Day 83.
The thing about being a high functioning alcoholic is that you have to learn to prioritise.
There are not enough sober hours in the day to keep absolutely everything functioning perfectly, so you learn to pick your battles.
In my life, priority number one was keeping the children (and husband) happy. Properly fed, clothed, achieving. Homework done, music practice done, playdates arranged and executed, homemade costumes created for various 'dress up days', cakes created for bake sales, and so on. That, in itself, is a full time job.
Next in line is the house. We have an old, relatively big (for London) house which we can't afford to maintain properly. So not only do I have to make sure that it's clean and tidy, but I'm also constantly running around with pots of filler, damp proof paint etc, trying to stop it looking as if it's about to fall down (which it is).
After the house and its inhabitants comes me. And, I confess, personal grooming had started to slip a little. Who has time for appointments with the gym, the dental hygienist, the eyebrow threader or the waxing lady when there's serious 'socialising' (aka drinking) to do at the weekend, as well as all the house-kids-and-husband stuff? Not me.
And right at the bottom of the list? The garden. All too easy to shut the doors and just pretend it wasn't really there. Especially in the winter. Between the months of October and March the only member of the SoberMummy household who spent any time in the garden was the dog. With inevitable consequences.
Once the man from Sky arrived unexpectedly early for an appointment to fix a satellite dish. It had been raining for several days and I hadn't been into the garden to 'clear the lawn'. The man from Sky refused to erect his ladder on our lawn due to 'health and safety' and hot footed it back to HQ. God I felt like a slut.
But now I have eons more time. And over the last two days I have totally transformed my garden. The lawn is manicured. The borders are weeded. I took all the old, broken, plastic garden toys to the dump. I've planted lots of bedding plants. I've trained honeysuckle and clematis over the old Wendy House.
There's a little herb garden outside my kitchen door. I've even ordered an outdoor sofa (cost: a massive 30 bottles of wine equivalent, but worth it). And today we have two families coming round for a barbeque.
And not only is my garden looking lush (the only lush in the SM house now), but the act of gardening has given me a real high.
It appears that I'm not the only one to discover this. Apparently researchers have proved that gardening lowers blood pressure, increases brain activity and produces an 'upbeat feeling.' MIND - the mental health charity - has funded 130 ecotherapy projects across England.
It's believed that gardening works by providing a sense of 'control', which is the psychological nemesis of stress and anxiety. Plus, the act of gardening is a form of Mindfulness - it makes us focus on the 'now' and takes our minds off problems in the past, or fear of the future.
Even looking at gardens helps produce a sense of calm. The notorious New York jail - Riker's Island - uses horticultural therapy to clam prisoners and prepare them for release.
I remember a fabulous scene in Sandra Bullock's film 28 days (about an addict going into rehab). One of the rehab 'inmates' asks the counsellor when they can start dating. The counsellor replies that first they should buy a pot plant and try to keep it alive. Then try the same with a pet. Only once the plant and pet are still alive and thriving for a year should they think about trying the same with another human.
My new plants will, hopefully, thrive and grow, providing a living 'sober counter'. And we won't have any more problems with our satellite TV.
Have a great weekend all of you! And, to my UK friends, it's a Bank holiday woo hoo!
SM x
Morning SM !! Great post (again) how funny that yesterday I too was grappling with clematis ( without much success) as I had been watching the Chelsea flower show nightly and feeling inspired !! I've really not got a gardening knack but baking has been my salvation and certainly pleases the other family members !!! Have a great BBQ and a lovely (long ) weekend plus it's half term yipeee. X
ReplyDeleteHave a great half term, Kags! How's the puppy?
DeleteOh yes I can relate to this ... Following frequent moans from my dad regarding the state of my garden and certain aspects of my house my argument was always 'I don't have time' and I genuinely didn't as several hours of the weekend we're taken up with hangovers, socialising with friends aka drinking or parked up in the local beer garden.... like you say you have to prioritise. ... sod the garden!!!! Maybe my garden will look different by the end of summer .... happy bank holiday xx
ReplyDeleteHappy holiday to you, too ESE. Get out in that garden! Xx
DeleteSpending my day planting, I have 500 annuals that need to be planted! Easy Peesey without a hang over!
ReplyDeleteWow! Your garden must be way bigger than mine mythreesons. Big hugs x
DeleteJust wanted to say how much I've been enjoying your blog since I found it this week...you write so well, and It has been so interesting following your journey. It has helped me see maybe why despite 4 attempts I always get to day 45 then blow it. I can't wait to hear what is on the other side of the wall! x
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, silverbirch, my favourite tree. I really feel like I'm getting to the top of the wall now. Hang in there, and please stay in touch. x
DeleteDo you remember the BBC comedy series "The Good Life". As a child, I didn't think it was a comedy, I just really wanted my Dad to plough up the front garden and plant potatoes....my Good Life dream came true when I emigrated to Canada (hmm geographical cure?), and now I am on five acres....much neglected until now, when I rush out to my greenhouse in the morning....funny, I was thinking of Tom and Barbara Good just yesterday....Happy gardening.
ReplyDeleteGod I loved that programme! It brings back fabulous memories of chuckling away with my Mum, Dad and brother. Happy gardening to you too! And don't go hiding wine bottles in flowerpots ;-) xx
DeleteI am going going put your advice from Friday (self care) to good use and pay a gardener to come and tidy up the bits of my garden that I can't manage. I love the garden but it's a lot of work and with a toddler in tow I can't get everything done that I want to. So wine money will be otherwise spent and do a lot more good 😊
ReplyDeleteGreat idea EH! Put the toddler to work planting too! Hope it's getting warmer up there now. I love Edinburgh. Xx
Delete