Tuesday 5 May 2015

Not the Girl he Married Part 2

Day 65.

My regular readers might remember that, exactly a month ago, I confessed my fear that in stopping drinking I'm ruining the husband's life (see Not the Girl he Married).

After all, he never signed up to being married to a teetotaller. I was convinced that he was hankering after our long, boozy, romantic dinners and feeling huge trepidation about the dry wasteland ahead of us. Or, rather, ahead of me.

So, a couple of nights ago I finally plucked up the courage to ask him about it. We were having dinner. He was slowly sipping his one glass of red wine. Ggrrrr.

(Actually, I know he sometimes has more than one, because I found a half full bottle in the playroom hidden behind some books! He must be having an extra glass from time to time while watching TV. How hilarious to find someone else hiding bottles! Don't worry, though. Mr SM is definitely not on first name terms with the wine witch. He's just, thoughtfully, trying not to wave too much vino in my face).

"Darling," I say, "can I ask you a question?" He looks like a rabbit caught in the headlights. Mr SM is old school - he doesn't do 'talking about stuff'. He went to boarding school at the age of seven. His mind is whirring, running through his mental filing cabinet of 'appropriate answers for tricky conversations' in advance.

"Does it bother you that I've stopped drinking? Do you miss having a drinking partner?"

Mr SM looks relieved. At least I hadn't asked him "does my bum look big in this?" He always struggles with the correct response to that one.

"God no, it's a wholly good thing" he replies. I press him for more. I want to know details.

The benefits, according to Mr SM are as follows:

1. I no longer fall asleep while watching TV, so we can genuinely share a box set.
2. I'm less grumpy.
3. I don't keep him awake tossing and turning at night time.
4. He doesn't have to drink really fast to make sure he gets his share of a bottle of wine.

I grill him for any negatives. He thinks hard, then replies "I don't get as much access to the TV remote control." Then he hides behind his newspaper, like a tortoise sticking his head back in his shell. Conversation over.

Men. Simple creatures. Don't mess with their sleep, their TV watching or their comfort blankets and they're happy.

The truth is, I suspect, that the idea of losing a drinking partner is only terrifying to us - the pickles - not to the 'normal' drinkers.

But if I tried to take away his remote control permanently? That would be a deal breaker...

Love SM x



16 comments:

  1. I am really enjoying your blog, I'm 75 days sober and can sooo relate to everything you write. Thank you for spending the time writing, I look forward to reading it every morning

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    1. Hi Sheila! Thanks so much for commenting! You've made my day. Well done on 75 days! We can do it together. Please stay in touch. Love SM x

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  2. Loved the topic today SM. I am concerned about how my not drinking will affect those I love.....a before dinner drink with my husband, a glass of wine with a close friend.....I don't want to "kill the mood" by refusing a drink. Thankfully my husband (who has a very healthy relationship w alcohol) has been very supportive, but in a few weeks we are spending the weekend at our mountain home with very dear friends, both heavy drinkers, and I am already dreading their reaction. Not sure how I will handle it. Day 11 :).

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    1. You know, NW, I've realised that it's only the people with their own drinking issues who really notice - everyone else just thinks 'oh, ok' and moves on! Your heavy drinking friends probably will make a deal of it initially, but once they've had a few drinks they'll completely forget about you not drinking ;-). I still find those kind of occasions hard, though. Will be thinking of you x

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  3. Very funny blog today it made me laugh out loud !! So true are the sentiments ringing in my ears !!!

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  4. That was a brave question to ask and your husband must love and respect you a lot to answer.
    This is a tough one. Fortunately for me, my hubby quit just after me. We had many years of hard drinking fun together. But, honestly, as I began to drink more, so did he. It turned me into a sad, moping, self pitying person. It turned him into an arrogant asshole.

    Being sober has brought out the best in both of us. Our nights on the couch are so much more pleasant. No one passes out and we can actually discuss life honestly.

    I don't think anyone likes to have a drunk partner. Drunk people are no where near as witty, funny or smart as they think! Lol

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  5. Great blog as always SM, made me laugh. Sorry for not commenting lately. I've had a slight blip, one glass of wine after 5 weeks without grrrrrr! So upset with myself but onwards and upwards. Am I allowed to forget it even happened and carry on as normal? It was only 1 glass. It made me realise that moderation is never going to work for me as I was left wanting more... Happy days :-)

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    1. Hi Newleaf! If I were you I'd clock it up as a learning experience and carry on! A tiny blip in the road. But don't do it again! ❤️ Hugs x

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  6. Dear SM,
    My hubby loves me not drinking. He tells me all the time.
    He stopped drinking, not because he has a problem, but to support me.
    We have way less arguments now!
    xo
    Wendy

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  7. Wow, you're brave to ask that!! My husband doesn't mind it when I don't drink. In fact, tends to drink less too. He thinks it's admirable when I have my 'breaks' from drinking. But he doesn't think I have a problem, which is my fault because I am not completely honest with him. But this is your blog so I'm not going to go on about that! Congrats on 65 days! A x

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    1. Hope you're ok Angie - I've just commented on your last post. Hugs x

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  8. That put me in my place! I'm new to blogging so not sure of the etiquette. Thought we were all on here to support each other.......SM - well done. Those days are clocking up nicely. LNM x

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    1. All sharing not only welcome, but actively encouraged LNM! Please don't stop! SM x

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  9. Thanks SM. I'm really struggling today. Not with wanting a drink, just trying to make sense of it all. x

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    1. Thinking of you LNM! Don't forget, we had bad days when we were drinking too. It's The Wall. It will be better over the other side..... SM x

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