Monday 13 April 2020

Why a Pandemic is the Best Time to be Sober



Like millions of people around the globe, I feel like I'm living in an unfamiliar, and unwelcome, parallel universe. 

The TV I watch, books I read and vivid dreams I have show people hugging, kissing, travelling, partying and working in offices. My diary is filled with festivals, concerts and theatre trips, parties and a few holidays - events that will never happen. 

Instead, we are all living in a world of isolation and fear. Even if we are lucky enough to be healthy, we worry for our friends and family, for our livelihoods, for the world.

At a time like this, it's easy to think that alcohol will help. Indeed, alcohol sales in the UK have increased by around 50%. My local supermarket's booze aisle has been stripped bare, and my social media feed is filled with memes about alcohol being the only way to survive all this. 

And yes, alcohol does - temporarily - blur all the edges. It softens our reality, which needs an awful lot of softening right now. It provides a well-deserved treat at the end of the day, when our lives are suddenly devoid of pleasures. And surely now is not the time to make our lives even harder by denying ourselves a drink?

I get it. But, now really is the very worst time to be drinking.

Firstly, alcohol increases anxiety. I know that seems counter-intuitive, but it really is true. Yes, initially it makes your shoulders relax and you can feel yourself unwinding. But, as the alcohol leaves your body, that anxiety returns magnified, often in the middle of the night.

Sleep is difficult enough at the moment, and alcohol makes it much worse. Booze might lull you off to sleep, but it'll wake you up at 3am and taunt you until your alarm goes off.

Keeping the ship afloat right now - trying to work from home while simultaneously home-schooling, providing endless meals, cleaning and doing all that worrying - is really, really hard, and so much harder if you throw a hangover into the mix. 

Also, drinking makes us short-tempered, and when you're stuck in a small space with your family, you do not want to add fuel to the fire of any simmering resentments.

Added to all of this, alcohol is a drug. The more you drink, the more your body and mind come to rely on it. And, like being on holiday but without any of the fun, a pandemic is a time when all the usual restrictions don't apply. You probably don't have an office to go to. You can start drinking earlier and earlier in the day and pour increasingly large measures - and you probably will. It's very, very easy to turn a moderate drinking habit into a serious problem.

There are some really, really good reasons to be sober right now.

Once you're past the first hard days of not drinking, being sober makes you so much calmer, stronger, and more able to cope. You probably have parents or children, or both, relying on you, and you really want to make sure that you're up to the challenge.

Also, alcohol messes with your immune system, and everything we know about this terrible virus tells us that the fitter and healthier you are, the more likely it is that you'll be able to shake it off relatively easily.

If you've been secretly worrying about your drinking habits for a while, this is actually a really good time to quit.

The hardest thing about the early days of going sober is other people. Dinners, drinks parties and holidays are tough to start with, so often the newly sober will self-isolate for a while, just like you're doing right now. You can easily empty your cupboards and fridge of alcohol and not go near the booze aisle when doing your weekly shop. It's probably empty in any case!

One of the things I'm most grateful for right now is being sober. 

If I were still drinking, I would be constantly anxious about where my next drink was coming from. Then I'd feel guilty about that anxiety, when there are so many more important things to worry about. I'd have emptied the cupboards of loo roll and pasta, and filled them with wine. I'd be (even more) bad tempered with the kids and the husband, and would be spending my evenings comatose and my mornings hungover.

Just writing that paragraph makes me feel queasy.

So, if you're thinking about quitting drinking, do it now. Then, when the world finally gets back to normal, you'll be in the very best shape to make the most of everything it has to offer. And if you're newly sober and struggling, don't make the mistake of thinking that alcohol would make it easier. it would only make everything so very much worse.

To read about my first year sober, and for hints and tips on how to do it and what to expect, read my memoir - The Sober Diaries.

For more information and inspiration, check out my SoberMummy Facebook Page. I'm doing a Facebook Live session on Thursday at 8.15pm UK time (after the clapping).

If you'd like to take your mind off everything and are looking for some feel-good fiction, my new novel - The Authenticity Project - is out now!

If you'd like to find out more about me, or to contact me privately, go to www.clarepooley.com

Love to you all. Stay safe and well.

Clare Pooley (aka SoberMummy)


42 comments:

  1. Dearest Lovely Lady - I was hoping you would post here. I have been wanting to thank you again that I am sober right now. I concur with all your reasons above why now is the worse time to be drinking and yet just a few years ago it could feel like the best opportunity to get stuck in with few obstacles in my way. And yet how detrimental that would be for so many reasons as outlined above. My gratitude diary is more important than ever at the mo, and one big point of gratitude is finding you and getting sober. Cant wait to get your new book by the way. Lots of love

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    1. SFM! How fabulous to hear from you! Sending you huge virtual hugs! C xxx

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  2. Brilliant post and so true at this time, well done for your insight and advice, I hope this encourages many many more people to leave the poison alone.

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    1. I hope so too! Love to you xxx

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  3. It's early morning here in the US. I started reading your book and couldn't put it down. I am 44 with 4 children, a loving husband of almost 20 years, and my story is very similar to yours! I loved wine too! I asked my husband to check me into rehab on Dec. 17 and I have been sober since then. Today marks 4 months! It was the hardest and best decision of my life. Thank you for your book! It was fabulous!

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    1. Huge congratulations to you on 4 months! You are a SUPERHERO!

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  4. Your book got me sober Clare along with joining Soberistas �� 469 days today �� everything you highlight above is so true and I’m so grateful I’m not a slave to booze through these tough times!
    Stay safe xx

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    1. Huge congrats TB! I'm so grateful too! xxx

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  5. Thank you . I really needed to read this today after seeing so many posts about people looking forward to wine o’ clock . I am over two years sober now thanks to you and your wonderful book xxx

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    1. Huge congratulations to you on 2 years! You are a SUPERSTAR!

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  6. Back again. Day 4 but it feels good and different this time. The immune system issue is what finally hit home with me. Back to blogging a bit and trying different sober tools. Thank you for your years of support, love the book!!

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    1. HELLO OLD FRIEND! How fabulous to hear from you! You can do this - it's YOUR TIME! Huge hugs to you xxx

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  7. Thank you for this encouraging post. Today is my day 1 and after reading your book “Chianti for breakfast” (German title) and joining the recommended Facebook group “soda club alcohol free” I am willing to start getting sober after more than 16years of “daily evening ritual”.... as I don’t know how I will feel I want to start with small steps, so I would already be happy to stay one day after the next sober. Thank you for your inspiration!!!!

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    1. So glad you found my German book! You can do this! Big love to you xxx

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  8. Day 751 sober for me and I owe it all to hearing you on Radio 2 a couple of years ago Clare, then buying The Sober Diaries. I am grateful every day for my sobriety and I am so very thankful I am not drinking during these uncertain times. I know the old me would be waking up hungover every day and hating myself. One of the best pieces of advice I was given was to take 1 day at a time and don't think too far ahead. It does get easier and it is so worth it. Stay safe everyone. Big hugs, Meggie xxx

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    1. Hello lovely Meggie! You're so right, that's the best advice! Hugest hugs to you! xxx

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  9. What a great lockdown treat - an SM blog post. Thank you Clare!! I totally agree that the hardest part of stopping drinking is other people. This is the perfect time to quit. Nobody will know your gin is a actually a glass of water on Houseparty call. Good luck to anyone trying to go sober. x

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    1. Hello lovely DJ! The comments on this post are like a house party of old friends! Big love to you xxx

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  10. 14months sober and never want to go back ! I read Sober Diaries regularly and will likely never stop shouting “yellow car” to the dogs ��. Loving the Authenticity Project too ! Thank you Claire and stay safe xx

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  11. Ps I forgot to say, I LOVE THE Authenticity Project and highly recommend it to everyone. A lovely bit of escapism in these unprecedented times xx

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  12. Drank a box of wine a week in the first three weeks of quarantine. Quickly saw how things would spiral if I kept that up. Gave it up on Easter for all the reasons you mentioned above and it is hard, but better. One day at a time.

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  13. Welcome to the party of my life here you will learn everything about me. best energy drink

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  14. I'm a single dad that lives on the other side of the world, and we have nothing in common, except the booze (or lack thereof!) Just finished the sober diaries for the fourth time (it's my go to), which led me here and I am so grateful for your words. Was slipping dangerously close to the pandemic abyss, but looking at it all now with a clear head, I see it as a challenge and not with dispair. I just wanted to express my appreciation.

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  15. I'm a single dad that lives on the other side of the world, and we have nothing in common, except the booze (or lack thereof!) Just finished the sober diaries for the fourth time (it's my go to), which led me here and I am so grateful for your words. Was slipping dangerously close to the pandemic abyss, but looking at it all now with a clear head, I see it as a challenge and not with dispair. I just wanted to express my appreciation.

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  16. Clare...first, I am so grateful to you for you book Sober Diaries. I bought the audio version and have been listening to it while I walk every morning with my pack of dogs. You make me laugh...and I also relate to your story oh so well. In and out of sobriety over the last few years. And then, this whole pandemic thing happened, at exactly the same time that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. My mom is all that I have left of my family as everyone else has died. At any rate, I already had been drinking too much and let all of these great excuses give me ever a more free ticket to slamming back the booze. And then...for no reason other than probably God's pure grace it occurred to me. Here I was, hiding from a virus...while actively poisoning myself. My mom, she needed me to be present for her and I was swimming in vodka. So, I quit. Two days after easter. I got your book and This Naked Mind. I joined One Year No Beer....And I am feeling better than I have in years. I feel like there is hope where there is none. Yes, the world is still a massive dumpster fire, but at least I'm not throwing fuel on the flames. Wishing you all my best - and again, thank you for sharing your story.

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    1. Well done Shonnie, it sounds like you've turned the corner and you've got this. Have you tried Club Soda too? Good luck!

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  17. I am 9 days alcohol-free on my journey. This felt like the worst and the best time to make a change. It was past the point of necessary. No time like the present, right?

    I have been self-medicating far too long and lost track of who and what I truly am. I have known and struggled for months but did not take action. A recent emotionally charged night, certainly exacerbated by the current state of humanity, me losing control (again) and a letter of hurt and anger, but full of love and support from my husband, proved that my secrets have not been as “secret” as I thought. The wine witch with her cronies and cohorts have done a number on me. They will need their own moniker. Denial is a vicious, soul sucking monster.

    I feel so much and want to purge but suspect commenting here is a big enough step for now. I’ve always used the motto, “All things in moderation”, which is great for those who have the ability to moderate. I have had the ability in the past, but I’m not sure where my slide down the slope turned into an avalanche. Losing my mom in 2017, I believe, was certainly the catalyst and it got worse from there.

    At this point, I know it’s foolish for an attempt at moderation. Abstinence is my only option. The only thing I feel I have been successful at lately is hurting myself. Far worse, hurting those I love and cherish the most.

    That said, I’ll leave just this for now....
    THANK YOU for The Sober Diaries, the blog, and for caring. They are a life-line and inspiration. I don’t feel so all alone.

    p.s. Feels a bit conflicting saying it, but give credit where credit is due...Thank you COVID19 Pandemic. I am working on being free.
    Life is journey, not a destination.
    I am a work in progress.
    Keep f-ing moving forward.

    Prayers, peace, light and love to all.

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  18. I just want to say thank you! Your words are so relatable and have given me so much hope. It sounds a bit silly but I truly feel less alone just by reading your book.

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  22. Am starting my journey (on day 3) and am terrified but excited at the same time.
    I want to be able to learn to like, or even love myself again, and try to realise that blanking things out with booze will never help.
    2 children later, I need to sort this out once and for all. After all, if I looked at my young child behaving like I do in 10 years time, I would be horrified.
    Started the book and following my first ever blog as of today.
    Thank you for making this a more normalized, comfortable setting.

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  23. I stopped drinking on the 8th of Feb this year. Tomorrow is my 100 days. Your book was instrumental in me finding the strength and courage to start my journey. Thank you so much. And yes!!! Being in lockdown has been very helpful in helping me stay on track. I’m feeling fantastic and super excited for the next 100 days and the rest of my life, sober 🌟

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  25. I totally agree with you, Clare. It also worries me as a Weight Coach that people eat and drink alcohol nowadays more than ever. When this is over, we'll have a lot of job on our hands and the health system will be overwhelmed with the consequences of this overconsumption.
    I would like to take this opportunity to express my deep gratitude for all that you have done and continue doing for the people like me, and for your book "Sober Diaries". I have quit drinking after I have read it more than a year ago. I have not thought it at all possible, as I have already stopped and resumed drinking like 100 times before that (something like yo-yo effect). However, your experience and how you described it really inspired me to do it once more - and it has worked! And not too late. In half a year I was diagnosed with a tumour. In my family, my sister and my mother had cancer, and my father has died of cancer at the age of 48, so I was (and still am) in a high-risk group. Thanks God, the tumour was benign and my health restored very quickly after the operation. The doctors (at least somebody!) were thrilled that I drink no alcohol and watch my weight. Sadly, it is not normal nowadays: it seems that we are in the minority now and will be more so after the release of the lockdown. But this is no reason for despair: on the contrary, it gives us a chance to change something in other people's lives. And in this you set a very good example to others. Your TED-talk and your blog entries inspired me to do the same in the field of weight reduction and stabilisation. I have started a blog and I am taking now a distance course in Weight Management. I have started completely new career in the field that really interests me and makes it possible to help other people in their struggle with the excess weight. All this is possible only because I have quit drinking. And for this I am really thankful to you, Clare. I wish you and your family very strong health. Stay optimistic and preserve your great sense of humour that has already helped many people and will be helping them in future!

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  26. I am on Day 4 and started reading Sober Diaries last night. It was a Godsend. My 16 year old's girlfriend was finally over for dinner (her dad hasn't allowed it for months, he prefers them under his supervision) and I was cooking ossobucco. I'd been looking forward to this so much and hoped that after dinner the 6 of would play Articulate or Throw the Burrito. But a recurring UTI that has been making my life a misery lately hit me with a vengeance and my husband said something I misinterpreted and I ended up in tears, in my bedroom missing the dinner I'd cooked, drinking copious amounts of water to flush the UTI, when I bought your book and it cheered me up so much.

    I made the decision to give up drinking on Sunday (I'm in Sydney, Australia). Our restrictions were relaxed on Friday just in time for us to celebrate my husband's birthday. I booked a room at the Four Seasons overlooking the harbour bridge and opera house and we went to a lovely restaurant in the Rocks. I only had 2 beers and one glass of wine over several hours and was very proud of myself. But we didn't sleep much that night and the next day I was so tired, I ended up having 5 beers and on Sunday I felt terribly depressed (I've been recording my moods lately and noticed that even a couple of drinks seem to affect my mood the next day). I've tried to give up before but I knew this was different because when the thought came to me "why not give up altogether rather than keep trying to limit yourself to one? Draw a line in the sand" I felt enormous relief and certainty whereas always before there was hesitation and doubt and FOMO. I just know this is what I want for myself and for my kids who has been used to seeing me and their dad drinking every day (not to excess, I would usually just have one while cooking, maybe a second). My sister is an "alcoholic", the drink in the morning, hasn't worked in years, lives in govt housing type drinker. She's been trying really hard to cut down since finally in her forties her liver isn't doing so good. I hope me giving up can help her with that too. Thanks so much Clare xx

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  27. I've just read your book. It was a massive inspiration to me. Day 4 AF and feeling positive about the future. Thank you so much xx

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  28. Hi Clare, I am halfway through your book and 7 months sober tomorrow! I got sober about 2 weeks before our worlds changed forever. I don’t think I would have made it to September if I hadn’t made the choice to never drink again. I am a grateful member of AA, taking what works and leaving the rest. Your book, Holly Whitaker’s book and Catherine Gray’s book are like little life lines in the deep. Thank you for sharing so openly.

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  29. So grateful to be sober during this period. Yes l had some anxiety during lockdown, but l dread to think how awful it might have been was l trying to get drink in the house, to constantly medicate that fear, and still kidding myself it was making me feel better. X

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  30. Thank you for sharing your story and your experiences here. Tomorrow will be my day 1. Looking forward to being much more lively, vibrant, aware, healthy and plain *sober*.

    I'll make sure to return here for the motivation I'm sure I'll need to stick with this whole sobriety thing.

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