Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Unsupportive support group

Yesterday, I was Googling 'stop drinking' (obsessed? Moi?) and I came across There's a whole sub-strand (or, as they call it, subreddit) called 'stop drinking,' and loads of conversations going on about my favourite topic.

I lurked for a while and then found someone who sounded just like me 45 days ago. I posted a comment, explaining that I was going through the same thing. I suggested that they read Alan Carr or Jason Vale, and gave them my blog address.

Cut to this morning. As you can tell from my Ex-drinkers Rock Part 2 post, I was feeling the love. I was a little heart shaped helium balloon floating along on a happy cloud.

Once I'd posted my 'I'm-so-happy' missive, I logged back onto to see if there was any response to the comment I left yesterday. I found 2 messages. One was an automatically generated one saying 'Welcome to Reddit, SoberMummy' in a cheerful fashion. The second was written by a real person - a moderator - saying merely: No blogs. No spam.

Now I thought that was a little rude and abrupt. No 'hello'. No 'please' or 'thank you'. I'm English, and a mum of three, so I'm big on manners. And surely blogs and spam are two very different things?

I checked the Reddit '5 rules' and they say nothing about 'no blogs'.

Admittedly, I'm new to blogging, so maybe I accidentally broke some unwritten etiquette rule.  Remember, I grew up in the era of facsimiles and telexes, so I could have missed some crucial lesson on acceptable blogosphere behaviour. Have I?

I don't make any money from my blog. All I'm trying to do is help myself and, hopefully, some other people along the way. Is that not how it works?

Anyhow, I took the point on board and decided to post a comment on another strand without mentioning my blog. But I couldn't. A message came up saying 'you are not allowed to do this.'
The moderator had blocked me! I am no longer allowed to post, comment or reply to anything on Reddit.

 I felt like I'd turned up at an AA meeting only to find a piece of paper taped to the door saying 'SoberMummy is not welcome here.'

The Reddit moderator stuck a pin in my happy heart shaped balloon and I was transformed into a useless mangled piece of rubber lying on the floor.

Up until now I've found sober-web a really friendly, accepting place. I've met some wonderful sober-bloggers, several of whom comment here regularly, like Wendy (tipsy no more), Flossie (another way now) and Angie (it's time to get sober). There's also the hugely welcoming Mumsnet Bloggers Network.

I had this vision of us all as a happy, sober family holding hands across the world wide web and tripping off into the sunset. So my non-welcome from Reddit was a total shock.

Blocked! I feel like a stalker. A troll.

I know I'm overreacting. One of the side effects of this bloody no-drinking malarkey is that it seems to send your emotions on a massive roller coaster ride. But right now I feel like deleting mummywasasecretdrinker and going to bed for a week.



  1. Noooooooooo (imagine blood curdling scream of despair here). Please do NOT delete mummywasasecretdrinker. It's a fantastic blog, and I love that you're prepared to share your experiences on here as it's a massive help to others either thinking about, or starting an AF life. Please just say a big fat "Soddit" to Reddit. They are missing the point.

    Massive hugs to you and your heart shaped balloon, may it soon re-inflate!xx

  2. HUGE massive oh PLEASE DO NOT delete your blog coming from across the big pond. You are so LIKE ME and I'm so happy that I have someone to relate with. You seem to blog my thoughts but I haven't made it to 45 days yet. I follow a lot of sober blogs and food and weight blogs and while I've never heard of someone being sort of blacklisted for posting a link to their own blog (a lot of people have their blog addr/name part of their sig) I guess you got a moderator who had a wild hair up their butt that day. I've been on website where you get a moderator who is nice and easy going and then there's moderators who are like 1 fowl buddy and you are OUT! You got a crappy one. Reddit is not the entire sober blogging community so don't let one site bring you down or rain on your parade! There's a whole lot more out there on the interwebs than just little ole Reddit. Rock on girlfriend with this awesome blog of yours and carry on!!!
    Southern Emily

  3. Dear SM,
    First of all, thank you for making me feel good! (Heart!)
    Second of all, you are not alone.
    I was on a sober site during a live chat and mentioned something and I got scolded!
    I was humilated in live time!!!
    I sure learned my lesson. These days, I try to be VERY careful, as I am easily shamed!
    Third, way to go on staying sober AND helping other people!!

  4. How rude and a bit extreme I think! You would think they'd welcome new sober people not discourage them. Don't let them get to you. They don't deserve you! A x

  5. Stay here! There are lots of nice bloggers. I've never been on reddit. I guess I'm not missing anything!

  6. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  7. Noooooo. Noooooo. Noooooo. Please don't go. You need this blog. We need this blog. Sod the silly moderator. They need to get themselves a life they enjoy so that they don't behave that way to other people. Just like you have. Sending waves of strength. Xxxx

  8. Please, please, please DO NOT DELETE YOUR BLOG. Forget Reddit. Who are they anyway? Thankfully the internet is full of great sober bloggers like yourself ready share their experiences. Reddit obviously have some sort of agenda that they are not upfront about. It they want to block you then that's their loss. You've Reddit and moved on - Ha! see what I did there? Flossie x

  9. So you were booted for trying to share your blog that supports people who want to stop drinking on a "stop drinking" thread?!?!?! Huh, that makes a LOT of sense! Forget reddit, I'm with everyone else on here...don't delete your blog! Reading your blogs along with the book you recommended have been so incredibly helpful! Keep on!