feel special. Because you are special, and you do deserve it. You really do.

5.  Be a Child

I realise now that Christmas is actually one of the easiest times to be sober. I know this sounds counter-intuitive, so bear with me...

The hardest time, I think, to be a non-drinker is at a drinks party. The clue is in the name. The whole event is built around drinking. Often sober people are really badly catered for. You end up with a glass of water wondering what it's all about.

Christmas, however, is the opposite. There is so much going on, over and above the drinking.

Christmas is about friends and family, it's about wonderful food and fabulous company. It's about magic and gratitude and love. It's about music and singing and films and family games and presents.

There is just so much to focus on, and you can properly focus on it, in all its wonderful gaudy glory, when you are totally sober.

Look at children at Christmas time. They are hyperventilating with excitement about it all, and that has nothing whatsoever to do with booze.

Be like them. Be a child. See it all through their eyes.

And if at any point you're finding it hard, then fast forward to the next day, because you know that on Boxing Day you are going to wake up feeling absolutely fabulous and so proud of yourself for having done your last ever first sober Christmas.

Merry, merry Christmas to you all!

By the way, there is loads of info and inspo on the SoberMummy Facebook page, and if you have any friends planning a Dry January, then the paperback edition of The Sober Diaries is out on December 27th (whoop whoop!). You can find it here.

If you're in the USA, you can't get a hardcopy annoyingly, but you can download on Kindle or audio (click here).

SM x

How Long Does it Take to Break a Habit?

We're not very good at waiting for things.

We've become so used to being able to buy anything online and have it arrive at our front door within twenty-four hours. We have any information we might ever need about anything just a few clicks away. We can find a date just by swiping right. Instant gratification is the new norm.

When I quit drinking, I knew that the first few days, possibly weeks, would be pretty awful, but I thought that, fairly quickly, life would return to normal and I could forget about the whole thing.

How wrong I was.

You see, changing a deeply ingrained habit takes time. 

I spent nearly three decades persuading my sub-conscious mind to equate any social event with alcohol. Then, over time, I taught it that alcohol was necessary to deal with any celebration, any commiseration, any stress, any anxiety or, in fact, pretty much any emotion at all.

However determined you are that alcohol, cigarettes, sugar, prescription drugs (delete as appropriate) no longer have a role in your life, you cannot hurry up your subconscious. It will catch up with the new agenda eventually, but you have to, slowly, slowly, build new neural pathways to replace the old ones.

For fifteen years, I was a terrible smoker. I adored smoking. I saw it as rebellious and sexy, and cigarettes were the prop I relied on to get me through any slightly tough times. By the end, I would need to light a cigarette just to answer the telephone, and I was smoking around thirty a day.

Quitting was really hard. I didn't think I'd ever be able to enjoy a party again, or a meal with friends without the cigarette at the end to look forward to. How could I have sex without being able to light up afterwards?

It took a long time to persuade my sub-conscious to get with the programme. I missed it less and less, but the cravings would still blind-side me for months after I quit.

Yet now, the idea of smoking after a meal, or after sex, or indeed any time at all fills me with total horror. Why on earth would I do that to myself?

And, three years after quitting drinking, I'm starting to feel the same about booze.

These days, I hardly ever think about drinking. I don't notice what other people are drinking. I have to remind myself to buy wine if someone's coming round for dinner, and I never look at their glass with envy. In fact, I don't look at it at all.

But getting to this point took a while. You can't do it in one month, which is why Dry January can be a bit off-putting. The first month is really hard, and not long enough to see the real benefits.

So how long does it take to break a habit?

Many addiction experts talk about the power of threes.

It takes three days for the toxins to leave your body.

It takes three weeks for the worst of the physical withdrawal symptoms to recede.

It takes three months (or around 100 days) for the worst of the mental cravings to go.

I would add that it can take over a year before you get to the point where it never even crosses your mind to go back there.

I'm sure that the reason a lot of people quit quitting is that they've done a few days, weeks or even months and it's still hard, and they can't believe that it should still be difficult, or that it's ever going to get any better.

I promise you, IT WILL.

100 days seems like a very long time when you're struggling. A year feels like an eternity. But it's nothing in the context of the rest of your life.

There are some tricks you can use to give your sub-conscious a kick up the arse.

If you're quitting alcohol, change all your passwords to ilovebeingsober, for example. Just typing that several times a day will help.

Make a vision board showing what life without booze/cigarettes/sugar will look like - happy, healthy and energetic. Put it by your bed so that your sub-conscious sees it every single morning.

Write a list of all the reasons you don't want to drink/smoke/eat rubbish and put it on the fridge door.

Don't give up giving up. Don't give up on yourself. Don't give up on life.

If you do find yourself constantly back at Day One, then read my post The Obstacle Course (click here). It's one of my most popular blog posts and many, many people have told me it's helped them.

To find out more about the ups and downs of the first few months sober you can read my book, The Sober Diaries, here (UK) and here (USA).

I also post daily information and inspiration on the SoberMummy Facebook page ('like' page to stay updated).

Love to you all,

SM

Understanding the Wine Witch

One of the keys to beating addiction is understanding the wine witch.

If you've ever been addicted to anything, you'll know instinctively what I mean. If you've never had an issue with moderation (lucky you), then this post may help you to get inside the head of those who do.

I really can't remember when I first met the wine witch. I think it must have been sometime around my late twenties. I know that when I was at University I would drink sometimes, and not drink at other times, and not think about it at all in-between. It just wasn't on my mind.

But, at some point, a little voice started to take up residence in my head. At first, it was barely noticeable, it felt just like another regular thought. It would say things like ooh, she looks fun, looks like she enjoys a drink or two. You should make friends with her! or Hey, it's still early! Why not have one for the road?

So far, so normal.

The problem with addiction is that it's progressive. Those thoughts which used to float by once in a while start to appear more often. You begin to be familiar with better buy an extra bottle, just in case you run out and what about a wine box? So much more cost efficient!

By the time I quit drinking, the wine witch was a permanent resident in my head, fretting about when I was going to drink next, how much I was going to drink, where I was going to buy the drink from, how many bottles were in the recycling bin, and so on.

Sharing your head with all of that on a daily basis is exhausting, as well as totally distracting. It's difficult to achieve anything else in your life when you're dealing with all the constant chatter.

So I quit.

The problem was, that when you start to fight your addiction, the internal monologue initially gets WORSE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? YOU FEEL AWFUL! YOU NEED MORE WINE! YOU ARE BORING WITHOUT IT! LIFE IS BORING WITHOUT IT!

You start to feel like you're going a little crazy. You know logically, with your conscious mind, that the booze has to go, that it's no good for you, but your sub-conscious mind is still addicted - it hasn't caught up. You're effectively waging an ongoing battle in your own head.

This is where the wine witch comes in.

You need to give that voice a name, a personality, so that you realise it's NOT YOU. It's your addiction. And once you separate that voice from yourself, you can understand it, and you can beat it. You can't keep fighting yourself for very long, but you can fight an evil enemy.

Addicts choose different names and personifications for their addict brains. I love the wine witch, because wine was my thing. Alan Carr talks about a snake which has taken residence in your belly. George Michael sang about The Monkey.

Why can't you do it?
Why can't you set your monkey free?
Always giving in to it.
Do you love the monkey, or do you love me?

As soon as I named and pictured my enemy, I knew I could kill her. I understood that she would try every trick in the book to try to persuade me to drink, because that was how she gained her strength. I knew that the only way to destroy her was to deprive her of alcohol.

I would imagine blasting the witch with a machine gun. I'd fry her with my dragons (thank you, Game of Thrones). I'd clobber her around the head with my stiletto heels. I was The Bride in Kill Bill, wreaking furious vengeance whenever that witch stuck her head over the parapet and started bleating about just one won't do any harm...

The longer you go without a drink/drug, the weaker the wine witch or monkey becomes, their voice less strident, less insistent. But just one drink brings them back to life with a vengeance.

It takes a while to kill the witch. For me, it was about 100 days until she started quieting down, and six months before she really shut up.

Then, one day, I realised that I hadn't heard from her at all for some time. I was free. I had tapped my red shoes together and gone back to Kansas with Toto.

And that silence, that freedom, is the most magical feeling in the world.

To find out more about the ups and downs of the first year sober, read The Sober Diaries here (UK) and here (USA) in hardback, Kindle or audio.

I also post daily information and inspiration on the SoberMummy Facebook Page ('like' page to stay updated) and you can follow me on Instagram, @clare_pooley and Twitter, @cpooleywriter.

Love to you all,

SM x

When's the Best Time to Quit Drinking?

I get lots of messages from people who tell me that they really want to quit drinking, but they can't do it yet because they're going on holiday, have a birthday coming up, a special party to go to, or they're dealing with a stressful time at home or work.

For many years I did the same. I put off dealing with the inevitable because it was never the right time. Even if someone had erected a bright pink, neon sign outside my bedroom window reading IT'S THE RIGHT TIME, I would have ignored it.

There are always a host of brilliant (and many not so brilliant) excuses to carry on drinking, because there will always be (we hope) occasions to celebrate and, sadly, there will always be difficult things to cope with.

The truth it, the best time to quit drinking, once you know you have to, is always NOW. Because you may as well get on with it, deal with the tough few months, then start really living your life, free from all the angst, pre-occupation and general yuckiness that playing with an addictive drug inevitably brings.

However, there are some times that are, I believe, better than others.

January is one. Quitting anything in January is made easier by the fact that everyone seems to be quitting something, and we're all holed up inside, cold, broke and sad, wearing our hair shirts and feeling sorry for ourselves.

But, for that reason, January is all a bit miserable. And quitting drinking, whilst it's hard, should be a cause for celebration and for feeling good about yourself.

Which is why SEPTEMBER is my favourite time of year.

September, like January, is a time for fresh starts. It may not be the start of the calendar year, but it IS the start of the new school year, and - if you're a mum - that is way more significant than just changing a digit at the end of the date.

September is a time for brand new stationery, sharpened pencils, polished shoes and new friends. And it's a great time for new resolutions.

After the excesses of the summer holidays, everyone is 'back on it.' We're all starting diets, dusting off the gym membership and promising to get life back on track.

Also, if you quit drinking now, by the time Christmas comes around you'll have done the first 100 days, which are by far the hardest, and you'll be able to really enjoy the holiday season feeling good about yourself.

If you live in the UK, you can sign up for Sober October in aid of Macmillan Cancer Support. Then you can tell your friends you're doing it for charity (and avoid all the difficult questions for the time being), and make the most of Macmillan's great online support groups and tools.

So, if you're reading this and thinking I know I need to quit drinking but I'm not sure if it's the right time, then know this: it is. There will never be a better time than now.

If you'd like a great kick start to the new you, then I'm hosting a workshop in London in conjunction with World Without Wine on Saturday, October 6th and there are a few spaces still available. You can find more details here.

If you'd like to know what to expect in the first year of going sober, then read The Sober Diaries, and for daily information and inspiration, visit the SoberMummy Facebook Page ('like' the page if you want to stay updated).

By the way, my September resolution is dealing with my addiction to ice-cream. Over the summer I seem to have become a Magnum magnet, and a pesky gelato shop has opened up at the end of my street, taunting me with great mountains of creamy dulce de leche ice-cream. Argh.

Happy new school year to you all!

SM x

5 Ways to Get Through Wine O'Clock

That's my actual kitchen clock.

I used to watch it tick, slowly slowly, towards that position, with the big hand on the twelve and the little hand on the six, when I could legitimately pour myself a (very large) glass of wine.

If you recently quit drinking (WELL DONE YOU!) you'll be finding that this is the very hardest part of the day. You're tired, stressed, fed up, and your go-to solution (possibly your only solution) to all of those feelings has, for many years, been booze.

You miss it! Of course you do! It leaves a big hole in your life.

But fret not, because over time you will find many better and healthier ways to fill that gap and to wind down at the end of the day - things that won't leave you feeling hungover, unhealthy and miserable.

The booze cravings don't last that long. You just need to find ways of getting through the next hour and then, if it's really hard still, go to bed early with a good book and a hot chocolate (hot chocolate has magical powers).

You'll wake up in the morning feeling AMAZING!

So, here are some great ways of getting through that witching hour. Do please add your own suggestions in the comments below!

1. Get Drinking

No, not booze, obviously.

I always, always pour myself a 'special' drink at wine o'clock.

There's no reason why you can't still relax in a great armchair with a yummy, adult drink and congratulate yourself on a day well done - just make sure it's alcohol free!

There are a HUGE range of great alcohol free beers now (Becks Blue was the only option when I first quit. As a result it still has a special place in my heart...).

My new favourite, however, is Seedlip - a fabulous alcohol-free distilled spirit, available from Amazon. It's not cheap, I'm afraid, but at least you won't be drinking the whole bottle in one sitting!

I even made a YouTube video (I know! I'm so trendy, right?) of how to make my favourite Seedlip mocktail. Click here.

A really good grown-up drink helps trick your brain into winding down. I sometimes think Becks Blue saved my life.

2. Get Distracted

Don't just sit there thinking about booze - get busy!

Exercise boosts your serotonin levels, giving you a natural high, as does getting outside, so go for a long dog walk, or a run - get away from the fridge with all its wine memories.

If you have young children at home and can't get out, then you could do what I did in the early days and get cleaning! Again, it's great exercise, it keeps your hands busy and your mind occupied, and you end up with a gleaming house. What's not to like?

3. Get Relaxed

If you can't face the physical exercise then try relaxation instead.

Why not just curl up in a good chair and read?

In the early days, I read everything I could get my hands on about booze. It fed the obsession, but also helped me realise that I was not alone and gave me knowledge, which is power.

If you haven't done so already, then read the Sober Diaries. Click here, and chose the 'look inside' feature to read the first few chapters for free.

Other recommendations are: Jason Vale's Kick the Drink, Easily - the book that changed my life. It will totally reprogram the way your brain sees alcohol.

My favourite memoirs are Caroline Knapp's Drinking: A Love Story and Sarah Hepola's Blackout.

I love a great page-turner novel based around a boozy heroine. Read Marian Keyes's Rachel's Holiday, Jane Green's Summer Secrets, and Paula Hawkin's The Girl on The Train.

There's also new inspiration and information about quitting booze posted every day at wine o'clock on the SoberMummy Facebook page. Click here to visit, 'like' page to stay updated.

A long, hot bath with bubbles, good music or an audio book, and low lighting is another great way of relaxing.

And here's a new trick I've discovered: SPACEMASKS.

They're awesome. They're funky eye masks that you pop over your eyes, then you lie back and chill as they heat up and release incredible aromatherapy stuff.

If you're having problems nodding off to sleep then this is your solution (along with a magnesium supplement at bedtime).

To find Spacemasks, click here.

You need to take time out and look after yourself. You are doing an incredible thing. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. Let the kids play Minecraft for a bit.

4. Get Connected

In Johann Hari's incredible TED talk, he says that the opposite of addiction is connection, and it's true.

Find yourself a tribe - either online or in real life - who will give you love and support, and who you can help back.

My favourite online communities are Club Soda, Soberistas and Recovery Buddha (who you can find on Facebook), but there are many more.

5. Get Mindful

Mindfulness is a great way of relaxing and taking your mind off the whole booze thing.

You can us the Headspace App to guide you through ten minute mediations.

If, however, you're like me and meditating makes you feel like a bit of a pillock, then you can do anything that keeps you totally focused on the moment.

For some people that's yoga, or knitting, or gardening or art, or playing the piano - whatever floats your boat and keeps your mind and hands busy.

Love to you all,

SM x

3 Reasons Why Dogs are a Sober Girl's Best Friend

Yesterday, I was reading the incredible story of Mali - the special forces dog who's just been awarded a medal for bravery after sniffing out explosives and Taliban insurgents during a seven and a half hour gunfight in Kabul.

A grenade badly injured Mali's belly and legs, blew out a tooth and damaged his right ear, but still he kept going, being hoisted from one building to the next in a sling on his handler's back.

This story reminded me how incredibly loyal, brave and clever our furry friends can be.

The picture on this post is my scruffy terrier, Otto. He's not as well trained as Mali (in fact, he's barely trained at all), but he's my hero, nonetheless.

He sat by me, literally, his head on my tummy, as I recovered from treatment for breast cancer. And he was my very best sober buddy.

Here are three reasons why dogs are a sober girl's best friend:

1. They get you outside

However much you might want to hunker down at home and mope, your four legged companion is going to stare at you with those big, brown (unless you have a Husky) eyes until you take them out for a walk.

This is a very good thing, as exercise - especially outdoors - is incredibly good for your mental health, which is why the Japanese are so obsessed by what they call 'forest bathing.' It reduces stress and anxiety and boosts all your happy hormones.

Also, walking outside gets you away from all those booze-associations - the fridge, the wine rack, your favourite armchair, etcetera ad infinitum. Even I never took alcohol with me on a dog walk, even in the baddest of bad days.

2. They are masters of mindfulness

One of the best ways to get through the early days of sober is 'mindfulness': concentrating on the present moment and not worrying about not drinking forever and ever or what sins you might have committed in the past.

But mindfulness is incredibly hard. Which is why you need your own furry mindfulness guru to hand.

Dogs only live in the moment. They remind you of all the incredible things happening right now under your very nose. The thrill of a new path, splashing through mud, having a cuddle.

Just look at how much your dog loves life and you realise that booze really isn't necessary in order to discover joy in the everyday.

3. They love you, whatever, unconditionally

By the time most of us quit drinking we can be pretty hard on ourselves. We spend an awful lot of time examining our flaws and fretting over past misdemeanours.

Our dogs remind us that we are completely loveable, imperfections and all. They don't judge, they just lick.

If you don't have a dog already, then think of all the money and time you'll be saving by not drinking and consider spending some of it on a new friend.

Don't buy a puppy, find a rescue dog. A dog who deserves a second chance at life and a whole load of love, just like you do.

Please tell me about your own furry friends in the comments below....

By the way, new on the SoberMummy Facebook page: some inspirational wisdom from Winne-the-Pooh, and the story of Robert Downey Jr, and how he beat his addictions. I wonder if he has a dog.

(To go to the Facebook page, click here. 'Like' to stay updated).

Love SM x

Why Don't You Just Drink Less?

Have you been asked this question?

My friends and family can understand why I wanted to do something about the amount of vino I was getting through each week, but they still can't quite work out why I don't just drink a bit less? 

"Isn't going completely teetotal (God, I hate that word) a tad extreme?" they say.

And, many times over the last two years, I've have the same thought myself: have I gone a bit over the top? Surely, after all this time, I can have a glass from time to time, like a normal person?

So, as a reminder for myself, for anyone else who asks me, and in case it might help any of you, here are the three reasons why I don't just drink less...

1. Moderation is not my thing.

I am an all-or-nothing person. I am not very good at having a little bit of something I like and then stopping. I'm good at many things, but that just isn't my forte.

I was the same with cigarettes: thirty a day until I quit, then nothing, not one puff, for the last fifteen years.

I've come to terms with this character quirk. After all, it has its upsides. We 'immoderate' people tend to throw ourselves at everything - we're immoderate with our energy, our love, our enthusiasm.

We're not the sort of people who take one bite at the cake of life, then leave the rest sitting on the plate. Oh no, we gobble up the whole thing, then check the cupboard for more.

2. Moderation is exhausting.

I have, as it happens, managed to moderate my wine intake for periods of time. I did endless deals with myself, when I was trying to avoid giving up altogether.

I did 'I will NOT drink on weekdays.' I did 'I will NOT drink at home.' I tried 'I will NOT drink alone.' Then 'I will NOT drink wine, only beer.' 

Needless to say, within a few weeks I was stretching the rules, then abandoning them altogether.

And, in the meantime, I was exhausted with the effort of trying to be good. 

I was fed up with the devil and the angel on my shoulders constantly rowing with each other, the infernal, internal dialogue in my head, the self-loathing every time I failed again.

The very best thing about quitting altogether is peace. (You have to get through the first 100 days or so first, obviously).

No more endless debate about what you're drinking, when you're drinking, how much you're drinking, because the answer is simple: nothing, nowhere, never.

3. What would be the point?

Now, (and, I have to confess, it took me two years to get here) if ever I think about having a glass or two of wine, I ask myself what would be the point?

For a start, I wouldn't just have one glass. One glass doesn't even touch the sides. If I had one, I'd have several. And, having wrestled for some time with decades of social conditioning, I realise the absurdity, the pointlessness, of getting drunk.

Now, I can think back to those days of feeling woozy, wobbly, slurry, forgetful, annoyed and anxious and ask why on earth would I voluntarily do that to myself?

Deliberately poisoning your body with an addictive toxin in order to 'have a good time' just seems a little....absurd.

In the same way, I now look at smokers inhaling deadly fumes from a tube of rolled up dried leaves and think isn't that a bizarre way to spend your time?

I no longer need alcohol in order to feel relaxed or to have fun. I'm not at all sure what it would add to my life, but I have an incredibly good memory of the things it would take away.

Yet, explaining all of that to the friend at the party with their bemused question "surely you can just moderate?" would take far too much time, and I'm not sure they'd believe me in any case, so I just smile and say:

"Moderation? It's just not really me."

Because it isn't.

TO BUY SOBERMUMMY'S BOOK, THE SOBER DIARIES, CLICK HERE (You can read the first few chapters FREE with the 'look inside' feature)

Love SM x

Dry January

Happy New Year everyone!

It's 8.30am in the Scottish Borders. The children are fast asleep, after staying up hours later than usual, and the grown ups are sleeping off the booze.

I'm feeling fabulous.

I threw a wonderful party last night, but this morning both the sky and my head are clear and even the kitchen is clean as a whistle as I washed everything up before going to bed.

How different from the decades of New-Year's-Days-of-Despair during the era of over-enthusiastic imbibing.

So, if you've found this page because your New Year's Resolution is to quit drinking - for a while or forever - then you're in the right place! If I can do it, anyone can.

I finally stopped drinking when, after years of trying to cut down, I realised that I had no other option. But I did it with a fairly heavy heart.

I realised that life would never be the same and that there were many events - such as New Year's Eve - which would always be (like myself) pale shadows of their former selves.

Well, as someone who's made it out the other side, I can tell you that it's true. Life will never be the same. It'll be WAY BETTER. More real, more technicolour, more manageable and more rewarding.

The first few weeks, and - let's face it - months, are hard but there is huge amounts of help in the sobersphere. You are NOT ALONE.

If you're after advice on how to get through Dry January then click here: Dry January

If you're still not convinced that quitting is a good idea, then click here: Reasons to Quit Drinking

If you're here because you think you may be an alcoholic, but you're not entirely sure, then click here: Are You an Alcoholic?

If you'd like a summary of my first year without booze then click here: 2015 - the Year I Quit Drinking

If you'd like to read my story from the beginning then click here: Mummy was a Secret Drinker

I, along with all the regular readers of this blog from around the world, am here to help you and am cheering you on. You are awesome.

2017 - a new year for a new life.

Love SM x

New Year's Eve

It does seem deeply unfair for newly sober people that, just a handful of days after the major challenge of Christmas, they are faced with the biggest party evening of the year: New Year's Eve.

(If you are worried about this evening then this post might help: SoberMummy's Party Survival Guide)

I have a complicated history with New Year's Eve.

I've had some wonderful, unforgettable times with incredible friends in beautiful places. But I have also had many years that have bowed, then broken, under the pressure of expectation. Years when I attacked the booze so enthusiastically, and so early, that well before midnight I'd be sleepy, grumpy and able only to slump in an armchair, telling circular, rambling stories to anyone drunk enough to listen.

And the worst thing about New Year was waking up on January 1st with a raging thirst, pounding head and a mounting sense of despair. How, I would ask, can I find the strength to start all over again?

One thing that is worth remembering if things get tough tonight is that - like many things post booze - everything turns upside down and it becomes all about the morning, not the night-time.

Last New Year (my first sober) I had a relatively quiet evening. It was lovely, but not hugely memorable. But the next morning, as we were in the Swiss Alps, I took the whole family SM up the mountain relatively early. We stood on the deserted peak, literally on top of the world, looking at the most beautiful, shiny New Year's Day and everything and anything seemed possible.

This year I'm being more ambitious.

It strikes me that we tend to blame ourselves for not enjoying parties as much when we get sober, whereas actually it's the fault of the parties.

We expect people to have a wild time at an event which consists solely of a bunch of people - many of them strangers to each other - standing in a room for several hours just talking and drinking. When did that start to happen?

Can you imagine a children's party where forty kids were expected to just talk for five hours? No way! We have pass the parcel, pin the tail on the donkey and pinatas. Then, after just two hours, we give everyone a large slice of cake and a party bag and pack them off home.

There are fewer party games at teenage parties, but the gap is filled by lots of dancing, raging hormones, flirting and experimental snogging.

Even into my twenties I remember wonderful celebrations involving hugely competitive games of charades, sardines, squeak piggy squeak, karaoke, dressing up and Scottish dancing.

Then, gradually, all the party games and events (what my Scottish in-laws would call 'happenings') petered out, and we were left with the standard format of fifty people in a room, constantly drinking, wheeling out tired anecdotes and chasing tired canapés.

This suited me, actually, as all I really wanted to do by this stage was drink. And if I was hosting, the idea of organising anything more challenging than a bottle opener, once I'd had a few glasses myself, was anathema.

But now I'm on a mission to revive the great party happenings of the past.

Tonight we are celebrating Hogmanay in Scotland - five adults and six children with ages ranging from eight to eighty.

Rather than trying to hustle the children into bed early so that we can all get drunk, I'm letting them stay up to see midnight in. It's not as if there's school in the morning (thank God).

We're going to have a huge dinner together, then we'll play charades, guess who? and other party games and teach everyone how to dance an eightsome reel. Then at midnight we'll sing Auld Lang Syne and let off some celebratory fireworks.

Actually, I'm feeling a little exhausted just thinking about it, but I'll make it through on a wave of adrenaline and caffeine.

Hurrah!

Happy New Year to all you wonderful people! See you in 2017.

Love SM x

George Michael

If you've just made it through your first sober Christmas, then CONGRATULATIONS! I'm sure it wasn't easy, but I'm prepared to bet that it was also awesome.

Maybe you overdid it on Christmas Day and have decided that this is your Day One, or perhaps you're gearing up to quitting in the New Year?

I think we're all looking forward to a new, bright and shiny 2017. After all, 2016 has been a really hard one, starting with the death of David Bowie, then Prince, Leonard Cohen and now George Michael. Some of the greatest songwriters and poets of my youth all.... gone.

I loved George Michael in all his incarnations - except his final one, as a bloated, depressed recluse, addicted to alcohol, marijuana and - allegedly - crack cocaine and heroin.

I was at a traditional girl's boarding school, perched on a windy cliff overlooking a grey sea, when George burst onto the scene in Wham!

There was very little to do at weekends when we were fifteen. We weren't yet trusted to go into Brighton unaccompanied, so we were left, rattling around the decaying old buildings and vast bleak grounds, to make our own entertainment.

This involved activities like trying to get high on Tippex thinner, seeing if we could make our own tobacco from baked banana skins or competitive cockroach catching. I was the House champion at catching cockroaches - the only school sport at which I excelled.

Anyhow, one memorable weekend we spent hours perfecting a dance routine to Wham!'s newly released single Bad Boys.

I still have the lyrics seared into my memory:

When you tried to tell me what to do,
I just shut my mouth and smiled at you,
One thing that I know for sure

Bad boys
Stick together, never sad boys
Good guys
They made rules for fools, so get wise

I remember thinking how those words could have been written for us - the cool rebels who loved ignoring all the rules.

But the truth is that breaking the rules catches up with you eventually, and it's wise to fall into line before it's too late.

So, if you spent this Christmas drinking way more than you know you should have done, then why not make it your Last Christmas boozing, in honour of gorgeous, wonderful and talented George?

Love SM x

Alcohol and Nicotine

Looking back now at my addiction to vino, it strikes me how identical it was to my addiction to nicotine.

And, funnily enough, my old smoker friends, who were also hooked on a packet a day (at least), are the exact same ones struggling with booze now.

What about those really annoying 'social smokers' (Mr SM was one of these) who'd steal one of your last, precious, Marlboro Lights at a party*, then not smoke for days?

(*Known in 1980s England as 'bumming a fag'. That's an expression that doesn't translate well to American).

They're the ones who slowly savour one glass of wine with dinner then stop. Happily. Damn their eyes.

The last smoking years were much like the final years of drinking: I tried again and again to quit, sometimes only lasting a day or two, sometimes weeks or months.

I, once, managed to quit for a whole year, decided I'd cracked it and could live life henceforth happily as a moderate, 'social' smoker. Ho Ho. Two weeks later and I was back on thirty a day.

I wasn't enjoying my habit any longer - it was making me cough, it was making me smell, and my nails, teeth and skin were turning yellow. I hated myself for my lack of willpower.

But the main reason I knew I had to quit smoking was that it had started messing with my head.

I would leave parties early and walk for miles to find a twenty-four hour garage selling cigarettes, rather than stay without my smokes.

I would wrap up a client meeting early on some feeble excuse so that I could squash the edgy feeling. I would avoid any no-smoking restaurants like the plague. I was very cautious about actually making friends with a non-smoker.

Is this ringing any bells? Because that's exactly how I was, by the end, with booze.

And quitting the ciggies was just like quitting booze: a few weeks of uncomfortable, bordering on unbearable, physical withdrawal, followed by months of feeling edgy, obsessed and not knowing what to do with my hands.

I didn't know how to deal with stress, fear, boredom, celebration - anything - without lighting up.

But, instead of replacing my trusty smokes with something healthy like exercise, mindfulness or yoga, I found something altogether easier and more familiar: WINE!

Oh, the irony.

There is, however, one huge difference between my two favourite addictions: other people.

When I quit smoking everyone understood. They all - even the avid smokers like myself - knew that cigarettes were evil, that they were killing us.

No-one thought that I was weird and had a problem - they understood that I'd just been trapped (like millions of others) by a highly addictive drug.

There's loads of help out there for the quitting smoker - the encouragement of friends and family, free support groups, hypnotherapy, patches, gum, inhalers, e-cigs.

Nobody expects you to huddle anonymously in church halls berating yourself and blaming your situation on a disease.

But here's the good news: now I look at smokers and I don't envy them at all. Not even the tiniest bit. I think you poor, poor fellows. If only you knew how much simpler, healthier and more peaceful life is without the tyranny of nicotine...

....and I'm starting to feel the same way about booze, too.

Maybe, one day, society will support and cheer the quitting drinker in the same was as the quitting smoker.

Alcohol and nicotine - they are just the same.

Love SM x

Timing Makes the Hero

I get many e-mails from readers who have been thinking about quitting drinking for a while, but haven't yet taken the plunge. They're waiting, they say, until after a big party, or a summer holiday, Christmas, or a particularly stressful period at work.

I get it. I prevaricated masterfully - for weeks, months, years even - before finally taking the plunge. (And then finally taking the plunge a second time!).

The truth is, it never feels like the right time. Much like having a baby. You never feel mature enough, sufficiently well off, at the 'right' point in your career. One day you just have to grit your teeth and.... jump.

There are always (we hope) going to be parties and holidays and stressful periods. That's the beauty of life. And one day, before too long, you'll find that all those things are better without the booze.

It will be very hard for a few weeks, and fairly hard for a few months, but what's a few months compared to the rest of your life?

(You don't let nine months of getting fatter and fatter, feeling sick and tired, being kicked from the inside and not drinking stop you having a baby, do you?)

But, having said all that, there is one particular time of year that I think is especially good for quitting.

It's not January. Too obvious. Every man and his dog is quitting booze in January, and we've never been ones to run with the pack, have we?

And January is a miserable month. It's cold and grey (unless you're reading this in Australia, obvs), you're broke and there's nothing to look forward to.

No, the very best time to stop drinking is: SEPTEMBER!

Lovely, lovely September. All newly polished school shoes, sharpened pencils and anticipation. The languid last gasp of summer.

It's a perfect time for a fresh start. And there are still more than three months until Christmas, so by the time you get there you'll have the hardest bit - the first 100 days - under your belt.

So, be a hero. Take the plunge. There'll never be a better time than today.

You are not alone. There are millions of people just like you, out here in the Soberverse.

To start with, check out my pages on Reasons to Quit Drinking and Advice for Newbies.

You can do it.

Love SM x

Doing the Early Days

One of the most common questions I get via e-mail is how do I get through the first few days sober?

So, here's SoberMummy's guide for doing Days 1-5.

It might also help if you've hit a patch of the PAWS (see my post on Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome) which can make you feel (temporarily!) like you're back at Day 1.

1. Preparation

If possible, clear the house (and that includes the garage, basement and attic - no cheating!) of alcohol. It's more difficult to give into a craving if you have to leave the house to find some booze.

Get your reading material ready. Jason Vale's Kick the Drink is a must, even if you've read it before. Read it a day or two before your Day 1.

For more reading ideas have a look at this: SoberMummy's Book List.

Write down, somewhere safe, all the reasons why you want to quit. The more honest and gruesome the better.

You'll need that list later down the line when you start thinking you've overreacted and that moderation is a far more sensible plan.... (And that will happen, many times).

Fill the fridge with yummy, healthy food, stuff that doesn't need much cooking or preparation (and some chocolate for emergencies), and your favourite alcohol free drinks.

(I swear by Beck's Blue Alcohol Free beer, but watch out, as some people find it too close to the real thing...)

And the most important thing: start to think of yourself as a Non-Drinker. Say it to yourself, with excitement and enthusiasm (fake it if necessary), over and over again. I am a Non-Drinker! Yay! Go me!

2. Make it Simple

For the first few days, try to simplify your life as much as possible. Apart from anything else, you're going to be exhausted.

Don't plan any evenings out. Warn (older members of) your family that they're going to have to get their own supper for a few days. Try to get any stressful chores/work done in advance.

3. One Day at a Time

Actually, it's not even a day.

Presuming that you weren't drinking throughout the mornings, you'll probably only find the evenings hard. And cravings generally only last about an hour, so in fact it's only two or three individual hours that you have to cope with.

And then it'll be morning! And sober mornings are just the best. They're our reward for having made it through the evening.

4. Make Changes

You'll probably find that pretty much all of your usual evening routine is a trigger. Making supper: must pour a glass of wine. Kids in bed: really deserve a glass of wine. Favourite TV show: better with a glass of wine.

Am I right?

So, in the early days, try to fill your evenings with things that aren't associated with drinking: go to the gym. Go swimming! (I haven't yet met anyone who's managed to combine swimming with drinking). Go for a run. Have a long, hot bath. Take the dog for a walk.

If you can't do any of the above because you have small children at home, try and get some help for a few days.

If that's not possible, then try this: be one of them. Have supper with them at 5pm (or whenever they eat), get in the bath with them, then curl up in bed with them and read lots of stories.

Pretend you're five years old again. The kids will love it, it'll keep your evening routine really simple, and you'll be less able to hang onto that glass if you're in the bath/in bed with the babies.

5. Cop Out Early

Luckily, when you first quit, you're really, really tired. Bone deep exhaustion. Which is a fabulous help, because what you really need is less of the hard evenings, and more of the wonderful mornings.

So, for the first few days, why not go to bed at 8pm?

Put the kids in bed, leave the other half to fend for themselves, and retreat with a hot chocolate, an iPad so you can surf the sober sites and exchange notes with fellow travellers (try soberistas.com), and some good books.

Pat yourself on the back for having made it through the witching hour, and go to sleep. Even the most hardened drinker can't manage to drink while sleeping.

(Some people have problems getting to sleep when they first quit, which is where all the reading material comes in handy. A magnesium supplement may also help).

Having gone to bed so early, you may well wake up at dawn - which is great! All that morning with no hangover and bags of energy.

(Which you can use to get all the chores/work done in advance so that you can make the next evening easier).

6. And Repeat

Once you've done it once, you know it's possible. And all you have to do is repeat. Just one day at a time.

Until, the day comes when you realise that it really isn't hard any more....

I'm not saying that it's easy, but it is possible. And you can do it.

Remember that a diamond is simply a lump of coal that's done really well under pressure. Go make yourself a diamond.

SM x

P.S. Please can my fellow Survivors add their own tips in the comments below? Thank you!

Picture The Young You

I read something in a magazine the other day which I found fascinating. It was actually about dating, but I reckon you can use it for anything.

The writer said that if you have to make an important decision (like whether to accept a marriage proposal), you should take a picture of yourself as a child, looking all fresh and innocent and smiley, and ask yourself "would I want this for her/him?"

I thought I'd try it.

I found a picture of myself aged about ten. It was one of those formal school portraits. I had long, straight, dark hair pinned back with kirby grips. I had a gap toothed smile. I was proudly wearing my HEAD GIRL badge, pinned to my pale blue, nylon, polo neck jumper.

(That was before the rebellious years, when I was a frightful goody goody).

I looked hard at that little girl, all sparkly eyes and unshakeable belief that the world held all sorts of possibilities, just waiting for me to come and grab them.

And I thought would I want her to drink a bottle of wine a day? Would I want her to waste all that talent and enthusiasm for life just getting over a hangover and waiting for the next drink.

I let her down, that little girl. And now I have to make it up to her.

So then I thought what did she LOVE back then? What made her heart race faster? (Apart from Ben - the HEAD BOY).

And the answer was words.

I spent hours and hours reading. Hiding under my duvet with a torch. I often had four of five books on the go simultaneously. I read and re-read my favourites until they fell apart.

And I wrote. A diary - for many years, and lots of stories. A poem I wrote at about that age was a runner up in a WHSmith writing competition.

If I can find a way of taking that passion and turning it into a new career, a way of life, then I'll have done her proud.

So, next time you feel like a large glass of vino, find a photo of your younger self, and think is that what I want for her?

I bet it's not.

Then ask what is? And go do it.

Love SM x

Reasons to Quit Drinking #9: You'll Get Stuff Done

They say that when you're a big drinker your world shrinks. One day you look up from the bottle and think "Is this it?"

(See my post: Let Me Not Die While I'm Still Alive).

Well, no. This isn't it. There's a whole world of possibility out there, and when you stop drinking it suddenly becomes apparent.

If you think about it, imagine you spend an hour a day achieving little because you're a tad hungover.

Then there's another two hours a day when you achieve little because you're a tad drunk.

That's three hours per day (on average), twenty one hours per week, two working days! Per week!

Imagine what you can do with an extra twenty one hours!

It often starts with the little things.

One of the common effects of quitting is your house suddenly gets really clean. Gleaming!

Partly because you have spare time, but also because cleaning is a great displacement activity. It stops you thinking about drinking and keeps your hands busy.

Another fabulous activity, for the same reason, and because it's good for the soul, is de-cluttering (see my post on Clutter).

But those things are just starter level sober stuff.

After you quit you find your energy levels start to increase (once you're past the 'I'm so tired I could get into bed and sleep forever' phase) and your neurons start firing in a way you've forgotten they could. You feel creative, imaginative and entrepreneurial.

People talk about taking up drawing, writing, knitting, running, yoga - all sorts of amazing stuff once the booze is out of the picture.

Then, once you start getting used to dealing with emotions and stuff sober, you wake up one day and realise that you've lost your sense of fear.

(See my post: Feel the Fear)

Not only are you achieving more, but you're able to go out and sell yourself. Launch a business, publish a book, find a new partner.

Then, you look back at where you've come from and you think OMG, my world is so much BIGGER than I ever thought it could be!

And all because you've made just one small change.....

Love SM x

Reasons to Quit Drinking #8: Because it's Easier

Before you start yelling at me, please note I said easier, not easy.

What we all secretly desire is to be like those intensely irritating people who can drink just one glass of wine and then stop. The ones who almost seem to forget they have a glass sitting in front of them.

I mean, what is all that about?

Our goal is to be able to cut down. To moderate. To be in control.

Well, I'm really sorry to have to break this to you, but once you're addicted to alcohol (and even seemingly moderate drinkers can be addicted), it might be possible to do all those things, but it is immensely hard work.

The problem with any addiction is that your brain has been wired to want MORE.

(For more on how your brain chemistry has been buggered up by alcohol read this one: Is Moderation Possible? Part 2)

So you either give in and just give it what it wants until you end up the classic low bottom drunk pouring vodka on the cornflakes, or you constantly fight it.

And constantly fighting is exhausting.

It's like being on a never ending diet. The more you try not to do something, the more you want it. The more you attempt not to think about it, the more it preys on your mind.

And, let's face it, we were never very good at restraint, moderation and denial in the first place, were we? That's what got us into this mess!

I know that sounds all rather depressing, so here's the GOOD NEWS....

You can fix it.

Remember when you were a child and all you were really bothered about was learning to do a wheelie on your new Chopper, and whether it was a better idea to spend your pocket money on a Sherbet Dib Dab or some Space Dust? You spent no time at all thinking about booze. Cherry Cola maybe.

Well, you really can go back there. Not to the 1970's, obviously (who'd want to?), but to a place where you don't have to worry about drinking, or not drinking, or how much drinking, or what you did while drinking, or anything at all to do with drinking.

All you need to do is to STOP. For long enough.

The tricky bit is that initially, instead of thinking about booze less, you'll think about it more. That's the addiction talking. The wily old wine witch putting up a fight.

You have to kill the old crone, and the only way to do that is to starve her of alcohol for long enough.

It takes around 100 days to get through the worst, and about six months before you start to feel completely free.

BUT, be warned, as soon as you have a drink, you breathe life back into the wine witch, and your addict brain is back with a vengeance.

(Read my post: The Obstacle Course for more on this one).

Please believe me, once you're out the other side (and you will get there) it's EASY. And you think why on earth did I struggle for so long?

Then it's your job to spread the word....

Love SM x

Reasons to Quit Drinking #5: Your Mojo

Have you lost your mojo?

I bet you think it's an inevitable function of getting older? That mojos are the preserve of the young?

Balderdash. It's still there. Somewhere. You've just drowned it in alcohol.

I misplaced my mojo for a decade.

I was fat and puffy. I had chins and jowls. I slept badly and had little energy. The last adjective in the world I would use to describe myself was 'sexy.'

I would avoid mirrors and photographs like the plague. Our family album for that decade gives the impression that Mr SM is nobly bringing up three children alone.

When you're a teenager, or in your early twenties, drinkers look like sexy, uninhibited hedonists (at least I thought so), but - I discovered after I quit - when you get to middle age, big drinkers look pretty terrible. You can spot them a mile off (see my post: Spot the Lush).

But, do not despair, because quite soon after you quit drinking you see little signs of your mojo reappearing, like daffodil shoots in Spring.

The first thing you'll notice is the puffiness receding. Cheek and jawbones! Who knew?

You'll also find your skin (now you're less dehydrated) starts to glow, and looks less red and patchy.

Even your hair gets thicker and glossier! (See my post: Sober Hair)

Because you'll be sleeping better (See my post: Sleep, Glorious Sleep), and you'll be healthier, you get your energy back. With no hangovers to deal with, you can bounce out of bed in the morning.

Then, after an initial period of adjustment and bingeing on sugar (usually about 100 days), you'll find the weight will start to shift (see Reason #1: Weight Loss)

Six months in, you'll be slimmer, look 5 years younger and be bombarded with compliments. You'll find your confidence returning and you'll be able to walk into a room with a swagger, rather than sidling in apologetically. (See my post: Invisibility)

So, if you you've just quit this New Year, and are on Day 10 - or thereabouts - KEEP GOING, and get ready to say:

"Hello, Mojo. Welcome back!"

Happy, sober Sunday to you all,

SM x