Tuesday 21 April 2015

When the wine witch wins

When I was twenty-six, a friend of mine introduced me to his new girlfriend - Juliet. Juliet and I immediately fell in (platonic) love.

Juliet had wild, untameable red hair and freckles, and she crackled and fizzed with an energy which was tangible. She was fiendishly clever, and fiercely loyal and, like me, she smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish. When I was with Juliet I felt more. More attractive, more witty, more alive.

I should have known then that a flame that burned so brightly would inevitably die young.

Juliet and I would go to smart restaurants and talk until the waiters started putting chairs on the tables around us. We'd finish the first bottle quickly and Juliet would wave it at a waiter crying "excuse me, my man, could we please have one exactly the same as this, but full?" and she would tip back in her chair and guffaw with laughter.

We would spend long nights at her flat or mine, dancing like no-one was watching to the anthems of our youth: Duran Duran, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Toyah Wilcox. We read poetry to each other. One of Juliet's favourites was John Betjeman's 'Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough.'

We'd promise that we would never end up as grey faced automaton's like those in the poem, rather we'd be eccentric old ladies dressed in purple velvet and mink, terrorising youths with our walking sticks and drinking Martinis with abandon.

Juliet was ferociously fearless (when drunk. When sober she was riddled with insecurities), and persuasive. She would always manage to convince someone that she was 'perfectly able to drive'. She was, she'd say, a brilliant driver and, in fact, even better after a few drinks.

One day, after we'd all been to a wild weekend country house party, she decided she was perfectly able to drive home rather than stay the Sunday night like the rest of us. We let her. She crashed her car on the M1.

Mercifully, no-one was hurt, but it shook her up big time. She realised she wasn't invincible. She ditched the high powered consultancy job she hated and moved out of London, away from temptations, to live more soberly and follow her dream of writing. She wrote the way she lived - with great gusto, originality and humour. Her e-mails were side splittingly funny. My husband read some of them out at her memorial.

I'm ashamed to say that, wrapped up in the self-obsession of youth, I didn't speak to Juliet as much as I should have done after she left town. In the year that she was away I never once went to visit.

One night Juliet had a friend over. He wasn't yet a boyfriend - I think they were just 'testing the water.' They got drunk. She wanted to buy some cigarettes, but - having holed herself up in the countryside - the nearest shop which would be open was several miles away. She spun the usual line about being an even better driver when drunk.

Juliet's car careered off an empty country road and ended up upside down in a ditch. The bloke was trapped for hours, dressed in his pyjamas, next to her corpse. She wasn't even thirty years old.

Many years later, the husband and I were driving in Africa with #1 and #2 (who were then a toddler and a baby) in the back. The visibility was terrible - lashing rain and fog. I fell asleep. In my dream I saw Juliet, as clear as day. She shouted at me "WAKE UP!" I woke to see that the road was splitting into a dual carriageway. The husband hadn't noticed and was heading straight towards two lanes of oncoming traffic. I yelled. He swerved. I honestly believe that Juliet saved our lives. I wish I'd been able to save hers.

That's the thing about the wine witch. She cuts brilliant lives short, and ensures that others are only half lived. She makes children grow up thinking it normal for adults to drink all evening, every evening. She fixes it so mothers are woken up in the middle of the night by a stranger telling them their only child was found dead in a ditch, next to someone she barely knew.

So, I'm not just doing this for me. I'm doing it for my children, and I'm doing it for my feckless, fearless, flame haired friend - Juliet. I will never forget you.

Love SM x

If you have a friend, or relative you'd like us to remember, please do post in the comments section.

Related posts: When the wine witch wins. Part 2

16 comments:

  1. Thank you SM, I love your blogs, even when they make me cry.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ever since I started reading your blog I have become aware that alcohol is everywhere and many people talk about it all the time. Conversation yesterday. How is the building work coming along at home? Response: oh terrible but at the end of the day there is always wine. Conversation over heard at work: did you get the job? Response: no shall we go out and get drunk? Walked into waitrose on Friday the first thing I see is a huge tower of wine bottles. So? Has it always been like this??? How when did it change?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lucky Patton! I wonder if it's starting to change. Young people drink less than they used to, apparently. Thirty years ago almost everyone smoked - all the time. Now it's a minority. Perhaps drinking will go the same way? It already has in Los Angeles ;-) x

      Delete
  3. That is so very poignant. Thank you for sharing that x

    ReplyDelete
  4. What a sad waste of a young life x I wonder how many other families have similar tales it makes us know that AF is definitely the way forward x I hope your wall felt a little smaller to climb today x

    ReplyDelete
  5. Such a sad story, what a waste of a life. Memories are so powerful and enable us to remember those special people who are in our lives for only a short while. Much love x i know it's not the same but I worry about my mum. She drinks every day of the week (1.5 bottles of wine daily). A few years ago her liver enzymes were raised, the doc told her to cut down which she did for a short while. She seems to have forgotten and now merrily drinks without a worry in the world. Good day - she drinks, bad day - she drinks, etc. I just hope her liver doesn't pack up before it's too late. I don't want to put blame on anyone for my drinking but she got me into it from a young age. My dad left so she drowned her sorrows, I was her drinking partner. At the tender age of 16 I was offered wine by the bucket load. Me being me, I was too polite to say no. Everyday wine would arrive without me asking. Makes me sad really. Anyhow I don't want to hijack your post. I guess I'm just saying alcohol is an evil drug that takes lives and destroys lives. Much love to you all especially SM who lost a dear friend xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Newleaf! I can see how worried you must be about your mum. Problem is - as we all know - we all get very defensive when tackled about how much we drink ;-) When my husband was worried about me he, very cleverly, would suggest that we BOTH gave up for January, or Lent or whatever. That way I didn't get all stroppy about it. Might that work with your Mum - if you asked her to give up with you? Much love SM x

      Delete
    2. Thank you very much for your advice / concern SM. I've tried talking to her discretely in the past and even suggested we cut down together, in the hope that she would too. After she found put her enzymes were raised she drank a lot less but it's slowly crept up. I have to be very careful what I say as she pushes me away (often). Her partner has just moved in with her who is equally bad so that doesn't help! Anyhow I can only try and help but it's my mum who needs to take the first step herself, as we all well know. Many thanks for your reply. I've found myself thinking about your friend the last few days, so tragic and shows how evil alcohol can be x

      Delete
  6. What a sad story. I am so sorry you lost your friend. Such a tragic waste of a young life. It's frightening how powerful the wine witch (or wolfie or whatever we call that 'voice') is. It turns us into strangers who do things we wouldn't normally do. And yet we continue to do it. You are doing an amazing thing for yourself and your family. I am very proud of you. A x

    ReplyDelete
  7. Such a sad, powerful story. Thank you for sharing <3

    Justine

    ReplyDelete
  8. That’s such a sad, sad story. I think every adult on this earth probably knows someone lost forever to the wine witch. For those of us that try to escape and see that it can be done, that we can be free of her clutches, there are moments of extra sadness when we think of those who didn’t make it and what might have been. Thank you for sharing this. Flossie x

    ReplyDelete
  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm very sorry to hear about what happened to Juliet. It's a shame how the drinks led you to a wrong path quickly. Thankfully, you were able to stay on course yourself, and not only save yourself but also keep yourself from harming others. That's the tricky thing about DUIs, so it's best to stay out of its complications.

    Kim Hunter @ Kim Hunter

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi SM, I've not long started my sobriety journey and have started reading your blog from the beginning. This one is a real eye opener. Poor Juliet but sounds like she's keeping a watch over you and your family x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome WeeTootsy! So glad you found me xxx

      Delete