tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47638772667159082422024-03-16T11:52:12.805-07:00Mummy was a Secret DrinkerThe diary of a woman who stopped drinking and started living.SoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.comBlogger564125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-27181204172524828432020-05-22T01:49:00.001-07:002020-05-22T02:52:16.408-07:00Is Your Lockdown Drinking a Problem? <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Surely if there's one time when we really deserve a drink or two at the end of the day, it's a global pandemic?<br />
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After all, we can't see our friends, go to the pub or out for dinner. How else can we celebrate getting to the end of a difficult day of Zoom meetings and home schooling? So long as it doesn't become <i>a problem...</i><br />
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But how do you know if it's a problem or not?</b><br />
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I, like many people, used to think the answer to that question was black and white. The world, we are told, is divided into 'normal drinkers' and 'alcoholics.' <i>Alcoholics, </i>I assumed,<i> </i>were people who poured vodka onto their cornflakes in the morning and passed out on park benches. If you didn't fit into that category then you didn't have to worry too much about your alcohol intake.<br />
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I know now that this is not true.<br />
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For a start, drinking issues come in sliding scales of grey.<br />
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Just because you don't fit the stereotype of a problem drinker does not mean that your drinking isn't a problem. It can still be giving you insomnia, anxiety, weight issues, relationship problems, compromising your immune system and raising your risks of getting cancer.<br />
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Also, just because you never <i>used </i>to have a problem with alcohol doesn't mean you can't develop one.<br />
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Many people who contact me for help had no issue with their drinking throughout their twenties and thirties, but then spent much of their forties trying to ignore the increasingly insistent nagging realisation that it had all somehow got out of control.<br />
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If you've found yourself waking up at 3am, worrying about how much you - accidentally - drank the previous evening, or Googled <i>Am I an alcoholic? </i>Or clicked on this article because you just want to prove to yourself that the answer to the question in the headline is <i>no, </i>then here are three danger signs to look out for:<br />
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<b>1. Drinking for the wrong reasons</b><br />
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Usually, when we start drinking as teenagers, it's a social thing. Alcohol helps us to relax when we're feeling a bit apprehensive and awkward, it puts the swing into a party and gets everyone onto the dance floor.<br />
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If you're only drinking as a means of social lubrication, it's unlikely to give you any major problems. Unless, of course, you're going to parties every day of the week. Which is unlikely to be the case right now.<br />
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However, if you're using alcohol as a form of self-medication, as a way of dealing with stress, anxiety or depression, then that<i> is</i> an issue.<br />
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It's an issue because alcohol only solves those problems temporarily.<br />
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Alcohol is a depressant, and over time it increases your anxiety levels and exacerbates depression. And the worse you feel, the more you drink. Before long, you're stuck in a horribly dangerous negative cycle which just sucks you further and further down.<br />
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<b>2. Breaking your own rules</b><br />
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When the world was a different place, and most of us left home to go to work, it was relatively easy not to drink too much. You'd have to wait until you got back from the office before pouring a drink.<br />
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Now, that's probably not the case, and you've probably set yourself some rules, or guidelines at least.<br />
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Maybe you've resolved not to drink during the week? Or not to drink before 7pm? Or not to drink more than two glasses of wine a day?<br />
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The rules you choose aren't actually important. What is important is <i>can you stick to them?</i><br />
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If you find that you're constantly breaking your own - perfectly reasonable - rules, then your drinking is becoming a problem.<br />
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<b>3. Thinking about drinking</b><br />
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I used to think that everyone spent quite a lot of time thinking about drinking. I had no idea that people without drinking issues don't really think about it at all. Unless they're offered a drink, it rarely crosses their minds.<br />
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However, people like me, who have gradually become addicted to alcohol without even realising it, find that they are spending increasing amounts of time thinking about it.<br />
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<i>Am I going to drink today? Do I have enough booze in the fridge, or should I go shopping? Can I justify another glass? Surely I deserve it?</i><br />
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That insistent voice in your head, which anyone with any form of addiction will recognise, just won't go away, and the more you try to stick to your rules, the louder it gets.<br />
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If you've read this far, and if you've seen yourself in any of this, then the bad news is your drinking probably is a problem.<br />
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<b>There is lots of good news</b>, however.<br />
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First off, you are <i>not alone. </i>There is so much help available - much of it virtual. Check out Club Soda on Facebook, Soberistas.com, <a href="https://www.thesoberclub.com/" target="_blank">Janey-Lee Grace's Sober Club</a> and my <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/" target="_blank">SoberMummy Facebook page</a>.<br />
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Secondly, now really is a fabulous time to quit. Most people find socialising and parties the hardest things to navigate when they first stop drinking, and right now you can happily avoid all of that, and just hunker down with a mocktail, some popcorn and Netflix.<br />
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Finally, and most importantly, if you do decide to stop drinking, you'll discover that you're actually not giving up anything at all, but gaining so much. Before long you'll be less anxious, sleeping better, and you'll be so much happier, healthier and more energetic.<br />
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If you're at all sober-curious and want to know what to expect if you quit drinking - all the highs and all the lows - then check out my memoir, <i><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06X957YDV/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3RL6YW7YHCMW9&keywords=the+sober+diaries+by+clare+pooley&qid=1590137894&sprefix=the+sober+%2Caps%2C138&sr=8-1" target="_blank">The Sober Diaries</a>.</i><br />
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And if you're looking for some feel-good fiction as a healthier way of de-stressing and forgetting all about coronavirus for a while, then why not read my new novel (a Radio 2 bookclub pick!) <i><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Authenticity-Project-feel-good-novel-2020-ebook/dp/B07Y49JBTL/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3DVM50DEHLSEI&keywords=clare+pooley+the+authenticity+project&qid=1590136912&sprefix=clare%2Caps%2C139&sr=8-1" target="_blank">The Authenticity Project.</a> </i>You can read the first few chapters for free using Amazon's 'Look Inside' feature.<br />
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Stay safe and well, my friends.<br />
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Clare Pooley<br />
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You can find out more about me, or contact me privately, via www.clarepooley.com<br />
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<i><br /></i>SoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-62670810059548273732020-04-13T23:28:00.000-07:002020-04-13T23:34:23.707-07:00Why a Pandemic is the Best Time to be Sober<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Like millions of people around the globe, I feel like I'm living in an unfamiliar, and unwelcome, parallel universe. </div>
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The TV I watch, books I read and vivid dreams I have show people hugging, kissing, travelling, partying and working in offices. My diary is filled with festivals, concerts and theatre trips, parties and a few holidays - events that will never happen. </div>
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Instead, we are all living in a world of isolation and fear. Even if we are lucky enough to be healthy, we worry for our friends and family, for our livelihoods, for the world.</div>
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At a time like this, it's easy to think that alcohol will help. Indeed, alcohol sales in the UK have increased by around 50%. My local supermarket's booze aisle has been stripped bare, and my social media feed is filled with memes about alcohol being the only way to survive all this. </div>
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And yes, alcohol does - temporarily - blur all the edges. It softens our reality, which needs an awful lot of softening right now. It provides a well-deserved treat at the end of the day, when our lives are suddenly devoid of pleasures. And surely now is not the time to make our lives even harder by denying ourselves a drink?</div>
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I get it. But, now really is the very worst time to be drinking.</div>
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Firstly, alcohol <i>increases </i>anxiety. I know that seems counter-intuitive, but it really is true. Yes, initially it makes your shoulders relax and you can feel yourself unwinding. But, as the alcohol leaves your body, that anxiety returns magnified, often in the middle of the night.</div>
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Sleep is difficult enough at the moment, and alcohol makes it much worse. Booze might lull you off to sleep, but it'll wake you up at 3am and taunt you until your alarm goes off.</div>
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Keeping the ship afloat right now - trying to work from home while simultaneously home-schooling, providing endless meals, cleaning and doing all that worrying - is really, really hard, and so much harder if you throw a hangover into the mix. </div>
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Also, drinking makes us short-tempered, and when you're stuck in a small space with your family, you do not want to add fuel to the fire of any simmering resentments.</div>
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Added to all of this, alcohol is a drug. The more you drink, the more your body and mind come to rely on it. And, like being on holiday but without any of the fun, a pandemic is a time when all the usual restrictions don't apply. You probably don't have an office to go to. You can start drinking earlier and earlier in the day and pour increasingly large measures - and you probably will. It's very, very easy to turn a moderate drinking habit into a serious problem.</div>
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There are some really, really good reasons to be sober right now.</div>
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Once you're past the first hard days of not drinking, being sober makes you so much calmer, stronger, and more able to cope. You probably have parents or children, or both, relying on you, and you really want to make sure that you're up to the challenge.</div>
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Also, alcohol messes with your immune system, and everything we know about this terrible virus tells us that the fitter and healthier you are, the more likely it is that you'll be able to shake it off relatively easily.</div>
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If you've been secretly worrying about your drinking habits for a while, this is actually a really <i>good </i>time to quit.<br />
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The hardest thing about the early days of going sober is <i>other people. </i>Dinners, drinks parties and holidays are tough to start with, so often the newly sober will self-isolate for a while, just like you're doing right now. You can easily empty your cupboards and fridge of alcohol and not go near the booze aisle when doing your weekly shop. It's probably empty in any case!</div>
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One of the things I'm most grateful for right now is being sober. </div>
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If I were still drinking, I would be constantly anxious about where my next drink was coming from. Then I'd feel guilty about that anxiety, when there are so many more important things to worry about. I'd have emptied the cupboards of loo roll and pasta, and filled them with wine. I'd be (even more) bad tempered with the kids and the husband, and would be spending my evenings comatose and my mornings hungover.</div>
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Just writing that paragraph makes me feel queasy.</div>
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So, if you're thinking about quitting drinking, do it now. Then, when the world finally gets back to normal, you'll be in the very best shape to make the most of everything it has to offer. And if you're newly sober and struggling, don't make the mistake of thinking that alcohol would make it easier. it would only make everything so very much worse.</div>
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To read about my first year sober, and for hints and tips on how to do it and what to expect, read my memoir - <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06X957YDV/ref=sr_1_1?crid=J8Y0UT4BJJMU&dchild=1&keywords=clare+pooley+sober+diaries&qid=1586845474&sprefix=clare+po%2Caps%2C152&sr=8-1">The Sober Diaries</a>.</div>
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For more information and inspiration, check out my <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/">SoberMummy Facebook Page</a>. I'm doing a Facebook Live session on Thursday at 8.15pm UK time (after the clapping).</div>
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If you'd like to take your mind off everything and are looking for some feel-good fiction, my new novel - <i><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Authenticity-Project-feel-good-novel-2020-ebook/dp/B07Y49JBTL/ref=sr_1_2?crid=J8Y0UT4BJJMU&dchild=1&keywords=clare+pooley+sober+diaries&qid=1586845578&sprefix=clare+po%2Caps%2C152&sr=8-2">The Authenticity Project</a> - </i>is out now!</div>
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If you'd like to find out more about me, or to contact me privately, go to <a href="http://www.clarepooley.com/">www.clarepooley.com</a></div>
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Love to you all. Stay safe and well.</div>
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Clare Pooley (aka SoberMummy)</div>
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SoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com42tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-42360032927817476122019-12-29T03:47:00.000-08:002020-03-25T23:14:35.990-07:00What Happens When You Tell Your Truth?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Welcome to Mummy was a Secret Drinker. If you've found this page because you're looking for help quitting drinking then WELCOME!<br />
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All the information and support you need is in this blog. There are hundreds of posts, all free to read and share. <a href="https://mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/p/going-sober-first-30-days.html"> Click here</a> for a good place to start! You can also find daily advice and inspiration on the<a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/"> SoberMummy Facebook page.</a><br />
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If you're looking for more information about me and what I've been up to recently, plus my recent blog posts, you can find me at <a href="http://www.clarepooley.com/">www.clarepooley.com</a><br />
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I can't believe it's nearly five years since I started writing this blog, and two years since I published <i><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661900/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1V7UYOODSLB4U&keywords=clare+pooley+sober+diaries&qid=1577617841&sprefix=clare+p%2Caps%2C151&sr=8-1">The Sober Diaries</a>, </i>the warts-and-all story of my first year without booze.<br />
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I'll never forget the long, dark nights before publication. I hardly slept. I was utterly terrified, not just about the book being <i>out there, </i>but about the fact that I was booked to appear on Woman's Hour, the Steve Wright show and Lorraine, and was going to be all over loads of publications, including the Daily Mail.<br />
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I hadn't been booked to discuss some impressive charity work, or business venture. I was expected to tell <i>the whole world </i>my darkest secrets, how I'd found myself drinking around ten bottles of wine a week, how I'd become a terrible mother, how I'd been anxious all the time, hugely overweight and unable to sleep. How I'd hated myself.<br />
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By December 28th 2017 I was convinced I'd made a <i>terrible </i>mistake. Was it too late to pull the plug? It was. The books had been printed, the advance paid, the PR lined up. I thought I was going to be horribly trolled, by people telling me (with some justification, I thought) that I was an unfit mother and a terrible human being.<br />
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You see, I'd spent YEARS covering up all my weaknesses, filling in the cracks, hiding my recycling bins, freshening my breath and curating my social media feeds. If you looked at my life from the outside it all looked pretty damn perfect.<br />
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But I gritted my teeth and did everything my publishers told me to do, then waited for the fall-out.<br />
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It never came. There were a few horrible comments in the Mail Online (my favourite was <i>if I was her husband, I'd be drinking a bottle of wine a day!) </i>but that was it. Instead what I got was a deluge of messages from people all over the world saying <i>thank you for telling your story, because until now I thought I was the only one who felt like that...</i><br />
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What I discovered was that telling your real truth not only changes your life, but can transform the life of so many other people too, and create magical communities.<br />
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And that made me think. <i>What would happen if we all told the truth about our lives? </i><br />
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I started writing again, but this time a fictional story, about a little green notebook titled <i>The Authenticity Project </i>in which a terribly lonely widower and artist - Julian Jessop - tells his truth. He leaves the book in a cafe where it's picked up by the owner, Monica, who resolves to track him down and transform his life.<br />
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The book is passed between six people including Hazard, a cocaine and booze addict and Alice, a mummy instagrammer, who all write their stories in its pages, leading to a life-changing world of friendship and forgiveness.<br />
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I wasn't sure whether anyone would be interested in my novel which, like this blog, I wrote partly as a form of therapy, but - incredibly - it's being published in <i>twenty-nine </i>different languages in 2020.<br />
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If you'd like to read <i>The Authenticity Project, </i>it's out on February 4th in the USA in all formats (<a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/609647/the-authenticity-project-by-clare-pooley/?pdivflag&ref=PRH1EBF6760DF&aid=41604&linkid=PRH1EBF6760DF">click here to pre-order</a>), and in audio and e-book in the UK (<a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Authenticity-Project-Clare-Pooley-ebook/dp/B07Y49JBTL/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1576331193&sr=8-1">click here to pre-order</a>). The UK hardback is out on April 2nd, and other languages throughout the year.<br />
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A huge thank you to everyone who's followed my journey. I am so grateful to you all. And if you're new to this blog, then know you are not alone. Thousands of us have been where you are, and life is going to get so much better...<br />
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Love Clare x<br />
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<br />SoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-16355921190285789832019-04-05T22:57:00.000-07:002019-04-06T03:41:36.602-07:00Mother's Little Helper, or Mother's Ruin?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Did your family give you a present on Mother’s Day this year? Breakfast in bed maybe? Flowers? A home-made card?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">In the days <i>BS </i>(Before Sober), my three children always knew what to give me as a present, because they knew what Mummy’s favourite hobby was: <i>drinking wine. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">So, they’d buy me a corkscrew. A bottle stopper (ironic, since there was never anything left in a bottle of wine once I’d opened it). A <i>giant </i>wine glass with ‘Mummy’s glass’ etched onto it. You get the picture. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">This year, my kids gave me a frame, with a photo of me and the three of them inside it. This made me all tearful, as I realised that now my focus isn’t distracted by wine, it really is on them. Not entirely on them, obviously, but more so.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I might not have been given booze on Mother’s Day this year, but an awful lot of women in the UK were. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">Between 2016 and 2018, gin sales doubled to over £2 billion, and the sales peak – 2.6 million bottles – was in March, coinciding with Mother’s Day. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">In the weeks leading up to the big day, retailers bombarded us with alcohol based presents. I saw a bottle of wine branded ‘Mummy Fuel’, wine bangles (hollow bracelets filled with wine) and wine purses (handbags with a built-in wine pouch and a tap on the outside – yes, really).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">How did we end up in a place where motherhood is synonymous with wine? Or gin? When did ‘mother’s ruin’ become ‘mother’s little helper’? Why did we all start buying into the myth that it’s impossible to be a mother without some form of anaesthetic?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">I had my first child in the early days of this century – 2003. That was when the ‘mummy blogger’ first appeared, and back then mothering was all about</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"> </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;">perfection</i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">. We wanted to do it</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"> </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;">brilliantly. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">We read Gina Ford and The Baby Whisperer. We tried to bake perfect cupcakes and make home-made playdough. We bought organic vegetables and spent hours pureeing and freezing them into little ice-cubes. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">And we were</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"> </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;">knackered. </i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">We felt like failures. Because motherhood is really hard, and perfection is unachievable. You just need to give it your best shot, and forgive yourself.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">So, by the mid noughties, the backlash began. The perfect-mum-blogger was replaced by the slummy-mummy. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">We cheered! We threw Gina Ford in the bin and bought ready-made baby food from Ella’s Kitchen. We laughed about our failures on Mumsnet. And all of that was a really good thing, but along with it came <i>wine-o’clock.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">When we decided to shout about motherhood being difficult, we also started joking about how we managed to cope. And how we managed to cope was WINE. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">As social media took off, so did all the wine memes. Wine o’clock. Why Mummy drinks. Mummy juice. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">The retailers and marketing departments were really quick to jump on the bandwagon, and then start driving the train. We didn’t feel bad about pouring ourselves a large goblet of wine at the end of a long day, because it was ‘me-time’, we were worth it. And everyone else was doing it too.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">The problem is that wine is a drug. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">That sentence looks really obvious to me now, but it wasn’t back then. How could something so beautifully packaged, so ubiquitous, joked about all over social media, be an actual drug? After all, you wouldn’t joke at the school gates about being desperate to get home for a line of cocaine, but everyone admitted looking forward to that first glass of wine.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">But it is. A drug. And, like any other drug, your tolerance increases over time, so it no longer takes one glass of wine to help you unwind at the end of the day, it takes a whole damn bottle. And when you’re drinking several bottles of the stuff a week, it’s not just your shoulders unwinding, it’s your whole life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I honestly bought into the myth that wine helped. I thought it made me more relaxed. When I’d had a day filled with nappies and wipes and Monkey Music, a glass of wine made me feel adult again. I thought it made me more tolerant with my kids.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">The scary thing is, alcohol does exactly the opposite. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Alcohol made me anxious all the time. It made me rush through bedtime stories so I could get to the fridge. It made me short tempered and grumpy with my kids. And it made me a terrible role model. I was teaching my children that grown-ups need a drug in order to be able to cope with everyday life. To be able to cope with <i>them. </i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">So, this Mother’s Day, I looked at that photo of me with the three of them, looking relaxed, happy, <i>present, </i>not wishing the time away until it was wine o’clock, and I realised that sobriety is the best gift ever, for you and your children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">To read about my first year sober, and for lots of hints and tips, check out <i>The Sober Diaries. </i>You can find it <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661900/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1GOVAZ8526IU7&keywords=clare+pooley+sober+diaries&qid=1554530029&s=gateway&sprefix=Clare+Poo%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1">here (UK)</a> or <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06W9J1V6D/ref=zg_bs_156550011_20?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=WZ5ZE1Y1YTA2SNXWH8H9">here (USA)</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">(I wrote this article for Catherine Gray's Sober Spring campaign, in conjunction with Alcohol Change).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Love to you all,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">SM x</span></div>
SoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-62435360597859798342019-03-24T01:14:00.000-07:002019-03-24T01:21:24.006-07:00The Best New Sober Blogs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br />
I'm really not exaggerating when I say that blogging saved my life.<br />
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I'd tried to quit drinking many times before, and I'd kept it up for a week or two, sometimes whole months, but eventually I'd end up back where I started. Usually worse than where I'd started.<br />
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I'm often asked what made the difference this time, and the answer is simple: blogging. Here's why:<br />
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<b>Community</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
In Johann Hari's amazing TED talk titled 'Everything you thought you knew about addiction is wrong' he says that the opposite of addiction is <i>connection. </i>It's finding a group of people who understand what you're going through and can support you and guide you that makes the difference.<br />
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In the dark days, when I was desperate for a drink, and when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, that community held out its hand and saved me.<br />
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<b>Giving back</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Alcoholics Anonymous have 'giving back' as one of their twelve steps. Helping other people in the way that you've been helped is good for the soul. It also helps to remind you where you've been and to feel grateful for where you are, and gratitude is crucial for good mental health.<br />
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Blogging is a great way of giving back.<br />
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<b>Mindfulness</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
We all know that mindfulness is a really <i>good thing, </i>but it's really difficult for we addicts, because we often have what's known as <i>monkey brain. </i>Overactive minds that just won't shut up - that's why we drank, for the dimmer switch that alcohol provides. It also makes things like meditation really, really difficult.<br />
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However, blogging, or any form of reading or writing, is a great way of practising mindfulness, and of keeping your thoughts in the moment.<br />
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<b>Therapy</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Therapists often prescribe 'journalling' as a way of aiding recovery. Writing down what you're going through and how you're feeling on a daily basis is a great way of understanding where yourself and your issues.<br />
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<b>Remembering</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
One of the main reasons for falling off the wagon is because you start feeling SO much better, and then you forget how bad it was. You forget why you're doing all this. You think <i>maybe this time it will be different. </i>Having a blog to remind you what it was really like and why you quit is really helpful for times like these.<br />
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I get lots of messages from people who've started sober blogs, and are finding it really therapeutic, but finding readers initially is hard, particularly if you want to stay anonymous and don't want to share your blog posts on social media.<br />
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Often, by the time people have found them, they've been sober for a year already, and those readers are missing out on helping the writer through the hardest, early days.<br />
<br />
That's why I'm writing this.<br />
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<b>If you have recently started a sober blog, or podcast, or YouTube channel and you would like people to find you then please leave a few lines about your 'thing' and your web address in the comments below.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Also, if you have recently come across a brilliant new blog, or podcast or whatever, then please recommend it below.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>If you've recently quit drinking, or want to do so, then check out the recommendations below for some new virtual friends, who are going through exactly what you are. You can help each other.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
I will share this post on all the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel&eid=ARCo9YfCt1dym7Tyr1DXhMd9SRBsp35E3GrXniJ2lHyYC3hnjWdaf2El1yyPjWA7y0dtz7Vos4N_3IDt">SoberMummy Facebook page</a>, and will add it to the pages at the top of my blog, so it's always accessible if you're wanting to promote or to read.<br />
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If you get a chance to share this post too, then please do. Let's all help each other, spread the word and the love.<br />
<br />
And if you'd like to know more about my first year blogging my way through going sober, you can read <i>The Sober Diaries. </i>Available from Amazon <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661900/ref=sr_1_1_twi_pap_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1553414951&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley+sober+diaries">here (UK)</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06W9J1V6D/ref=zg_bs_156550011_8?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=NFPAP80V9QPKCDZ26J53">here (USA)</a>.<br />
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Love to you all,<br />
<br />
SM xSoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com62tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-61669552129358115212019-03-08T03:55:00.001-08:002019-03-08T22:41:09.199-08:003 Things I Learned From the Worst Year of my Life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">I've been asked to speak at <i>The Rising Festival </i>in Cambridge, in celebration of International Women's Day. Here is the transcript of my speech. I do hope you enjoy it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><b>Three things I learned from the worst year of my life.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">My name is Clare Pooley, and I</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">’m going to tell you the story of the worst year of my life. I realise that doesn’t sound particularly uplifting. Bear with me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">The worst year of my life was 2015. I was totally stuck in a rut. I was depressed, a terrible insomniac, two stone overweight, anxious all the time, and self-medicating with a bottle of wine a day.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">In March of that year, I quit drinking alcohol. Eight months later, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Yet now I see that that year was the most important one of my life, which has, since then, been transformed in incredible ways. Here are the three things 2015 taught me:</span></div>
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<b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">When you drink to numb all the difficult things in life, you numb all the good bits too.</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">I drank in the way that many women do. At the end of a busy, stressful day, when the big hand hit ‘wine o’clock’ I would pour a large glass of Chablis (because if you drink expensive wine you’re a connoisseur, not a lush, right?) and tell myself that it was ‘me time.’ Because I was worth it.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">Gradually, over a period of years, that one glass became two, then three, and the glasses got larger. By 2015 I was drinking a bottle a day, more at weekends. Even I knew that was WAY more than the government guidelines.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">Drinking was my hobby, my thing, my passion. I drank to celebrate, to commiserate, to relax, to have fun, for pretty much any reason at all, actually. Every now and again I’d worry about whether it was getting out of control and I’d find myself, late at night, asking Siri if I was an alcoholic. Siri would give me an online questionnaire which would ask questions like ‘do you drink alone?’ I’d answer ‘no’, because I was with the dog.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">I would scroll through my social media feed and chuckle at all the memes about ‘mummy’s little helper’ and ‘mummy juice’ and feel reassured that everyone drank the way I did. And I wasn’t wrong.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">In the UK, it is middle-aged, well-educated women who are most likely to be problem drinkers, not the hedonistic youth. An OECD report estimated that one in five female graduates drink hazardously (at more than twice the safe level).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">I totally ignored the fact the that the WHO classifies alcohol as a group 1 carcinogen, or that alcohol causes insomnia and exacerbates depression, anxiety and dementia. I ignored the 700 calories in a bottle of wine, because it was a liquid and didn’t count.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">Instead, I would focus all my attention on the studies that showed that red wine was</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">good for you. </i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">It was part of a Mediterranean lifestyle. It was made from</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">grapes</i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">, for goodness sake. One of your five a day! I would imagine myself as one of those wizened, but happy, crones, dressed in floor length black shapeless dresses, gossiping on the sun-drenched steps of a piazza at the age of one-hundred-and-nine.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">I didn’t want to stop drinking. I thought my life would be</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">over. </i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">And I was terrified about what people would think. It’s not easy at my age, in today’s Britain, to tell people that you don’t drink.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">If you quit smoking, people treat you like a hero. They tell you that you are brave and clever and pat you on the back. If you quit dairy or gluten or sugar you can boast about it on Instagram and get loads of ‘likes.’ If I told people that I’d stopped drinking</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">tap water </i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">they’d not bat an eyelid. But if you tell people at a party that you don’t drink alcohol they look</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">horrified. </i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">And then they want to know WHY. They want gory details. They want to know if you got done for drunk driving, had inappropriate sex with inappropriate people or passed out in gutters in front of your children. Alcohol is the only drug you have to justify</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">not taking.</i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">But then, when I finally plucked up the courage to quit, miracles started to happen. Not immediately, but gradually over the next few months. For a start, the insomnia that had plagued me for decades disappeared, and I started sleeping like a baby. I also lost two stone. The low-level anxiety that had been my constant companion for years slowly drifted away and I felt much more positive and energetic about life. It was like someone had turned up the colour contrast on the TV, and life morphed from rather grey to technicolour.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">As a teenager, I’d always loved writing, and when I stopped drinking, that passion returned with a vengeance. I became more creative and imaginative than I’d been for years. I started writing a blog, which I called</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">Mummy was a Secret Drinker, </i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">an online diary of what I was going through, and within a few months, my blog picked up hundreds of thousands of readers from all over the world.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">I wasn’t alone in finding that quitting booze can reinvigorate your life and your career. Readers of my blog have done extraordinary things since they stopped drinking – they’ve launched businesses and new careers, written books, rediscovered old hobbies and found new passions. It’s no co-incidence that many of the most successful people in any field don’t drink. Anna Wintour and Tina Brown – don’t drink. Bradley Cooper, Tom Hardy and Samuel L. Jackson don’t drink. Kim Kardashian, doesn’t drink. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">I realised that for the previous decade, in trying to numb all the difficult parts of my life, I’d numbed all the good bits too.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">Then, just as everything was going swimmingly, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and I learned the next big lesson of that year:</span></div>
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<b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Dealing with addiction or trauma turns you into a superhero</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">It’s not easy giving up an addictive drug, especially when the majority of the population don’t treat it like one. You take it one day at a time. You spend hours wrestling with the demons in your own head. Then, one day, you come out the other side and you think</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">wow. I did it. I’m free. </i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">And then you think</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">now I can do absolutely anything.</i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">Being diagnosed with breast cancer was a bit of a shock. It shouldn’t have been. The American Society for Clinical Oncology estimate that alcohol is the</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">direct cause </i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">of more than one in twenty of all cancer deaths globally. In fact, alcohol kills more people around the world than malaria, meningitis, tuberculosis and dengue fever put together.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">If I’d still been drinking at that point, all the wheels would have come off. I’d have dived into a vat of vino and not reappeared for some time. I’d have yelled and screamed in front of my children and would have been entirely focussed on me, not them. As it was, sober, I coped. Everything carried on as normally as possible, I took it one day at a time and wrestled with my demons.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">And, when it was all over, I thought</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">wow, I did it, I’m free. Now I can do absolutely anything. </i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">When you self-medicate your way through any difficult patch, trying to rub out any feelings of fear and anxiety, you become more and more cowardly, and unable to deal with the vicissitudes of life.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">When you learn to deal with trauma completely raw, you become braver and braver. And you realise that on the other side of your maximum fear lies all the best things in life. That is where the magic happens.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">So, I faced up to my biggest fears. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of being judged. And I wrote a book. I called it</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661900/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1550748634&sr=8-1">The Sober Diaries</a>,</i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">(available from Amazon and most good bookshops. My publisher told me to say that) </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">and I told everyone my darkest secrets, about how badly I was addicted to wine, and how much my life had changed since I gave it up.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">And that’s when I learned the third lesson:</span></div>
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<b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><b style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Speaking your truth changes lives</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">We spend so much time curating our own images, and presenting perfect versions of our lives online. Then we make ourselves miserable by comparing the truth of our lives with the fiction we’re shown of other peoples.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">Social media does not tell the truth. It tells us that everyone is beautiful, happy and successful, when the truth is we are all struggling with something. Behind all the whitened smiles are people dealing with addiction, redundancy, caring for parents with Alzheimer’s or children being bullied. And many, many of those people are feeling totally alone.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">Oprah Winfrey said, in her speech at the Golden Globes “</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">What I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have.”</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">And, you know what? She’s right, because when I published my truth, I learned that stories really can change lives. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">I’ve had thousands of messages from people all over the world saying “I thought I was the only one struggling with my relationship with booze, and I thought life without it would be miserable, so thank you for making me feel less alone and for giving me the courage to quit.”</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">I’ve now been sober for four years, and cancer free for three, and life has never been better. I’ve done a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKfuGMzmfTs&t=35s">TEDx talk</a>, up here at my old Cambridge college, talked from the stage at WOMAD for Radio 4’s FourThought, and have had the great honour of being invited here to talk to all of you. I’ve also written my first novel – The Authenticity Project – which is coming out in Spring 2020. So, my new fear is whether anyone's going to want to read it!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"> Sometimes, what feels like the end is actually the beginning.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"> You might be lucky enough to be the sort of person who can drink ‘sensibly.’ If so, I applaud you! (Although, full disclosure, I hate you a little bit too). But the truth is that most people use <i>something </i>to take the edges off life, whether it’s bingeing on sugar, spending hours on social media or a fortune on internet shopping. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Whatever your prop is, you’re likely to discover that in escaping the difficult things in life, you’re also escaping its opportunities. Learning to live life in the raw will make you a superhero, and being open about your demons will change lives.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">TO READ CLARE'S BOOK <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661900/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1550748634&sr=8-1">CLICK HERE (UK)</a> OR<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06W9J1V6D/ref=zg_bs_156550011_12?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=65EW3DJZEN5ZK6Y1PHR9"> HERE (USA)</a>.</span></div>
SoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-86279906405974557782019-02-04T01:10:00.000-08:002019-02-04T01:35:57.874-08:00Am I Addicted to Sugar?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHMoao-eg-uuQujbEWF5uar3K1xEInAKKadpvgqyipQAFUruB-rMo9d1sUWd-BcZkRhN-BWvRTtPbQr2_CUpXv9XB6iQ1wGoi59bX1oZvOovGyUkj_f_OZZFcEqHIfM9EpV_3NDmz3zbZR/s1600/cupcakes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHMoao-eg-uuQujbEWF5uar3K1xEInAKKadpvgqyipQAFUruB-rMo9d1sUWd-BcZkRhN-BWvRTtPbQr2_CUpXv9XB6iQ1wGoi59bX1oZvOovGyUkj_f_OZZFcEqHIfM9EpV_3NDmz3zbZR/s1600/cupcakes.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<i>My name's Clare, and I'm a sugaraholic.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
When I was drinking (a lot), I wasn't that interested in sugar. I felt quite smug about my lack of sweet tooth. I could inhale a packet of crisps (that's <i>chips </i>for my American friends) from twenty paces, but chocolate? I could take or leave it.<br />
<br />
Then, I quit drinking, and hot chocolate and cake became my lifeline.<br />
<br />
I have to confess, that over the last few years, that craving for sugar hasn't really diminished. In fact, it's got <i>worse.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
In our house, we have <i>cupcake Friday. </i>I don't actually bake the suckers. I'm really not that kind of mother, sadly. But I pick the kids up from school and we go to the local cupcake shop where they sell such beauties as <i>Unicorn cupcakes! </i>With horns and sprinkles.<br />
<br />
I swear, eating a large cupcake with lots of frosting makes me totally HIGH.<br />
<br />
But then, there's the inevitable crash, an hour or so later. And I've started craving that sugar high more and more.<br />
<br />
When I was madly editing my new novel for a Christmas deadline, I spent hours in my pyjamas and Uggs, hunched over my laptop, mainlining mince pies. I kid you not. I ate dozens of those evil temptresses.<br />
<br />
I know I am not alone. Many, many people tell me that after going sober they developed unbearable sugar cravings.<br />
<br />
Why is this?<br />
<br />
Well, it turns out that sugar acts on our dopamine levels in <i>exactly </i>the same way as alcohol, or cocaine, or any other drug.<br />
<br />
Dopamine is a neuro-transmitter in the brain associated with pleasure and reward. If you have a tendency towards addiction, it is likely that you are particularly sensitive to dopamine.<br />
<br />
When we drink alcohol, or eat sugar, our brains produce a spike of dopamine. Way-hey! The issue is that following that spike, there's a crash, which makes us crave more.<br />
<br />
And over time, our brains reduce the amount of dopamine produced naturally to compensate for all the stuff we keep shovelling in, so without booze, or sugar, we feel a bit...meh.<br />
<br />
After my Christmas sugar binge-fest, I decided that something had to be done. I needed to <i>moderate.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
I have, therefore, given myself some parameters. I will NOT eat sugar during the week. I will NOT eat sugar alone. I will NOT eat more than one cupcake in one sitting.<br />
<br />
Is this all sounding horribly familiar?<br />
<br />
And, just the same as when I tried those rules with booze, I find myself becoming <i>obsessed </i>by the idea of sneaking down to the newsagent and hiding a cheeky bag of Maltesers (they are mainly <i>air, </i>after all) in my shopping basket, amongst lots of random items that I don't actually need.<br />
<br />
I did some research, and there is some <i>good news. </i>There are, it turns out, several ways to produce dopamine in a totally healthy way.<br />
<br />
First off, you can eat foods rich in something called <i>tyrosine, </i>like almonds, bananas, avocados, eggs, beans, fish and chicken. Not as pretty as cupcakes, but they do the same thing in a more gentle, less addictive fashion.<br />
<br />
You can exercise. Yoga is especially good at producing dopamine, but any exercise, particularly outdoors (dopamine loves sunlight) will do the job.<br />
<br />
Make sure you get lots of sleep. If you're sleep deprived, your dopamine levels will go through the floor. That's why you crave sugar when you're tired.<br />
<br />
Listen to music! Your favourite tunes lead to an increase in dopamine. Yes, really.<br />
<br />
Get a massage. Apparently, massage therapy increases dopamine levels by nearly 30%, while also decreasing cortisol (the stress hormone).<br />
<br />
I've been trying these strategies, and they really do work.<br />
<br />
So, whether you're craving booze, sugar or cocaine, grab a banana, do some asanas in the sunshine, book a massage and turn the music up, and before you know it, the cravings will go.<br />
<br />
Read the story of my first year sober, <i>The Sober Diaries, </i>described as 'Bridget Jones Dries Out.' You can get the first few chapters for free using Amazon's 'look inside' feature. <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06X957YDV/ref=sr_1_1_twi_kin_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1549271095&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley+sober+diaries">Click here for UK</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06W9J1V6D/ref=zg_bs_156550011_22?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=6PSC6WWR5QHAXDEB344G">here for USA</a>.<br />
<br />
For daily inspiration and information, check out the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/">SoberMummy Facebook Page</a>. 'Like' page to stay updated.<br />
<br />
Love to you all,<br />
<br />
ClareSoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-61836324570813457432019-01-16T02:13:00.000-08:002019-01-16T02:18:22.684-08:00How Cancer Changed my Life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br />
It's been three years since I finished my treatment for breast cancer, and yesterday I had a meeting with my oncologist to discuss my latest blood tests.<br />
<br />
I have, he told me, 'a perfect set of bloods.' I don't have a perfect set of boobs any longer, obviously, but you can't have everything.<br />
<br />
This, my friends, means that I am, as far as we can tell, still <i>cancer free.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
I swore, when I was first diagnosed, that if I was lucky enough to survive this, I would never, ever become one of those irritating people who said that cancer was the best thing that happened to them.<br />
<br />
I still stand by that. Cancer was the very worst thing that has ever happened to me and my family, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.<br />
<br />
However, in many ways my life is so much better now than it was before my diagnosis.<br />
<br />
<b>I am Grateful</b><br />
<br />
Many studies have shown that feeling grateful is really good for our mental health. It's so easy to send life feeling constantly dissatisfied with our lives, and to forget the important things, like health and family.<br />
<br />
I can never forget. Because three times a year I have checks at the boob clinic.<br />
<br />
The night before this check-up, I lay in bed mulling over the usual issues of the day, like whether my son will ever get to grips with French grammar, and where my daughter's hockey mouth guard had disappeared to, and it struck me that in twenty-four hours I might be worrying about how long I had to live instead. From one day to the next, your life can change irrevocably.<br />
<br />
Every four months I am reminded that having your health and your family is a precious gift that we can never take for granted.<br />
<br />
<b>I Don't Sweat the Small Stuff</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
I used to stress out about the smallest things. Everything had to be perfect.<br />
<br />
A cancer diagnosis puts things into perspective. Once you've had to stare death in the face and think about your children growing up without a mother, a parking ticket or a less than perfect school report seem utterly insignificant.<br />
<br />
I'm still not an entirely laid back mother, but I'm much more so.<br />
<b><br />I'm More Empathetic</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
We are always so quick to judge each other, and to get angry when we think that someone has treated us badly in some way.<br />
<br />
Dealing with cancer makes you realise that <i>everyone </i>has their own stuff going on - a sick parent, a troubled child, a mean boss. Sometimes, just getting to the end of the day is a triumph. No-one can be expected to be perfect.<br />
<b><br /></b><b>I Have a 'Fuck-it Button'</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
My life has totally transformed over the last three years. There were always many things I wanted to do with my life, but I thought there was plenty of time. I'd get around to it one day, when the time was right.<br />
<br />
I was also paralysed by the fear of failure.<br />
<br />
Since I was a child, I'd wanted to write, but I worried that I didn't have time, that I would never be good enough, that I'd be rejected or, worse, laughed at.<br />
<br />
Since the cancer thing, however, I've developed a 'fuck-it button.'<br />
<br />
Now, whenever I hear that little voice of doubt saying <i>you can't, </i>I reply FUCK IT! What's the worst that can happen? I'm not going to DIE (yet), and if I don't do it now, I might run out of time, because who knows what's around the next corner.<br />
<br />
So, I published the story of that year of my life - the year I quit drinking, and then got cancer, <i>The Sober Diaries </i>(<a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661900/ref=sr_1_1_twi_pap_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1547633837&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley+sober+diaries">click here for my Amazon page</a>). And, next year, my debut novel is being published.<br />
<br />
I told this story to my oncologist yesterday, and he said that many of his breast cancer survivors have gone on to do extraordinary things.<br />
<br />
But it's not just about cancer.<br />
<br />
Whatever trauma you are dealing with in your life right now, know this: when you get out the other side (which you will), you will be stronger, happier, nicer and - what's more - you'll be a superhero.<br />
<br />
Love to you all,<br />
<br />
SM xSoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-29800868360252354592019-01-02T23:52:00.000-08:002019-01-03T00:08:01.417-08:00Welcome to Mummy was a Secret Drinker<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjjBiKVmLUNcaQvC6fiOg93WysFX2MxdjCZHIFTCjHx5fFP2HQeUiqVKKdsrh8LRxOgr3UrBQuwJwc2RPdfvKdc-KOQL8hT49pRDJPjF5PBNTOIzMeZmONbU1K4ZRDNMlbbg7_1lMn9nSv/s1600/newbie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjjBiKVmLUNcaQvC6fiOg93WysFX2MxdjCZHIFTCjHx5fFP2HQeUiqVKKdsrh8LRxOgr3UrBQuwJwc2RPdfvKdc-KOQL8hT49pRDJPjF5PBNTOIzMeZmONbU1K4ZRDNMlbbg7_1lMn9nSv/s1600/newbie.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
I used to hate January. It's cold and dark. The bathroom scales are the harbingers of doom and you dare not even peek at your bank balance. It's miserable.<br />
<br />
But now, it's one of my favourite months of the year. Because if you don't drink, you feel like a bit of an outlier for most months of the year, <i>but not, </i>my friends, in January.<br />
<br />
Right now, we sober people are surfing the zeitgeist and feeling positively fashionable. I was even in the <i>Sunday Times Style Magazine </i>last weekend. Whoop whoop.<br />
<br />
Another New Year bonus is that I get thousands of new visitors to this blog, and if you are one of them, then WELCOME!<br />
<br />
I started writing Mummy was a Secret Drinker when I first gave up booze, back in March 2015. I used the blog as therapy, and I wrote every single day. So there are nearly 500 posts on here now.<br />
<br />
I thought it might be helpful to signpost some of the ones that you might find most useful.<br />
<br />
You might want to start by <a href="https://mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/2017/12/what-ive-learned-after-1000-days.html">reading this post</a>, which I wrote when I'd been sober for 1000 days. I had no idea how much quitting alcohol would change every aspect of my life. If you need some inspiration, you'll find it here.<br />
<br />
The post I wrote on<a href="https://mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/2018/03/3-secrets-to-getting-sober.html"> Three Secrets to Success</a> gives you my top tips for getting sober.<br />
<br />
This one, on <a href="https://mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/2018/03/making-sober-less-shameful.html">Making Sober Less Shameful</a> features the TEDx talk I did on what it's like to quit alcohol in a world where everyone drinks.<br />
<br />
If you want to learn a bit more about how addiction feels, then try this post on<a href="https://mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/2018/10/understanding-wine-witch.html"> Understanding the Wine Witch</a>.<br />
<br />
If you're still not sure whether to quit drinking, or just cut down, then read this: <a href="https://mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/2017/10/why-dont-you-just-drink-less.html">Why Don't You Just Drink Less?</a><br />
<br />
If you'd like to read my blog from the beginning (which is quite an undertaking), <a href="https://mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/2015/03/mummy-was-secret-drinker.html">then click here</a>.<br />
<br />
If you're a fan of the Facebook, then I post inspiration and information every day on the SoberMummy Facebook page. <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/">Click here</a> (and 'like' page if you want to stay updated).<br />
<br />
If my regular readers have any favourite posts you'd like to highlight, please add them to the comments below!<br />
<br />
You can read the story of my first year sober in the book described as 'Bridget Jones Dries Out' - <i>The Sober Diaries. </i>Click here for my <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661900/ref=sr_1_1_twi_pap_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1546501773&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley+sober+diaries">Amazon page in the UK</a>, or <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06W9J1V6D/ref=zg_bs_156553011_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=426SPVDF28SGXADTA1QH">here for the USA</a>.<br />
<br />
Happy New Year to you all!<br />
<br />
SM x<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />SoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com45tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-30861361071639170022018-12-29T03:26:00.000-08:002018-12-29T03:28:37.444-08:00One Year of The Sober Diaries<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br />
I can't quite believe that it's exactly a year since <i>The Sober Diaries </i>was published.<br />
<br />
I wrote this book because I remembered how alone I felt when I was struggling with my drinking. I thought that, in a world where everyone drank, and where my social media feed was filled with wine memes, I was the only person who couldn't handle it.<br />
<br />
Somewhere along the line, I'd gone from being someone who controlled her booze, to someone who was being controlled by it.<br />
<br />
I read a huge number of books, looking for someone just like me. Most of the - often brilliant - memoirs I read focussed on the horrors of addiction. Some of the stories I identified with, but many I didn't. Then, right at the end of the story, the narrator would say 'and then I got sober and everything was brilliant.'<br />
<br />
I really wanted a story that started <i>there, </i>where those stories ended. I wanted a story which went through all the details of <i>how </i>you got sober, and what life was actually like when you did. Was it miserable, as I suspected it would be?<br />
<br />
So, a year after I quit drinking, I started writing the book I'd really wanted to read. A year later my fabulous editor - Charlotte Hardman at Hodder and Stoughton - picked up my proposal and took a huge leap of faith.<br />
<br />
For three nights leading up to publication, I didn't sleep. I'd written my blog under a pseudonym - SoberMummy - as I was so ashamed about my drinking, and yet I was about to tell the whole world my darkest secrets under my <i>actual name.</i> Was I crazy?<br />
<br />
But the truth is, the last twelve months have been extraordinary. I've had one or two trolls, obviously, but they've been drowned out by the tsunami of messages I've had from people all over the world saying <i>I thought I was alone until I read your story </i>and <i>you could be writing about my life </i>and <i>now I know that life can be different. Better. Amazing. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
And that gave me the courage to do a TEDx talk on the shame associated with drinking. (<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKfuGMzmfTs&t=13s">click here</a>), and a talk at WOMAD for Radio 4 on the miracles that happen when you quit drinking <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0bfz5k4">(click here</a>). And I feel like, I hope that, I'm making a difference.<br />
<br />
So, I just wanted to say to all of you, a huge THANK YOU, for all your support over the last 12 months, and CONGRATULATIONS to all of you who've made a difference to your lives, however big or small. You are all superheroes.<br />
<br />
And to celebrate 12 months of publication, the new paperback edition of <i>The Sober Diaries </i>is out now in the UK (<a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661900/ref=sr_1_1_twi_pap_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1545820556&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley">click here</a>). If you're in the USA, I'm afraid it's still only available in Kindle and Audio (<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06W9J1V6D/ref=zg_bs_156550011_13?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=D0HA564N7N9VDW2N5PQ0">click here</a>).<br />
<br />
Merry Christmas and THANK YOU to you all!<br />
<br />
SM xSoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com39tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-32479244101876826182018-12-26T01:00:00.000-08:002018-12-26T02:09:58.174-08:005 Reasons to Love December 26th<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
There are two days of the year when it is <i>really really </i>good to be a sober person.<br />
<br />
The first is New Year's Day (coming up soon folks!), and a close second is Boxing Day, December 26th, TODAY.<br />
<br />
Here's why:<br />
<br />
<b>1. Because you are a Superhero!</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
If you made it through Christmas Day without drinking, then you are a total <i>superhero. </i><br />
<br />
Being sober in a world where everyone drinks is always a bit hard, but no more so than on Christmas Day, a day when you are drowning in memories of drunken Christmas past, when you're surrounded by friends and family urging you to 'go on, just have one,' and where every image on TV, social media and press includes a bottle of something strong.<br />
<br />
If you can make it through the 25th December sober, then you can do <i>absolutely anything, </i>my friend. So give yourself a HUGE pat on the back.<br />
<br />
<b>2. It's Never Going to be That Hard Again</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
The 'firsts' are always the hardest. First weekend sober, first party sober, first sober birthday and, possibly the hardest: first sober Christmas.<br />
<br />
Now you <i>know </i>you can do it, and even - I hope - really enjoy it, so next year is going to be <i>so much easier. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
By the time you're on sober Christmas number 4, like me, you'll be anticipating and loving Christmas more than you ever did when you were drinking.<br />
<br />
<b>3. No Regrets</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Remember how you <i>used </i>to feel on December 26th? Hungover. Annoyed with yourself for drinking more than you meant to. Exhausted because you tossed and turned all night. Embarrassed about what you'd said and done the day before?<br />
<br />
Well today you get to wake up with <i>no regrets</i> and bags of energy. Whoop whoop.<br />
<br />
Having said that, I may never be able to eat again, and I am definitely giving up sugar in January, as I think I've eaten a whole year's worth in just a few days. I'm calling it <i>Savoury January.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<b>4. (*whisper it*) Feeling Smug</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Remember all those Christmas parties, when you felt like people were feeling a bit sorry for you? Well, this is payback time.<br />
<br />
Most of the world is feeling rather <i>bleurgh, </i>and you get to feel smug. Just a little bit. And quietly, obviously, as no-one likes a smug-face. But <i>too bad, </i>because you get to be one. Congratulations!<br />
<br />
<b>5. The Best Present Ever</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Often, on Boxing Day, you have a sneaking feeling that at least some of the presents you gave missed the mark, just a little.<br />
<br />
(For example, I bought two copies of <i>Frieda</i>, a fabulous book written by a friend of mine, who signed one copy for me and one for my dad. I accidentally mixed up the two books, and gave the copy addressed to me to my dad as one of his Christmas presents, and now it looks as if I re-gifted it!)<br />
<br />
However, there is <i>no better present </i>that you can give your family, or yourself, for Christmas than being sober. So this year, you smashed it, my friends.<br />
<br />
Please let us know in the comments below how your Christmas was! And, if you didn't make it through the day without drinking, then <i>do not despair! </i>You are not alone. Just climb back on that wagon, forgive yourself, and start again.<br />
<br />
The book on my first year sober - <i>The Sober Diaries, </i>has now had more than 250 five star reviews on Amazon, whoop whoop, and is out IN PAPERBACK tomorrow! <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661900/ref=sr_1_1_twi_pap_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1545814603&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley">You can find it here</a>.<br />
<br />
(In the USA it's available <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06W9J1V6D/ref=zg_bs_156550011_16?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=Z79KBG5SVMD01BW21A2Y">in audio and Kindle, here</a>).<br />
<br />
There's daily inspiration and information on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/">SoberMummy Facebook page</a>, as always.<br />
<br />
Love to you all!<br />
<br />
SM xSoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com64tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-80325459245664752512018-12-20T13:50:00.001-08:002018-12-22T02:26:46.215-08:00Falling off the Wagon<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br />
I'm in Scotland for Christmas.<br />
<br />
I drove up here yesterday, with three children, the dog, and a car packed to the gills with presents. It took nearly ten hours. Mr SM is still working, so is following by train tomorrow.<br />
<br />
Today, the kids and I ordered a turkey from the local butcher and bought a Christmas tree, which we lovingly decorated while dancing to cheesy Christmas tunes.<br />
<br />
I was feeling smug.<br />
<br />
So smug that I posted this picture, on Facebook and Instagram, of my favourite Christmas ornament hanging from the tree.<br />
<br />
I should have known what would happen as soon as I started feeling like I was really good at this whole Christmas thing. Pride does, after all, come before a fall. And it was a really <i>big </i>fall.<br />
<br />
Just an hour after we finished, all nine foot of tree came crashing down onto the kitchen floor, decapitating the Christmas Tree Fairy and smashing some of my favourite glass ornaments as it went and crushing all the lovingly wrapped presents beneath.<br />
<br />
Bollocks.<br />
<br />
In the old days, this would <i>absolutely </i>have been a trigger to open a bottle and proceed to get plastered. In fact, this very house, in the middle of nowhere in Scotland, was the scene of my last relapse.<br />
<br />
Christmas is a magical time, but one that is loaded with such high expectations that it's inevitable that stuff will go wrong. It's never going to be as perfect as the Christmas of our imaginations, which is why it's a really common time to fall off the wagon.<br />
<br />
Plus, there's that nagging voice saying <i>go on. It's Christmas. You can quit again as soon as it's done.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
So, for any of you who are struggling, I thought I should provide a link to an old post of mine on falling off the wagon, how it happens, and what to do if it does. It tells my relapse story, and if you check out the comments below it, you'll see similar stories from many of my readers. <a href="https://mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/2016/08/falling-off-wagon.html">You can find it here</a>.<br />
<br />
The truth is, <i>it's just not worth it. </i>One drink never is one drink. Before you know it, you're back at square one and starting a new year with a whole belly full of regrets.<br />
<br />
So don't give up on giving up now! Read my last post on how to make a sober Christmas fabulous <a href="https://mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/2018/12/5-ways-to-fabulous-sober-christmas.html">(click here)</a>. It's going to be amazing, just you wait. And once you've done Christmas sober once, it's never as hard again.<br />
<br />
In other news, <i>The Sober Diaries </i>(the warts and all story of my first year sober) is out in just six days in paperback! You can read the first few chapters for free using the Amazon 'look inside' feature. <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661900/ref=sr_1_1_twi_pap_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1545342311&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley+sober+diaries">You can find it here.</a><br />
<br />
There's also information and inspiration daily on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/">SoberMummy Facebook page</a>.<br />
<br />
Merry, merry Christmas to you all!<br />
<br />
SM x<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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SoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-38445216483214125002018-12-15T00:31:00.000-08:002018-12-15T00:32:15.692-08:005 Ways to a Fabulous Sober Christmas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
If you're approaching your first ever sober Christmas, you're probably feeling a bit nervous about the whole thing.<br />
<br />
I remember.<br />
<br />
I was terrified about the idea of Christmas without booze. I thought it would be really <i>hard, </i>dealing with the constant triggers. I expected it to be <i>boring </i>and joyless. I pretty much wrote it off, and just wanted to get through the whole thing as quickly as possible.<br />
<br />
Now, I'm approaching my fourth sober Christmas, and I promise you that I am more excited about Christmas than I ever was when I was drinking.<br />
<br />
Like all of these things, the first time is the hardest, because it's all so <i>new. </i>You've spent decades doing Christmas one way (drunk), so it's bound to be a bit peculiar trying to do it a totally different way.<br />
<br />
I remember when I first got married, being really nervous about Christmas. You see, every family has their own Christmas traditions, timings and rituals that somehow become totally sacrosanct, and you know that as a 'new' family, you're going to have to compromise and merge your traditions to create a new template.<br />
<br />
Well, learning to do Christmas sober is a bit like that. It <i>will </i>eventually be just as good as the old Christmases (way better, in fact), but it will be different. You'll have to find new rituals and traditions to replace some of the old ones. But you will.<br />
<br />
So, here are my top five tips for a fabulous sober Christmas:<br />
<br />
<b>1. Be brutally honest about Christmas Past</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Okay, this is the mental 'limbering up' phase. You can start working on this one right away.<br />
<br />
It's very easy to look back at Christmas with rose tinted glasses, and to remember only the jolly times. That glass of wine while wrapping the stocking presents on Christmas Eve. The first glass of champagne while cooking the turkey. The glass of red wine with Christmas lunch, and the whiskey while you watch Christmas telly in the evening.<br />
<br />
STOP RIGHT THERE.<br />
<br />
Go back and look again. Remember what happened next. All of it.<br />
<br />
Remember how you drank too much while wrapping the presents and got some of them muddled up (or was that just me?). Remember waking up on Christmas Day with a hangover, feeling <i>meh, </i>and unable to get excited about the day ahead.<br />
<br />
Remember getting drunk <i>before </i>lunch, messing up all the timings and forgetting the gravy. Remember the family arguments and falling asleep in front of the telly, missing the end of the film you'd been really enjoying.<br />
<br />
Remember Boxing Day, feeling like death.<br />
<br />
Does any of that ring any bells at all?<br />
<br />
The truth is, Christmas probably stopped being really fun several years ago. The booze wasn't making it better, it was actually sucking away the joy.<br />
<br />
Whenever you find yourself yearning after the 'good old days', replace those images in your head with the real ones.<br />
<br />
<b>2. Don't try to be Superwoman</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
This is really important.<br />
<br />
You are doing an amazing and brave thing, for you and your family, in giving up alcohol. This is the very best Christmas present you could possibly give. You DO NOT need to make everything else totally perfect and prove yourself some kind of superwoman as well. Do that next year, if you must.<br />
<br />
This year, keep it as simple as possible. Don't try to cram in too much socialising or hosting. Don't over promise. If necessary, claim some kind of illness and cancel some things. Just focus on you, and your immediate family. The rest can wait.<br />
<br />
Try to build in some time when you can take yourself off and hibernate for an hour or two, and recharge your batteries.<br />
<br />
<b>3. Think about What You're Drinking</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Make sure that, throughout the day, you have special drinks lined up.<br />
<br />
The choices here are totally individual. Some people find 'fake booze' - like alcohol free wines and beers - really helpful, others find them too much of a trigger. Work out what works for you <i>before </i>the big day, and make sure you have stocks in.<br />
<br />
I will be having a Seedlip and Fever Tree tonic on Christmas Eve, a spicy Virgin Mary while I'm getting the lunch ready, and a glass or two of Torres Natureo alcohol-free red wine with lunch. The truth is, I'll probably finish the bootle of wine over the course of the afternoon, because old habits die hard.<br />
<br />
<b>4. Line up Treats</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
We big drinkers get out of the habit of treating ourselves, as for many years our go-to treat has been a glass of wine (or similar). Plus, drinkers tend to have very low self-esteem. We don't think we <i>deserve</i> anything special.<br />
<br />
Over the next few days have a really good think about other ways to treat yourself over the Christmas period.<br />
<br />
Since you're missing all those booze calories, you can buy yourself some yummy foodie treats for the big day. Go wild. It's only one day. Feel no guilt.<br />
<br />
Download your favourite books, music and movies. Invest in a pair of snuggly cashmere socks.<br />
<br />
I'm going to book my eldest daughter and myself in for a pedicure on Christmas Eve, and I'm taking the whole family to Winter Wonderland.<br />
<br />
Plan a giant lie-in on Boxing Day, or a shopping trip to the sales. Think how much cash you've saved by not drinking over Christmas, as spend some of it!<br />
<br />
Do <i>whatever </i>you know will make you feel special. Because you <i>are </i>special, and you <i>do </i>deserve it. You really do.<br />
<br />
<b>5. Be a Child</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
I realise now that Christmas is actually one of the <i>easiest </i>times to be sober. I know this sounds counter-intuitive, so bear with me...<br />
<br />
The hardest time, I think, to be a non-drinker is at a <i>drinks party.</i> The clue is in the name. The whole event is built around drinking. Often sober people are really badly catered for. You end up with a glass of water wondering what it's all about.<br />
<br />
Christmas, however, is the opposite. There is <i>so much </i>going on, over and above the drinking.<br />
<br />
Christmas is about friends and family, it's about wonderful food and fabulous company. It's about magic and gratitude and love. It's about music and singing and films and family games and presents.<br />
<br />
There is just <i>so much </i>to focus on, and you can properly focus on it, in all its wonderful gaudy glory, when you are totally sober.<br />
<br />
Look at children at Christmas time. They are <i>hyperventilating </i>with excitement about it all, and that has nothing <i>whatsoever </i>to do with booze.<br />
<br />
Be like them. Be a child. See it all through their eyes.<br />
<br />
And if at any point you're finding it hard, then fast forward to the next day, because you know that on Boxing Day you are going to wake up feeling <i>absolutely fabulous </i>and so proud of yourself for having done your last ever first sober Christmas.<br />
<br />
Merry, merry Christmas to you all!<br />
<br />
By the way, there is loads of info and inspo on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/">SoberMummy Facebook page</a>, and if you have any friends planning a Dry January, then the paperback edition of The Sober Diaries is out on December 27th (whoop whoop!). You can <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661900/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1544620275&sr=8-1">find it here</a>.<br />
<br />
If you're in the USA, you can't get a hardcopy annoyingly, but you can download on Kindle or audio (<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06W9J1V6D/ref=zg_bs_156550011_17?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=X64WF8XAQMF4FJQ672KQ">click here</a>).<br />
<br />
SM xSoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-38956076980615244972018-12-12T05:12:00.002-08:002018-12-12T23:51:14.648-08:00I'm Back!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Hello!<br />
<br />
I'm back. I'm so sorry about the radio silence.<br />
<br />
I've not posted on here for a month, nor have I replied to any comments (so sorry if you left one - I’m trying to catch up!) I've not bought a single Christmas present. I've not sent any cards. There were days when I only just changed out of my pyjamas to do the school run. I've not worn any makeup for weeks.<br />
<br />
For the last five weeks, I've been editing my novel - <i>The Authenticity Project. </i>The deadline to get it back to my publishers in the UK and USA was yesterday. I made it. Just.<br />
<br />
I know I shouldn't grumble, as writing is actually the best job in the world. Whenever I talk about 'my job', my children clutch their sides and laugh hysterically, as they can't believe that anyone can be paid to make up stories. I can't quite believe it myself, to be honest. But the last few weeks have been <i>hard.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
For a start, there's the constant self doubt - <i>is anyone actually going to want to read this? </i>Plus, one of my main characters is an addict, and whenever I get to the chapter where he (spoiler alert) falls spectacularly off the wagon, I feel <i>awful. </i>Writing about his struggles getting sober feels much like I'm doing it again myself.<br />
<br />
Now I'm done, I'm exhausted. And the hours spent hunched over a laptop, mainlining mince pies for energy, mean that I'm physically out of shape and have done my back in. I'm a wreck. And Christmas is approaching like an out of control steam train...<br />
<br />
So, now the manuscript has left my desk and hit the desks of my editors, I can concentrate on getting fit, and getting my s**t back together in time for December 25th.<br />
<br />
And it's so fabulous to be back here with you guys. I'm so sorry for abandoning you!<br />
<br />
I'll post here in a day or two on how to survive Christmas without the booze, and I am still posting information and inspiration every day on the SoberMummy Facebook Page <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/">(click here)</a>, 'like' page to stay updated.<br />
<br />
In other news, The Sober Diaries is coming out in PAPERBACK with a brand new cover design on December 27th. You can <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661900/ref=sr_1_1_twi_pap_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1544620275&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley+sober+diaries">pre-order here</a>.<br />
<br />
Huge love to you all!<br />
<br />
SM x<br />
<br />SoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-19629398268367642562018-11-07T02:21:00.000-08:002018-11-07T04:48:06.682-08:00How Long Does it Take to Break a Habit?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuQiu7O3TQtg8txb9fOnFlqOry2tug0THahVvNMdIdVKVWJBhYTtaDcWRxTvhkZ4Fwq68jo-ov__NxtKweVFxs70klKZZrs4ORnQpV9NvOXvmmoMqh_7fRP9kbQCOwXmWa2VDD7M2JCoFY/s1600/woman+smoking.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="1334" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuQiu7O3TQtg8txb9fOnFlqOry2tug0THahVvNMdIdVKVWJBhYTtaDcWRxTvhkZ4Fwq68jo-ov__NxtKweVFxs70klKZZrs4ORnQpV9NvOXvmmoMqh_7fRP9kbQCOwXmWa2VDD7M2JCoFY/s320/woman+smoking.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
We're not very good at waiting for things.<br />
<br />
We've become so used to being able to buy anything online and have it arrive at our front door within twenty-four hours. We have any information we might ever need about anything just a few clicks away. We can find a date just by swiping right. Instant gratification is the new norm.<br />
<br />
When I quit drinking, I knew that the first few days, possibly weeks, would be pretty awful, but I thought that, fairly quickly, life would return to normal and I could forget about the whole thing.<br />
<br />
How wrong I was.<br />
<br />
You see, changing a deeply ingrained habit <i>takes time. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
I spent nearly three decades persuading my sub-conscious mind to equate any social event with alcohol. Then, over time, I taught it that alcohol was necessary to deal with any celebration, any commiseration, any stress, any anxiety or, in fact, pretty much any emotion at all.<br />
<br />
However determined you are that alcohol, cigarettes, sugar, prescription drugs (delete as appropriate) no longer have a role in your life, you <i>cannot </i>hurry up your subconscious. It will catch up with the new agenda eventually, but you have to, slowly, slowly, build new neural pathways to replace the old ones.<br />
<br />
For fifteen years, I was a terrible smoker. I <i>adored </i>smoking. I saw it as rebellious and sexy, and cigarettes were the prop I relied on to get me through any slightly tough times. By the end, I would need to light a cigarette just to answer the telephone, and I was smoking around thirty a day.<br />
<br />
Quitting was <i>really hard. </i>I didn't think I'd ever be able to enjoy a party again, or a meal with friends without the cigarette at the end to look forward to. How could I <i>have sex </i>without being able to light up afterwards?<br />
<br />
It took a <i>long time </i>to persuade my sub-conscious to get with the programme. I missed it less and less, but the cravings would still blind-side me for months after I quit.<br />
<br />
Yet now, the idea of <i>smoking </i>after a meal, or after sex, or indeed any time at all fills me with total horror. <i>Why on earth would I do that to myself?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
And, three years after quitting drinking, I'm starting to feel the same about booze.<br />
<br />
These days, I hardly ever think about drinking. I don't notice what other people are drinking. I have to remind myself to buy wine if someone's coming round for dinner, and I never look at their glass with envy. In fact, I don't look at it at all.<br />
<br />
But getting to this point took a while. You can't do it in one month, which is why Dry January can be a bit off-putting. The first month is really hard, and not long enough to see the real benefits.<br />
<br />
So how long does it take to break a habit?<br />
<br />
Many addiction experts talk about the power of threes.<br />
<br />
It takes three days for the toxins to leave your body.<br />
<br />
It takes three weeks for the worst of the physical withdrawal symptoms to recede.<br />
<br />
It takes three months (or around 100 days) for the worst of the mental cravings to go.<br />
<br />
I would add that it can take over a year before you get to the point where it never even crosses your mind to go back there.<br />
<br />
I'm sure that the reason a lot of people quit quitting is that they've done a few days, weeks or even months and <i>it's still hard, </i>and they can't believe that it should still be difficult, or that it's ever going to get any better.<br />
<br />
I promise you, IT WILL.<br />
<br />
100 days seems like a very long time when you're struggling. A year feels like an eternity. But it's nothing in the context of the rest of your life.<br />
<br />
There are some tricks you can use to give your sub-conscious a kick up the arse.<br />
<br />
If you're quitting alcohol, change all your passwords to ilovebeingsober, for example. Just typing that several times a day will help.<br />
<br />
Make a vision board showing what life without booze/cigarettes/sugar will look like - happy, healthy and energetic. Put it by your bed so that your sub-conscious sees it every single morning.<br />
<br />
Write a list of all the reasons you don't want to drink/smoke/eat rubbish and put it on the fridge door.<br />
<br />
Don't give up giving up. Don't give up on yourself. Don't give up on life.<br />
<br />
If you do find yourself constantly back at Day One, then read my post<a href="https://mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-obstacle-course.html"> The Obstacle Course (click here)</a>. It's one of my most popular blog posts and many, many people have told me it's helped them.<br />
<br />
To find out more about the ups and downs of the first few months sober you can read my book, The Sober Diaries,<a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661870/ref=sr_1_1_twi_har_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1541585562&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley"> here (UK)</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06W9J1V6D/ref=zg_bs_156550011_11?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=Y8T1SY4Q7MTPWRTQTSJY">here (USA)</a>.<br />
<br />
I also post daily information and inspiration on the<a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/"> SoberMummy Facebook page</a> ('like' page to stay updated).<br />
<br />
Love to you all,<br />
<br />
SM<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />SoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-70214854057656176842018-10-20T00:14:00.001-07:002018-10-20T01:17:20.521-07:00Understanding the Wine Witch<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
One of the keys to beating addiction is understanding the wine witch.<br />
<br />
If you've ever been addicted to anything, you'll know instinctively what I mean. If you've never had an issue with moderation (lucky you), then this post may help you to get inside the head of those who do.<br />
<br />
I really can't remember when I first met the wine witch. I think it must have been sometime around my late twenties. I know that when I was at University I would drink sometimes, and not drink at other times, and not think about it at all in-between. It just wasn't on my mind.<br />
<br />
But, at some point, a little voice started to take up residence in my head. At first, it was barely noticeable, it felt just like another regular thought. It would say things like <i>ooh, she looks fun, looks like she enjoys a drink or two. You should make friends with her!</i> or <i>Hey, it's still early! Why not have one for the road?</i><br />
<br />
So far, so normal.<br />
<br />
The problem with addiction is that it's progressive. Those thoughts which used to float by once in a while start to appear more often. You begin to be familiar with <i>better buy an extra bottle, just in case you run out </i>and <i>what about a wine box? So much more cost efficient!</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
By the time I quit drinking, the wine witch was a permanent resident in my head, fretting about when I was going to drink next, how much I was going to drink, where I was going to buy the drink from, how many bottles were in the recycling bin, and so on.<br />
<br />
Sharing your head with all of that on a daily basis is <i>exhausting, </i>as well as totally distracting. It's difficult to achieve anything else in your life when you're dealing with all the constant chatter.<br />
<br />
So I quit.<br />
<br />
The problem was, that when you start to fight your addiction, the internal monologue initially gets WORSE.<br />
<br />
<i>WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? YOU FEEL AWFUL! YOU NEED MORE WINE! YOU ARE BORING WITHOUT IT! LIFE IS BORING WITHOUT IT!</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
You start to feel like you're going a little crazy. You know <i>logically, </i>with your conscious mind, that the booze has to go, that it's no good for you, but your sub-conscious mind is still addicted - it hasn't caught up. You're effectively waging an ongoing battle in your own head.<br />
<br />
This is where the wine witch comes in.<br />
<br />
You need to give that voice a <i>name, a personality, </i>so that you realise it's NOT YOU. It's your addiction. And once you separate that voice from yourself, you can understand it, and you can beat it. You can't keep fighting <i>yourself</i> for very long, but you can fight an evil enemy.<br />
<br />
Addicts choose different names and personifications for their addict brains. I love the wine witch, because wine was my thing. Alan Carr talks about a snake which has taken residence in your belly. George Michael sang about The Monkey.<br />
<br />
<i>Why can't you do it?</i><br />
<i>Why can't you set your monkey free?</i><br />
<i>Always giving in to it.</i><br />
<i>Do you love the monkey, or do you love me?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
As soon as I named and pictured my enemy, I knew I could kill her. I understood that she would try every trick in the book to try to persuade me to drink, because that was how she gained her strength. I knew that the only way to destroy her was to deprive her of alcohol.<br />
<br />
I would imagine blasting the witch with a machine gun. I'd fry her with my dragons (thank you, Game of Thrones). I'd clobber her around the head with my stiletto heels. I was The Bride in Kill Bill, wreaking furious vengeance whenever that witch stuck her head over the parapet and started bleating about <i>just one won't do any harm...</i><br />
<br />
The longer you go without a drink/drug, the weaker the wine witch or monkey becomes, their voice less strident, less insistent. But <i>just one drink </i>brings them back to life with a vengeance.<br />
<br />
It takes a while to kill the witch. For me, it was about 100 days until she started quieting down, and six months before she really shut up.<br />
<br />
Then, one day, I realised that I hadn't heard from her at all for some time. I was free. I had tapped my red shoes together and gone back to Kansas with Toto.<br />
<br />
And that silence, that freedom, is the most magical feeling in the world.<br />
<br />
To find out more about the ups and downs of the first year sober, read The Sober Diaries <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661870/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1540019140&sr=8-1">here (UK)</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06W9J1V6D/ref=zg_bs_156550011_10?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=6RRD1S45V88X5ST1C4NT">here (USA)</a> in hardback, Kindle or audio.<br />
<br />
I also post daily information and inspiration on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/">SoberMummy Facebook Page</a> ('like' page to stay updated) and you can follow me on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/clare_pooley/">Instagram, @clare_pooley</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/cpooleywriter">Twitter, @cpooleywriter</a>.<br />
<br />
Love to you all,<br />
<br />
SM xSoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-54459954215124989092018-09-28T05:46:00.001-07:002018-09-28T19:36:00.708-07:00How to Get Rich - Quit Drinking<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br />
There were many things about my life that I thought would change when I stopped drinking, but becoming richer wasn't one of them.<br />
<br />
Back in the drinking days, I was always broke. At the beginning of the month, my bank account might just sneak its head over the wall into the black, but within a week I'd be wallowing back in the depths of my overdraft facility.<br />
<br />
I tried many ways of economising, but one thing that I didn't consider <i>for a minute </i>was the amount I was spending on booze.<br />
<br />
I saw my wine expenditure as a necessary staple, like loo roll and washing powder. I didn't even consider buying cheaper alcohol, as I thought the fact that I bought relatively expensive wine made me a connoisseur rather than a lush.<br />
<br />
It was only after I quit that I added up the amount I was spending on alcohol, and it was HUGE! I'm too ashamed to confess the numbers, but it was thousands of pounds a year, enough for a family holiday.<br />
<br />
And it wasn't just the amount I was spending on the actual wine, it was the knock-on effects. I spent a fortune on taxis, as I was always drinking too much to drive. I spent loads of money buying things I didn't need on the internet late at night, a few glasses down. I bought many bunches of flowers, as an apology to various hostesses for my behaviour the night before.<br />
<br />
It all adds up.<br />
<br />
When I quit, slowly, slowly, the amount of time I spent overdrawn decreased, without any effort at all. By the end of Year One I was SOLVENT.<br />
<br />
But that wasn't all.<br />
<br />
The other thing you notice when you quit drinking is how much more energetic and creative you become, and how much time you have on your hands.<br />
<br />
Many people have e-mailed me telling me that their careers took off as soon as they quit. They started bouncing into the office in the morning with all the enthusiasm of the youngest intern, firing on all cylinders throughout the day.<br />
<br />
Being the sober person in an office gives you an edge. You don't spend hours shuffling paper back and forth while waiting for a hangover to recede, you can use office parties to network rather than snogging someone you'll regret and you are always on form.<br />
<br />
It is no surprise that many of the most successful people in any field are non drinkers. Anna Winter and Tina Brown don't drink. Kim Kardashian doesn't drink. Many of the mosr successful Hollywood actors, pop stars and captains of industry are sober.<br />
<br />
Also, many of us find that when we quit drinking we re-discover childhood passions, and sometimes those passions can lead to wonderful new careers.<br />
<br />
In my case, going sober led to writing, starting right here with this blog, and (drum roll), I've just agreed deals for my first two novels with publishers in the UK, USA and all over Europe.<br />
<br />
I've heard stories of people launching new businesses in a myriad of fields: teaching yoga, making jewellery, psychotherapy, recovery coaching, interior design. The list goes on and on.<br />
<br />
So, if you're reading this while hungover and broke, then just consider the fact that those two things may be completely intertwined.<br />
<br />
To find out more about the benefits of going sober, read The Sober Diaries <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661870/ref=sr_1_1_twi_har_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1538138675&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley">here (UK)</a>, or <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06W9J1V6D/ref=zg_bs_156550011_8?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=5AK0WA6047VZFMPQV8YG">here (USA)</a>.<br />
<br />
There's daily information and inspiration on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/">SoberMummy Facebook Page</a> ('like page' to stay updated).<br />
<br />
Love and prosperity to you all!<br />
<br />
SM x<br />
<br />SoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-18121624543215664412018-09-09T22:47:00.001-07:002018-09-09T22:58:35.738-07:00An Exciting Week...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
I still vividly remember the days (years) when I would wake up at 4am on a Monday morning feeling toxic, filled with dread, or at least ennui, about the week ahead.<br />
<br />
Today, I woke up at 4am because I am <i>so excited </i>about this week that I just couldn't stay asleep any longer.<br />
<br />
(You may well, at this point, want to give me a virtual punch, in which case I completely understand and I am truly sorry).<br />
<br />
Then, I walked out of my bedroom to discover that the dog had thrown up several times on the carpet overnight. What the universe gives with one hand, she takes away with the other.<br />
<br />
The first exciting event is that my book is coming out in german. How wunderbar is that? Please tell any of your german friends! <a href="https://www.beltz.de/sachbuch_ratgeber/buecher/produkt_produktdetails/37939-chianti_zum_fruehstueck.html">You can order a copy here</a>.<br />
<br />
You can also buy The Sober Diaries in dutch <a href="https://www.amazon.nl/Chardonnee-Clare-Pooley-ebook/dp/B07D91YG8X?__mk_nl_NL=%C3%85M%C3%85%C5%BD%C3%95%C3%91&crid=7VUV2NQBI9JZ&keywords=clare+pooley&qid=1536557603&sprefix=clare+%2Caps%2C130&sr=8-1&ref=sr_1_1">(here)</a>, french <a href="https://www.amazon.fr/Jai-recommenc%C3%A9-vivre-Clare-Pooley-ebook/dp/B07DP7P28N/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1536557648&sr=8-1">(here)</a> and in english <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661870/ref=sr_1_1_twi_har_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1536557703&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley+sober+diaries">(here UK)</a> and (<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06W9J1V6D/ref=zg_bs_156550011_14?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=7KWXGY8TERKX5XSGW0RZ">here USA</a>).<br />
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Another thrilling, but also terrifying, event this week is that my first novel is being sent out to publishers.<br />
<br />
I've been writing and re-writing this book for about six months, and planning it in my head for many, many years, so this feels much like handing round your baby to a bunch of strangers, hoping that they'll look after her and not say <i>yikes, what an ugly infant, take it away!</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
I dare not tell you much about the book for fear of jinxing it, but I will tell you that one of the main characters is, obviously, an addict. He is deeply flawed but utterly gorgeous, and I am secretly in love with him (don't tell Mr SM).<br />
<br />
I'd be hugely grateful if you could send it good vibes! Thank you.<br />
<br />
I'm still on a high, too, from the weekend. One of the joys of no longer being anonymous is that I can meet up with other sober revolutionaries <i>in real life, </i>which is what I did on Saturday night, in a really cool bar in Soho.<br />
<br />
I met the amazing Jolene Park, who is visiting from the USA. If you haven't yet watched her TEDx talk on Grey Area Drinking, you must.<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvCMZBA7RiA"> It's here</a>.<br />
<br />
Lovely Mandy, from the brilliant <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/love-sober-podcast/id1379018341?mt=2">LoveSober podcast</a> came too, plus the hugely talented ladies who founded <a href="https://weareingood.co/">We Are in Good Company</a>, the sober greeting cards business, who are single-handedly taking on all those booze joke cards.<br />
<br />
I was there first, and asked for a lime and soda. Every time a new person joined me, also not ordering booze, the waiter looked increasingly confused.<br />
<br />
We drank mocktails and hoovered bar snacks for FOUR HOURS, while we laughed till my jaw ached, and the bill came up to <i>twenty pounds </i>a head<i>. </i>Bargain for a Saturday night in the West End! That's what happens when you don't split the bill with the drinkers :-)<br />
<br />
Saturday night was, for me, a great reminder that ex-drinkers really are the best people around.<br />
<br />
Yesterday, I took Kit to a waterpark with a friend. I was hanging out with a cup of tea, when a lady I'd never met came up to me and said "excuse me, but are you Clare Pooley?" That has <i>never </i>happened to me before. She was reading my book, and recognised me from<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKfuGMzmfTs"> my TEDx talk</a>.<br />
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Needless to say, my kids were thrilled because they now think that I'm going to be on Love Island and I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. Ha Ha. Must practise swanning around in a bikini and eating locusts.<br />
<br />
There's loads more information and inspiration, as always, on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/">SoberMummy Facebook Page</a> ('like' page to stay updated), including a brilliant article on booze and the menopause which is going up this evening.<br />
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Huge love to you all!<br />
<br />
SM x<br />
<br />SoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-27433524974212450752018-09-01T23:03:00.000-07:002018-09-01T23:09:27.079-07:00When's the Best Time to Quit Drinking?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
I get lots of messages from people who tell me that they really want to quit drinking, but they can't do it yet because they're going on holiday, have a birthday coming up, a special party to go to, or they're dealing with a stressful time at home or work.<br />
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For many years I did the same. I put off dealing with the inevitable because it was never the <i>right time. </i>Even if someone had erected a bright pink, neon sign outside my bedroom window reading IT'S THE RIGHT TIME, I would have ignored it.<br />
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There are <i>always </i>a host of brilliant (and many not so brilliant) excuses to carry on drinking, because there will always be (we hope) occasions to celebrate and, sadly, there will always be difficult things to cope with.<br />
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The truth it, the best time to quit drinking, once you know you have to, is always NOW. Because you may as well get on with it, deal with the tough few months, then start really living your life, free from all the angst, pre-occupation and general yuckiness that playing with an addictive drug inevitably brings.<br />
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However, there are some times that are, I believe, better than others.<br />
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January is one. Quitting anything in January is made easier by the fact that <i>everyone </i>seems to be quitting something, and we're all holed up inside, cold, broke and sad, wearing our hair shirts and feeling sorry for ourselves.<br />
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But, for that reason, January is all a bit <i>miserable. </i>And quitting drinking, whilst it's hard, should be a cause for celebration and for feeling good about yourself.<br />
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Which is why SEPTEMBER is my favourite time of year.<br />
<br />
September, like January, is a time for fresh starts. It may not be the start of the calendar year, but it IS the start of the new school year, and - if you're a mum - that is way more significant than just changing a digit at the end of the date.<br />
<br />
September is a time for brand new stationery, sharpened pencils, polished shoes and new friends. And it's a great time for new resolutions.<br />
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After the excesses of the summer holidays, everyone is 'back on it.' We're all starting diets, dusting off the gym membership and promising to get life back on track.<br />
<br />
Also, if you quit drinking now, by the time Christmas comes around you'll have done the first 100 days, which are by far the hardest, and you'll be able to really enjoy the holiday season feeling good about yourself.<br />
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If you live in the UK, you can sign up for Sober October in aid of Macmillan Cancer Support. Then you can tell your friends you're doing it for charity (and avoid all the difficult questions for the time being), and make the most of Macmillan's great online support groups and tools.<br />
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So, if you're reading this and thinking <i>I know I need to quit drinking but I'm not sure if it's the right time, </i>then know this: it is. There will never be a better time than now.<br />
<br />
If you'd like a great kick start to the new you, then I'm hosting a workshop in London in conjunction with World Without Wine on Saturday, October 6th and there are a few spaces still available. <a href="https://www.worldwithoutwine.com/london-workshops/">You can find more details here</a>.<br />
<br />
If you'd like to know what to expect in the first year of going sober, then read <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661870/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1534493838&sr=8-1">The Sober Diaries</a>, and for daily information and inspiration, visit the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/">SoberMummy Facebook Page</a> ('like' the page if you want to stay updated).<br />
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By the way, my September resolution is dealing with my addiction to ice-cream. Over the summer I seem to have become a Magnum magnet, and a pesky gelato shop has opened up at the end of my street, taunting me with great mountains of creamy dulce de leche ice-cream. Argh.<br />
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Happy new school year to you all!<br />
<br />
SM xSoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com45tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-57697388738096081242018-08-17T01:20:00.000-07:002018-08-17T01:54:18.987-07:00Alcohol and the Sun<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Sunshine and alcohol go together like champagne at Wimbledon, a glass of chilled white wine by the pool or a cocktail on the beach. As soon as the sun comes out, we all go crazy and start taking off our clothes, dancing on tables, singing badly and copping off with strangers.<br />
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Or was that just me?<br />
<br />
For many years, I couldn't imagine the summer without booze. Yet, here I am, in sunny France, on holiday with Mr SM, the kids and my parents, and I'm not missing it at all.<br />
<br />
In the old days, french holidays were all about <i>le vin</i>. Now they're about early morning swims, trips to the local market to buy delicious cheeses, bread and fruit for lunch and time spent reconnecting with family.<br />
<br />
But the first summer without alcohol is <i>hard, </i>so if you're struggling, you might find that this new research, sent to me by my friends over at <i><a href="https://agewellproject.com/about/">The Age Well Project</a>, </i>gives you the added incentive that you need.<br />
<br />
A recent study of 300,000 Americans found that excessive drinking was associated with higher rates of sunburn.<br />
<br />
The authors acknowledge the fact that this may be due to big drinkers being people who generally play fast and loose with health warnings and laugh in the face of caution, but they argue that it's also a result of alcohol's impact on our skin.<br />
<br />
When we drink, our body produces lots of free radicals which eat up the antioxidants that protect our skin from sunburn, and our bodies from cancer. (I'd always thought that 'free radicals' sounded pretty exciting, and rather wanted to be one, but apparently they are <i>baddies).</i><br />
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Amazingly, the study showed that if you drink three shots of vodka, within just <i>eight minutes </i>the level of protective antioxidants in your skin drops dramatically, leaving you at higher risk of sunburn, premature skin ageing and skin cancer.<br />
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Conversely, if you want to help protect your skin in the sun, the study also showed that eating (or drinking) fresh fruit and vegetables will increase the antioxidants in your skin and enhance your natural sunblock. Yay - bring out the mocktails!<br />
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If you'd like to read the whole article on alcohol and sun damage, you can find it on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/">SoberMummy Facebook page</a>.<br />
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In other news this summer, I went to my first festival sober - WOMAD. I discovered a whole new side to festivals I hadn't known existed - early morning yoga and tai chi, fabulous talks and demonstrations and delicious food, as well as the incredible music and dance. Who knew there were <i>morning events </i>at festivals?<br />
<br />
While I was there, I gave a talk (yes, really!) for Radio 4's Four Thought on why <i>Sober is the New Happy. </i>If you'd like to hear it, it'll be on BBC Radio 4, 8.45pm on August 22nd, then after that on iPlayer (search for Four Thought).<br />
<br />
And, finally, if you're looking for some summer reading by the pool, then look no further than <i>The Sober Diaries, </i>described as Bridget Jones Dries Out, and available <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06X957YDV/ref=sr_1_1_twi_kin_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1534493838&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley">here (UK)</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06W9J1V6D?pf_rd_p=d1f45e03-8b73-4c9a-9beb-4819111bef9a&pf_rd_r=227CNJ10Z55BKBDCSWPG">here (USA)</a>.<br />
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Bon Vacances, my friends!<br />
<br />
SM x<br />
<br />
<br />SoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-72216482348136140302018-07-28T00:51:00.000-07:002018-07-28T01:44:42.576-07:00Alcohol-Free Drinks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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For many of my readers, alcohol-free drinks are the single most useful prop for getting through the early days of being sober.</div>
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If you've read my book, <i><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661870/ref=sr_1_1_twi_har_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1532763651&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley">The Sober Diaries</a>, </i>you will know that Beck's Blue got me through many a dark hour. When I was dealing with the cancer diagnosis, I would cling to my bottle of alcohol-free beer like a drowning man to a life-raft.</div>
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Here, however, is a health warning: <i>Some people find alcohol-free drinks very dangerous.</i></div>
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Alcoholics Anonymous strongly advise not going near 'fake alcohol.' Their argument is that it just makes you want the real stuff, and it's a displacement activity that stops you properly 'recovering.'</div>
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The truth is, you just have to know yourself - what works for you and what doesn't.</div>
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In my early months of being sober, I avoided alcohol-free wine. Just looking at the bottle would make me yearn for a glass of the hard stuff. </div>
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But alcohol-free <i>beer </i>was totally different, because I had never been a beer drinker. I'd never thought of weak, gassy beer as a 'proper drink'. So, alcohol-free beer was not a trigger for me at all. And it <i>really helped. </i>Here's why:</div>
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We have spent years, decades, teaching our sub-conscious minds that the way to wind down and de-stress, is to have a drink. Initially, when we quit, our sub-conscious really misses that short-cut to relaxation. </div>
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Over time, we find better, varied and more healthy ways of doing the same thing, but - in the meantime - 'fake booze' tricks your self-conscious into chilling out. I promise you, it works. When I first discovered Beck's Blue it even made me feel <i>drunk. </i>Woo hoo!</div>
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Also, most 'soft drinks' are not created for adult palates. They are very, very sweet, filled with sugar and preservatives, and often very gassy. There is nothing that makes you feel more deprived at a drinks party than only being offered tap water or sticky orange juice. If you're lucky, you get elderflower. Oh joy.</div>
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Alcohol-free drinks, however, make you feel properly grown-up. (I rarely feel properly grown-up). A glass of Seedlip (alcohol-free spirit) with a Fever-Tree tonic and some fresh mint at the end of the day hits the spot <i>way better </i>than Ribena. </div>
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Also, many of us don't like to tell people initially that we've quit drinking. The admission leads to so many questions and assumptions, that often it's easier to keep quiet for a while. Alcohol-free drinks help you to 'fake it till you make it.' If you sit drinking a bottle of AF beer in a pub, no-one bats an eyelid, and you still feel like one of the crowd.</div>
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An added bonus of alcohol-free drinks is that many of them are seriously <i>good for you! </i>That makes a change, doesn't it? If you haven't tried Kombucha already then do. It's really yummy and amazingly healthy. Plus, it's super trendy, so you'll be surfing the zeitgeist.</div>
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Alcohol-free beer is incredibly low in calories, contains <i>nothing </i>artificial and is full of B vitamins - exactly the ones that big drinkers tend to be deficient in. Isn't that a lovely form of karma?</div>
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One thing to be aware of: since this market is quite new, there are strange anomalies in the labelling regulations. Any drinks that are 0.5% ABV or less in mainland Europe can be described as 'alcohol-free'. In the UK, however, 0.5% is classed as 'low alcohol.' </div>
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This is nonsense, as even <i>orange juice </i>is 0.5% ABV, and it is <i>impossible </i>to become inebriated on 0.5%. Club Soda are lobbying Parliament to update the labelling of Alcohol-Free drinks.</div>
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When I first quit drinking, there were very few alcohol-free options available. Now there are <i>hundreds.</i></div>
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My personal favourites are: lager - Bavaria 0%, ale - Brewdog Nanny State, spirits - Seedlip and Berkshire Blend, wine - Torres Natureo and the new Adnams 0.5 range, Prosecco - Scavi & Ray. Please add your own favourites in the comments below!</div>
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My friend, <a href="https://wisebartender.co.uk/">The Wise Bartender</a> (who has just had a baby girl. A mini-wise-bartender, isn't that lovely?), stocks all of the above and lots, lots more and will deliver all over the UK. If you quote the code SOBERMUMMY on checkout, he'll give you a 5% discount. Whoop whoop.</div>
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There is loads more information and inspiration on being alcohol-free, as always, on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/">SoberMummy Facebook page</a>.</div>
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The story of my first year booze-free, with all its ups and downs, is <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661870/ref=sr_1_1_twi_har_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1532763651&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley">here (UK)</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06W9J1V6D/ref=zg_bs_156550011_9?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=G2VQGEN3RHF1JSJCG7CT">here (USA)</a>.</div>
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Love to you all,</div>
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<br />SoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-77787808568403510192018-07-10T23:03:00.000-07:002018-07-10T23:30:22.032-07:00The Secret to Happiness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Whenever anyone asks me what I most want for my children, my answer is <i>to be happy. </i>And isn't that what we want for ourselves too, above everything else?<br />
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Well, I've read several books and countless articles on the secret of happiness, and one thing comes up again and again: <i>Gratitude.</i><br />
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This is particularly important for we addicts, especially those of you who have only recently quit drinking.<br />
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The reason we love alcohol so much, the thing that makes us crave it more and more is <i>dopamine. </i><br />
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Dopamine is the feel-good hormone that is released in the brain whenever we reach for that glass of vino.<br />
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When we quit drinking, our brain really misses that dopamine, which is one of the reasons you'll often crave chocolate - sugar releases dopamine too.<br />
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But here's the good news: there's a really easy way to get the same dopamine hit, without all the downsides of alcohol like hangovers and self-hatred<i>, </i>and without mainlining cake<i>: </i><b>Gratitude.</b><br />
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Feeling grateful increases your levels of serotonin too, in exactly the same way Prozac does. It's nature's natural anti-depressant.<br />
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I know what you're thinking: that's all well and good, but what if you can't think of anything to be grateful for?<br />
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Sometimes life just really is a bit miserable. Everything is going wrong, and the last thing is the world you feel is GRATEFUL.<br />
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Well, here's a wonderful trick:<br />
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<b>Remember when you wanted what you currently have.</b><br />
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I saw that written on Facebook, or Instagram, or a t-shirt - I can't remember. What I do remember is it getting stuck in my head and having a profound impact on me.<br />
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It's so easy to constantly strive for the next thing, always looking ahead and feeling miserable when we can't clear the next hurdle.<br />
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The crucial thing is to look back from time to time, and to see how far you've come.<br />
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For example, I have (many) days when my children are driving me crazy and I'm just exhausted with it all.<br />
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So, now I make myself remember my two early miscarriages, how utterly devastated I was and how all I wanted in the <i>whole world </i>was to be pregnant. I told myself that if my husband and I could have children I would never, ever want for anything else.<br />
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I remember when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer and thought I might die pretty soon. The only thing I wanted was to be around for long enough to see my children reach adulthood.<br />
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I remember when we bought our first flat, and just a couple of months later there was a fire in the flat two floors above us, and the whole house nearly burnt down. I remember thinking that the only thing that was important was a roof over your head.<br />
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If you're struggling with the early months of being sober, remember when the thing you most wanted was to just get through a whole week without a drink.<br />
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The truth is that when the s**t hits the fan, we realise that all we really want is the simple things: family, health, a home.<br />
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However bad things seem, if you can remember to be grateful for these things, for <i>anything, </i>you will feel happier. The more often you find something to be grateful for, the easier it gets and the happier you feel. Simple.<br />
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If you'd like to read more about how to feel happy without booze, then there's a wonderful article from Time Magazine going up on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/">SoberMummy Facebook page</a> this evening. (If you 'like' the page, Facebook will keep you updated).<br />
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For the story of my first year sober, with all its ups and downs, read <i>The Sober Diaries. </i><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661870/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1531289267&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley">Click here</a> if you're in the UK, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06W9J1V6D/ref=zg_bs_156550011_11?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=MYW9Y8BACTZPJW2X729J">here for USA</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com.au/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06X957YDV/ref=sr_1_1_twi_kin_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1531289410&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley">here for Australia</a>.<br />
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Love to you all!<br />
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SM xSoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-6088216704496203542018-06-25T01:57:00.000-07:002018-06-25T03:00:01.087-07:00Filling the Hole<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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When you quit drinking it usually leaves a big hole. It certainly did for me.<br />
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So much of my life revolved around drinking - at parties, in restaurants and bars, and at home alone - that when I stopped, there was a huge... gap.<br />
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I've discovered that it is crucial to fill that gap with something else, ideally something that allows you to switch off, to get out of your head, the way that alcohol used to do.<br />
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My readers have found all sorts of ways of doing this - running, yoga, drawing, knitting, gardening, jewellery making, and much, much more. The crucial thing is that, whatever activity you pick, it keeps you <i>in the moment. </i><br />
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If you're in the early days of quitting, and you're really not sure how to fill the hole, then here's my advice: <i>think back to when you were a teenager. </i>What made your heart beat faster? How did you spend your spare time? What did you want to be when you 'grew up?'<br />
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Many people tell me that when they quit drinking they re-discovered long forgotten passions. I read a story about a lady who loved to ice-skate as a young girl, but stopped when she became an adult. She took it up again in middle age, and it's now her greatest joy in life.<br />
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Another lady told me that she was passionate about horses and riding. When she quit drinking she got back on a horse for the first time in twenty years. She can't believe she left it so long.<br />
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It is <i>never too late </i>to rekindle that fire. And, if you find the right thing, you'll discover that it gives you a much greater high than alcohol ever did. And without the hangover. Perhaps you'll even turn it into your new career....<br />
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My 'thing' as a teenager was words. Writing, reading, anything and everything. So, when I quit drinking, that's what I went back to. I set up this blog and started writing every day, for the first time in nearly thirty years. This blog led to my book - <i><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661870/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1529916843&sr=8-3">The Sober Diaries</a>.</i><br />
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Then, as you may remember from a previous post, I applied to do a three month novel-writing course.<br />
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I've spent the last three months lost in a fictional world in my own head. It's been the most intense and mind-blowing experience. At times I've felt like I was going a little crazy. And apologies for not posting on here very much through that period.<br />
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But it's not just the writing that I've loved - it's the course itself.<br />
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There are fifteen of us in our group, and our ages range from twenty-three to around sixty. We come from very different backgrounds, have different careers and interests and are writing totally different novels, but we all have a shared passion.<br />
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I spent decades choosing companions by their ability to match me drink for drink. It's wonderful to have a diverse group of friends with something completely different in common.<br />
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I've loved spending two evenings a week discussing great literature and our own (not so great) attempts, rather than just exchanging idle gossip down the pub.<br />
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So, why not spend some of the money you've saved on not drinking doing an evening course? It'll keep your hands and mind busy, introduce you to a new social circle and may become your new passion.<br />
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Learn to make pots! Discover how a car engine works! Find out how to do your own decorating or plumbing. The world is your oyster.<br />
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Do tell us what you're planning to do in the comments below.<br />
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I'm still posting information and inspiration daily on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/">SoberMummy Facebook page here</a>. If you 'like' the page then Facebook will keep you updated.<br />
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Lots of love to you all!<br />
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SM x<br />
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<br />SoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-42854051452848633422018-06-15T23:48:00.000-07:002018-06-16T00:04:22.277-07:00Sober Date Night<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I was looking for a picture to illustrate this post, so I typed 'romantic dinner' into the Google search. Almost all the images that came up featured two glasses of wine. And that really illustrates the problem. At least this one has two <i>empty </i>glasses. </div>
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I get lots of letters from people who worry that giving up drinking will ruin date night forever. </div>
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This was one of my main worries too. I'd had so many wonderful, drunken evenings out with my husband over the years, in restaurants, bars and parties. I really wasn't sure whether I could <i>do </i>'date night' sober, without being haunted by memories of better nights in the past.</div>
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Well please, please don't worry! There will be a tricky few months of re-adjustment, but sober romance is not only possible, but fabulous. </div>
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Date night is particularly tricky if your partner still drinks. They're sad because they've lost a drinking buddy, and you're annoyed because have to sit and watch someone drinking all evening. Aaarrrghhh.</div>
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There are a few things you can do to make it easier:</div>
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Firstly, try and be a bit more inventive of what you <i>do </i>on a date night. </div>
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We drinkers get very lazy about nights out. So long as they involve lots of booze, we don't really care, so it's generally all restaurants, bars and parties. </div>
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In the early few months I really recommend avoiding spending hours at a restaurant or bar table. You just won't enjoy it. </div>
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Why not go to a great movie instead? You'll be so engrossed that you won't even <i>think </i>about drinking. Or, splash out some of the money you've saved on theatre tickets, or a concert or gig. Go and see some stand up comedy - laughter is a great aphrodisiac.</div>
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You'll quite quickly find that not only is date night still fun, it's way more varied and interesting than it used to be!</div>
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Secondly, think about what you (and they) drink.</div>
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I discovered that date night is much easier and more romantic if you can drink roughly the same thing. What I mean is that if Mr SM has a mojito, I have a virgin mojito. If he has a beer, I'll have an alcohol-free beer, and so on. That way, both of us feel as if we're on the same wavelength. And we are!</div>
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If your partner still drinks and your biggest issue was, like mine, wine, then ask them to drink something else on date night for a while. Staring at a glass of wine all evening when you're not drinking it is no fun.</div>
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And finally, try not to romance the old days.</div>
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It's easy to look back and remember the times when you were both merrily drunk and laughing hysterically over some shared joke, and to forget all the drunken rows, the terrible hangovers and the festering misunderstandings caused by something said after a few too many,</div>
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Date night may take re-adjusting to, but it will, eventually, be better than ever and, crucially, your relationship will be way stronger because you will be a much nicer person to live with - more even tempered, energetic, understanding and happy.</div>
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So hurrah for sober romance, and hurrah for all of you!</div>
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If you have some of your own tips and advice for sober date nights, then please do leave them in the comments below. Thank you!</div>
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To find our more about the first year sober, read <i>The Sober Diaries. </i>Click <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661870/ref=sr_1_1_twi_har_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1529131318&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley+sober+diaries">here UK</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06W9J1V6D/ref=zg_bs_156550011_11?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=500RQXVY3HB41HRAM7FR">here USA</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com.au/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06X957YDV/ref=sr_1_1_twi_kin_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1529131416&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley">here Australia</a>.</div>
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Thank you so much to <i>Feedspot </i>for voting Mummy was a Secret Drinker one of the UK's top 10 alcohol blogs. Whoop whoop. To see the full list <a href="https://blog.feedspot.com/uk_alcohol_blogs/">click here</a>.</div>
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If you'd like more face-to-face help and advice, there are still some places on the October workshop in London which I'm hosting with World Without Wine. <a href="https://www.worldwithoutwine.com/london-workshops/">For more information click here</a>.</div>
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Love to you all,</div>
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SM x</div>
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SoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4763877266715908242.post-57536733300464640252018-06-06T01:34:00.000-07:002018-06-06T06:36:54.973-07:00Grey Area Drinking<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As a society, we are very black and white about alcohol addiction. The accepted view is that people fall into one of two categories: 'normal drinker' or 'an alcoholic.'<br />
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The science doesn't support this. Alcohol addiction, like any other addiction, is progressive. It's a spectrum of shades of grey (or gray, if you're reading this from the USA).<br />
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Medical professionals have, for many years, been moving away from talking about 'alcoholism' to referring to 'alcohol use disorder' which is a sliding scale. And, finally, it looks as if society is starting to catch up.<br />
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I first came across the expression 'Grey Area Drinking' in the fabulous TEDx talk by Jolene Park, and yesterday I found an article which I posted on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SoberMummy/">SoberMummy Facebook page</a> titled 'Am I an Almost Alcoholic?'<br />
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There is more and more talk on social media and in the press about those of us who fall somewhere in between the neat categories of 'normal' and 'rock bottom.'<br />
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This issue is way more important that just semantics about terminology.<br />
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Firstly, the black and white view stops many of us acknowledging that we have a problem.<br />
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In my <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKfuGMzmfTs">TEDx talk: <i>Making Sober Less Shameful</i></a>, I tell the story of the evenings I spent Googling 'Am I an Alcoholic' and answering the resulting questionnaires. It would ask things like 'do you drink alone?' (no, I'm with the dog), and 'do you have blackouts?'<br />
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Some of those questions I'd answer 'yes' to, but many of them I'd answer 'no'. At which point I'd think 'phew, I'm okay then,' and carry on drinking, despite knowing, in my heart, that I had an issue.<br />
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The fear of being branded 'an alcoholic' stopped me from addressing my addiction for many years.<br />
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This black and white thinking perpetuates the shame of addiction. It enables the vast majority of people to think 'I'm alright, Jack,' and to look pityingly at those of us who aren't.<br />
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The reality is, however, that many, many people lie somewhere on that spectrum of dependency, even those who are only drinking one small glass of wine a day, if that glass is one they absolutely can't do without.<br />
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If we started seeing alcohol addiction as a spectrum of shades of grey, then more people would realise that they had a problem, and be encouraged to quit before they slid further down the slippery slope.<br />
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Because it <i>is </i>progressive. As with any other drug, your tolerance increases over time and your mind and body start to crave more and more.<br />
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The traditional view that you have to 'hit rock bottom' before you can quit is wrong and dangerous. The closer towards rock bottom you slide, the harder it is to stop.<br />
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By rock bottom, you're physically more dependant, your habits are more ingrained, and you feel more hopeless.<br />
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Once you've lost your job, your family and your home it's difficult to see what you have left to live for. Despair keeps you trapped in the downward spiral of addiction.<br />
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Instead of asking ourselves 'am I an alcoholic?' we should be asking questions like 'am I becoming dependant on booze? Is it having a negative impact on my life? Is it gradually becoming more of a problem?'<br />
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If your answer to those questions is 'yes', then climb off that slippery slide while it's still relatively easy to do so.<br />
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If you'd like to read the story of my first year without booze, <i>The Sober Diaries, </i>then <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661870/ref=sr_1_1_twi_har_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1528273693&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley+sober+diaries">click here (UK)</a>. The Kindle version is now back online in USA and Canada! Click <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06W9J1V6D/ref=zg_bs_156550011_6?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=104WD8B0PYAD5QDFYV4N">here (USA</a>), <a href="https://www.amazon.ca/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06W9J1V6D/ref=sr_1_1_twi_kin_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1528273821&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley">here (Canada</a> or <a href="https://www.amazon.com.au/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started-ebook/dp/B06X957YDV/ref=sr_1_1_twi_kin_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1528273863&sr=8-1&keywords=clare+pooley">here (Australia)</a>.<br />
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There are still places available on the October workshop in London that I'm hosting with <i>World Without Wine. </i><a href="https://www.worldwithoutwine.com/london-workshops/">For more information click here</a>.<br />
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Love to you all!<br />
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SM x<br />
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<br />SoberMummyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149651295183331661noreply@blogger.com20