Thursday 27 August 2015

Things I've Lost

You lose a lot when you quit drinking.

You lose that feeling of nagging anxiety, self hatred, lethargy. You lose the wine belly and hangovers. You say "hasta la vista, baby" to the Wine Witch.

Some of these things go immediately. Some take days, weeks or even months.

Some things you don't even notice have gone until you look around one day and think "That's odd! I haven't seen xxx for a while."

I've posted about all the big losses a few times, but there are lots of little things too. Small miracles that go unnoticed until something makes you realise they are there - right under your nose.

So, I thought I'd write a list.

I love lists. I've been writing a list of my Desert Island Disks for about twenty years waiting for Radio 4 to call me up.

(Unsurprisingly, my 'luxury item' used to be a case of Chablis! I need to find a new one now...)


Cashier phobia
Breath freshener
Room spin
Muffin top
Clock watching
Noisy recycling bags
Drunken texts
Unexplained bruises
Mini cabs
Fridge raids
Unexplained rage
Repeating myself
Missing the end of movies
Repeating myself
Stained lips
Googling "am I an alcoholic?"
Jokes about 'Mummy's wine'
Night sweats
Closing one eye to read straight
Make-up on the pillow
Bloodshot eyes
Wardrobe malfunctions

There are hundreds more. I'm looking out for them now.

Please add your own in the comments below!

Love SM x


  1. Monday morning blues, rehydration sachets, milk thistle tablets, screaming rows with oh, being thirsty all the time.

  2. Just want to say I love your Blog almost every day for months it has dropped in my inbox great start to my day thank you x

    1. Thanks so much Amy! You've given me a great start to the day!

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. Fear of flashing blue lights of parked police car...

  5. Buying a mini breathalyser test in Boots to check I am actually fit to drive the following day (I did this a couple of times near the end); self hatred; anxiety; depression; constant tiredness; assessing the severity of a hangover; wasting days to hangovers; wondering why Mr LNM is not sleeping in our bed when I wake up; asking how the night ended/how i got to bed; saying sorry; wishing my life away. 6 months sober tomorrow. x ps I read the scarey Soberista debarcle. Jeesch! Sending much sunshine filled love to you SM and all the wonderful SM-isters and brothers (and brothers in laws ;-) ) LNM x

    1. Wow! 6 months LNM! That's awesome! I get there next week too...

    2. Me too. To all of that. It is the wishing my life away that stands out. I so wished for relief, for it to be over. That is truly scary as there is so much more living to do!!!!

    3. See my post today, LNM - there's a message for you xx

  6. A low level of constant anxiety. I never even knew I was anxious until about 3 months sober when I realized how calm I was feeling. I'm 189 days sober today and signed up with Belle for a year Sober. I can't see ever drinking again because I feel so great!

  7. Replies
    1. I just told my husband and boys what you thought my email name was and they thought that was so funny and no one had ever thought of that before but I bet they never forget! The meaning for 143 is' I Love You' so what you thought was even funnier.

  8. "Closing one eye to read straight"
    Ha Ha, I'd forgotten about that one.
    Eye drops
    Spilled drink spots
    Bottles under the couch
    That whomp-whomp of "I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself" going round and round as background music in my head.

  9. OMG - the whole "Closing one eye to read straight" as I have never read that anyone had that problem too!!!! That happened so many times.

    Biggest one on my list -
    Trying to make it thru spin class dehydrated and hung over. I'm an avid spin class fan (2 years and completely addicted to it) and I would try to drink large glasses of water inbetween wine (not terribly successfully either) to help lessen the impact on spin class the following morning. So hard NOT to go to happy hour or have a happy hour on Friday night and then go to spin early the next morning. That was ratchet.

    However, when I go big, I go way big and I decided day I stopped drinking wine (Aug 5) I stopped caffeine, dairy, artificial sweetners and went on a diet. It has been ROUGH but I have perservered and lost 13lbs (not sure how to convert to stone) but I've stuck thru it and am finally at a point that I'm not thinking about it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Friday happy hour time is still hard and Sunday afternoons but the DH is super supportive and I'm pushing through. Your blog has really kept me going SM!!! Thank you!

  10. Chewing gum; feeling slightly nauseous ALL the time until next drink; hiding drinking; denying having been drinking; promising myself wouldn't drink that day until I did; waking up surveying the domestic and emotional landscape and dreading the daily post mortem. Plus most of the things on everyone's lists.
    Any time I feel a little nostalgic tap on the shoulder telling me it's ok to go back to drinking I stop and think do I want all those negatives back? No thanks.
    Well done to everyone, keep going, xx

  11. 25 days today! Whoop whoop! Thanks SM for you fab blog, it has helped me everyday and I too look forward to reading it :-)) xx

    1. Thanks CB, and well done you! Awesome work! X

  12. Ha ha ha reading with one eye shut! I almost forgot that one too. Eugh and cringe! So many cringes already mentioned above that really make me go 'eugh'!!! Living on nurofen and chewing gum, drinking straight out of the bottle to top up so it looked like I was still on the same glass, popping to the shop for 'milk', watching the bottle so carefully and plotting and planning how to have more, etc etc but the biggest cringe for me was constantly telling the kids at bed time 'mummy will be up in a minute' and then either downing a couple of glasses before forgetting to go up or going up and breathing alcohol fumes all over them as I slobbered all over them. Eugh!!!! Great idea for a blog! Ta xxx

  13. I just love the fact you’ve done “repeating myself” twice in the list, but no one’s commented on it!