Day 86.
Yesterday I heard that a friend of mine - an extremely popular 'bon viveur' - had been diagnosed with chronic pancreatitis and told that he can never touch alcohol again.
I googled it.
It turns out that 70% of cases of chronic pancreatitis are caused by heavy drinking over a number of years. It's most commonly diagnosed in men aged 45-54. Between 2012 and 2013 over 35,000 people visited hospitals in England with the condition.
Yet again it strikes me that our years of partying are catching up with my generation, and that the mid forties are when it all seems to go horribly wrong.
But we, my friends, are lucky. Here is another bullet we've dodged. Chronic pancreatitis is no fun. It can't be cured, causes terrible pain and 30% of sufferers go on to develop diabetes. It can also lead to pancreatic cancer.
My friend was diagnosed at Christmas. Imagine. You're just getting stuck into the party season when BAM! You're told you've got to stop RIGHT THERE. Straight away. No passing Go. No collecting £200.
We, at least, had time to get used to quitting. We got to play all those silly games with the wine witch (I'll only drink at the weekend. I'll only drink one glass a day. I'll only drink beer. You know the ones).
We got to carry on proving to ourselves again and again that alcohol wasn't our friend any more before we had to say goodbye. In a way, we had it easy.
So how's my friend coping? Well, apparently, he's taken up smoking spliff.
(Before you rush out looking for some wacky baccy, remember - you'd only be swapping one witch for another. Don't even think about it.)
This got me thinking, what is it about us that makes us panic if we don't have a dimmer switch? Why is it that throughout history, all over the world, perfectly happy, sane, successful people have reached for alcohol, tobacco, opium, marijuana, sugar, gambling etcetera etcetera as a means of de-stressing. Tuning out. Winding down?
Perhaps when we stopped chasing hairy mammoths we needed another method of dealing with our adrenalin and cortisol levels?
In any case, today I feel lucky.
Lucky that I quit before (I hope) doing any major damage to my health. Lucky that I got to make a life changing decision when I was ready to make it. Lucky that I am the one in control. Lucky that, as a result, I'm dealing with the underlying issues rather than just swapping one problem for another.
Love to all you lucky, lucky people.
SM x
I used sugar for about six months as a prop to stop me drinking. On ly now ten months on do I feel I have finally let go of my crutches. Well apart from a couple of coffees each morning!
ReplyDeleteYou can't ditch the coffee! My prop is AF beer. Especially in social situations and at wine o'clock...
DeleteHello SM once again thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences I'm finding reading your blog very helpful and up lifting. I've managed to drastically cut down my drinking since finding your blog and hoping to make the commitment to have my final drink. I'm reading Jadon Vales book and along with what you say it's making me realise how pointless and addictive consuming alcohol is. I've suffer with I suppose mild anxiety and alcohol did seem to give a temporary lift but now can clearly see it was a short term gain for long term pain. I'm away for a few days and Internet is very hit & miss but look at your blog when able.
ReplyDeleteThank you SM X
Yay I love AF beer too. Have been keeping it as a Fri and sat night treat although never drank beer before. I have been scared for a while now that I would get some terrible illness due to years of overdoing it with alcohol and thinking how embarrassing it would be to tell people why I had to stop drinking. I also constantly feared being over the limit the next day as there is now zero tolerance in Scotland. Anyway thanks for writing this blog. I really feel (hope) that we've jumped before being pushed x
ReplyDeleteHi sm I needed this reminder today I had a really hard time with the wine witch this weekend and thankfully didn't give in !! ( thanks to the great gang on this blog keeping me on the straight and narrow !!) firstly Sunday I had good friends over for lunch - of course the wine was flowing - for the first time in weeks I really really wanted a glass of red. My mind was telling me go on one won't hurt / you've done so well / it's a bank holiday etc etc but something inside was saying stop you idiot you HAVE done so well imagine how you will feel about it afterwards and so I drank soda and lime and felt pretty hard done by. Then I had awful news from my best friend that her mum had died suddenly on Sunday - the shock was unbelievable and once again I thought of red wine "helping" but again focused on feeling the shock and how wine wouldn't help any more than a strong cup of tea - so I boiled the kettle instead x today I'm thankful for your blog which kept me focused and sober but feel disappointed in myself that I even considered having a drink as I really thought I had roughed the hardest of times x ah well these things are here to try us aren't they and then I read today's blog and remembered why it's important not to let the wine witch be heard !!! Thanks again
ReplyDeleteTry not to feel disappointed that you thought about having a drink. Focus on the positive. You didn't do it and for that you should be really proud. One of my best friends has been sober for two and a half years and she still has moments that make her think about having a drink. I think it gets easier as not drinking becomes the norm, we are just more exposed to our feelings (that's how I feel anyway) being sober and controlling that is what I'm struggling with. x
DeleteHi Kags! I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's Mum. In a situation like that you were bound to think about drinking. The point is that YOU DIDN'T, so as LNM says, you should be really proud. You rock. SM x
DeleteDear SM,
ReplyDeleteYes. I feel lucky, too.
My health is still okay.
My red blood cells are bigger due to drinking, but nothing bad.
xo
Wendy
Bigger red blood cells? What's that about Wendy?
Delete3 days before I gave it up, I got the results from my 'now I'm 40 health MOT'. I had requested a full liver count on top of the normal tests as my drinking was a concern. When I was given the all clear I was really disappointed. I thought I needed a 'valid' reason to quit drinking. A friend of mine told me that was the first time they'd heard anyone be disheartened with good test results - and it finally hit home. I knew I was being incredibly selfish and 3 days later knew it was time to stop drinking. Keep up the good work SM. Day 86 rocks! x
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean LNM! How are you doing? Did you finish Jason Vale? What day are you on? SM x
DeleteI'm ok. Day 90 today! Had my first sober music festival last weekend and it was fab! I would never had said that 12 months ago! Still reading Jasey. I like his thinking. x
DeleteBe happy you quit in time. We always have the option to make things worse. But that sounds like a horrible choice....
DeleteHi Sm. It certainly could have been worse for me. I was sure I had done damage to my liver and was surprised when my blood tests came back normal. We have to remember though, that that doesn't mean there isn't any damage. It might just be too soon to show up on a blood test. Hopefully though, by stopping drinking any damage will be reversed in time. When you think how many years we spent drinking, it won't undo all the damage overnight. I'm sorry your friend is going through this. it could be any one of us. Congrats on day 86! A x
ReplyDeleteAnd congrats to you on day 10! Back into double figures! I know you can do it this time Angie. Hugs x
DeleteI don't see sugar as an addictive substance. But people definitely move to other addicitve np behaviours to deal with life. It is always a warning siphon when whatever the behaviour is is done compulsively or sneakily.
ReplyDeleteI've had 2 friends have serious surgery to remove parts of their pancreas. It is horrible. And neither were huge drinkers (both were men).
Scary.