Tuesday 27 October 2015

Fear of the Unknown

If you're in the early days of quitting drinking, or you've still not quite taken the plunge, then I bet you're haunted by fear of the unknown.

Since we usually start drinking in our teenage years, and many of us ended up drinking every single day, we literally cannot imagine what life is like without our faithful pal.

We 'enthusiastic drinkers' tend to have few - if any - sober friends (killjoys!) who we can use as role models.

The fears that we grapple with go something like this:

1. Will I lose all my friends?
2. Will I ever be able to socialise again?
3. Will I ever be happy?
4. How will I deal with anxiety and stress?
5. What does 'sober' feel like?

Luckily, the sobersphere is filled with the all the answers you need from those of us who've trodden the path before you. Check out www.soberistas.com, this blog and the blogs of my lovely friends like The Wine Bitch, Anne in Sobriety, God Walked into This Bar and My Time to Shine.

Then you'll find that once you've got rid of the unknown, you've also got rid of the fear.

(By the way, a quick summary of the answers is as follows: (1) Only the toxic ones (2) Yes! But you'll socialise in a different way - less shallow, more rewarding (3) More than you can remember ever having been before (4) Way better than you're doing right now! (5) Freedom and peace)

For those of you who've been following my journey since my diagnosis with breast cancer last week, for the last few days I've been paralysed by fear of the unknown.

I've been keeping it all together for the kids who are on half term (imagine trying to do that with a couple of bottles of vino thrown into the mix!), but I keep having to take the dog out for walks so that I can weep silently in parks.

Today I have a PET scan. This involves being injected with a radioactive liquid (like the ReadyBrek boy) and then scanned so they can see if the cancer has spread anywhere else. This stuff is so horrible that I'm not allowed to cuddle the kids when I get home.

I get the results tomorrow. If they say that there's no spread I will be overjoyed (who'd have thought a week ago that you could be thrilled with the idea of having just breast cancer?). If the news is bad I may well fall off the waggon, as I'm not sure how I can deal with more. Becks Blue may have finally met its match.

My operation is scheduled for Friday. The kids are being great. Their main questions are as follows:
#1 how wonky are your boobs going to be? #2 will there be loads of blood? #3 can we keep your lump in a jar?

Hope all well with you lovely people.

SM x

27 comments:

  1. Oh SM - sending you so many thoughts and hugs. There are no words I can really say other then that you are a strong woman, you are loved not just by your family and friends but all the people on here. Everyone is rooting for you and wishing you the very best for these next few difficult days xxxx

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  2. Will be thinking of you. Try to only think as far ahead as the next step. Xxxxx

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  3. I love the quick summary! So, so true! Wishing you all the best for today LNM x

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  4. SM I know you can do this! And I also know you will learn a great deal from your experience. Your experience will propel you to become stronger snd see your life in an entirely new perspective. This life event will enhance the joys the gift sobriety has brought you. Isn't it amazing that God has given us the choice to be positive if we chose this perspective? Why not? Hang in there SM!
    Boston Strong, Boston Sober

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  5. Don't go back to drinking. It will not do a single good thing for you or your family. But you know that, of course.
    Hang in there.

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  6. Thinking of you today my SM friend.....xo

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  7. Wishing and praying for the best for you.

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  8. Wishing you all the very best, you are inspirational

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  9. Thinking of you today. Focus on just getting through, 60 seconds at a time if need be. If you start to waver, just remember your body doesn't need any more toxins right now, remind yourself of summary points three and four. Reread your blog, reach out for support and if nec get Mr SM to liberate the house of all temptations. ((HUG))

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  10. Thinking of you every day SM. Just wanted you to know that my church prayed for your recovery on Sunday and we're not talking about a few dusty pews half full of elderly folk (no disrespect to old people intended!). This was a 200+ congregation so get ready because I believe good things are about to happen. Hang in there. Jillxx

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    1. OMG Jill! I'm so touched! Thank you xxxx

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    2. I forgot to say that on the prayer request slip I decided to put under 'name' : Mum of Three as I reckoned writing Sober Mummy might provoke some questions, he he! :-)

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  11. Love how kids keep it real! Best of luck today. I really hope you get good news. As you've said before you've got to just go through this next stage and we're right here with you. Take care and take each hour as it comes. Deep breathes and big hugs xxx

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  12. Fingers and toes crossed over here too! ♡

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  13. Thinking of you and keeping every digit I have crossed. Kary

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  14. There's a lovely expression in a piece by Janine di Giovanni (war correspondent) when she was engulfed with the magnitude of a problem, and remembering when her son was learning to walk: "one step, two step". Don't think too far ahead. It's your journey, but we're all holding your hand metaphorically through the ether.

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  15. Will be praying for a positive outcome tomorrow - truly hope everything went OK today.
    Thinking of you xxx

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  16. Thinking off you. Let's hope for the best.

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  17. Me too. Been checking in daily. Will keep everything crossed xx

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  18. Good luck! If my 11 year old was here he would be incinerating his cereal on the gas hob to get luck from burnt offerings for the gods (big Percy Jackson fans here) so I'll burn my toast for you instead and wish you every good thing that is available! We are all here with you. xx

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