Friday 23 March 2018

Feeling Sad


Generally I love what I do, but for the last couple of days I've been feeling really tired of it all.

I feel awful about whining, because I know that many of you will be in the early, tough days of fighting the wine witch, so the last thing you need is me bleating about nothing much. If that's you, then please feel free to stop reading.

I'm always telling the children not to worry about what other people think of them. I say things like 'you can't change what people think, only how you react', and so on, yet I can't take my own advice.

Two days ago, someone posted an incredibly vitriolic one star review on my Amazon page, and I can't stop thinking about it.

I know this is stupid, because I have 170 reviews, and all but a small handful are 5* and really amazing, and I am hugely, hugely grateful to all of you who have taken the time to write them. Thank you, thank you.

But this person has called me vapid, self-centred, over-privileged and bragging, and hates everything about me, my life, my family, my book and my editor. They even spelled my name incorrectly.

I keep trying to forget about it, but it just makes me sad and fed up, and then I worry that maybe they're right. Maybe I am just unbearably smug and irritating.

I also worry that this rant will put people off reading my book who might have found it helpful.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm doing this.

Apologies again. Normal chirpy service will be resumed shortly.

If you'd like to make up your own mind about my book, you can find it here.

If you'd like to listen to my TEDx talk, you can find it here (UK), or here for the USA.

Goodnight, all.

SM x

77 comments:

  1. Some people aren’t happy unless they’re miserable. Take no notice. If it makes you feel any better I can tell you from the heart that you’ve changed my life and it was your positivity that did that. I’d lost the sense of possibility and optimism and it was your exuberance and enthusiasm that made me want to give up drinking. I for one am very grateful. If they’re so scathing maybe they should write their own book? I bet they won’t though..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
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  2. People said the same about Eat, Love, Pray and it hasn't done Elizabeth Gilbert any harm!

    I've read your book and found it immensely helpful (I'm on day 7). So much of your experience resonates with me, I know it's a book I'll revisit as and when I need encouragement to stay on track. That's why you're doing it, to help people like me.

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  3. You are allowed to feel sad and you are allowed to vent here any time - this is the safe place where our tribe gathers to support one another. The sharing of your vulnerabilities is what has helped so many of us. But especially now, when you are living under a ton of pressure, you need to be able to rely upon this community as much as many of us have relied upon you? I LOVE your book and your blog and I literally just watched the TEDtalk which was also fabulous. I predict you are about to receive a bajillion virtual hugs from all over the sobersphere! And to hell with that vitriolic Amazonian troll. xoxo

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  4. I guess this is the downside of standing up and actually saying something SM. I know you'll bounce back, but it's can't be easy dealing with this. There's a rule I remember called the 20,40,60 rule. When you're 20, you're very concerned about what people think of you (Facebook is built on this principle). When you're 40, you don't really care what people think. When you're 60 ( giving away my age now), you realise it wasn't about you after all. Everyone is dealing with their own stuff, and even attacks like this are only about someone drawing attention to themselves.

    Keep going, take care of yourself, and remember you've got a lot of friends and supporters out here.

    Love

    Rob

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    1. I love this. And I'm about to be 50 and I really don't give a fuck!! :)

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    2. I’m listening to your book on audible for second time and I’m convinced this is going to change my life

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  5. I wouldn't be on day 21 right now, with a very clear vision of a sober life, without you and what you shared in your book and how it resonated with me, and clearly I'm not alone in that.
    I was raised by a strong woman who, among other things, lived by a code that said if you've never had enemies (or bad reviews) it means you've never stood up for what you believed in, and you've lived a half a life as a result. Stay strong, Clare, and chirp when you're ready. Bec x

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  6. Just ignore them Clare. You are THE BEST and an Angel on Earth xxxx

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  7. Well, there is always some poor miserably unhappy soul that only feels better by lambasting others. Sounds like something I would do while drunk! Im just glad that I read your book when I was several months sober and thinking clearly. You sound like a great mum with terrific kids and your book is identifiable, heartwarming and helpful! Dont you forget it!

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  9. OMG Clare!!! nooooooooo don't be sad!!!! You don't do sad!! we all love you! Its just some pathetic keyboard warrior who is probably deeply unhappy with himself and his life. You carry on being you, DO NOT CHANGE or let this idiot make you feel anything but your normal happyself. You should feel nothing but pride in what you have achieved, you are a guiding light for us all, and what you have done for you, your family and all of us is truly amazing. I'm heading over to amazon right now!!!!we love you clare, stay true to you and sod the haters xxxxxxxxxxxx

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    1. ive just reported his review and left a comment- what a prize idiot (lots of swearing in my head!!) everone do the same, he calls us all plebs!!!!

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    2. Whilst I get your sentiment, Angie - may I suggest that whilst his review/opinion is obviously different from that of the majority of Clare's blog & book readers (evident by the all-but 5* rating on Amazon), it's just that - his opinion.

      And he's as entitled to it as anyone - even if he does come across as a slightly smug, judgmental twat.

      People will read his opinion along with the others and make their own mind up; it's unrealistic to think that everyone would like anyone's work, whatever the subject - doesn't make it any less hurtful when you read it, I'm sure, but it goes with the territory and I'm sure that Clare will take another look at it on another day and balance it against the 150+ glowingly positive reviews and go back to being her 'marvelously' positive self :)

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    3. Huge thanks, Angie, for your support, and thank you, too, AManconcernedforhiswife for being so reasonable. While my immediate reaction is, like Angie, to report the bugger, you’re right in that it is just his/her opinion and they’re entitled to it. I have to confess, however, that I did rate it as ‘not helpful.’ Love and thanks to you both 🙏🏻😘🙏🏻

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    4. I have also just gone on and rated 'not helpful'. The review is read as a personal attack. Ranting on about Clare's background is unjust and uncalled for. 'Not for me' would have done.

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  10. Zillions of positive points and we can't help worrying about the one negative .... Just proves how wrong the one negative is about you (also I suspect a jealous individual). I guess the wider your audience becomes occasional odd balls will have their snipe ... And more genuine people out there will benefit from your honesty, integrity, humour, delightful character and down right fabulousness. Have a great weekend .. Cheers with alcohol free bubbles of freedom and joy xx

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  11. Clare, having just read the review, it seems to me less a critique of your book and more a jealous rant about your life. As soon as you (bravely) relinquished your anonymity, it was inevitable in today's world with nasty trolls and spiteful (conveniently still anonymous) reviewers that you would receive some unpleasant comments like this.
    I contacted you after binge-reading your blog in January 2016. I haven't had a drink since.
    You've made a difference to a lot of lives, and that's what counts. Treat the petty, small-minded, jealousy with the contempt it deserves. Xxx

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  12. I think there might be something in the cosmic energy at the moment because I'm a bit sensitive too. That vitriol has nothing to do with you, or your book, and everything to do with the person who wrote it. It is sad, for them. Don't be drawn in by what Eckhart Tolle refers to as his "pain body". I can see now the wisdom of not reading the reviews! See you soon SM, Treen xx

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  13. Hi SM, I'm Kay and today I am 23 weeks alcohol free thanks largely to you. I've followed your blog for about 11 months, am three quarters of the way through your book on my kindle, am 15 pounds lighter.......and have never had the courage to reply or comment on your blog. Today I must, as my heart is aching for you. Please don't let one nasty person ruin things for the rest of us poor sods out here doing it tough. You've been through so much to get where you are, and helped so many along the way. Focus on the positives, remember psycho-the-rapist and keep doing what you're doing.

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  14. Well I've commented on the book review - grrrrrr

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  15. Wow, is that person bitter much!?
    Clare I come from a very different background to you but so much of what you say in your book (and in your brillliant TEDX talk which I have just seen) struck a chord with me, and continues to strike a chord with me, which is maybe why I have turned straight back to page one of your book and started again.. and it is this, along with the amazing discovery of your brilliant blog which has got me to day 13(especially last night, Jaypers last might, my 2nd Friday was tough!!) You have been brave enough to step out under the spotlight and share your experience with all of us (and your much valued and practical tips). This, ahem reviewer (who can’t even spell your name correctly) is a particularly vitriolic and pathetic version of the wine witch. Keep doing what you’re doing - you’re brilliant you are. X

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  16. They’re not right. But it sounds as though you’ve hit a painful nerve and they’re lashing out. Completely unacceptable. But you never know, they may even re-examine their life and uncover some uncomfortable truths. Please don’t let this get you down. You’ve started a sober revolution. I’m my house, you’re not just my hero, but the kid’s too as we all prefer the new sober me xxxxxx

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  17. 2 things..... firstly, please try to remember how many people you have helped Clare. Like proper, life changing help!!! And secondly, you are human. You are allowed to be sad and upset or down at times. To be honest it's one of the main things that keeps me coming back for more. If you were smug and self obsessed I wouldn't have stuck with you for so long. Your honesty is important and I hope you can now hear the help from all of us that are reaching out to help you now. Trolls are trolls and it could have been much worse xxx

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  18. It's all been said in the previous comments but I hope you are feeling better. You have inspired so many people with your blog and your book. It's only natural to jump to the negative feedback first - I know I do that too - I've just read the review and it is cruel, but look at your tribe commenting back standing up for you! That's pretty awesome.

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  20. Ahh come on Clare look at what you have achieved, your book certainly has inspired me, don't wallow about what 1 person has verbalised, you have no idea what is going on in their life, when your in the public eye you have to take the bad with the good and you've always had good support and feedback so chin up lady and soldier on......

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  21. You have just discovered your 'Review Witch'. Back in your box Review Witch! Don't listen to her - she can't even spell your name right!

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  22. Hi Clare, I haven’t posted before because I haven’t felt the need to but I just wanted you to know I have been reading your blog for almost two years now and entirely thanks to you I am nearly two years sober. Ironically I have also just had a breast cancer scare and got the all clear yesterday so you and your book have helped me in more ways than you can imagine! You cannot be all things to all people, and not everyone will relate to you, but no one is being forced to read your blog or book, so if they don’t like it they should just look elsewhere....you can’t pretend to be something you are not, and you should not have to apologise for your background.

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  23. SM, I love your book and your Ted talk. I just starting reading your blog. Clearly the person who said those things is an idjit, ill-mannered and (undoubtedly ill-dressed) and worst of all has no sense of humor. Tragic, but not important. xo gina

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  24. Clare , you are amazing as is the book . I bought it , read and stopped drinking . I realised I COULD do it and that is because of you .
    Jealousy is an emotion that makes people say/do things that are mean and I always say a mean person is an unhappy one .
    Please carry on as normal!
    we are behind you

    Love sarah b

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  25. Since I began reading your blog 18 months ago when I started my recovery journey I have never ONCE thought any of those things. You are funny and kind and brave. You are one of the reasons I have gotten and stayed sober. You have put yourself out there for others. I can’t think of a more selfless act. Ignore those naysayers! xoxo

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  26. Hi Clare,
    When your message resonates and challenges people, you will bring out the haters. It can't be helped, you are never going to get 100 percent 5 star reviews. There will always be people that need to be mean as they are unhappy and putting their unhappiness and meaness into a review about your book makes them feel better, like you have it too good and they want to knock you down a notch. Don't read them, you were meant to do this and you have helped so many women, myself included! You are shaking things up and that is going to be hard at times. But as you can see from all the support we all needed you to write this blog! Take a break and do something nice for yourself, we need you here in the sober world :):)
    TWTIK

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  27. You are SO not alone! When I'm in slightly rickety shape emotionally, I've learned I can feel terribly wounded and spiral down from the least bit of negativity. Thankfully, I don¡t operate in that mode 365/24/7....but it means I do KNOW how you are feeling from this...how vulnerable. It really IS a version of the wine witch - just a nasty voice that rattles your brain and tries to undermine you. The good news - aside from all the real-world good you have done and lives you have changed JUST BY SURFACING HERE!! - is that you will be able to shrug it off in a day or two and your rational upbeat self will re-emerge. Hugs!

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  28. I can totally see why this review would upset you Clare. To say that the book is not for them is one thing but to go on the attack like that is another. Its nasty. Do not give this person any power at all. You are loved and worshiped by so many, (including me!) and you literally saved me from a very slippery slope and continue to help me stay on track. I'm approaching 100 days. I still can't believe it and without your book, this blog and your support, would not have made it. 100% true. A brave and courageous lady that you are, this is an understatement - please don't give this person any more energy. Keep in your mind the fantastic reviews and all the positive people that have and continue to be in your life. You are a legend. Sending you a MASSIVE hug. Jacqueline xxxx

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  29. Ps NEVER GIVE UP!!! Jacqueline xxxxx

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  30. I have just read that review. This is the work of someone who thought they might not like your book so read it anyway! Pity the life they lead. You have helped and inspired so many people and continue to do so. Be proud of that and please don't be sad. Flossie x

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  31. Hi Clare
    You've battled harder then this before
    Why are you letting a petty insignificant comment from an anonymous half baked loser effect you so much?
    Because you're human and seek perfection 100% from yourself when you give it your all.
    You didn't deserve that nasty personal comment, but do you know what? Give it to God or the Universe and put it behind you
    You're so much bigger than this
    I am celebrating 77 days sober because of your book despite the knockbacks that nearly drove me back to the booze.
    Thank you for that and to hell with the begrudgers.
    You're entitled to your sadness and a bad day every now and then but like that song,
    I get knocked down but I get up again,,,
    Go get 'em girl...

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  32. Still annoyed over the unfairness of the comment made about your book but I am reminded of a quote I read many years ago.
    Any reaction good or otherwise means that you're making a change and this threatens the world as we know it.
    Congratulations on shaking things up in the world of alcohol.
    Long may you continue on your mission.
    Ijust wish I had half of your guts to deal with what you did.
    Virtual hug

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  33. With time, you'll let it go, until then, it's okay to feel what you do, you're human. And a very nice one at that!

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  34. I (think to) recognise this type of vitriolic commenting in the 'review' from my early days sober. Not proud to say that it still ever so now and then hits me, in lesser versions. And I guess that is what it is: the reader is experiencing a hick up from the addict-within lashing out, while you happen to be at the receiving end.
    You wrote a book and somehow it touched a nerve in a person which led to the review. I can only assume that the reviewer has done everything to become sober and now holds on like crazy to his/her own truth. Other truths can not exist (yet) - like the Vale book needs to be discarded and the Carr book promoted. (I read the Vale book - it turned me sober in 3 weeks or so, good book.) I would assume that his/her truth excludes all the points you are being accused of having. By looking at the projection that is being made I think that the person feels disqualified by your truth/existence and tries to undo that by disqualifying yours/you. Nothing more, nothing less. And I can only imagine that must hurt badly if you did not see it coming. You might want to check out the video I put up today from Teal Swan on self-hatred. It explains how this hurtful nagging in the back of our minds was actually born in the first place.
    Hope you find something in my reply. :-)
    xx, Feeling

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  35. Hi Clare,
    As that wise, old monk John Lydgate once said '... you can't please all the people all of the time.' You just keep doing what you are quite brilliant at and that is spearheading this amazing revolution of sobriety. I am still enjoying your book as it continuously reinforces my decision to abstain from alcohol. I'm at Day 56 or 8 weeks which ever sounds better :)

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  36. You are a shining light. Don’t let a troll hurt you. They don’t deserve your energy.

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  37. Hi Clare, please ignore the review because your book has changed my life. You’re an amazing lady who has opened my mind to the fact that there is a life without wine and gin. I will never be the type of person who bounces out of bed in the morning but it only takes me half an hour to come round now instead of nearly 2 hours due to the fact that I would wake up in the middle of the night and toss and turn for a few hours because I drank too much! Please don’t let one negative review get to you!

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  38. Hello everyone! I’m sorry for not replying to all of your amazing comments individually, but I just wanted you to know how incredibly grateful I am for all your support, warmth and generosity. You guys rock. You are wonderful. I am feeling much, much better. I just needed to let let off steam and then hide under a rock for a bit... Thank you, thank you 😘😘😘

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  39. Clare, I found you while getting my hair done and read your story in a magazine, like so many others, it could be my story, I've known I needed to change for a long while but just didn't have the tools to make it happen. So googled you, found your WONDERFUL FANTASTIC book, oh and listened to you on Steve Wright (just love him - Sunday love songs just finished ��)
    I've just read Jason Vales and going through your blog from the beginning.
    The last two weeks I've had 3 days free of wine - the weekend spills into Monday and I've struggled with the weekend but that all stops this week. I can do this! because of you! so ignore any negatives, you are so brave to come forward and share and make me realise I'm not alone.
    Becks Blue and Heineken 0% in the fridge.
    Here comes bright eyes, clear skin, 2.5 stone to lose �� and sleeping well.
    Thank You Clare ��
    Ella

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  40. There will always be someone who doesn't like peaches. You can be the most marvellous, sweetest, juiciest peach, but if someone comes along that doesn't like peaches, then they're not going to rate you highly - because they prefer apples. Mustn't take it personally, Fleur

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  41. Clare - you are allowed to feel sad and pissed off with life! Go for it, have a day wallowing and crying and downing as many Becks Blue as you can physically manage..... I can tell you not to let these narrow minded, bitter, twisted and jealous individuals get to you - but you're human, like the rest of us and yes, of course, you're upset and I would be too. It's not your fault that you've now saved so many of us and we've all placed you on a ridiculously high pedestal!!! No pressure at all!! So, please allow yourself the odd day off from being 'chirpy' because we all love you to bits and we're all now strong and sober enough to make our own decisions xx

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  42. I'm with Suburban Betty on this one Clare - fucking troll - I get them too and try to see the funny side - my "favourite" insult on my worldwithoutwine FaceBook page was "contraception was invented for people like you" - tossers! We must rise above #sobersister!

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  43. Clare, I hope you're feeling the love here, which you so deserve. If you put your head above the parapet as courageously as you have, there's always going to be at least one person who takes a shot at you, almost certainly for their own reasons, and not anything to do you with you really. You have helped so many of us, and we love you for it xxx

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  44. Wow! I think everything has been said in all the above comments. Would just like to add my support. I have come to realise lately that there is a dark side to every good thing. We have to recognise and accept this and just carry on. Lots of love xx

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  45. Hi Claire now come on girl pull up your big girl pants and carry on doing what youre good at. You help people, your funny, talented, smart and you've beaten the wine witch and cancer. Don't let someone so small minded of and jealous of what you have steal your sparkle. Unfortunately there's always going to be people just waiting to knock you down and usually they know somehow exactly what buttons to press to chip away at your self esteem but you have to see the review for what it was. Nothing more than someone jealous and envious and trying to belittle the effect you've had in others. If it weren't for you - your radio 2 interview, you're book and your blog I wouldn't be where I am today -day 84 and counting. Take care hun xx

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  46. The internet is full of trolls, Claire so use your energy to avoid them and forget about them. You've helped numerous people both with your blog and your book. So please please ignore the troll and get back to your regular programming!
    There are lots of supporting posts here for you and we appreciate you and your story.
    Keep up the good fight. : )

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  47. Oh Sober Mummy, you have been brave, told your story and allowed yourself to be vulnerable. As the saying goes “your opinion of me is none of my business”. Of course we all have life experiences which are different but what has touched me most about your story is the commonality of experience, your obvious humanity and the fact that alcohol is an insidious drug which does not respect education, background or social class.

    If someone wants to point out the differences, then that’s up to them. We are all different, if that was what we focussed on we would never make friends, fall in love or have truly be happy. Chin up!

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  48. Funnily enough, I was just about to post a glowing review of your book. Your honesty and soul-baring have helped me tremendously to realise my own issues with drinking. Greetings from Bulgaria <3

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  49. So I read this post and immediately clicked on the link to read said review (totally rubber necking, but as a long term reader I felt it my duty...).
    WHOAH! This person has really taken umbrage. How dare you have a happy upbringing, successful career, happy family life, blog about (successfully) living life without wine, survive CANCER and through it ALL you've remained honest, self-deprecating and humorous. How very dare you not pick up your hair shirt and make out you've been felled. What front!
    I've followed you since 2015 SM and you are bloody 'marvellous' the reviewer has that right. The times I've DM'd you (under a different name) you've always replied with love, warmth and positivity. Don't go changing because the haters will still hate.
    Now actually thats made me go to amazon and buy your book. Yay Trolls!
    SO x

    PS for the record: I'm a state school educated, working class northern girl who didn't go to uni, but I love good writing. You are very much my cup of tea.

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  50. Thank you Clare for sharing your story. I finished your book this week. I am on Day 6 of being sober. I connected with your story and Know now that I can also start living again!

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  51. Hi just finished your book and enjoyed it so much has kept me sober 3 nights as I read it I would love to continue on this sober journey I can only say maybe the person who left that review is in a very bad place in their own addiction and your success story has made them feel even more worthless as the Scottish saying goes sticks n stones mat break my bones but names will never hurt me xx

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  52. I'm new to this - only on day 2 - but over half way through your book and I love it; am nodding away and it really is helping me in these early days. Thank you. I'm getting stick at the moment in my voluntary role (as a Brownie leader) and it's making me feel so sad (even thought it's one parent and the other 20 are super supportive), so I know where you are coming from.

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  53. Clare all this support is so amazing!! You must be feeling the love, and you deserve to be!!! X

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  54. Thanks totally to you and your fabulous book I am on day 79 of sobriety after many many years of not being able to moderate wine consumption (which got much worse with the arrival of the menopause). Like many, I totally resonated with you and you seem to have flicked a switch in my brain to OFF when it comes to alcohol! I hadn’t even counted the days of sobriety until just now because it has been such a revelation to feel as good as I do and to like myself again. Ignore the envious person who gave your book a poor review, you can’t please everyone and I am confident that you have helped and pleased most readers. I’ve never replied to a blog before so as well as being sober that’s another first for me! Keep up the stupendous work xx

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  55. Thank you for all that you have done and shared. You made a difference in my life and everyone I share my story with. The negative review was likely someone struggling and looking for a target, jealous of your success and frustrated with their own failure. Please know how much you mean to the rest of us. You are a blessing.

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  56. Just wanted to add, I'm part of a Facebook group called One Year No Beer, im not doing that challenge it's the free group (need to take it one day at a time) but anyway,
    someone asked for recommendations for good books and guess which one popped up in the comments time and again? :-))) xxx.
    Ella

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  57. Thanks for all the advice your given us all, I started in January but had a few slips so today is my new and last day 2, I feel a bit scared I'm going to lapse again so will be reading this blog and your book daily. I really really loved the feeling I had when I was AF for 32 days and again 17 days so have that in the back of my mind now. I feel positive and motivated I can do this. Any hints welcome - the one big thing I have to get over is this weekend we have a big family get together but I will be driving so as not to be tempted.

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  58. Dear SM
    You are at the forfront of a movement that will inspire , revolutionise and save lives. Don’t let a troll get you down. They are spiteful and take pleasure in their cruelty to others. Your book was given to me by my son as a birthday present. It opened my eyes. Made me laugh and I have not had a drink of poison since my birthday one month ago. I could not have done this without you.
    Thank you so much
    J xxx

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  59. In very simple words, what a w**ker!As so many others have said, some people are so consumed by jealousy and misery they aren't happy unless they spread that same sh*t about.
    So easy for me to say, but ignore it. As a writer you will likely have many more negative comments over the years as I am sure you will have many positive reviews too :) You have provided a safe space for so many people to explore their experiences and relationships with alcohol. By having a voice you have made so many of us feel connected in a way that downing the wine never allowed us to. That is something you should be proud of. I reached my 4 month sobriety period this week and I wouldn't have made it without this community. So, thank you xxx

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  60. I’m on day 3 , haven’t had an alcohol free 24 hours for a few years so this is amazing progress. You are an inspiration to so many and I wouldn’t be doing this without you and your literally honest book . I read it in 4 days and am re reading now again . I will continue to do so reading over and over until I feel strong enough to put it down . I’ve also started a blog ( no views yet) as it helps to type it all down like an online diary.

    Big hugs and appreciation xx

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  61. 12 weeks sober today - mainly thanks to your book, so focus on those who you have helped and try to forget the rest 😄

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  62. What? Who is this person?? Tell them to GET IN THE SEA! No more listening to nonsense talk from people clearly frustrated by other things- I'm sure it's not you hon
    Claire perth x

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  63. I'm celebrating day 100 of being sober because of The Sober Diaries.

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  64. I love your book! I'm on my third reading of it. I'm on my way to sobriety because of you. I love your Brit humor (I'm American with a few Brit friends, so I speak the Queen's English too). I read Jason Vales (dry and boring and oh so negative), trying to work my way through The Naked Mind, but I keep returning to your book because it's FUNNY. Done two 30's and a few days here and there, and like you, I don't moderate in anything I do. I just connected the dots a few days ago. It's not just about the vino, it's everything! Hence the credit card debt, sigh. BUT BUT BUT I can do better, and I will do better, and your witty, insightful book is helping me get there!

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  65. I just started reading your book and I love it so much! I left a glowing review on the US Amazon site. It's such an important subject and you write so perfectly.

    Thank you for writing this book!

    xo,
    yo

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