Monday, 4 April 2016

Swearing, and Other Tips

I've woken up this morning feeling positive about my ultrasound at the breast clinic today.

Only a few more hours to go, and - after days of feeling increasingly stressed - it'll all be over. Then, next time it won't be so hard.

I've been reminded, yet again, that dealing with anxiety is just like dealing with cravings.

(The feeling is very similar too - a squirming knot in the stomach, constant restlessness and a one tracked mind that won't shut up).

So, I thought I'd share four things that helped me yesterday, as - if you're duelling with the wine witch right now - they might help you too.

1. The Soberverse

The soberverse really is the most amazing place. All your comments on yesterday's post, and your e-mails, meant so much, and really reminded me that I am not alone.

And it can do the same for all of you, too, because you really are not alone.

2. Swearing

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you'll probably have realised that I'm not a big swearer. I'm fond of an occasional bollocks! Partial to a bugger! And occasionally employ a s**t, but, that's about it.

Generally, I think swearing is just a bit lazy and unimaginative. I try to encourage the children to find much more interesting invectives if they're stressed. (Apart from anything else, it's great for the vocabulary).

So, #3 might drop something on her foot and say "Aarrrggghh! Dastardly, pox ridden camel's buttocks!"

You see? Much more fun.

I think this aversion to swearing comes from my childhood. I remember vividly the one occasion when my Dad told my Mum to "f**k off." She left the house, and didn't come back for TWO DAYS. As my Dad couldn't even boil an egg, it was a disaster. None of us ever swore again.

Anyhow, back to the point: Yesterday Soberat53 and Claireperth both said "Fuck cancer!" And I thought, well yes, why the hell not?

So, I went up to my bathroom, locked the door (the children were downstairs) and shouted FUCK FUCK FUCKEDY FUCK FUCK! FUCK RIGHT OFF AND DON'T FUCKING COME BACK, FUCKER.

And, you know what? I felt much, much better.

So, next time the wine witch is bugging you, tell her to eff off. Really loudly. And with foot stamping and fist waving.

3. Eddie the Eagle

If you need some distraction then take the children (or just go by yourself!) to see the Eddie the Eagle film.

It's hysterically funny, plus it's a great tale about tenacity, bravery, and proving the world wrong (see the relevance?).

And the best bit?

Eddie doesn't drink! He managed to jump a 90 metre ski jump, with less than a year's training and the whole world laughing at him, without anything at all to 'take the edge off.'

There's a wonderful scene (that will do more for us sober people than endless government warnings and guidelines) where Eddie goes into a bar and is jeered at by the Finnish ski jump team, in their ridiculous skin tight all in one lurid lycras.

He goes up to the barman and orders....a glass of milk. Genius.

4. Finding something else to worry about

Sometimes, the only thing that will displace a worry is another worry.

#2 has gone off for four nights - the longest he's ever been away from home (he's nine) - on a sailing expedition. It looks amazing - all Swallows and Amazons.

Last night I found his toothbrush in the bathroom.

Personal hygiene is not his forte at the best of times.

So, forget fretting about cancer. I'm too busy worrying that #2 is going to come home with no teeth!

Onwards and upwards, and thank you.

SM x


  1. Can I reassure you on the teeth front? My #1 also hopeless with personal hygiene (and diet but that's another story). He's 23 now and only has one filling. I still worry about him though!!

    1. I don't think we ever stop worrying about them, do we? Thank you! X

    2. My # 2 also hopeless with a toothbrush he's 18 with no fillings, can't think why. Good luck today - keep us posted x

    3. After writing this and scooting off to work, it occurred to me that my comment made me sound either autistic or patronising. I'm glad you didn't notice that. My point is that I did worry about his teeth (and still do at his age of 23!). What's the answer? - well there isn't one, except that let's not be alone. I really hope your tests didn't reveal anything to worry about - thoughts and love be with you. xx

    4. Neither autistic nor patronising! Xx

  2. No toothbrush? Try no pants (in the English sense of the word) for a week. My middle child managed nonetheless! Annie x

  3. Really good luck today with your scan SM! I'm thinking of you. So funny, I recently had the same toothbrush realisation with my 11 year-old son who went off to France for a week. Just to say, I've had a few false starts, but am on day 35 today, and I can genuinely say this is largely due to your help. Thank you. X

    1. Whoop whoop! Well done, pickle-no-more! Awesome. Xxx

  4. Fear not - dentists assure me that dental health in children is ALL about diet. The cleaning teeth thing is about setting up good habits for our gums in later life. But hey let's not tell our children eh ? ALSO - looks like that we are all agree that swearing IS big and it IS clever - good to know.

  5. Good luck today. And I'll just add a big 'fuck off cancer' too. Haven't had it myself but have some bad experience of it x

  6. I love it! Mr Dictionary has officially taken a holiday!
    Good luck! Everything is crossed for you!

  7. Day 100 for me today. Couldn't have done without you SM! Please let us know how your scan goes.
    P.S. I swear like a docker to use a Scouse phrase, sorry! But releases stress for me...! xx

    1. That's awesome, Scous Mous! Hope you're celebrating! Is it getting easier now? Big hugs xxx

    2. Celebrating - yes! With a new bed being delivered today for all my new sleep.
      As you know have had my most wobbliest of wobbles recently interestingly enough. I always wanted to get to that magic 100 days.
      And magic it does seem to be. Something has happened in the last few days I can't explain.....
      I'm sure there will be more wobbles but the 100 day thing - there definitely seems to be something in it! xxx

  8. Congrats on getting through your scan. Here's cheers (with a fresh ice-cold glass of milk) to good health.

  9. Ha ha! Great post SM. I hope your scan went well. I haven't seen that movie yet, but it has our Hugh Jackman in it so I will definitely be going to see it!! A x

  10. LOL - must see that movie! #2 reminds me of my grandson - he went camping with Grandpa for two weeks (not very observant about kid's routines) and Grandson arrived back with all his clothes neatly folded (undisturbed), announcing proudly that Grandpa hadn't made him wash, change his clothes or clean his teeth for TWO WEEKS...

  11. SM, First I would like to say that I'm thinking and praying for you today as you go in for your ultrasound. I have never posted on your blog, have only been sober 35 days, and honestly don't even know how I came across it. I live in the US, in the state of Minnesota, and was surfing the Internet one day when the title of your blog attracted me to search further. Since that day, I have been getting your daily entries and look forward to reading them every morning. I know there is a time change and the things you write about are actually happening as I am in my comfy cozy bed asleep, but each morning I open one and I am inspired. It helps me start my day.
    Your story sounds so much like my own although I am lucky in the fact I haven't gone down the cancer road as of yet. I can only imagine how scared you must be right now as you head to your appointment. I have only been at this a few weeks and don't even know how I'm doing it except hanging on to every 24 hours...... That being said, I am no position to counsel, but I want you to know that you are helping me every day as I read your words of wisdom and strength. Please keep blogging and sober despite any bad news you may receive today, although I am certain in my heart they will find you cancer free. You are an inspiration to so many and despite the many miles between our countries, know that we are all in this together.

  12. LOVE that grandpa story...will prob be one your g'sons best-ever mem'ries, decades from now!

    Personally, i LOVE the f bomb. And just about every other possible oath the world offers (well, ok..a couple of ick exceptions). Great stress relief. And SM..that in front of your mirror recitation? That is what I've dubbed a 'F cluck!'

    Good thoughts and big hugs to you, all day today....!!

  13. Love it.
    I remember Eddie the Eagle from the 88 Olympics.
    I grew up in Calgary.

    Thinking of you.

  14. Hope it all went well SM. Thinking of you. LNM x

  15. Good luck and hugs. And if you need to scream so more, go ahead. No will judge. Ever!