Saturday, 7 March 2015

First night out - I did it!

Yay! I did it! I sat at a table overlooking the city with four of the family for three hours and drank heavily - water! I told them that I'd 'given up for Lent' and they didn't bat an eyelid.  And the spooky thing was how little they drank. They all turned up sober and ordered two bottles of wine between the four of them.

Had I been drinking we would have ordered three bottles and I would have drunk one of them. On top of the 2/3 bottle I'd have drunk at lunch time, the half bottle I'd have drunk at home while getting ready and the large cocktail I'd have drunk in the bar before dinner. That's the equivalent of nearly 3 bottles of wine that I DIDN'T DRINK!

As a brief aside, the toilets in this fancy - and horribly pricey - restaurant were extraordinary! Once you sit down you realise that the door in front of you is mirrored, as are all the walls. What this means is that while you're doing your thing you get an extremely clear view of  - in my case - a woman who is well past her best on the lavatory with her tights and pants (that's underwear to you Americans) round her ankles. And when you stand up you get (just like when the hairdresser positions a mirror to let you see the back of your head) an equally scary view of your arse. It's enough to drive anyone to drink, frankly, and obviously designed by a bloke. Probably a pervert.

Anyhow, after that amazing victory, did the evil wine witch slink off defeated, tail between her legs?

Oh no! She whispered in my ear "you see, you don't have a problem! Give it a week or two and you can start drinking again! In moderation, obviously...."

Damn your lying eyes you foul hussy! I banish you to sit in a toilet cubicle with mirrored walls for all eternity!


  1. Ha ha! I'm sat here reading your blog from beginning to end (not on the toilet, don't panic) and oh my I don't want a view of my naked arse mid fancy dinner. Do they not want *anyone* to order dessert?!

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