Advice for Newbies

Welcome, and congratulations!

The most difficult thing about quitting drinking is making the commitment to do it in the first place. So well done you - you've done the hard bit already. You're about to transform your life.

Here are just a few tips to help you through the first 30 days:

1. Preparation

Getting your head in the right place is crucial. If you start the month with a sense of dread and deprivation you'll never make it.

You are doing an amazing thing. You're changing your life for the better. Be excited!

If that last sentence is just incredibly irritating, and you can't imagine feeling anything like excitement right now, then read Jason Vale's book: Kick the Drink, Easily.

In fact, read it anyway. It'll completely change the way you think about drinking, and make the whole process of quitting much easier.

Write down, right now, while you can remember, all the reasons why you want to stop. The big ones (like health concerns) and all the little ones (like being embarrassed about your recycling bags).

Over the next few weeks there will be many moments when you will think "why am I doing this?" You'll need that list as a reminder.

Join my Facebook page, by clicking here and clicking on 'like'. Every week day at wine o'clock I post inspiration, information or just something funny, because laughter gives you a dopamine hit, just like booze but healthier!

2. Know what to expect

The first two or three weeks after quitting drinking can be physically and mentally gruelling, but it's much easier if you know what to expect, and know that it's all perfectly normal. After years of flooding your body with addictive toxins, it's bound to fight back a bit when you quit.

You will probably feel more tired than you can imagine. By mid afternoon you'll want a nap - like a toddler. You'll feel muggy headed, like you're wading through soup, and your concentration levels will be completely shot.

Don't worry - it'll pass. See it as a sign that your body's recuperating.

Ironically, you may find that you also have problems initially in getting to sleep. Again, this is temporary. Soon you'll be sleeping like a baby - better than you have in years. And no more waking up at 3am with the night horrors.

You might get headaches and/or constipation. That's all part of your body detoxing. Drink lots of water, fresh juices and smoothies.

You may be a bit (or a lot) tetchy and snappy. Like a bad case of PMT.  Try to avoid taking on anything too crucial or stressful over the next week or two.

You'll constantly think about drinking. Or not drinking. And, generally, the more you try NOT to think about something, the more you do.

I found that the best thing to do is to indulge the obsession - at least initially. I read endless books, articles and blogs about drinking. My favourite drinking memoir is Caroline Knapp's Drinking: A Love Story. For great drinking fiction read Girl on The Train by Paula Hawkins, or Summer Secrets by Jane Green.

(To see SoberMummy's Book List click here)

3. Find Some Friends

It's really difficult to quit drinking on your own. You might be lucky and have someone 'in real life' who's doing it with you. The problem with that, however, is if they cave they're likely to take you down with them. And they might not need to quit as much as you do....

Luckily, there's a huge amount of help online - a whole Soberverse!

You can start at the beginning of this blog - back in March - and read through my first few weeks. And sign up to www.soberistas.com or www.joinclubsoda.com where you'll find huge amounts of help and support.

There's also AA. I have to confess that I've still not been myself, but they've helped millions of people and saved endless lives. With AA you get all the help and support you'd get online plus real hugs, not just virtual ones.

4. Be good to yourself

You are doing a phenomenal thing. And it's not easy. So, for the next few weeks at least, don't try to do anything else. Don't worry about dieting, about getting a new job or redecorating the house. Just concentrate, for the moment, on NOT DRINKING!

Give yourself some rewards - you deserve them. And you're saving money! Eat cake. Drink lots of hot chocolate (it has magical properties - you'll see). Have hot baths with bubbles and candles. Book a massage. Whatever makes you feel good.

5. Watch out for cravings

You're bound to get them, especially at your main trigger points, like 'wine o'clock' or when you're hungry, tired, stressed or bored. Or pretty much anytime, actually.

Remember - THEY WILL PASS. You just need to distract yourself for as long as it takes.

Bake cookies. Or, the more healthy option, do some exercise. Go for a long walk, or a run. Getting away from the fridge or any drinking environment is a good idea.

Have a hot bath. Log onto Soberistas (see above) or your favourite blog. Take up knitting, colouring, the guitar - whatever works.

Find some good Alcohol Free drinks. I like something that feels 'adult'. Ribena just doesn't cut it.

My favourite is Beck's Blue beer. I was never a beer drinker, but Beck's Blue feels like a 'proper' drink and I'm totally reliant on the stuff to get me through the hard times.

Another good one is freshly squeezed lime, chopped mint and soda water. Feels like a cocktail. And I love Virgin Mary's. If you live in the UK then check out Big Tom's. It's ready spiced tomato juice - just add ice.

6. One day at a time

One of the things that freaks us out the most when we think about quitting is the concept of forever. Which is, in the words of Prince, a very long time.

Just don't think about it! For the time being, just concentrate on today. Take one day at a time. Not forever, just until that miraculous day (which will come!) when 'forever' feels not only feasible, but a no-brainer.

Many people (including myself) found that it took about 100 days to start being able to think in months, and six months before you can cope with 'forever.'

7. Wait for the miracles to happen

Just put one foot in front of the other, and you will, slowly slowly, start to see the benefits.

You'll sleep better than you have since childhood. Your eyes will be brighter, skin fresher and hair bouncier. You'll look five years younger.

You'll lose the puffy face and the wine belly. You'll feel calmer and happier.

But the best things about being sober don't happen in the first month. They keep on coming, over the weeks, months and years.

There's loads more about all of this and much, much more throughout this blog, and you are welcome to mail me direct on sobermummy@gmail.com.

To read my story, and for lots more help and advice and, I hope, a few laughs along the way, click here.

All the help and advice on this blog are completely free, but if you find that it helps you I would be HUGELY GRATEFUL if you would consider donating some money to help women coping with breast cancer (a subject close to my heart - literally!), via my Just Giving page: www.justgiving.com/sober-mummy  Donations can be completely anonymous, or under any pseudonym. THANK YOU!

Good luck to you all,

SM x

114 comments:

  1. Really helpful tips here. Thanks so much SM. love SFM x

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  2. So helpful thank you! Just passed the three week mark and am going absolutely mad (I think!). I thought it was just me but apparently everything I am going through is NORMAL. Incredibly tired, foggy head, can't concentrate and generally feel like crap! This just started happening a few days ago. I am going to embrace point 3 here and try to find some friends and support online. Thank you again!

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  3. Ohhhh shit....everything about your site, the things I just read are so SO me. Not surprisingly, hubby found it inadvertently as a huge and much grieving Bowie fan. The words you wrote about him moved both my husband and me. He sent a link to this site to me in an email with the remark "I'm interested to know what you think about it". I drink each and every day. I hide it. I lie about it. Sometimes he knows, sometimes he doesn't. But he knows I do. And he now....from reading on your site....knows that this is me. I have made the same promises to myself, over and over again with good intention, but I still go back. I thought I could just drink 'socially' (which is kinda funny since we never socialize with anyone), or just on weekends or just after 5 p.m. Which is a struggle for me as I get off work at 1:30 p.m. and my husband doesn't get off until 7:00 p.m. Those in between hours are my nemesis. I WANT to stop. I TOO have a 'wine belly' and never really admitted that's what it was. 'Beer belly' you hear much here in the US, and I eschewed it because I drank...oh wait...drink...mostly wine and not beer. Beer I drink when I am with my hubby so that I can consume alcohol without judgement. Am drinking wine....hidden in numerous places.... as I write this. :( I know that I have to stop. But I keep doing it. It used to be vodka. Then tequila. Then vodka. Lots and lots. Like trying to only drink half the bottle in an evening. Horrible. Lost jobs, got 2 DUI's. Husband left me. When he did, I was going through menopause and self medicating with yet more alcohol and he tried relentlessly to get me to go to a doctor and get meds for what I was feeling.But then I would either have to lie about my drinking or be honest. BOTH things....as a drinker...I chose to avoid. I simply kept drinking, and he'd had enough. I don't blame him for that. I do blame him for some of his choices and he could have tried to help me and communicate with me more rather than seeking out new partners on line. I blame myself. I BLAME MYSELF. I have never really told him that, and I come from a LONG line of OVER drinkers (you have no idea the hurt
    he caused...physically and emotionally), that's another story...and you know what? As I am typing this I realize....I don't blame him for 'wanting out' as he said...but I will always be hurt by the way he did it. Another story. SO.......long story short ....I need to stop. BUT I still keep drinking....AND I WANT OUT

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  4. I just want to pass the One Day Mark......

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    1. I'm with you x

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    2. Me to x today I’m going to do it πŸ’œ

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    3. Is there a chat room / forum?

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  5. and you have breast cancer. i'm hoping things go well. and i'm shutting up now.

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  6. i feel so sheepish.............fuck i ranted and went on and on and on AND YOU HAVE BREAST CANCER. please forgive me............

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    1. Hey, Epicmother! Welcome! SO glad you found me (another reason to love Bowie!). You can do it! Just take it one day at a time - baby steps. And don't worry about the cancer thing. I HAD breast cancer, but hopefully all gone now. Big hugs xxx

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  7. I love your blog SM, I've read every single one of your entries since the beginning. You have given me the courage to really believe I can do it this time. I'm going to be 54 this year and to honest I'm not even sure if I will make that milestone without giving up the booze. I'm frightened, apprehensive but totally committed to becoming sober. I've only got 52 hours under my belt so far but I'm excited to be on this journey.

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  8. Thank you SM. You have been truly inspirational to me and today is Day 1. I have made my list. I have had enough. I thought I was going to have a heart attack last night. I have had to take the day off work. Enough. I will no doubt be back for more tips on a regular basis as I hit the first few days head on. Thank you and Big hugs. xx

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  9. Day 5 and going strong! It's funny, I have tried this so many times before with my husband who is also a wine-o-coaster, and he always talks me into caving in. But Ive been feeling crummy for a while now, and a few days ago I got really sick. I didn't even drink as much as the usual 3 liters a night. But I decided to convince myself that the wine is what did it and I simply cannot have it anymore. Kind of psyching myself out to believe I am allergic or something I guess, but it is working! He has been drinking right in front of me and the smell or thought of it makes me ill. NO CRAVINGS AT ALL this time. (usually I can't make it one day). I am so excited to see my brittle dry hair grow long and healthy, to lose that wine belly and to have my skin get back its natural glow that I can barely contain myself. And you are so right about wanting sweets- but I'm ok if I gain a few pounds at first- It'll come back off. one things at a time. Babysteps. thanks so much for the inspiration!

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  10. SoberMummy...I am ready to quit and feel all those amazing benefits and lose the self-loathing and regret that I live with constantly. I want peace and love your blog, very honest and I think it is going to be immensely helpful in this new journey of mine. I am starting to read you blog from Day 1. Congratulations on beating the Cancer, my mom passed after losing the battle over 10 years ago and she was truly my best friend in the world! Cancer is a vicious beast and I'm grateful you conquered that :) Hugs to you and wish me strength to get through day one, day two and forever on!

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  11. Just found your blog - and there is only one way to do that - ie looking for some inspiration. The few entries I've read I completely relate to and your 5 signs are very telling. I am an all or nothing girl but its a lot more all and a lot less nothing. I know where I need to be and I know getting there won't be easy but your words make sense and I now need to make a plan - thank-you for writing these words I have a feeling I'll be reading a lot more of them xx

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  12. I have returned to your blog having found it a few weeks ago. I am not necessarily a secret drinker but a very out of control drinker. I am inspired by your story and I am going to start today. And yes there is a mixture of fear, almost a little bit of grieving to leave my friend behind but a change has to happen and I am going to keep refering to your amazingly inspiring blog - thank-you for being here

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  13. I have been reading this site for a few months and have used all the typical excuses over the summer. At each social scene , or family gathering , alcohol is ALWAYS involved. Not to mention I am the daughter of a long line of relatives that drink on a regular basis. All working and functional alcoholics. Today however, seams different. I feel like I just might get beyond a day or two of sobriety. That's the first step I guess.

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  14. I love love love your blog so much! I am 14 days sober and after two years of back and forth "should i quit, do i have a problem?" bull shit I am finally committed. I feel free, but also very raw. But instead of running from this raw feeling, I am working through it. Thank you for all you do <3

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  15. Dear Clare

    I’ve just finished your book - bloody brilliant. And so funny. Apart from the cancer, obvs.

    I’ve been drinking since 16 and haven’t really had a day off. Last night, dear Hubbie went to bed early and I thought ‘great, an extra bottle of wine and Harry Potter - could life get any better?’ And then I shouted at him this morning for no reason at all - apart from a slight hangover.

    Today, I’m going to try, on one of the most difficult days of the year, to stay sober and, as you say, watch the natives as if in a David Attenborough documentary. As well as working full time, we also run a pub so I’ve put 2 bottles of alcohol free wine behind the bar to make it look like I’m drinking.

    Here’s to a fantastic year and a fresh face, bereft of the bloatedness. Thanks for the book - hope everything goes really well for you and your family. Well done you for putting yourself out there.

    Thanks. Sarah. Xxx

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    1. Good luck Clare! I used to drink every single day, for the last year slowly I have been taking a day off and even now regularly 2 or 3 days off. Yesterday I start my aim to take the whole of January off the booze. also my doctor helped me with alcohol detoxification tablets, they definitely help with the craving, the rest is all will-power!

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  16. Hi. Just through Day 6 and just about to start the ‘october’ chapter of your book.

    Just want, at this stage, to say thank you. I am desperate to quit drinking. As a ‘bottle of wine as day’ at lease, and more on the weekend person who is fast approaching 50, I had began to give up hope of me ever sorting myself out.

    I am miserable, unmotivated, overweight and very under groomed! I’ve only been like this for the last two years since I suffered a career hiccup. Not the end of the world for many but toppled my world off its axis.

    Thank you again, I believe there is a chance I can do this now.

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    1. Well day 7! Had grand plans to achieve so much today but so far all I’ve done is sleep. I am so bone achingly tired. I’m sleeping heavily which is a lovely change, but I’m also sleeping a lot! I hope the energy kicks in soon .......

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    2. Actually I’m ahead of myself. It’s now end of Day 6, not 7. It is however Saturday night, the first Saturday night in living memory where I am alcohol free. Tucked up in bed, teeth brushed, makeup removed, serum applied. I am proud of myself.

      Just finished reading you book. Thank you so much. I recognise so much of myself and my patterns in what you have written. x

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  17. Day 1 was yesterday, feeling positive and inspired by SM ! I too had breast cancer and despite 8 years of anti oestrogen drugs thought wine would help, durrr. I’m embarrassed that I could be so stupid , I feel like I have made a new friend in SM , THANK YOU xxxx

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  18. It’s day 1 ( well actually yesterday was, but I caved in and failed miserably)!after starting your book , which could be written about me ! So, I thought if I comment on here it might help me . Ive cut down before when I wanted to lose the weight I’d gained after breast cancer .Ive just got myself a large glass of sparkling water... it’s getting to a dangerous time of day for me I’m not sure if I want to give up completely, however I do know that I need to stop for a while and then reevaluate my life .

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    1. Good luck, let us know how you are doing x

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    2. How are you getting on? Hope you are done no ok x

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  19. Listened to you on radio2 and thought to myself "She could be talking about me". I'm 43, married with 3 young children. I've been thinking I would like to stop drinking. I've already got hypertension, about 4st overweight and omg a wine belly so bad I could pass as 9 months preggers!
    I think during the week right we'll do something fun with the kids at the weekend and I'll not drink much. Friday comes and as soon as I get in from work I've a drink in my hand. Drink all evening so the next morning get up feeling hungover and crap and can go no where. Saturday repeat it all over. So tomorrow morning is a fresh day and I'm determined to stop. I know I can do it as I never drank while preggers. Wish me luck ��

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  20. Day 9 nearly done and feeling positive. Amazing headache for several days but no quesy tummy or lack of concentration.

    I am shocked how much the alcohol has been affecting me. I was confident that no one would ever know I was drinking too much but now I think if they didn’t I’ve no idea how!

    I am giving up alcohol under the guise of ‘Dry January’ at the moment and people are treating me as though I’m mad. I dread to think what they will say when I carry it on into February. Funny thing is, if I were giving up smoking no one would dream of telling me how mad I was and try to tempt me to smoke just one more. What’s the difference with alcohol and why have we got this strange perception that it is perfectly acceptable/normal to drink every day. I suppose when I was drinking every day it was a convenient ‘out’ then so it works both ways.

    The other big change this week is the recycling - there is no glass recycling! The bin men are going to think we’ve moved out 🀣

    Keep going everyone, I am drawing so much inspiration from everyone x

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  21. Well just embarking on Day 12 and can’t beleive how proud I am of myself. I had a completely mad dream last night about buying a bottle of wine and hiding it from my husband (which I have never done!) and then a comedy of errors followed whilst I tried to retrieve it without him knowing - sure that’s telling me something.

    I am in London today for meetings. I always have a G&T on the way home, especially if it’s Friday afternoon. I know now that I’m not going to do that, not interested.

    The headache has subsided and I am sleeping like a baby. I am still bone achingly tired but it is getting better.

    Have a good day everyone, keep at it x

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  22. It’s day 13 and who knew the 8am on a Saturday even existed! My husband bought me a glass of wine last night, just habit not malice, and I didn’t drink it - I made him drink it. So proud of myself. And we were out in company and everyone looked at me like I’d gone mad. ‘Go on, it’s just one’ ‘ it’s Friday, you deserve it’ ‘it’s been a long week and you are doing so well’. Then I drove home! No waiting for taxis or a lift, no going back today to pick up cars.

    Going to have to work on my smug face, I can see how it would be annoying ☺️

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  23. Well this is it - listened to SM on radio two - cried - ordered the books !! Amazon next day - almost finished ‘kick the drink easily ‘ (have totally changed my opinion on my relationship with wine - it’s definately not my best friend anymore - but like an abusive partner - been totally smitten but blind to its control - my hubby came home to see the books on the table - I told him that I I wasn’t in control of my drinking ( at least a bottle every night and more at social events) I told him I wanted to stop and was gobsmacked as the tears rolled down my face and didn’t stop - was it relief fear whatever it was made me realise just how much my wine was slowly taking over and I Wanted it to stop - so - the books read - my escape plan made - I have carried on drinking while reading my first book - like a battered wife planning to leave her husband - pretend all is ok while quietly plotting and packing ready for a surprise exit - and today’s the day - I’ve tried to find SM’s blog - day one - and found you - step away from the Pinot - your over two weeks into your amazing journey to the field with the bunnies in - you’ve taken out a few high walls and ditches already - im behind you - I hope to catch up - I’ll be at my first high wall in about 3 hours - wish me luck - bloody hell im balling again !!!

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    1. Hi ❤️ well done for getting this far, it’s a huge step. I was gonsmacked too at how strongly I felt about my relationship with wine. At the moment I hate it, it makes me angry, I hate what I have let it do to me and what I have become. It’s like a switch has gone off in my head and I can see what others could plainly see for a long time. I’m putting £10 in a jar for everyday I don’t drink, and I’m going to use it for something really special for myself.

      We can do this, all of us, me & you. It’s massively emotional but believe me, in a much shorter time than you would ever imagine you will feel amazing. I am sleeping like I have never slept before and waking up refreshed - a completely new concept to me!

      Any time you need and rant, cry, laugh or anything I am here xx

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    3. Ooh so exciting- I’m on day two feeling great - I’m sure I’ll hit some hurdles but the book that has done it for me is kick the drink easily by Jason vales - I have realised wine was like a very abusive partner and I’m really bloody angry I didn’t realise sooner - so I have walked out on him - he can knock on my door as often as he wants but I won’t go back to him - I can’t wait to hit my next wall or ditch cos everyone I cross no matter how hard means I’m closer to that bunny field - keep going I’m only one day in front of you xxxxx

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  24. Thanks - I’m having an admin day today and spent most of it reading blogs etc - it’s the first time I’ve posted anything but want to cover every eventuality- I went to a drinks party on Saturday with 6 iof my biggest drinking buddy couples - ( we have even built a fully functioning pub in our back garden !! ) told my gang I was ‘falling out’ with my drinking and had made plans to stop - god you’de think I was going to jump off a cliff - a night of cocktails had to go home early as I was so squiffy and felt crap all yesterday - it was my final fling - finished the last half a bottle of my fav wine last night and everything is in place (I hope) - thanks for responding - I still can’t believe how many of us there are all trapped in the same cycle - see you at the other side of the wall xxxx

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    1. Hi. How’s your evening going. I’ve had a reasonable day but another cracking headache tonight, so 8:45 and I’m tucked up in bed with a hot chocolate ready to sleep it away. The difference is that I know it will be gone in the morning and I’ll feel good - not crap and quesy and fuzzy. Hope you are still feeling strong, you can do it - Day 16 for me tomorrow, I’d never have believed it x

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    2. Well I’m actually thrilled with myself - I’ve had a coupke if whispers in my ear but keep telling it to fxxx off - literally under my breath - no substitute drinks just tea and water - I’m sure it’ll get harder - I’ve got a stressful job and an elderly mum to care for as well as a bloody small holding full of animals - the wine numbs it all so a bit of anxiety- it’ll make me do something to manage it rather than hide behind a bottle ?!?! Feels a bit weird though and my head is banging - day sixteen - wow - can’t wait for it - I feel so strong knowing there are folks like you on the same journey xx thanks - sleep tight

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    3. Hi Searching Sober, just wondering how you are and how you are doing. I’m on Day 21 and so proud of myself ❤️

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    4. I’m great thanks - 3 weeks - amazing - I’m on day 17 - feel like I’m catching up with you now !!! Feeling really good and still strong - got easier this week - at least the headaches gone - and sleeping like the dead - can’t beleive it really ❤️ Thanks for checking - stay in touch xxxx SS

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  25. Day 1 today. Started the book last week and decided 15th January is the day to start living. Only on page 161, as I'm sober this evening and it's only 8pm I'll probably plough through the book. Have been thinking about this for about two years and your book has come along like a gift. I have so many stories like yourself, my favourite one which will forever redden my face with shame was being upgraded to Business class on a flight to LA last year and drinking the free wine dry and vomiting into the business class sink and blocking it and opening the door to a lady waiting outside and her disgusted face when she witnessed the sight �� am mortified thinking about it. Oh well!!!! Today I've been repeating the "Serenity Prayer" to myself and have written my list of why this is so necessary. Won't be ready though to tell anyone until I prove to myself that I can and will do this. My book is hidden to my husband and kids for now. Thank you Clare Pooley (VMG)

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  26. It's VMG again....holy bloody moley...the breast cancer, which I knew to expect from the back of the book but by Christ, you didn't deserve that. I'm on page 238 and you've just recited the serenity prayer which I've been saying all day to myself. Mental!!! I must mention too that I'm so sad about Dolores O'Riordan from The Cranberries dying today. Same age as me. A phenomenal singer and only 46 leaving behind 3 kiddies. Time to start living is right ��

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  27. At the end of day 9 get through tomorrow and will be in double figures...had to swear at the wine witch today soon put her back in her box..my first time ever putting a post on but this is important to me . So very helpful Claire pooley.x

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    1. These comments are really SO helpful - I think my language is destined to get a lot worse as the week passes - but pass it will and now I’ve found a gang all heading in the same direction. - there’s no going back is there !

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  28. Day 3 today. I too have been on at least one bottle of vino a day for quite a while but decided I had to do something after seeing Claire on the Victoria Derbyshire show. Have bought the book and am up to July. The last couple of days haven't been too bad, although I've had trouble getting to sleep. Today, though, the dreaded Wine Witch has returned. I'm trying to focus on all the long term benefits, hopefully I can resist the temptation. Wish me luck !

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  29. End of day four for me now - / hope your reading kick the drink easily by Jason vale !! Yeh last night was very strange - had to fight through wine time but CAN NOT give into the witch - slept like a log after struggling to drop off - today I’ve been on a mad high - been like a woman possessed - cleaning’ working , washed the beddin - and now I’m doing admin I should have done this afternoon while I was gutting my bedroom - had a very strange half hour while making dinner- went all dithery and sick - had an elderflower tonic over ice and shoved some fruit in it - felt fine after that — haven’t hit anythibg insurmountable yet though - one day at a time eh - feeling very determined and still buzzin - hope you sleep well ( eventually) xx

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  30. Day 10 and it’s tough today. Feel sad and extremely tired. At a pity party and overwhelmed thinking about the emotions I am going to have to deal with. I physically am not craving it. But mentally telling myself I deserve a big glass of Chardonnay.

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  31. Day 1 for me again have tried since Jan 4 but failed terribly I want to stop πŸ›‘ I might make myself accountable on this sight every day with a big ✅ and smile πŸ˜„πŸ™

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    1. We are with you every step Looby Lou. Be kind to yourself x

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  32. Check in daily is a good idea. I will try to too. Today was a little better than yesterday. But I have a headache that doesn’t go away. Trying to do something different after work to break my daily pattern. Heading to a thrift store. I know it sounds weird but it helps me

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  33. Thanks Step Away from the Pinot I’m I’m New Zealand so hours are different, I’ll check back in tomorrow πŸ‘πŸ»

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  34. Sounds like my sister cabincakes she love thrift shops . See you guys tomorrow πŸ’“

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  35. Bought your book last Friday with the resolution to stop drinking the following day... yesterday i bought 5 bottles of wine to get me through the weekend when, then I will finally stop drinking.
    This morning at 3:45 I was reading your book and I nearly got up to empty all those bottles in the sink ... but I did not, well not yet.
    I am now reading the page of your day 47 and I am asking myself if you really went from day 000 to day 047 without touching a drop of vino. How did you manage it ? You do not write about daily temptations and how battle and win them....

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  36. Every minute of the day at this stage there are temptations. I just finished listening to “drinking - a love affair” Caroline Knapp. She is more raw about the emotions. The two books are helping me go deeper. I wish I could dump out the wine but need to know it’s there as a safety net. I don’t know why because I could always get it at the store. Stores are opened 7/24 here and always have a booze department. Big family get together on Friday. Which means drinking. Trying to figure how to be in that situation.

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  37. Checking in 😈✅ 3day I’m doing it and also went to a small music gig drove , Soda lime cranberry, in restaurant ginger n mint cordial, really enjoyed concert, that voice I’m going to call mine ((STING) after just listening to every little thing .... I’ll be watching you , yep fuck of sting cos I’m listening and watching for my wine witch off to work x

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    1. Woo hoo , well done you Looby Lou. Be proud of yourself. Looking forward to hearing from you tomorrow. I’m just getting ready to sleep at end of Day 25, I can’t believe it, it feels amazing I can promise you x

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    2. Awesome πŸ’₯ 25 x cabincakes if I can go to a Neil Finn( Crowed house gig) and not drink , you can do a family getting together ✨πŸ™ you will be fabulous sodas lime cranberry ginger ginger beer Becks blue xxx good luck my friend x

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  38. Right on Looby Lou I will do it! Thanks for encouragement
    Day 12 for me. Congrats Step Away. LL and I are right behind you. Talk to u tomorrow

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  39. Read the book. Really liked it and saw myself too - especially the waking in the middle of the night hating myself. I want to stop too but find it impossible with so many "drinking" events coming up; vacations, parties, etc. Kind of scary - I hate that I feel that way... I want to be brave and sober! So I am going to stop and will need your help in this journey. So very happy I found this site. You all are amazing and inspiring! From Lovey.

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  40. Good morning from New Zealand , SA CC LOvEY we are all amazing and can help each other, don’t worry LOvEY when we all realize that the drinking doesn’t have to happen at all the events πŸ’— and one day at a time Day 4 πŸ™✅

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    1. Good evening from Wales 🏴󠁧󠁒󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿. Good luck today LL, you can do it πŸ‘Šxx

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    2. Good evening from Lancashire - searching sober here - can’t send under my name for some reason �� I’m lambing at moment - got 20 sheepies - lost one of my oldest ewes last night and have tried desperately to save her two premature lambs - have always got through lambing time with lots of wine and hot toddies - and wine witch let me have them anytime because it’s all SO STRESSFUL - but 2 days of hard work and heart ache I couldn’t save her lambs but did it all withought a drink - I hope this message finds you cos so many I’ve sent haven’t - well done my friends - we are AWSOME

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  41. Well done SS sorry to here about your lambs😘you’ve FOUND US day 4 afternoon for me hot hot hot here in NZ bbqs etc and telling Sting my wine witch to fuck off thanks SA have a great Saturday all of you ✅πŸ™⭐️ I promise you I won’t have a drop πŸ’œ how ya doing cc πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸŒˆπŸŒˆπŸŒˆπŸŒˆπŸŒˆ⭐️

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  42. Today is the day! (I hope anyway). I want this new sober life to start asap.
    Thank you Looby Lou for your encouraging words. From Lovey

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  43. Hey lovey - searching sober here - have you read Claire’s book - I think you have - just keep thinking if that field of flowers and bunnies - I’m 2 weeks into my cross country chase to it - met a few ditches and deep puddles but nothing I couldn’t handle - the wine witch keeps popping up - ( bit like the one in Wizard of oz) I tell her to pxxx off quite often - I’ve lost 6 pounds in two weeks though - and I don’t look as puffy - and get some crazy happy moments specially in the morning - been making the odd non alcohol cocktails too - I keep reading my list of why I don’t want to drink and the benifits I will have by not - it’s a good reminder - my bad luck with my lambs led to friends asking me to call up for wine therapy - eek that was hard cos most don’t know I’ve stopped yet - just take one day at a time you will be SO proud of yourself - good luck - xxxxxx

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  44. Checking in day 5 ✅πŸ™ every time I get stressed I think of wine 🍷 but have been more happy and healthier in the last 5 days so I’m telling that wine witch to stay right away πŸ‘ΏπŸ˜ˆ good luck all πŸ’œ

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    1. Hey LL, how are you doing? Great to hear from you. All good here. Just starting Day 28, can’t believe it, never thought it was possible. Busy day ahead, moving house next week 😱

      Good luck all, catch you tomorrow 😘

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  45. Got through two parties this weekend without drinking. Hardly can believe it. . Feels pretty good - sorry to hear about lambs. So proud of both of you and it’s encouraging you all are plowing through no matter what. Good luck

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  46. Searching sober here - Awww moving house SAFTP - that’s an exciting and pretty stressful time - I went to a cheese and wine party with some of my wine buddies and other halves last night and took some homemade mock tails - couple of my ladies cottened on that I wasn’t drinking so I told them the tail of Claire the books and my decision - oh what a mistake - one actually got quite aggressive and spent half an hour justifying her non habit �� and then shoved a glass of wine under my nose and said go on - just have a sniff of that !!!!! Now I’ve got TWO bloody wine witches in my life - �� actually i had a great night and actually found it easier than expected - feeling great this morning and irritatingly perky xxx good luck today everyone xxx

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    1. Hi SS. Sorry, but WTF 🀬 that’s no kind of friend, sounds more like someone in denial to me. I’ve found it’s easier in the long run to say early on I’m not drinking rather than pretend then people just get in with it and I can enjoy my evening.

      We went out for a meal last night and one lady I don’t really know very well took me to one side and said how proud she is of me and I’m her hero! Not sure about that but kind of her to say.

      You enjoy your perky day and think of the wine witch wallowing in her pit with a headache this morning πŸ˜™

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  47. Day 1 done - so happy but that wine witch is very persistent! Had to hold her off by being distracted by other things. I also made hot chocolate (haven't had that in years) and it did help too. I know the next few days are going to be very hard. I have to attend several business dinners with my husband. In the past I always had a "dressing drink" before them (and alot during) -- these dinners are a bit stressful. So hopefully I can get through them with a club soda, etc. Agh!
    Thank you searching sober and everyone else with your encouraging words.
    You all are so inspiring. From Lovey

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  48. SS here - just remember EVERYONE at that business dinner will have had a getting ready drink (or 2) and will be very aware of it - you on the other hand will have all your wits about you and be the perfect partner and your hubby will be blown away by your impeccable poise and confidence - you’ll remember to top up your make up and check yourself out when you go to the looe - you will rule that place - go for it xxxx

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  49. LL here Day 6 eveningπŸ‘πŸ» Spent last night camping had a bit of a To-do with hubby In the car (both tired) lucky I had my πŸ’―% no alcohol 🍺 in cooler it helped had a cool time after but a lot of thinking in tent, so glad got all you guys on here. SA sure your house move will go swimmingly deep breath and meditation 🧘‍♀️ awesome CC 2 party’s ✅✅yet to do that. SS good on ya , yep people eh that’s normally jealousy when they do that I bet she wish’s she could give up like U🧚🏼‍♀️, LOvEY Day one whoo hwoooo πŸ‘Œgood on ya✅ Hot choc fabulous and distraction is the way , I think I have to learn that ! Distraction, Good luck for your business dinner you’ll rock! Night night you all πŸ’œ

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  50. Ps all, I’m doing the I’m done drinking app it’s qtite cool tell you how many drinks you haven’t had how much money you saved and how many days you’ve been sober for quite helpful oh and how many calories you’ve lost πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜€ it’s free πŸ‘πŸ»

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  51. Quick question- ( got the app LL ta ) I set up my blog name but when trying to send it it is not defaultin to name ie searching sober - only option is anonymous then have to prove I’m not a robot etc - any advice

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  52. Mmmm has it got something to do with Google perhaps, and how you first got on the blog , I can remember it was a sign in thing , they are a few blogs as I’m a bit confused, so I leavevthis one open on my safari, this one I think is MWASD advice for newbies , just ask Clare on here I’m sure she’ll know 😘⭐️🧚🏼‍♀️ Day 7 Whoop Whoop good luck πŸ˜‰ all ✅πŸ™

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  53. Day 8 evening 🌞✅ good luck all good night πŸ’€

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  54. Searching sober here - woop woop - into the second week now - brilliant - I’m on day 17 - it’s the longest I’ve ever gone without for 25 years - how mad is that - and the first time it’s not just been to prove I can - we’ll i obviously couldn’t !!!!! But feeling really good - and I’ve got a job interview after 16 years with the same company I’m going for something I really want to do now so fingers crossed and on top of all that I’m bringing lambs into the world which is stressful and normally accompanied by hot toddies - so think - if I can do all that without a drink I can pretty much do anything - keep up the good work LL and thanks for checking in xx

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  55. Awesome πŸ‘ SS still at work 2hours to go till finish 9pm πŸ™ƒπŸ˜Œ that’s when I want a glass but I’m look forward to my πŸ’― free alcohol beer he he Day 8 check ✅🧚🏼‍♀️πŸ’€

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  56. Hello buddies of the grid 4 days at a meditation retreat 🧚🏼‍♀️πŸ™ will sign in Tuesday night NZ time good luck allll πŸ’―πŸ’œ

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  57. this is Lovey - did not do very well at husbands dinner meetings. But didn't go excess - felt pretty good when i went to bed. Still trying to be sober. Will start again today. You all are amazing!!

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  58. Day 5 here. Feeling enormously resentful that my husband has so much FUN drinking with his 'mates' (with impunity). I seem to be at a total loss when it comes to me having fun (or even friends) and I hate social events. Have been round and round on this sober/drunk roundabout for decades. So tired of it.
    Just sayin'.

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  59. Day 35. I have amazed myself, I have tried to quit for approximately 14 years and failed every time. In my last year (2017) I was drinking daily one bottle of wine. My body ached, I was exhausted and I hated myself, something had to change. I did every dry January but never made it to the end, until now and thanks to the help of a book called "28 day alcohol free challenge". It got me in "the zone," as well as the book I started watching Utube and the wonderful people helping us quit the booze, then I bought books, read blogs and that's how I discovered this site. I read all the topics, loved Claire's style of writing, so I bought the book, gosh it was almost like my story, I could relate so much to her (just not with the small children) I read it in two days, it was so motivating, inspirational and real! I only have one disappointment and I am really trying to "keep the faith" till it happens, I'm still tired, I have no promised extra energy, yes I sleep so much better, have no more hangovers but all the other benefits so far have escaped me. My extra stone and a half is still with me too, but I do understand that will take time. I guess when you have drunk for 4 decades your poor body takes time to recover.It's so lovely to find the site and be with people on the same journey.

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  60. Hi 4 day retreat was very interesting lots of the Darma talks do really relate to what I am going through day 14 for me 🧚🏼‍♀️ Well done LOvEY talk tomorrow

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  61. Heh all I’m reading 2books named by Clare,the unexpected joy of being sober;awesome and Jason Vale ; Kick the drink -Easily; interesting, but I see his point totally, might help , LOvEY, have you read them , the Jason Vale one you might relate to ,, ie your dinner party’s πŸ’œ❤️⭐️🌈🧚🏼‍♀️ Night night all from NZ πŸ’€

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  62. Evening 14 for me happy but tired, had a glass of alcohol free wine after work nice πŸ‘πŸ» haven’t heard from u guys SS CC LOVEY STEP AWAY FOR A WHILE SENDING LOVE AND WOULD LOve TO HERE FROM YOU✳️♻️Xx

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  63. SS Here - been a tough weekend and last night nearly gave in - 3 weeks 2 days - going for new job - second interview Tuesday - looking after my elderly mum lambing and dealing with my 28 yr old son who hates his step dad at moment so MADSIVE elephant in room at home - urgh - so wanted to drown it all out with a wine bender - wine witch was on me - shouting her head off about how it would make it all go away and how much I needed and deserved to let myself go for just one night - well - held it together - JUST - glad your doing well LL - last night I hit a high wall and made it over - Jim sure we’ll all hit a few on the journey to bunny land - ��

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  64. Oh so proud of you SS you strong πŸ’ͺ woman awesome, yep here’s to rocking roads to Bunny 🐰 land πŸ’œ❤️⭐️🧚‍♂️ —— day 16 hell’s bells sending love and heart

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  65. Oh dear bit of a disaster weekend quite funny really and at this present moment I’m feeling quite positive 🌈 which again is funny , short story went on a meditation weekend, thought it was a bit of a con overpriced and all he did was repeat everything for 2 whole mornings so I did a runner and got home yesterday afternoon, feeling mad sad annoyed dissatisfied disappointed etc got 2 bottles of wine and drank most of them , 18 days 😣 before but that’s done and poured the rest away and now I start I’m not getting my nickers in a twist about it or going to punish myself I’ll just start a lovely day here in NZ and work on the reason why I felt the need to drink the wine after the frustrating weekend πŸ˜²πŸ™„ sorry don’t mean to sound all hippie etc πŸ€‘πŸ’œ❤️ Sending love and hugs to all out there hope everyone is going well

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    1. Sorry been out of touch, had a complete collapse off the wagon. Moved house, husbands best friend and grandmother pared away and his head is shot. I couldn’t cope with it all myself - especially when trying to convince the rest of the world I’m fine. He’s been out watching the rugby, don’t know when he will be home. I’m looking after his son.

      So ashamed of myself, I loved being sober and I am going to try to get back straight- nearly two bottles down tonight tho. Sorry guys πŸ˜₯

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    2. Don’t be sorry tomorrow is another day let’s say me and you ,,me today you tomorrow we’ll start again together, don’t be ashamed we are Human ❤️, let’s love being sober together, you’ll need to be strong and clear headed to support your husband so WE CAN DO IT , just let’s do it ❤️❤️

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    3. Oh mate - so sorry buts it is bloody hard work - just been out for an Indian with a gang - god I was bored and so bloody bad tempered . I need to know if it really does get easier cos I’m feeling pretty pissed off at the mo -

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    4. Thank u guys, feeling sorry for myself tonight but want to be back on the wagon tomorrow, I feel so sad x

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    5. Hi Looby Lou and Step Away! I'm so sorry, I've only just seen all the conversation on this post. I'm sorry you fell off the wagon, but please don't beat yourselves up - it's all just part of the learning process. Just remember how it happened and how it made you feel and it will make you stronger and more resolute next time. You can do this! Mail me on sobermummy@gmail.com if you want to chat. Love Clare x

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    6. Thanks Clare , yep we can carnt we step away , checking in ✅πŸŒΉπŸŒΊπŸ’—πŸ’™

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  66. I feel sad hungover scared now that it’s 8.15pm haven’t had anything to drink don’t want to I feel like shit and unhappy 18 days then 2 bottles not to positive now but tomorrow is another day ❤️ hope you have a good day Step away xx

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  67. Miserable with it miserable without - so choose the one that’s better for you and except we’ll be miserable but proud and healthier - we can only hope it doesn’t last forever xxxxx

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  68. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again (and don't quit trying before the miracle happens! It will.)

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  69. Yep thanks we will succeed day 2 🌹🌈 Big love to all

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  70. I am on day 8 of sobriety. Your book was the first one I read as I began this journey and I sure am glad I ordered it on my Kindle. You are a true inspiration. I read the entire book in a day and a half and refer back to it daily when I’m struggling with the wine witch. I have never ever posted on a blog before but your Blogs have also helped me through my first 8 days and I’m sure they will help through many more. So thank you SM for sharing your story. It has given me a lot of strength and courage to get sober.

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  71. Awesome Anonymous, I’m checking in on day evening on day πŸ™4 sending love , a mistake took my 20 sober days back to one but I’m here and learning from situations πŸ¦‹πŸ’š Happy valentines beautiful ladies out there would love to here from you SS, SA CC LOvEY you out there guys xx

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  72. Thank you Looby Lou. I was so excited to awake this morning and have a response. Good luck to you I’m this Valentines Day.

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  73. Hi kindsobet - searching sober here - welcome to the blog - I’m on day 31 - had a few witching hours but I’m feeling great - sleeping like a log and starting to look better - good luck with you journey to that lovely field with the bunnies- I’m not that far in front of me - see you when we get there xxxxxx

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  74. Day 6 night night πŸ˜ŠπŸ™✅

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  75. YEY - LL you rock - so SO impressed you bounced back up - just need STEP AWAY back - come on mate xxxxxxxx

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  76. Heh thanks SS YEP Day 7 feel great how r u doing, I’m having 0 alcohol wine for a hold and a glass when I’m sitting after work , I think it’s the big stress/angry thing for me ie think I need the booze,so I’ll just had to keep a huge eye πŸ‘ on that , Where r u step Away come back xx

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  77. Day 15 for me. You inspired me to start a blog, I'm not sure if there will be much point to it but at the very least it will hopefully help connect me to other sober people.

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  78. Hi SM and everyone. As a very long term drinker of white wine of which chenin and sauvignon are my poisons of choice, it's time. I now know that my 'besties are only out for themselves. They call to me from the kitchen and i am always powerless to resist their allure.
    I'm some way through your amazing funny but accurate book and I'm actually relieved to find there's not just me.
    I go to bed pissed and wake up defeating myself. Like The Fine Young Cannibals queried 'What is wrong in my life, I must get drunk every night's? I have nothing to escape from apart from a fat body, swollen boobs, reddened face, the eyes of an old person and the bank account of of a church mouse. Not to mention the depression... I never knew about the goddamn dopamine effect. Thought it was to do with Tom Kerridge! So no amount of sertraline is going to help me.
    I thank the universe for you SM my angel!
    I need lots of help and support
    I will be starting my voyage of sobriety on Monday
    Love & light xx

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  79. Hi EG - I remember saying the same thing 5 weeks ago - I feel so empowered now - sometime wine witch make me think I’m missing a trick but last night was the first I really didnt miss it - I had a becks blue while preparing a lovely meal - then my cocktail of choice - two fever tree tonics over ice - the juice of two limes - and a slug of grenadine syrup - GORGEOUS- had a lovely night and got up this morning HAPPY - didn’t wake at 3 am reaching for my pint of water with shaking hands and hating myself - go for it - embrace every minute - climb each ‘wall’ - see you in bunny land xxxxxxx

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  80. Lovely SS, so true EG, I’m swallowing myself, in all info books , just reading Jason Vale kick the drink, so interesting how the world perceives alcohol I do believe it is a poison and eventually I will be like smoking not permitted ( not trying to be a goodie 2 shoes) I had a bad experience 9days ago and drank nearly 2 bottles of wine, I didn’t achieve anything and I new so well had a hangover didn’t punish myself to much but brought the realization that no I cannot stop a 3 drinks and what have I solved absolutely nothing. So 9 days today feels great lost weight energy happy confident, I am taking a few vitamins and minerals to put back into my body and I think they’ve helped, have to sa SS I’m not missing it at all yep O % alcohol beer , Wine is nice YES cooking lovely meals with a glass , I’m going to get some Genadine and try your cocktail SS, Just staring my day here in NZ , oh and going to gym Cos I’ve actually got the energy and feels good , see you guys in the Bunny fields,SS EG where are you step awayπŸ’œ cabincakes big πŸ€— hugs

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  81. I bought this last lot of grenadine but looking at the bottle it’s full of crap !!! I made my first lot by boiling pomegranate juice till reduced by at least two thirds - like a loose syrup cool it then just a glug in your drink - it’s gorgeous but I’m afraid fevertree is now the only tonic for me it’s also good with the elderflower one - non alcoholic wine is just vile - I bought some chocolate syrup too going to experiment with expresso martini virgin style - let you know how it goes xxx

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  82. And by the way my hubby likes the odd G& T and when he tasted my drink last night was convinced there was gin in it - my drinking buddies also wanted one when we went out last week - most cocktail bars have grenadine tonic and lines so happy days - I serve it in a big gin bowl glass xxx

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