Wednesday, 28 October 2015

Deals With The Universe

Do you remember when you were little doing deals with the Universe (or with God)?

I certainly did. I would say things like If I get a Cindy doll for Christmas I will never be mean to my little brother again, and will eat all my greens for ever and ever amen.

Then, hopefully, the much coveted Cindy doll would arrive, and I'd be - momentarily - phenomenally grateful. I'd hug my brother and eat some brussel sprouts.

Then I'd forget about it all. I'd move onto Barbie dolls or Girl's World, start pinching my brother when no-one's looking, and trying to get the dog to eat my green beans.

So, as I wait for the results from my scan yesterday, I thought that I would immortalise my deal with the Universe on the wonderful world wide web, so that, if I ever take anything for granted again, I can come back and read it.

Here it is:

Dear Universe,

If I find out today that my cancer is 'localised' and has not spread, I promise to:

1. Never, ever envy the lives or possessions of other people. I will always remember that love, family and health are truly the most important things in life, and that if you have those you are utterly blessed.

2. Make the most of every day and every moment. To treasure every bedtime story, hug, family meal, shared joke - all those little moments that make life special.

3. Be the sort of mother, wife and friend that others can rely on in a crisis, the one they turn to first. To be their rock when they need one, as people have been for me. And I'll help my children to grow up strong and wise, so that they can look after themselves when I'm no longer here.

4. Look after and respect my body. Our bodies are incredible machines, but they need us to keep them safe. I will never again fill my body with toxins and poisons (although chocolate is fine, and I'm not about to start posting recipes for kale smoothies).

5. Give back. I have spent most of my life focussing on ME. Through this blog, maybe a book, and through random acts of kindness, I will make sure that every day I give something back.

But, if it's spread, and I'm told to put my affairs in order, then all bets are off, Universe. I'll look up at you, cursing, from the gutter, empty vodka bottle in hand....

.....only kidding.

Huge thanks to you all for all your prayers and best wishes. You have helped me more than you can possibly imagine, and I love you *weeping*

SM x

P.S. I note that someone has found my blog by typing 'Real Mummy's Massive Tits' into Google. I do apologise if this blog is not what you were looking for.


  1. I just thought I would check in before heading off to bed, SM. Hoping that I read good news tomorrow morning. And I believe that you have a head start on the Universe, with this deal xx
    PS ABSOLUTELY NO KALE SMOOTHIES (And bacon is fine too)

  2. Dearest SM, still you leave us laughing! How wonderful that the most random people will find your blog, and who knows who you may end up helping then!! Thank you for including continuing your blog in your deal, as you provide such essential support and insight for so many of us. I am sure that loads of us will also make our own deals with the universe for good news for you from your scan. And of course, if not, we are here for you. X

  3. Kale smoothies rock! As long as there's other veg in there too (Jason Vales 7lb in 7 days if you want to try one). This blog was not what I was looking for, but the planets were definitely aligned that day. You continue to be my rock. My inspiration. My 'keep me on track' when I get silly ideas. We are here for you too. Always. Big hugs LNM x

  4. Here for you SM. You've been in my thoughts alot. xx

  5. The way your handling this is amazing. Positive vibes and prayers coming your way!

  6. Thinking of you and wishing for good news x

  7. Everything crossed for you SM. Love your PS, reminds me of my architect brother who was looking for a new hard had and typed men's helmets.

  8. Imagine if every person could abide by your promises to the universe.. What a wonderful place the world would be! With that thought in mind, I will join you in the promises, (pot holes accepting) and keep my fingers crossed that a collective promise will add strength to your own. (Crispy kale with salt, garlic and chilli is delish!)

  9. Still got your sense of humour! Hoping you get good news xxxxxxxxx

  10. I'm on tenterhooks and wishing and hoping hard for you SM. Xxx

  11. Fingers and toes crossed here for you x

  12. So, you are in the bargaining phase:
    But joking aside, those are very, very worthy aims. That is the way to live, whether you have to beat one kind of cancer or the other.
    I wish I could pray, but I'm an Atheist. You are in my thoughts, though. Best wishes.

  13. Dear SM,
    I have tried to post everyday but it just doesn't appear! Sending love and prayers your way and everything crossed for good news xx