Monday, 8 August 2016

Here We Are Again

Family SM have decamped to Cornwall for three whole weeks of sun (sometimes), sand and surfing.

For this first week there are twelve of us: we five, my parents, my brother, his wife and their three children.

We're in two separate houses, both two minutes walk from our favourite beach. Our house has a telescope, and we can actually look straight into my brother's house across the bay.

(This has not impressed Aunt A, who is now very nervous about taking a shower, but the cousins all think it's a hoot).

We were here exactly a year ago.

I'd been sober for five months, and the fog had started to clear. I remember feeling, for the first time, that perhaps it really was possible to live without booze forever. Not only possible, but maybe even enjoyable.

I felt as if, for the last few years, I'd been living in one of those dreams where you're trapped in a room and the walls, floor and ceiling are slowly moving inwards, leaving you less and less room to move and to breathe. And I'd found a door - a way out.

Then we'd gone on a boat trip, and I'd said something like if my life is about to change in miraculous ways, then send me a dolphin.

And, blow me down with a feather, an actual dolphin appeared, swimming right under our boat.

(For the full story, click here).

So I waited for the miracles to happen - for fame and fortune.

Then, two months later I found The Lump. (To read about that one, click here). A cancer diagnosis wasn't at all what I was expecting.

I didn't die, but one of my best friends did, just a month ago.

So, here I am again. And while the dolphin didn't bring me fame and fortune, I realise that getting through the last year sober, stronger, wiser and still happy, has been nothing short of miraculous.

So perhaps the dolphin wasn't lying after all.....

Love to you all,

SM x


  1. It is amazing how far we can come in a year and how much can happen for the better and worse. You may not be famous but you have helped many people (including myself), which seems far more worthwhile.

    As we know there is a strong link between alcohol and self confidence and I've started my own wee blog which can be found here
    I've set myself the challenge to actively work on my confidence for a year and blogging about it every day (Yes, I know it is a bit of challenge) so please have a wee look. The subject of alcohol does come up quite frequently.


  2. I have benefitted so much from your writing. This summer is my first not drinking loads of white wine and while I initially got so bogged down with what people thought (who cares) it has been a wonderful summer. My drinking did not create as much turmoil and wreckage with my close friends and family (unbelieveably lucky)but not drinking has changed everything for me. It has been almost 10 months sober living and hope to never forget the misery of 11 months ago. Thank you for your writing you are a lifeline. Enjoy your holiday.

  3. I remember that! Sweetheart, you're wrong. The dolphin did bring you fame where it was needed and where you could do the most good, right here in this community. And there is fortune greater than gold, HEALTH, HAPPINESS, and HOPE. You're one of the richest women I know.
    Thank you for sharing your wealth so lavishly. Love you!

  4. I concur with Kary May. You have helped countless people - we are all the richer for having you in our lives. Thank you SM xx

  5. Hope you have a wonderful holiday SM! It's been a very tough year, but you have come through sober and you have helped so many people in the process. I hope you see a dolphin again this year. Much love X

  6. You've definitley had a tumultuous year but you're still sober. Thank you for not hiding away during some insanely awful times and continuing to share your story. x

  7. What a year it has been and you are still sober! I agree with the others. ... you continue to help and inspire me to stay sober and you blogged through dome really difficult times. Thank you. I have been a few weeks behind you since last may and remember reading your blog daily last summer in france. It was so hard then but I was so determined. I read again this summer in france but what a different experience it all is now. Reading your blog definitely keeps me on track xxx

  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

  9. Hi SM. Hope you have a wonderful holiday...can only say totally agree with those who posted before helped me start to change my life...and those around me for the are an incredible soul....xx

  10. Totally agree with everyone above, you may not be famous but you are a total rock star to me SM...i couldn't have made it to eight months without your amazing blog xx

  11. Hi SM...after reading your blogs for over a year I just realized that our Soberversaries must be about the same...mine is March 9 2015...soon we will be at the 1&1/2 year mark! How amazing is THAT! I re-read and share your Obstacle Course blog often. It might be one of the very very best things ever written about this beautiful journey to REAL. What a gift that field is! Bless You!

    1. You're exactly a week behind me peace runner! Sept 2nd is my 18 month soberversary. So glad you're in the field with me and the bunnies 🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰

    2. The very thought of reaching that field is what keeps me hanging on and moving forward. I believe the bunnies are waiting...

  12. Agree with the others SM - fame and value indeed - thank you again - after 8 years of messing around trying to moderate - your voice resonated with me - and now I'm 8+ months abs - thanks for the inspiration.