Monday 25 April 2016

Drinking to Oblivion

That was the title of a Louis Theroux documentary on the BBC last night.

(If you missed it then do try to catch it on iPlayer).

Louis spent weeks following four alcoholics at the Kings College liver unit. All were gradually killing themselves. Some were closer to death than others.

It was a brilliant, but harrowing, programme.

It would be so easy to look at those people and think that's just not me, but, actually, I found - terrifyingly - that the similarities were, in many ways, greater than the differences.

The popular view of 'alcoholism' is that a small proportion of people have an illness which makes drinking 'normally' impossible for them. For everyone else, drinking is relatively harmless.

This documentary just re-enforced, for me, that this is just not the case. The difference between the heavy drinking 'wine connoisseur' and the low bottom drunk is actually paper thin.

There is no black and white to alcohol addiction, just shades of grey. The one certainty is that it only gets worse, and if you don't quit before it's too late, the Kings College liver unit (or similar) is where you end up.

Louis met Stuart, who was told he had around three months to live, due to cirrhosis of the liver. We saw him having ten litres of vile fluid drained from his distended belly.

Then we saw Joe, who was only thirty two (I think), and was going through a seven day medically supervised detox. Several days in and he still couldn't walk, and was shaking terribly.

Any toxin that can totally destroy people physically in that way cannot possibly be harmless in any quantities.

Another really frightening aspect of the documentary was the way it showed how, little by little, alcohol strips you of everything.

Joe had had a girlfriend, a lively social life, a good job and a lovely flat. He'd lost all of them. He was completely isolated, homeless and unemployed.

But, as their lives became emptier and emptier, there was always something there to fill the gaps - the booze.

Until, eventually, alcohol became their only friend, like the gargantuan cuckoo that pushes everything else out of the nest. And then, the idea of losing the only thing they have left becomes unthinkable.

As one lady said, she'd rather die. And she will.

I watched all of this thinking, sure, that isn't me. But I can see how it could have been.

I didn't have incurable cirrhosis, but I was two stone overweight with a malignant breast tumour.

I didn't need a seven day medical detox to quit, but quitting was still one of the hardest things I've ever done.

I didn't lose my friends, my home  and my job, but my life was gradually becoming emptier and emptier, with booze insidiously filling in all the cracks left behind.

I wasn't there, but I was on the way.

The one thing you really don't want to do is to look at the rock bottom alcoholic and think that's not me, using that as reassurance to carry on (as I'm sure many, many viewers did yesterday as they quaffed their bucket sized glasses of chardonnay).

Because, once you're addicted, it's the way you're heading, and the closer you get, the scarier it is, the more damage you're doing to yourself and your life, and the harder it is to stop.

And here's a salutary tale: lovely Joe had been alcohol free for four and a half years. He said he thought he was older and wiser now. He didn't want to go back to drinking vast amounts, he just wanted to have a glass or two of wine with dinner....

.....but we all know that you don't spend years going gradually back downhill; all it takes is a few drinks and whoompf, you're teleported back to just where you left off, or worse. And within weeks Joe was back in A&E in a poorer state than ever.

(See my post: Relapse Stories)

Interestingly, Louis Theroux, in his interviews with the media about the documentary, confessed to drinking two gin and tonics and three glasses of wine every night.  He also said that at weekends he could easily drink two bottles of wine after lunch.

Now, presuming that those were three fairly large glasses of vino, he's drinking exactly the amount that I was before I quit. And I know that that is not healthy. Mentally or physically.

So please, next time you fancy a quick drink, watch that documentary and - I promise - you won't want to any more...

(On a cheerier note, the new series of Game of Thrones starts tonight! I am beyond excited).

Love SM x

26 comments:

  1. Insidious, indeed. One of the scariest, worst parts is that there's no warning, no click or ring of a bell to signal that a person's relationship with alcohol has changed, the line has been crossed. It happens by stealth....and by the time we recognize there's a real issue (if we do 'recognize'), witchie and Wolfie have taken the wheel. And what (badwordbadword), determined commandants they are!

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    1. Yes! I wish you could get the equivalent of the 'five minute warning' I give the kids when I want them to stop doing something ;-)

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  2. I used to think there was a 'them' and 'us' - 'us' being the ones who had good jobs, drank a bit too much, didn't really have a problem, and 'them' being the people you see in parks with a bottle of cider and the shakes. Then one day I had a phone call to tell me that somebody I love very much, somebody who has a high-powered career (in the US) and somebody who seemed so strong and in control of life, was in a hospital suffering from alcohol-induced heart failure and might not live. Thankfully, because he has a huge support network, attended rehab and now goes to AA, it looks like his life is back on track. But never again will I make the mistake of thinking there's a 'them' and an 'us'. Alcohol makes no such distinctions and anyone who suffers from addiction to it is likely to end up in a liver unit, at best.

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    1. Hear hear. So glad your friend is doing well x

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  3. I found the documentary very powerful. I woke up this morning, desperate to change, and within a few hours had made an appointment with the addiction counsellor that I had put off and cancelled for months. Annie x

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    1. Hi Annie, good for you, you won't regret it, please take/make any opportunity you can to be well...you are worth it..., it took me years to realise I could not do it alone or that I did not need to,,and that it truly was past time...xxx you don't know me, but in many ways you do....I am on day 30. First time in 18 years..I knew I was finally serious when I walked into my local addiction centre and asked for help, very very challenging on many levels, I also am seeing a counsellor....no going back..xx

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    2. Oh and I should add that reading this blog from end to end during the first difficult two weeks, and subsequently popping into many others has just reinforced my will and desire to be free of the wine witch for good...xx thank you SM and all brave honest bloggers

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    3. Well done Annie, and PhoenixRising. Asking for help is the brave and clever thing to do x

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  4. No one would label me as an alcoholic, yet I drink 1-2 bottles of Chardonnay every night....definitely not normal and I have to stop this! Today I will try different, a different drink, a different mind set. I know I need help and tools and know what a lot of that looks like, but it just hasn't clicked for me yet as I have day 1 after day 1 after day 1. here is to hopefully my last! I have been following your blog for some time and love getting the e-mails every day....I will keep reading them every day! Started a blog which isn't going so well, but as Annieuk101 recently went several days without and the blog helping to keep her accountable, I am going to try the same....runningfromwine.blogspot.com. Wish me strength (luck won't cut it)!!!!

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    1. Good luck Cleo2016! You can do it..we've all been on day 1. I did day 1 three times and now I'm 6 months sober and feeling really great! xx

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    2. I hear you! Glad to another person is in the early stages. I'll be cheering for you too, Cleo2016. I am trying the blog thing too, we'll see how it goes!

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    3. I'll check out the blog, Cleo! Wishing you lots of strength, and sending hugs. Huge congrats on 6 months, Diana! And can you post the address of your blog, HabitDone?

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    4. Mine is http://donewithmywinehabit.blogspot.com/ On Day 3!
      HD

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    5. Mine is http://donewithmywinehabit.blogspot.com/ On Day 3!
      HD

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    6. Hi Cleo! I couldn't find your blog! Is that address correct?

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  5. Between your blog and Annie's I decided to write my own, mainly just for my own rantings and to see how I progress. Your blog has been instrumental in realizing I have a true issue and was going round and round to nowhere. I've never written/replied before but have really appreciated all your postings over the past few months. I finally got ready to get ready and now I think I can really give this alcohol free thing a go. I need to be accountable to something so my blog will be it. I'm still not quite ready to make my family someone I am accountable to....and maybe that's not even fair nor appropriate to them. So here's to Day 2.

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    1. They also inspired me to blog too, I got to day 3 and drank and closed it down, but started a fresh one and am on day 9, these blogs are great inspiration, good luck

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  6. Very powerful documentary. I love Louis Theroux's work. He didn't really know what to do when he was sat with Joe in A&E did he ?! I hope he is still sober. A real point that struck a chord with me was the lady who said she was more afraid of stopping drinking than she was of dying. I thought the programme showed really well how alcohol strips away everything and ruins lives. I will be re-watching it !! Day 44 here :)

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    1. Day 44! Awesome! Watch out for that wall if you haven't reached it yet... I love Louis too. He has that 'hopeless and lost' look about him that makes you want to hug him, or adopt him perhaps.

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  7. I have known the reality for years and Louis Theroux's programme just re-inforces it. I remember watching an earlier documentary around the time a long-time friend succumbed to the the problem. An intelligent, creative successful individual, destroyed by this addiction (died of liver failure) and you know what? I kept on drinking for another 10 years. I hope I have faced my reality now and I hope I haven't done myself lasting damage in the process. The people in this film really resonate with me, so I will add their experience to my own toolkit. I hope you all have a sober week.

    Justonemore

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    1. Perhaps that just wasn't your time, Justonemore, and now is. Big hugs xxx

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  8. thank you for the recap on the show. I felt like I'd seen it after reading this. Great cautionary tale. It's so hard to lock in the concept of never drinking again and these are good reminders to not go back.

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  9. I've just watched it on catch up.
    Even after 4 months, I watched and saw more similarities than differences between myself and the "alcoholics."
    Powerful stuff and enforcing the message ever more that I want to steer clear.
    Big Love to all of you taking the same road xx

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  10. Found this for those outside the UK:
    https://weshare.me/42dde8daf6a012fb

    Very sad, sobering. Haven't been here in ages. On Day 23 here and reading every day.

    Justine

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    1. Should've said haven't commented in ages! I am actually here every day...

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