Monday, 4 May 2015

Turning into a Goddess - Update

Day 64.

Talking of Goddesses, yesterday's papers were filled with pictures of Kate Middleton as she swanned out of the Lindo Wing looking all glam and coiffed, and like she'd just been to a garden party rather than having given birth to a new princess.

I came down the steps of the very same exclusive, private hospital with #1, #2 and #3 (I was much richer then!), but looking haggard, exhausted and fat. I was not troubled by the photographers.

Not only is it great news that William and Kate now have the heir and the spare, but it also gives all of us a very public sober counter. Princess takes first steps: one year sober. Princess goes to primary school: five years sober. Princess goes to secondary school: 11 years sober. How handy is that? Thanks, Kate!

Anyhow, it is nearly 8 weeks since I posted 'From muffin-topped, puffy faced alcohol addict to Goddess!' so I thought an update was in order.

Back then I weighed 11 stone 10 (164 pounds). I now weigh drum roll......11 stone 3. I have lost 7 pounds! Half a stone. Around 3.5 kilos. My BMI is now 24.6 - NORMAL RANGE (top of).

The fab news is that I haven't actually dieted. In fact I've been eating more puddings and chocolate than ever before. But I have cut out around 600 calories a day of alcohol.

(If you are just starting out on this journey then BEWARE. Firstly, you often don't lose weight to start with, and lots of people actually gain weight. Don't be discouraged! It takes our bodies a while to adjust, plus it's easy to use sugar as a replacement dopamine hit. Personally, I think we have to go easy on ourselves and pig out from time to time, however try to be aware of the difference between eating because you're hungry and eating because you're emotional. Do the latter as little as possible!)

The other good news is that the first puffy fat to go was around my face and the dreaded wine belly.

Whilst my waist is still 36", my wine belly is 39" - TWO INCHES smaller. Doesn't sound like a huge amount, but it honestly makes a big difference to my profile. If you remember, when I last posted I confessed that if I grabbed my belly fat with both hands in the bath it was the size of a wine bottle (ironically). Well it's now, appropriately, the size of a 300ml bottle of Evian. Yay!

And the butt? An inch smaller. Again, small but noticeable. Not Cindy Crawford yet, but getting there.

But you know what the biggest change is? This is one that it's taken two months for me to become properly aware of. For the first time in over a decade I feel 'in tune' with my body. I know it sounds new-agey, but bear with me.

When you drink every day you drown out all your body's natural messages; the ones that tell you when you are hungry, tired and thirsty. I used to eat, not because I was hungry but out of habit, or because I was hungover, or fed up. I would sleep because I'd drunk too much, and wake up before I'd had enough rest. I would drink...all the time! For any of a myriad of reasons!

Now I know when I need to eat, and I know when I've eaten enough. I go to sleep when I'm tired and I wake up feeling properly refreshed (see sleep, glorious sleep). And I drink...because I'm thirsty! What a novel concept. It sounds odd, because this is really basic, human stuff. Stuff babies can do. But - looking back - I'd totally lost the ability (or rather I'd literally drowned out the ability) to do any of it.

So, I may not be a veritable Goddess just yet, but I am starting to be a properly functioning human being. And that's progress!

Love SM x


  1. Great news sm and just think in a years time you could be a Kate Middleton body double ;-) ( incidentally how did she do that I could barely walk and had nice stretchy yoga pants on when I left hospital with my little bundle !!) another sober weekend under our belts !! I hope you are feeling as refreshed and bushey tailed as I am at the end of it x x

  2. Ps the other half has caved in and we are starting to look at puppies :-) x

    1. That's made my day Kags!!! What breed? X

  3. We are swaying to a cocker poo

    1. Great choice! Most of my dog's best friends are cocker poos and cava poos (slightly smaller)

  4. Dear SM,
    I lost weight, too. And I lost the puffy wine face!
    I used to binge eat after I drank in the afternoon.

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  6. Thank you for this amazing blog I love your honesty it is something I have been looking for as I work out what I want my relationship to alcohol to be. I am 18 days down and feeling good today but each day is different, since the 14day mark I have been on a roller coaster of emotions.

    I am not sure what I am doing at the moment 18 days ago On a Saturday night I choose not to drink, I didn’t feel like it and it has just gone on from there. I have not told anyone but my husband and continue to prentend to drink when I am with friends I don’t want to have to answer to them and I have told my husband I do not want to talk about I’m just not drinking at the moment which he has excepted. It is one day at a time right now.

    I am not sure who I am without alcohol I am 48 and have depended on alcohol for the last 30years. I have been the party girl, the adventurous one and risk taker but at 3in the morning I wake with dread, shame, anxiety and self loathing at what I am doing it’s time for a change. Thank you I discovered your blog yesterday and I have not stopped reading your words and those of your readers ♥️♥️♥️♥️