There's been lots of discussion in the UK recently about alcohol fuelled rage.
Airlines UK, which represents many of the major carriers, have called for stronger deterrents for passengers who decide to crack open their duty-free booze while still on board.
Ryanair have asked airports to ban sales of booze before 10am, and insist passengers drink no more than two alcoholic drinks before flying.
In the last year 387 people were arrested for being drunk and disorderly on a plane, up from 255 the year before.
I bet none of this surprises any of you.
I've found that one of the best things about being sober is the lack of ANGER. I still get cross from time to time, obviously, but it's a slow burn kind of cross, a gradually building irritation. Alcohol (or hangover) induced rage isn't like that at all. It hits you from nowhere like a tornado.
Here's what I wrote, back on DAY 190, about alcohol and rage:
I keep
coming across stories in the newspapers about celebrities getting into trouble
due to fits of rage. Funnily enough, it’s never the teetotal ones and there’s
usually alcohol involved. The most common incidents involve throwing mobile
phones at support staff, yelling at air stewardesses, being carted off planes
and losing it over inadequate catering arrangements.
Needless to say, I love reading
these stories, because all of us big drinkers have, in slightly less dramatic
ways, had incidents of alcohol-induced rage. I remember (as, sadly, do many of
the other guests) throwing a glass of wine at my husband (the wine and the glass it was in) during a row
over a taxi booking at a friend’s wedding in France. Luckily, my aim was
terrible, so no lasting damage done, but sometimes these fits of temper can
have real consequences.
Years ago, when I was in the high-powered job (with the bar in
the office), I had two large glasses of wine with a colleague at lunch. When I
got back to my desk I found an email from a very important global client asking
for a number of unnecessary changes to the edit of the new TV commercial we’d
just shot. I fired off a reply in (drunken) high umbrage, calling him a Neanderthal
nincompoop who was obviously unable to appreciate a work of true artistic
genius. This email became famous and made me a heroine in the creative department,
but it got me fired from that client’s account and could easily have cost me my
job.
According to my research, alcohol narrows our focus of attention,
giving us tunnel vision, meaning that we become unable to take mitigating
circumstances, other people’s feelings or potential consequences into account
if we’re provoked when drunk. This means that we can react violently in
circumstances that we would ordinarily have shrugged off.
Also, because alcohol lowers our inhibitions, we are more likely
to end up in dangerous situations, leading to potential confrontation. We get a
dangerous, and false, burst of confidence. The problem is exacerbated by the
fact that we are less able to process information properly and are, therefore, more
prone to imagining insults (he looked at
me the wrong way, Your Honour).
Since I quit drinking I haven’t lost my temper once (well okay,
maybe once or twice, but definitively not a lot). I am Zen-level calm.
Which is why
events this evening come as a bit of a shock.
I’m in bed, about to drop off. Mr SM’s in the bathroom. As he
closes the bathroom door I hear a whuuumph! as the wet towel I’d
recently picked up off the floor and hung up hits the floor again. Needless to
say, Mr SM (who must have heard it too) pays no attention and climbs,
nonchalantly, into bed.
I sit bolt upright in bed and yell ‘THAT’S IT! I’VE HAD IT WITH
THE TOWELS!’
Mr SM looks totally taken aback. Rabbit in headlights. There’s no
stopping me.
‘I PICK UP YOUR TOWELS! I PICK UP #1'S TOWELS, #2’S TOWELS
AND #3’S TOWELS. IF THE DOG USED TOWELS I WOULD HAVE TO PICK THOSE UP TOO!
NO ONE ELSE IN THIS FAMILY EVER PICKS UP A TOWEL. IF IT WEREN’T FOR ME THE
WHOLE HOUSE WOULD GRADUALLY FILL UP WITH TOWELS UNTIL WE ALL DROWN
IN WHITE FLUFFY TOWELS!’
As I pause for breath, Mr SM puts his hand on my arm (very brave,
as I am considering biting it off), and says – very quietly – ‘SM, this isn’t
about the towels, is it?’
I stop and think. It strikes me that while I am, obviously, and
righteously, cross about the towel situation, the truth is that I am always
cross about towels. But a dropped towel won’t usually make me go
stratospheric.
#1 is away on a school trip. I’m not going to see her for a whole
week. The longest I’ve ever been without her previously is three days. I miss
her. That’s why I lost it.
Had I had a few drinks, I would never have realised this. I
would have ignored Mr SM’s intervention, which would only have increased my
fury. I would have moved on from the towels, and on to my other pet hate – the
way everyone leaves their dirty plates and cutlery on top of the dishwasher
rather than inside it. I would have accused Mr SM of being a terrible husband
and we both would have gone to sleep upset and angry with each other.
So, quitting alcohol doesn’t make the occasional bouts of irrational
rage go away, but it does help you to stop, get a sense of perspective and
realise that it’s not about the towels. Or the dishwasher. Or the
catering arrangements. And that has to be better for our sanity and our
relationships.
But I’d still love to know how to get anyone else in my family
to pick up a sodding, sodden towel once in a while.
Love and zen-like calm to you all,
SM x
Showing posts with label alcohol induced rage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alcohol induced rage. Show all posts
Wednesday, 16 August 2017
Sunday, 6 September 2015
Alcohol Induced Rage - Part 2
On day 15, way back in the Mists of Time (March 17th), I wrote this post on Alcohol Induced Rage.
It was inspired by Jeremy Clarkson, who lost his £1million a year job with the BBC for decking a producer who bought him a cold meat platter instead of a steak at the end of a day filming.
Jeremy had reminded me of the terrible red mists of fury that would descend after a drinking bout, over the tiniest of things.
(Incidentally, Jeremy recently picked up a new contract with Amazon Prime worth £10million a year. If only my alcoholic rages were anything like as profitable!)
I haven't lost my temper for a while - one of the great benefits of going sober is Zen-like calm (at least relatively speaking).
But I did last night.
I was in bed, about to drop off. Mr SM was in the bathroom. As he closed the bathroom door I heard a whuuumph! as the wet towel I'd recently picked up off the floor and hung up hit the floor again.
Needless to say, Mr SM (who must have heard it) paid no attention, and climbed into bed.
I sat bolt upright in bed and yelled THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT WITH THE TOWELS!
Mr SM looked totally taken aback. Rabbit in headlights. There was no stopping me.
I PICK UP YOUR TOWELS! I PICK UP #1'S TOWELS. #2 AND #3'S TOWELS. IF THE DOG USED TOWELS I WOULD HAVE TO PICK THOSE UP TOO! NO-ONE ELSE IN THIS FAMILY EVER PICKS UP A TOWEL. IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME THE WHOLE HOUSE WOULD GRADUALLY FILL UP WITH TOWELS UNTIL WE ALL DROWNED IN WHITE FLUFFY TOWELS!
As I paused for breath, Mr SM put his hand on my arm (very brave - I could have bitten it off), and said - very quietly - "SM, this isn't about the towels, is it?"
I stopped and thought. It struck me that whilst I was, obviously, cross about the towel situation, the truth is that I am always cross about towels. But a dropped towel won't usually make me go stratospheric.
#1 is away at the moment. I'm not going to see her for a whole week. Longer than I've ever been without her. I miss her. That's why I lost it.
Had I had a few drinks, I would never have realised this. I would have ignored Mr SM's intervention, which would only have increased my fury. I would have moved on from the towels, and onto my other pet hate - the way everyone leaves their dirty plates and cutlery on top of the dishwasher rather than inside it.
So, quitting alcohol doesn't make the occasional bouts of irrational rage go away, but it does help you to stop, get a sense of perspective, and realise that it's not about the towels. Or the dishwasher. Or the platter of cold meats.
And that has to be better for our sanity and our relationships.
By the way, if anyone has any ideas about how to get anyone else in my family to pick up a sodding, sodden towel once in a while then please let me know.
Love SM x
It was inspired by Jeremy Clarkson, who lost his £1million a year job with the BBC for decking a producer who bought him a cold meat platter instead of a steak at the end of a day filming.
Jeremy had reminded me of the terrible red mists of fury that would descend after a drinking bout, over the tiniest of things.
(Incidentally, Jeremy recently picked up a new contract with Amazon Prime worth £10million a year. If only my alcoholic rages were anything like as profitable!)
I haven't lost my temper for a while - one of the great benefits of going sober is Zen-like calm (at least relatively speaking).
But I did last night.
I was in bed, about to drop off. Mr SM was in the bathroom. As he closed the bathroom door I heard a whuuumph! as the wet towel I'd recently picked up off the floor and hung up hit the floor again.
Needless to say, Mr SM (who must have heard it) paid no attention, and climbed into bed.
I sat bolt upright in bed and yelled THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT WITH THE TOWELS!
Mr SM looked totally taken aback. Rabbit in headlights. There was no stopping me.
I PICK UP YOUR TOWELS! I PICK UP #1'S TOWELS. #2 AND #3'S TOWELS. IF THE DOG USED TOWELS I WOULD HAVE TO PICK THOSE UP TOO! NO-ONE ELSE IN THIS FAMILY EVER PICKS UP A TOWEL. IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME THE WHOLE HOUSE WOULD GRADUALLY FILL UP WITH TOWELS UNTIL WE ALL DROWNED IN WHITE FLUFFY TOWELS!
As I paused for breath, Mr SM put his hand on my arm (very brave - I could have bitten it off), and said - very quietly - "SM, this isn't about the towels, is it?"
I stopped and thought. It struck me that whilst I was, obviously, cross about the towel situation, the truth is that I am always cross about towels. But a dropped towel won't usually make me go stratospheric.
#1 is away at the moment. I'm not going to see her for a whole week. Longer than I've ever been without her. I miss her. That's why I lost it.
Had I had a few drinks, I would never have realised this. I would have ignored Mr SM's intervention, which would only have increased my fury. I would have moved on from the towels, and onto my other pet hate - the way everyone leaves their dirty plates and cutlery on top of the dishwasher rather than inside it.
So, quitting alcohol doesn't make the occasional bouts of irrational rage go away, but it does help you to stop, get a sense of perspective, and realise that it's not about the towels. Or the dishwasher. Or the platter of cold meats.
And that has to be better for our sanity and our relationships.
By the way, if anyone has any ideas about how to get anyone else in my family to pick up a sodding, sodden towel once in a while then please let me know.
Love SM x
Thursday, 11 June 2015
Drinking and Sexism
Day 102 (a long way to go before another milestone....)
Ever since I've become obsessed with reading every newspaper or magazine article I can find about alcohol and alcoholics, I've been aware of a worrying discrepancy between the way we talk about male drinkers and female drinkers.
It appears I'm not the only one to notice, because this was among the discussion topics on Radio 4's Woman's Hour yesterday. The fabulous Lucy Rocca - founder of Soberistas.com - was one of the interviewees.
The event that sparked the debate was Kate Moss being escorted off an EasyJet flight (yes, she really was flying EasyJet! Who knew?) for 'having a meltdown' over a lack of sandwiches, and drinking from a bottle of vodka she'd stashed in her hand luggage.
(Do you remember those bouts of self righteous anger that would strike like a red mist when you were drinking? They were, at least in my case, usually due to some imagined 'unfairness', very much like a toddler's strop. Totally out of proportion. See my post on Jeremy Clarkson and alcohol induced rage for more).
Now, despite the fact that fellow passengers have subsequently claimed 'the model's behaviour was not aggressive and crew’s response was disproportionate', Mossy was pilloried in the Daily Mail, and The Sun ran a front page article with the headline "KATE MESS!"
Kate Moss was escorted from her plane by uniformed police. Unlike another famously drunk airplane passenger, Gerard Depardieu, who despite weeing all over the carpet of an aeroplane and delaying the flight for two hours, was not arrested. The press coverage of this incident was all rather jovial. He's a bon viveur! A character! He's French! Who cares if he drinks 5 bottles of wine a day? (yes, you heard me right: FIVE!)
Imagine, for a moment, if a Hollywood actress had decided to pee in the aisle of an aeroplane. She would never work again! She would have gone straight to the Betty Ford Clinic and never come out. Meanwhile, Gerald's career goes from strength to strength.
Tom Ford was interviewed in the Evening Standard yesterday under the headline "If I'd carried on drinking I would have died." The article was hugely respectful, and Tom came across as a creative genius (which he is) successfully battling his demons (which he did).
(Incidentally, Tom Ford blames living in London for aiding and abetting his drink problem. He says "You can very easily consume 10 drinks a day and be considered absolutely normal.... Sometimes I'd say to friends "I think I have a drinking problem," and they'd say "oh, you don't have a drinking problem! Have another drink!")
Do you think for one moment that the story would have looked similar if Victoria Beckham admitted to having a drink problem? No way! Journalists would have fallen over each other to pull her off her pedestal. "Victoria's Perfect Life a Sham!" "Victoria Beckham in Drunken Lush Shame!"
Winston Churchill's habit of starting the day with whisky and water, and drinking constantly until bed time (see Why Ex Drinkers Rock. Part 2 for more) was seen as evidence of his quirky, eccentric genius. If Margaret Thatcher had done the same (apologies if you're now picturing Thatcher in bed) she would have been booted out well before her second term.
And we can't blame the men. In fact women seem to be the first to condemn each other. We revel in the schadenfreude of discovering that our female icons have feet of clay (and livers of yellow fat).
We are particularly hard on women who have children. Now, you and I know that you would have to drink an awful lot to get to the stage where you would let your children suffer one iota from your habit, but the assumption is that we are terrible, neglectful mothers.
It's no wonder that there are so many secret female drinkers out there. Not only are we worried about being pilloried for being weak willed, selfish drunks, but we run a very real risk of having our children taken away.
It was also pointed out on Woman's Hour that if a woman is physically dependant on alcohol and needs a medically supervised detox, there are no longer any mother-and-child units in the UK. She needs to find someone else to look after her children for several weeks or they are taken into care.
We know how difficult it is to fight the wine witch alone. In secret. But, until we can do something about the rampant sexism surrounding drinking, more and more women will fail to get the support they badly need.
Love SM x
Ever since I've become obsessed with reading every newspaper or magazine article I can find about alcohol and alcoholics, I've been aware of a worrying discrepancy between the way we talk about male drinkers and female drinkers.
It appears I'm not the only one to notice, because this was among the discussion topics on Radio 4's Woman's Hour yesterday. The fabulous Lucy Rocca - founder of Soberistas.com - was one of the interviewees.
The event that sparked the debate was Kate Moss being escorted off an EasyJet flight (yes, she really was flying EasyJet! Who knew?) for 'having a meltdown' over a lack of sandwiches, and drinking from a bottle of vodka she'd stashed in her hand luggage.
(Do you remember those bouts of self righteous anger that would strike like a red mist when you were drinking? They were, at least in my case, usually due to some imagined 'unfairness', very much like a toddler's strop. Totally out of proportion. See my post on Jeremy Clarkson and alcohol induced rage for more).
Now, despite the fact that fellow passengers have subsequently claimed 'the model's behaviour was not aggressive and crew’s response was disproportionate', Mossy was pilloried in the Daily Mail, and The Sun ran a front page article with the headline "KATE MESS!"
Kate Moss was escorted from her plane by uniformed police. Unlike another famously drunk airplane passenger, Gerard Depardieu, who despite weeing all over the carpet of an aeroplane and delaying the flight for two hours, was not arrested. The press coverage of this incident was all rather jovial. He's a bon viveur! A character! He's French! Who cares if he drinks 5 bottles of wine a day? (yes, you heard me right: FIVE!)
Imagine, for a moment, if a Hollywood actress had decided to pee in the aisle of an aeroplane. She would never work again! She would have gone straight to the Betty Ford Clinic and never come out. Meanwhile, Gerald's career goes from strength to strength.
Tom Ford was interviewed in the Evening Standard yesterday under the headline "If I'd carried on drinking I would have died." The article was hugely respectful, and Tom came across as a creative genius (which he is) successfully battling his demons (which he did).
(Incidentally, Tom Ford blames living in London for aiding and abetting his drink problem. He says "You can very easily consume 10 drinks a day and be considered absolutely normal.... Sometimes I'd say to friends "I think I have a drinking problem," and they'd say "oh, you don't have a drinking problem! Have another drink!")
Do you think for one moment that the story would have looked similar if Victoria Beckham admitted to having a drink problem? No way! Journalists would have fallen over each other to pull her off her pedestal. "Victoria's Perfect Life a Sham!" "Victoria Beckham in Drunken Lush Shame!"
Winston Churchill's habit of starting the day with whisky and water, and drinking constantly until bed time (see Why Ex Drinkers Rock. Part 2 for more) was seen as evidence of his quirky, eccentric genius. If Margaret Thatcher had done the same (apologies if you're now picturing Thatcher in bed) she would have been booted out well before her second term.
And we can't blame the men. In fact women seem to be the first to condemn each other. We revel in the schadenfreude of discovering that our female icons have feet of clay (and livers of yellow fat).
We are particularly hard on women who have children. Now, you and I know that you would have to drink an awful lot to get to the stage where you would let your children suffer one iota from your habit, but the assumption is that we are terrible, neglectful mothers.
It's no wonder that there are so many secret female drinkers out there. Not only are we worried about being pilloried for being weak willed, selfish drunks, but we run a very real risk of having our children taken away.
It was also pointed out on Woman's Hour that if a woman is physically dependant on alcohol and needs a medically supervised detox, there are no longer any mother-and-child units in the UK. She needs to find someone else to look after her children for several weeks or they are taken into care.
We know how difficult it is to fight the wine witch alone. In secret. But, until we can do something about the rampant sexism surrounding drinking, more and more women will fail to get the support they badly need.
Love SM x
Tuesday, 17 March 2015
Alcohol Induced Rage
My UK readers will be aware that Jeremy Clarkson has been all over the news this week. For the benefit of the non-Brits (by the way, welcome to my reader(s) in Antigua!), Jeremy Clarkson is a very well known, well loved TV presenter over here. Jeremy presents Top Gear - one of our most popular TV programmes, and one of our most lucrative exports.
Last week Jeremy got into a brawl with his producer in a hotel in Yorkshire because, allegedly, his producer had the nerve to produce a plate of cold meat and cheese for his dinner instead of the steak he'd asked for. As a result the BBC have suspended all showings of Top Gear and Jeremy is under investigation and will, despite huge popular support, probably lose his job.
I took one look at Jeremy's florid complexion, puffy jowls, confused and depressed expression and thought "ladies - he's one of us." Some commentators claim that he'd spent 'several hours in the pub' prior to the brawl, some that he didn't drink at all. His boss has muttered (on the record) about re-hab. It looks to me (and this is purely speculation, and not in any way an accusation) like a classic case of alcohol induced rage. Either rage due to too much alcohol or too little...
We've all been there, haven't we? Many times I've picked a fight with the poor, longsuffering husband when he's got back from work and I've been (secretly) 2/3 of a bottle down. I've slammed cupboard doors passive aggressively and considered hurling a wooden spoon across the kitchen as a result of some (imagined) slight. Jeremy, allegedly, called his producer a 'lazy, Irish ****' and punched him in the face - splitting his lip. I never went that far. Apart from anything else, my husband isn't Irish.
Professor McMurran - a psychologist at Nottingham University - says that alcohol "narrows our focus of attention and gives us tunnel vision....If someone provokes us while we're drunk, we don't take other factors into account, such as the consequences of rising to the bait. This can lead to violent reactions from people who would usually shrug things off." Also, because alcohol lowers inhibitions our warning systems don't go off and "this can put us in dangerous or confrontational situations."
The Prof goes on to say that alcohol affects the way we process information so we are more likely to misinterpret information - to see insults where there are none. That's why so many fights start "because he looked at me the wrong way."
When I was in the high powered job (with the bar in the office), I remember having two large glasses of wine with a colleague at lunch. When I got back to my desk I found an e-mail from a very important, global client asking for a number of changes to the edit of the new TV commercial we'd just shot. I fired off a reply in (drunken) high umbrage, calling him a Neanderthal nincompoop who was obviously unable to appreciate a work of true artistic genius. This e-mail became famous and made me a heroine in the creative department, but it got me fired off the business and could easily have lost me my job.
Funnily enough, since giving up the booze I've not picked one fight. I've been - relatively - Zen. I am a thing of wondrous calm and serenity.
So I look at lovely, raddled, remorseful Jeremy and think: log on to www.mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com Jezza, and we'll give you a big virtual hug and persuade you of the magical restorative powers of hot chocolate.
Love, peace and calm to you all X
Related post: Alcohol Induced Rage Part 2
Last week Jeremy got into a brawl with his producer in a hotel in Yorkshire because, allegedly, his producer had the nerve to produce a plate of cold meat and cheese for his dinner instead of the steak he'd asked for. As a result the BBC have suspended all showings of Top Gear and Jeremy is under investigation and will, despite huge popular support, probably lose his job.
I took one look at Jeremy's florid complexion, puffy jowls, confused and depressed expression and thought "ladies - he's one of us." Some commentators claim that he'd spent 'several hours in the pub' prior to the brawl, some that he didn't drink at all. His boss has muttered (on the record) about re-hab. It looks to me (and this is purely speculation, and not in any way an accusation) like a classic case of alcohol induced rage. Either rage due to too much alcohol or too little...
We've all been there, haven't we? Many times I've picked a fight with the poor, longsuffering husband when he's got back from work and I've been (secretly) 2/3 of a bottle down. I've slammed cupboard doors passive aggressively and considered hurling a wooden spoon across the kitchen as a result of some (imagined) slight. Jeremy, allegedly, called his producer a 'lazy, Irish ****' and punched him in the face - splitting his lip. I never went that far. Apart from anything else, my husband isn't Irish.
Professor McMurran - a psychologist at Nottingham University - says that alcohol "narrows our focus of attention and gives us tunnel vision....If someone provokes us while we're drunk, we don't take other factors into account, such as the consequences of rising to the bait. This can lead to violent reactions from people who would usually shrug things off." Also, because alcohol lowers inhibitions our warning systems don't go off and "this can put us in dangerous or confrontational situations."
The Prof goes on to say that alcohol affects the way we process information so we are more likely to misinterpret information - to see insults where there are none. That's why so many fights start "because he looked at me the wrong way."
When I was in the high powered job (with the bar in the office), I remember having two large glasses of wine with a colleague at lunch. When I got back to my desk I found an e-mail from a very important, global client asking for a number of changes to the edit of the new TV commercial we'd just shot. I fired off a reply in (drunken) high umbrage, calling him a Neanderthal nincompoop who was obviously unable to appreciate a work of true artistic genius. This e-mail became famous and made me a heroine in the creative department, but it got me fired off the business and could easily have lost me my job.
Funnily enough, since giving up the booze I've not picked one fight. I've been - relatively - Zen. I am a thing of wondrous calm and serenity.
So I look at lovely, raddled, remorseful Jeremy and think: log on to www.mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com Jezza, and we'll give you a big virtual hug and persuade you of the magical restorative powers of hot chocolate.
Love, peace and calm to you all X
Related post: Alcohol Induced Rage Part 2
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