Tuesday 9 June 2015


I made it to the big one oh oh! Woo hoo! Go me!

(I feel a bit greedy celebrating this one, having just celebrated 3 months. It's like poor #3, who has a birthday just before Christmas! But, hell, I think we deserve to congratulate ourselves whenever we get an opportunity...)

I was intending to celebrate by myself today (and with you lot, obviously), but it turns out that there are advantages to the husband sneaking the odd peak at the blog.

When I was still half asleep this morning he presented me with a 100th birthday card! (Bet they don't sell many of those).

Not only that, but he's also bought me a gorgeous necklace - a silver elephant on a chain. I could invent something about 'elephants never forgetting', or make a joke about the size of my arse, but the truth is he just knows I love elephants.

He is a Good Man. A Keeper.

So, I was reading back over some of my posts from nearly 100 days ago. There I was, all bright eyed, bushy tailed, enthusiastic and naïve. I reminded myself of the new girl starting at secondary school.

You think that you've made it - you've done the work, passed the exams and you're in! Then you realise that you know nothing. You look around and notice that no-one else is wearing their socks pulled up or their skirts at regulation length. You don't know your way around. You don't know the rules. You're totally out of your depth.

Now I've done the 'am I an alcoholic?' modules, and I've done the 'moderation. Is it possible?' modules (also known as 'is this really it? For ever?'). I've done lower fourth and upper fourth and I'm into lower fifth!

But I realise that I have a way to go before I'm a cool know-it-all, confident sixth former. I've only just started on 'introspection' and 'who the hell am I, anyway?' and I have no idea what comes after that! I've not even been given the syllabus.

What could I have told my lower fourth self 100 days ago? I could have given her a list something like this:

1. You will sleep more, and better, than you've done in years, but will be more tired than you can imagine.

2. You will discover that hot chocolate has magical healing powers, and that there really is a point to alcohol free beer.

3. You will feel ten years older and wiser, but look five years younger.

4. You will have to start to hate yourself before you can learn to love yourself again.

5. You will discover a passion for cleaning, tidying, weeding, sorting and clearing out - both literally and metaphorically.

6. You will obsessively read everything you can find about alcohol, alcoholism, and anything else beginning with 'alc'.

7. You will find that some of the really big hurdles (like parties) can be easy, but some of the small things (everyday stresses and upsets) can be terribly hard.

8. You'll find that that knot of anxiety you lived with for years was caused by the drink, not solved by it. Your best friend was actually your worst enemy.

9. You will become an obsessive navel gazer (not to be confused with a naval gazer - someone who stares at seamen). You'll constantly wrestle with questions like 'Who am I? Who was I? How did I get here? Where am I going?.

10. You will meet some incredible fellow travellers along the way. People who will make you laugh, cry and think. Hugely strong, brave and inspirational people sharing your journey.

But, you know what? There would have been no point in (the older, wiser) me telling (the younger, more naïve) myself any of this, because one of the main things I've learned is that there are no short cuts. 

As it says in one of my favourite books (Going on a Bear Hunt) "you can't go under it, you can't go over it. You've got to go through it."

You've done the crime. Now you've got to do the time. And I've done 100 days of it!

I was on the Soberistas site, reading some blogs written by newbies on day 1, or day 7, or 14. And I almost felt jealous of the fact that they were standing there at the beginning of a journey that would change their lives. The first 100 days is hard, but it's also more intense and rewarding than you can imagine.

Here's to the next 100! And here's to all of you - my wonderful fellow travellers.

Love SM x


  1. Congrats on a 100 Days of taking care of yourself! I'm 111 Days today. I love your blog and has helped me on my journey, I have never felt better.

  2. Yay go you! Congratulations on reaching the big 100 SM! Have a lovely day and enjoy your achievement throughly. I suggest a piece of cake the size of which can be seen from space :) x

  3. CONGRATULATIONS on 100 sober days! Go SM! Love your post today. Your top tips are spot on. I wonder what another 100 days will bring on our 'bear hunt'. And can we please clone Mr SM? What an absolute darling. Here's to a clearer, brighter and less-sozzled future! LNM x

  4. Congrats. A lovely summary of the first stage of your journey x

  5. I have been so excited, looking forward to this for you, it has felt a bit weird waking up each morning and working out how many days to go for you. It's been fantastic to hear you speak about each day, brilliant blog, helping lots of people move ever closer to where you are. Thank you, very VERY well done, and enjoy! (I was the first person to email you on your new email address some time ago and have read avidly every day since.)

  6. Congratulations! So happy for you!

  7. Every sober day is an achievement I think - well done on 100 of them! And to everyone reading. Xxx

  8. 100 Days!! Fantastic. I hope you treated yourself and did something nice today. Well done. x

  9. Congratulations. Look at all that you have learned! And you have taught the rest of us so much too! Please keep the blog flowing!
    You must go through. That is so true. I hope my blog helps anyone afraid to take the first steps, or the 10 th step, take it. But I know they have to do it themselves.

    Somewhere in this journey is the realization that we had the power all along. To do anything.

    Learning that was worth the pain that came before. At least for me. I would rather live my current, inspired life, bursting with possibilities and opportunity, that bide my time.

    Happy 100! Keep going. One day at a time.


  10. Congratulations on 100 days SM. You should be very proud of yourself x

  11. Well done SM. Fantastic, amazing, honest, inspirational. 10 days and counting. You have given so much back on your journey. You have inspired me.

    My Bath times have become quite key for me...they help get me through...just a soak with olverum oil (highly recommend got me through the first week clears the head and relaxes at same time - big treat) love my clear head, clear skin, clear sleep. No guilt, no planning, no trying to maintain a half sneaked life. I find I get hit by feelings now that I might have drowned but at the the time still thought I was experiencing them. Huge realization.

    Thanks for showing me the where the yellow bricks were laid :0) really love your blog and writing...it's wonderful that you are creating and sharing that. Big up SM.

  12. Big congratulations - a milestone. I am a mere whipper snapper at day 10.. so just need to aim for that extra 0. Ah if only it were that easy! Thanks for shining a light on the way through..

  13. That is amayonaising! Well done girlfriend. woo hoo!

  14. Massive congrats!! Wow! I loved your blog today - Going on a bear hunt is one of my favourite books too!! I am tuning in daily for inspiration - thank-you!!!! X

  15. Huge congratulations on your 100 days! X��

  16. Congrats on 100 days SM!! That is so awesome!
    I love your list. You have learnt so much and are teaching us so much. Please keep blogging.
    Your hubby is amazing btw! Maybe there are drawbacks to keeping your blog a secret!
    A x

  17. Hugs!
    100 days is awesome!

  18. Wonderful! You sound so happy :) Onwards on that bear hunt... (What a beautiful day!) x

  19. Happy 100 days! Awesome. I'm following on behind and still dipping back into your blog to see how it was for someone else at each stage. 30 days for me today. Your blog has helped! Xxx

  20. Congrats on 100 days! Your blog inspired me to start my own, sparse though it still is at just 12 days.

  21. Congratulation on 100 days! I love your blog! You're very inspiring to me!

    1. Thank you, other SM! I love yours too. I especially love the AA story you shared today. Big hugs to you xxx