Saturday 1 September 2018

When's the Best Time to Quit Drinking?



I get lots of messages from people who tell me that they really want to quit drinking, but they can't do it yet because they're going on holiday, have a birthday coming up, a special party to go to, or they're dealing with a stressful time at home or work.

For many years I did the same. I put off dealing with the inevitable because it was never the right time. Even if someone had erected a bright pink, neon sign outside my bedroom window reading IT'S THE RIGHT TIME, I would have ignored it.

There are always a host of brilliant (and many not so brilliant) excuses to carry on drinking, because there will always be (we hope) occasions to celebrate and, sadly, there will always be difficult things to cope with.

The truth it, the best time to quit drinking, once you know you have to, is always NOW. Because you may as well get on with it, deal with the tough few months, then start really living your life, free from all the angst, pre-occupation and general yuckiness that playing with an addictive drug inevitably brings.

However, there are some times that are, I believe, better than others.

January is one. Quitting anything in January is made easier by the fact that everyone seems to be quitting something, and we're all holed up inside, cold, broke and sad, wearing our hair shirts and feeling sorry for ourselves.

But, for that reason, January is all a bit miserable. And quitting drinking, whilst it's hard, should be a cause for celebration and for feeling good about yourself.

Which is why SEPTEMBER is my favourite time of year.

September, like January, is a time for fresh starts. It may not be the start of the calendar year, but it IS the start of the new school year, and - if you're a mum - that is way more significant than just changing a digit at the end of the date.

September is a time for brand new stationery, sharpened pencils, polished shoes and new friends. And it's a great time for new resolutions.

After the excesses of the summer holidays, everyone is 'back on it.' We're all starting diets, dusting off the gym membership and promising to get life back on track.

Also, if you quit drinking now, by the time Christmas comes around you'll have done the first 100 days, which are by far the hardest, and you'll be able to really enjoy the holiday season feeling good about yourself.

If you live in the UK, you can sign up for Sober October in aid of Macmillan Cancer Support. Then you can tell your friends you're doing it for charity (and avoid all the difficult questions for the time being), and make the most of Macmillan's great online support groups and tools.

So, if you're reading this and thinking I know I need to quit drinking but I'm not sure if it's the right time, then know this: it is. There will never be a better time than now.

If you'd like a great kick start to the new you, then I'm hosting a workshop in London in conjunction with World Without Wine on Saturday, October 6th and there are a few spaces still available. You can find more details here.

If you'd like to know what to expect in the first year of going sober, then read The Sober Diaries, and for daily information and inspiration, visit the SoberMummy Facebook Page ('like' the page if you want to stay updated).

By the way, my September resolution is dealing with my addiction to ice-cream. Over the summer I seem to have become a Magnum magnet, and a pesky gelato shop has opened up at the end of my street, taunting me with great mountains of creamy dulce de leche ice-cream. Argh.

Happy new school year to you all!

SM x

45 comments:

  1. Jacs60 here ... As Clare says do it NOW!! I am two years AF this week and Thank Goodness. My husband is currently in hospital ... I am only coping because I am well off the alcohol.
    I am not spending the morning wondering if I can sneak a little drink before visiting, feeling aggrieved that evening visiting is so late, organising other to do those .... falling asleep in front of the telly, feeling wrecked in the morning .. bemoaning how sad for me!!
    I am being positive, supporting my husband as best I can .. he is not having to worry about me. I am calm and dealing.
    I know for a fact this is due to the freedom from alcohol .. my husband has been poorly before .. I was a wreck, didn’t deal, drank, cried, felt sorry for myself.... not a lot of help to anyone!!
    So join up now ... freedom from wine has far reaching effects and they are only positive xxx

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    1. wow fantastic! thanks for sharing xx

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    2. I’m so sorry about your husband Jack! I hope he gets better soon! Sending big love xxx

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    3. So sorry to hear your husband id poorly,get well soon.
      I am only on day 8 my excuse was sober for October. I am already worrying about what people say I am boring. I have my future daughter in law's hen party soon and I really don't want to drink
      The wedding is in February and I want to be alcohol frrf

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  2. I didn't know your school year started in September, our school year starts late January and finishes early December. September means spring time here and it's a wonderful time to stop drinking. Autumn is a really good time as well. The sooner the better really :)

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  3. Thank you for this post. It is exactly what I needed to read this morning.

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  4. Got through Day One even though at friend's too-cramped vacation home with 3 dogs that aren't getting along and everyone else is drinking. Suspect your blog will be a godsend to me in the coming months, thank you!

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    1. Yay! Huge congratulations on Day One! Keep on going! 🎉🙌🏻👊🏻

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  5. Hi Clare, i am an 62 old man and living in Holland . I am drinking so 2 bottles of whisky in an week. Some wines and i wanted to stop. I read your book on mine holyday in Greece an it’s help me to show me what i am. I know it’s gonna be an struggle and an hard time. But for me is the first of september an beginning.

    Greetings Jaap.

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    1. Thanks for reaching out Jaap. You are amazing. You are also brave and true to YOU.

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    2. Hello lovely Jaap! I’m so pleased you found my book, and huge congratulations to you! You have made a fabulous decision and you won’t ever regret it ❤️❤️❤️

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  6. I am 87 days into the first 100 days and the questions I ask and am being asked is...Are/Am you/I ever going to drink again?.
    Honestly, I want to. I miss it. Some days have been really tough. I notice though that the days I want to drink are not those when we are with friends, entertaining, eating out etc, but the ones where work leaves one wrecked physically and emotionally. (I work in A&E). My mother's 80th looms in October and there is a gathering in Sydney for that. I tell myself I can celebrate her life with a few. But the real issue is and I don't know the answer, is do I want to drink again.
    80% no and 20% yes. But I know my patterns and habits and they won't have changed.
    I have not lost much weight. Cake is my new prosecco...but even that is now settling down. Stopping is hard I agree. Keeping going despite the positives of sleep, less stress, better skin and no guilt and sickening headaches is really hard....
    Soz for the moan.
    L

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    1. I struggled with this .. it is scary to think never having a drink again ... I can’t remember when it happened but I promise it did .. I can’t think of anything worse than having a drink again ... You will enjoy and remember every tiny important detail of your Mum’s celebration without alcohol ... Well done you are doing so well .. it does get easier and life just gets betterer! Jacs60 x

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    2. Hang in there L. I used to get the urge to have just one ... but it was never one, it was to get into that comfortably numb state. I wanted to get drunk. But we never admit that to ourselves, not often anyway. Then I'd remember there's an unbreakable chain from that decision to the hangover and shame of tomorrow. That's why I quit, I know there's no chance of moderation with me, just a deepening sickness and dependence. Remember why you quit, and why it was a good decision.

      Weight loss will come, it has for me, but at the moment if you need the cake, just go with it. Weight loss was a kind of added bonus for me as I decided I had to quit even if I was going to put on weight and grow a second head!

      You've done really well to get to 87 days, most don't get to the first week.

      Love

      Rob

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    3. Hello L! You are doing brilliantly! Please try not to think ahead, because it is terrifying if you do! It took me 6 months before I could contemplate forever. Just keep going one day at a time and you WILL get there! You’ve nearly done the hardest bit and the best is yet to come! 😘

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  7. Hi L !
    I gave up alcohol in January and have continued AF, it’s turned into an experiment at this stage and the beauty of it is that I Do Not Miss It!!
    But it took until this month and our first family holiday with me sober to realize it
    It does get easier!
    There are times when I would murder a drink, a real one and to hell with the consequences but I pull myself back and think about all of the positives. Now I can go out and socialize but it’s only just recently that I have found that I can.
    People are still trying to sabotage my best laid plans and get me to drink but I have resisted so far!
    Good luck and remember it’s a day at a time!
    Be good to yourself
    However I too seem to have replaced alcohol with cake and chocolate
    Everyone says that the weight would fall off you but I seem to be the exception to that rule!
    Ah well!!
    Congratulations L your liver is probably partying
    Rejoice in your proactive choices

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    1. Brilliant advise Happy Party Girl and huge congrats to you! You are AWESOME! 🙌🏻

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  8. Made it to day 37 and other than feeling a bit sorry for myself at weekends the journey so far has not been quite as scary as I imagined. But I really need some help/advise from you lovely people. Over the last few days I think I may well be in the PAWS stage. I feel pretty low and very tearful and much worse I am really dizzy, like I am on a roundabout. I am not sure if I am actually unwell or if this is just part of the process? If so I am shocked. I know for sure I drank too much but I certainly didn't imagine it was enough to feel physical symptoms like this. Has anyone else gone through this? I don't even feel well enough to drive which makes me think it might actually be a virus? Your thoughts would be much appreciated, Thank you x

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    1. Congrats on 37 days! I recall feeling light headed at times, not sure how long it lasted. Mood definitely was up and down. Maybe go to a doctor if you are concerned, but you are withdrawing from a mood altering drug, so you are bound to feel some effects.

      Love

      Rob

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    2. Thank you Rob, I guess it does make sense to have some effects. Truly hope that I can keep going, I am going to Mexico in November and in the back of my mind I imagine I am doing this until then. Fingers crossed that by then I won't want/need it after all!! x

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    3. Well done chapter 2 and maybe get yourself checked out as feeling dizzy at day 37 seems quite extreme. Let us know how you get on and good luck, you are doing so well x

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    4. Hey Chapter Two! You are doing brilliantly! PAWS does have strange physical and mental effects, but if you’re still feeling dizzy after a few days, definitely go to the doctors as it could well be something else. Even in the early days, PAWS symptoms only last around 3 days. Do let us know how you are! 😘

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  9. Hi Chaptertwo
    Maybe you do have a virus, so go and tell your doctor and let him or her know that you have stopped drinking.
    Well done for getting so far in your alcohol free journey.
    I remebrem feeling physically and emotionally drained and fragile throughout the first three months but as the philosopher said to the kidney stone, this too shall pass.
    Read Clare's book or reread it and other material, it will help. But the main thing is not to worry, you'll get there in the end if you stay focused.
    Good luck and keep your eyes on the prize!!!!

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  10. Reading this today is so timely and needed as I have been wavering a bit, thank you. I am half way through your fantastic book and its like listening to a good friend share their story. Hearing how you have acheived the seemingly impossible and are living in the field of bunnies makes me believe that i can get there too! Thank you from a newly sober mummy!

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    1. So glad you’re enjoying the book, and huge congratulations to you! 🎉

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  11. Hi all, what fab support and advice from everyone as ever. Please hang on in there L, I'm sure you will get to the field of bunnies that SoberMummy talks about soon. Please don't think about forever at this stage, just take a day at a time and you WILL get there, you've done the really hard bit and have done so well! I got to about 70 days and had similar nagging doubts about whether I would drink again and so I did. It was the biggest mistake ever as I thought just having one or 2 wouldn't harm...but within 2 weeks I was back bingeing and hating myself and all the anxiety came flooding back. With support from this lovely group of people I am now at 130+ days and am loving life and I know I won't drink again. See you in the field of bunnies soon!! xx

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    1. Hello lovely Meggie! Huge congrats to you! And big thanks for the reminder about the moderation myth! So pleased you’re doing so well 🙌🏻

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    2. Thanks SM. I owe everything to hearing you on Radio 2 at the start of the year then buying your book. I know I would still be drinking now if it wasn't for that and my life is so much better in every way. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and good luck everyone, its so hard but you CAN do it xxx

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  12. Hi everyone, I have been reading Clare's blog for a couple of years and have read her book and am finally admitting to myself that I have a problem with alcohol. I have just taken the step to admit that I am drinking too much and need to stop. I went to my GP and she was sympathetic and signed me off work for two weeks and told me not to stop straight away as I might have serious side effects, so have one or two drinks every night to stop that. She referred me to the local NHS substance abuse clinic to try and get some counselling and help. They also recommended keeping drinking at a certain level until help would kick in. From what I have read here, everyone seems to be able to stop without SERIOUS side effects. I have been told about seizures, heart issues etc. And I am very scared. Has anyone else been through this? I would like to just stop but am now scared in case I am ill and then potentially hospitalised? Any advice gratefully received. H x

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    1. That is really hard for you .. I guess it depends on the amounts .. I was drinking a bottle of white wine a day which was creeping towards 2 when I woke up one morning feeling a wreck and called a halt. I am retired, so was able to spend a few days curled up under the duvet and in front of the telly, reading blogs like Clare's while the worst of the last slugs of wine passed through.
      Have you read Jason Vale .. Kicking the booze easily? It changed my perception on the stuff ... Watching my grandchildren's unaffected joy without drink ... You too can recapture that ... Promise!
      So I stopped on that day ... I think I could not have managed a tapered withdrawal, but we are all different and what works for one may not be so good as for another.
      However you are on the right starting block for everything about your life to improve ... Good Luck ... There are lots of us here wishing you well.

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    2. Hi Anonymous! Well done you on making such a brilliant decision! As Jacs says, it really depends on the amounts you were drinking. If you were drinking up to around 10 bottles of wine per week, you will probably find any physical withdrawal rather mild - a bit like mild flu. If you were drinking more than that and you find yourself having bad symptoms, like shakes, then definitely cut down gradually before stopping, or seek more help from your GP! Do let us know how you are, and huge hugs to you 😘

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  13. I accidentally came across your book...I am actually enjoying it for so many reasons. Thank you, thank you! I need this in my life and can probably see myself reading it again!

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    1. So glad you’re enjoying it! Thanks for letting me know 😘

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  14. I started reading your book, bought it last week for my 40-th birthday after I red your blog about the best time to stop.
    Guess what? It appears to be NOW.
    So, decision is made and yesterday was day-0

    I'm looking foreward to reading this blog, maybe sharing my struggles and finding the rabbits :)

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    1. Well done and Good Luck !!! You will find loads of helpful info within Clare's blog and there is a whole band of us supporting you. I am sure you will look back on today as one of your best decisions ever ... To the rabbits and beyond!!

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    2. Whoop whoop! Well done you! Looking forward to seeing you in the field of bunnies!

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  15. Last orders - forever!9 September 2018 at 15:59

    Hi
    I'm a newbie! I've known for ages that I cannot & will never be able to just have a glass of wine (or two even) I always have to finish the bottle. I've tried to be 'the moderate drinker' but with best intentions I realise I just can't do it. I've listened to Clare's book (through audible). What a fantastic book - as many of you guys have said 'its like reading about myself!' I have decided I've had enough of 3am lying in bed worrying/sweating/feeling ashamed of how much I drank the night before/counting units etc etc etc. Time to stop'running with scissors' as Clare describes in her book...NOW! I didn't drink from Mon-Fri last week (a practice run)but had a 'do' to go to this weekend and as always overdid it. I'm determined to go AF properly from tomorrow- day 1. So glad to have found Clare's book & this wonderful blog with all of the help & support from so many people just like me! So many inspirational & honest messages - I hope I can do it this time - fluffy bunnies here I come! Xx

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    1. Good for you. It took me years to accept that I cannot drink in moderation, so that's a big realisation right there. Then all I had to decide was whether to live life drunk or sober.

      Not such an easy choice actually, as the wine witch - or whatever you call your demon - told me I would be happier and more authentic as a roaring drunk, rather than a measured and tight and miserable teetotaller. That one nearly got me, but our addictions lie to us using our own voice. Anything to get us to keep feeding the addiction.

      I'm now 18 months + free and I count the decision to quit as one of the best choices I ever made.

      Love

      Rob

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    2. Yay! I’m so thrilled for you! The rest of your life starts HERE, and it’s going to be such an adventure! 🙌🏻🎉👊🏻

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  16. Hi SM. Half way through your book and totally loving it. I've been feeling like I need to sort myself out for some time. I have massive health anxiety so am living in a permanent contradiction with my thoughts and drinking habbits. I really, really want to stop. However, now I'm worrying about withdrawal symptoms. I (stupidly) googled it and it looks kinda serious. Sometimes if I've had a really heavy night the next day my heart feels like it's beating so fast, like I'm going to die. I'd go to my gp about it but scared as it'll then be on my records. Just don't know what to do.
    Thanks for your amazing book, and writing so many words that could have been mine!
    S. Xx

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  17. Hi
    3 days and whoops ��☹️ Back on track but going on holiday in a couple of weeks ��

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  18. Hello everyone and thank you to Clare for getting us all together. What a power there is in honest communication where alcohol is concerned! I found Clare only last week, when I was at my wit's end accepting I couldn't just do moderation. I tried AA 5 years ago but it wasn't for me. Since then, feeding my wine habit became my main pastime. I am thrilled to be a part of all this and am reading every blog from the beginning. I'm on day 5 today and I know I won't be able to stay this enthusiastic all the time; your comments and wisdom have prepared me. I am so grateful, THANK YOU!

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  19. Day 3 - I stopped drinking January 1st 2018 for 5 whole months. On June 1st decided I could handle my drinking habit again and now after 4 months have found myself back into old habit (4 nights in a row,last week, of excessive drinking: miss end of evenings,oops). I knew I was falling into my bad habit again from the beginning I started drinking however kept telling myself (the witch) I could handle it. After week's holiday on Ibiza (plenty of vino and a wonder I didn't brake any limbs on my way to the apt) i decided to buy your book,just out of interest...... I am not a great reader. It takes me about 6 months to finish a book because I only ever (except on holidays) read in bed before I go to sleep and after 2 lines, fall asleep or more often do not get into my book at all. However your book I cannot put down and am even reading during the day! And have almost finished within 1 week! Thank you for the book! Witty and also gives interesting facts which have helped me sofar! I am slightly anxious but mostly looking forward to being totally freed from the witch. X B.

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  20. Thank you so much Clare for your blog! I am quitting today and I firmly believe I can do it!

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  21. I'm currently reading your book (it's great BTW) and on day 15 of this "experiment" of not drinking. I can associate with so much of what you write that sometimes it's not funny. But ho hum, I'm cracking on with another day and will keep reading and being inspired, thank you!

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