Wednesday 6 July 2016

Reunited!

In the early days of writing this blog I didn't have huge numbers of readers, but the few I had, who started on the sober road around the same time as me, I felt hugely close to. They were my posse. My virtual AA group.

Three of my favourites were Laura from Belgium, Kags and Tallaxo (my first male reader, or - at least - the first one to make himself known).

I used to imagine us all holding hands and tripping down the road together, helping each other up should any of us trip. I wrote this post back on Day 53: Follow the Sober Brick Road.

Anyhow, the Soberverse has many advantages, but one of its biggest downfalls is that people can disappear and you have no way at all of finding out if they're okay. You can't call a mutual friend, or go bang on their front door, or turn up at their workplace.

And, about six or seven months after we started hanging out together, at the end of last summer, one by one they disappeared. Like some Agatha Christie murder mystery. First Laura, then Kags, then Tallaxo.

I was bereft. And worried.

Then, about two months ago Laura came back! Back on the sober road after a few months on The Dark Side.

And yesterday I found this e-mail in my inbox (which the author has kindly agreed I can share with you):

Hi there SM,

I thought I would email you personally to let you know I’M BACK!

How are you gorgeous lady?

I’m sure you noticed that I completely dropped off the radar……around the end of August last year – and I’m also sure that you are well aware why.... 

I really don’t know why I decided that it would be a good idea to have just a couple of (rather lovely champagne cocktails no less) with my gorgeous friends at their delectable farmhouse last August.  After reading Jason Vale and absolutely knowing that there is no just one etc etc -  I rather dumbly assumed  that I would be perhaps the exception to the rule (the same ridiculous thought that got me trapped in the first place!)

I have to admit that even after only 3 cocktails after 6 months of abstinence I was rather sick that night!! You would actually think that even if I had slipped up – being sick might have been enough for me to realise that my drinking days were done....  but before long then it was creeping back to ½  or ¾ bottle of red wine per evening. I can’t tell you how thoroughly disappointed I was, not only with myself but for also letting you down, so I crept off to oblivion.

Anyway that all stopped 28 days ago today. A lightbulb moment and a re-read of Jason’s book – a very long awaited catch up with your wonderful blog and a total resolution to stop being such a selfish moron.

I have to say although the actual act of stopping drinking was easier this time – as I knew in my head I had done it last year and not died from trying! The headaches I have had in the past few weeks have been thoroughly miserable.  (I don’t recall getting them the last time) and rather than the euphoric feeling I had last year – I have felt very down this time. (crying / tiredness)

The bonuses have of course also crept in over the last month – bouncy hair – and glowing skin – and white eyes ( I really had forgotten how wonderful these were

Love, love, love, and I can’t tell you how happy I am to be back in the room :-)

Love Kagsx

YAY!

Now all we need is Tallaxo (where are you, Tallaxo?) and we can put the band back together :-)

Love SM x


28 comments:

  1. How wonderful. I have a band of about five or six people whom I appreciate immensely. Even if they disapear for a week I worry.

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  2. How wonderful. I have a band of about five or six people whom I appreciate immensely. Even if they disapear for a week I worry.

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  3. I can second Kags in saying that stopping a second time is harder in terms of side effects. I had stopped for a year seven years ago and slowly started again. Last time I had no side effects and lost loads of weight immediately. This time I had terrible headaches and fatigue for the first few weeks. These recur occasionally. I've also gained weight through mainlining cake and chocolate. So if you're thinking you too can moderate and if that doesn't work, stopping again is a breeze - think again! I'm at around the four month mark now feel I have to be very vigilant of the "moderation mirage". My solution is to look in the mirror (neck upwards only obv lol!) and admire my glowing skin and bright eyes. Vanity does have an upside!

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    1. I also have headaches from stopping too. I like the term moderation mirage...that's exactly what it has been for me...a mirage.

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    2. Thank you for sharing that story, very helpful to me!

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  4. Glad you have found your friends! PDTG

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  5. Tales of those clashes with reality....when one slips up...and then can't get back on the raft...there are a lot of those tales floating through this sober-verse. And they are one of the things that have kept me (so far. Knock wood) steady on the path. They are such cautionary tales.

    Good luck to Kags. And all of us.

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  6. So cool! Thanks for sharing the good news.

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  7. And yet another timely post!! I still quiver on the edge of moderation as I posted yesterday. Fortunately, I still have goals to meet....and hopefully can continue to read enough of these stories to just resist starting again someday!

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  8. This is so timely and very sobering (pun very much intended). I have been alcohol free for 6 months and I have just arrived on holiday (Denmark) and was feeling a bit tempted - have more holidays planned this summer and a trip to France is going to be particularly tricky. So your copying of Laura's email has hit home and pulled me up sharp. Six months can make one feel very complacent. So thanks for posting SM.

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  9. Thanks to you and to Kags for sharing that email...it's a real antidote to these thoughts that creep in about drinking on special occasions and how we don't magically manage to recalibrate ourselves after a period sober. It's very timely for me to be reminded that 'just a couple' is usually a slippery slope, as I'm getting married in a couple of months and it'll be odd not to drink at a wedding, especially my own (!) or on my honeymoon. I'm not seriously considering breaking my (by that time) 16 month stretch of sobriety, but just in case these thoughts start to creep in.....it's a real wake-up call, so thank you. :) X

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    1. Did you see this post? It really made me think...

      The honeymoon is over.
      We have all at one time or another placed exceptions to our sobriety. Such as, “I’ll only drink on special occasions or when on vacation.” I think its our way of coping. Our way of saying it won’t be like this forever. The problem is it reinforces an idea that the alcohol industry has sold us – sobriety is a […]
      wedding, alcohol, exceptions, weekends, vacation, honeymoon, Sober
      https://soberlifesite.wordpress.com/2016/07/06/the-honeymoon-is-over/

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    2. I hadn't, thanks so much Anne - another very pertinent post for me! X

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  10. 💗 I used to worry a lot about sober bloggers who disappear.
    Didn't they see? The joy? The freedom? Why would they go back?
    But it is their journey, not mine. So I say a prayer and send good intentions to each and every one.

    Life is a complicated thing. I will hold on to my sobriety to make it a bit simpler.

    Anne

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  11. Glad Kags has made it back, well done on getting 28 days down. Good for you. I totally agree about the headaches (I started marking the calendar in the hope I could see a pattern) the first time was a breeze, no weeping, mad full on cravings and endless thoughts about how did I get here, it was pink cloud all the way.
    I was devastated to see RedRecovers has temporarily protected her blog, she was my start up buddy at the start of the year. This post gives me hope she will come back too one day 😢

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. I miss Red too. Hope she's OK x

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    4. I'm here guys - thanks for thinking of me!!! I'll unblock soon; just had a potential accidental identity-reveal to a childhood friend so panicked and went private. I'm a doofus! Red xx xx

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  12. This is a good post to read as a first timer on a long stretch. I still play with the idea that I am the exception and can moderate someday. But each time I see that someone else also felt they were the exception, It becomes clearer that all of us might think we are the exception. And therefore, no one is the exception. Hard to swallow bt probably true.

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  13. But it's also good to know there is somewhere to come back to if we slip up. Not that I intend to as I can't bear the thought of the first few weeks of headaches, total exhaustion and emotions all over the place. Welcome back kags x

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  14. Yeah, I miss Red and TWTIK. They were both around when I started this trip and their earthy comments have helped me along the way.

    Justonemore

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  15. Thank you for this post, I am back to day 1 after doing well and then having a go at moderation. What a joke! Look and feel worse than ever. Day 1, onwards and upwards

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  16. Thank you for sharing my tale of woe as a very real warning SM x it's great to be back with you x happy sunday

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  17. Thank you for sharing my tale of woe as a very real warning SM x it's great to be back with you x happy sunday

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  18. Oh and I meant to add in the last month I have also taken your advice and Spring cleaned most of the house !! Another sober bonus - still have to tackle my wardrobe though ........ That can wait another day or two though :-)

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  19. Thank you for this post SM, and to Kags for allowing you to share it. I am currently on day 9 and have read your blog religiously from the beginning to the current day. I, too, feel as though Kags, Laura and Tallaxo (and you) are friends, albeit virtual friends that I've never spoken to, which sounds a bit odd now I've written it down. You have all inspired me to get to where I am. The fatigue is crippling and I am sick of the endless conversations about alcohol with the wine witch, but I am not missing the guilt and that is something huge to hang on to.

    Thank you ALL so much for sharing your journeys. I can't tell you how much it has helped me. xx

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