We've all been there, and I know they'll make it eventually.
(If this describes you, then please, please click here to read my post on The Obstacle Course. I promise it'll help).
What their stories remind me of is how much headspace it all sucks up..
There is only so much time in the day for thinking, and when you're addicted to drinking, hours and hours of that time is used up in a totally destructive way.
Here's how it goes:
How awful do I feel this morning? What was I doing last night? Did I make a fool of myself/upset anyone/spill any secrets? Who do I need to apologise to? What do I need to get done this morning, and how tricky is it going to be?
....moving on to lots of.....
Why do I keep doing this? I promised myself I wouldn't drink last night. That's it. Today I am NOT DRINKING. I am going to detox and be reborn as a virtual goddess. NO MORE. This time I mean it.
....followed fairly swiftly by a bit of....
Perhaps today is not the VERY BEST day to stop. Surely it's best to stop on a Monday? And I've got Steph's party in a few days time. It'd be foolish to quit FOR GOOD now, and then have to immediately do a big party! Plus, what I really need today is a bit of 'hair of the dog.' Just a small glass. Just to take the edge off....
....Leading inevitably to....
Need to go and buy a bottle of wine. Actually, better make it two, as the husband is bound to want to drink some, and it wouldn't be good to run out, especially since this is one of my LAST DAYS of drinking. Can't go to my local shop. Bought 2 bottles there yesterday! Better go further afield....
....and then....
Not much point leaving anything in this bottle. If there's half a bottle sitting in the fridge I'll only want to drink it tomorrow. And I'm not going to drink tomorrow - oh no! There we go. All gone! Clever me...
....and back to....
How awful do I feel this morning....?
It's all so repetitive, and boring, and time consuming.
The problem is that for the first few weeks after you quit it gets worse. You think about drinking even more.
But DON'T GIVE UP GIVING UP, because slowly, slowly all that inner dialogue stops (for many, it takes 100 days before it really starts to get better). And you're left with....
.....silence. Peace. Quiet.
And you can use all that headspace to think about much better and more interesting things.
Suddenly you realise just how self-centred addiction makes you.
Because all that dialogue is inwardly directed, you just haven't had the time to think about sending x a birthday card, supporting y through her divorce or dropping some spare home baked cookies off to the old lady next door.
(Actually, I've still not done the cookie thing, but I will soon).
Now you find that you're a nicer person.
Plus you have the time and energy to think about the big stuff. Like what you're going to do with the rest of your life....
Plus you have the time and energy to think about the big stuff. Like what you're going to do with the rest of your life....
So, why not make today your final day one (if you haven't already). It's Easter Sunday - a perfect day for new beginnings.
(If you want to read my story from my final Day One, then click here).
(If you want to read my story from my final Day One, then click here).
Love SM x
