Menopause.
It's one of those words that makes me want to stick my head firmly in the sand. You know it's coming, but there's not a lot you can do about it, so best to not think about it, right?
Well, I've been forced to think about it recently, as the side effects of the breast cancer wonder drug, Tamoxifen, (which I have to take for ten years) mimic the menopause. Plus there's been a bit of chat on here about menopause recently. So I did some research.
And it's fascinating.....
Many women start drinking more during menopause. Menopause is hard. It comes with symptoms that range from annoying to debilitating, it's a reminder of the ageing process and our own mortality, it can cause/worsen anxiety and depression, and it coincides with a time when, often, our children are leaving home and our parents are in need of serious help.
Even writing that list makes me want a large drink.
The problem is, drinking during menopause is the last thing you should do!
Here's a list of reasons why quitting alcohol is a very good idea for any women approaching the change (don't you just love that euphemism?)
1. Tolerance
As you get older, your tolerance for alcohol drops off, because the proportion of water in your body decreases, and you become less efficient at metabolising ethanol.
This means that a few glasses of wine get you more drunk, more quickly, than they used to. Which means worse behaviour, worse hangovers, more self hatred....you get the picture....
2. Weight gain
One of the most pissy offy menopausal (and Tamoxifen) side effects, is weight gain. Not all over, in a Jessica Rabbit kind of way, but around the middle - like a child wearing a blow up rubber ring in the swimming pool.
Sound familiar? That's exactly what drinking wine does for you too! So if you're menopausal and drinking, you're getting a double whammy! Before you know it, you'll be looking down and there'll be no sign of your feet!
Don't panic. Quitting drinking is one of the most effective ways to lose that belly fat.
(See my post: Reasons to Quit Drinking #1: Weight Loss)
3. Osteoporosis
Osteoporosis is one of the more dangerous side effects of menopause. It's a thinning of the bones which can lead to fractures and complications. And it's irreversible.
Guess what one of the other main causes of osteoporosis is?
Yup, you got it: heavy drinking.
Say no more.
4. Depression
Many women find that menopause causes, or exacerbates, depression. All those fluctuating hormones, on top of everything else.
But using alcohol as a prop does not help. Because alcohol makes depression worse. It gives you an immediate dopamine high, followed by an inevitable crash.
(For more on alcohol and depression read: Depression and Blackberries)
5. Mood swings
Why do we women have to live with these accursed hormones?
I feel hugely sorry for Mr SM, as in our household my menopause is going to coincide with two girls going through puberty. Oh merry hell.
I'm sure you know by now that hormonal mood swings and alcohol are a lethal cocktail. Right?
(For more on rage, read: Alcohol Induced Rage)
6. Sleep and Night Sweats
Menopause messes around with our sleep. As does (are you seeing the theme here?) alcohol. Enough said, I think, but if you'd like to find out more then read: Sleep, Glorious Sleep.
7. Hot flushes
(Known, by our American friends as hot flashes)
One of the more weird and debilitating effects of the menopause.
But, you know what the first suggestion most doctors give for dealing with hot flushes? QUIT DRINKING! (Cutting down on caffeine also helps).
So, there you have it. Seven good reasons why going sober will make The Change less of a trauma.
And, if you're looking for more help and don't want to resort to HRT, then think about this:
Many breast cancer survivors have terrible menopausal symptoms as a result of chemo and hormonal therapies, yet they are not able to use HRT. So what do many of them swear by?
Acupuncture. Don't ask me how it works, but it does.
So far, with a combination of not drinking and monthly acupuncture sessions, I've managed to avoid any hot flushes, night sweats, major mood swings or weight gain. Keeping fingers and toes crossed.
Love to you all,
SM x
Saturday, 6 February 2016
Friday, 5 February 2016
Pride
I went to collect #2 and #3 from school this afternoon.
I took an overnight bag with me for #2, as he's been invited to spend the night with his bestie.
His teacher pulled me aside and said "The boys told me that they're having a hangover tonight! It's a cross between 'hanging out' and a 'sleepover', apparently. I asked them if they knew what a hangover was. They said no, so I told them that Mummy and Daddy would probably know."
(Ain't that the truth!)
"The boys both blushed, and said 'Is it what Mummy and Daddy did to make us?' It was a rather awkward classroom moment!"
How hysterical is that?
My son has no idea what a hangover is. And you know what? I can't remember feeling so proud!
(He obviously needs to work on his Biology, however).
Happy Friday, everyone.
SM x
I took an overnight bag with me for #2, as he's been invited to spend the night with his bestie.
His teacher pulled me aside and said "The boys told me that they're having a hangover tonight! It's a cross between 'hanging out' and a 'sleepover', apparently. I asked them if they knew what a hangover was. They said no, so I told them that Mummy and Daddy would probably know."
(Ain't that the truth!)
"The boys both blushed, and said 'Is it what Mummy and Daddy did to make us?' It was a rather awkward classroom moment!"
How hysterical is that?
My son has no idea what a hangover is. And you know what? I can't remember feeling so proud!
(He obviously needs to work on his Biology, however).
Happy Friday, everyone.
SM x
Thursday, 4 February 2016
Coping With Anxiety - Sober
This blog post was inspired by the wonderful Ulla, who left a fabulous simile in the comments section of one of my recent posts. Ulla said using alcohol to cope with anxiety is like peeing in your pants to keep warm. How brilliant is that?
Anxiety is a hot topic. I get a lot of e-mails about it. Because many of us started drinking too much as a way of taking the edge off anxiety.
I get the impression that a large proportion of us are perfectionists. We want to do really well in our careers. We want to have a great social life. And we want to be really good parents.
We're often hard on ourselves. Unforgiving. And when life doesn't live up to our expectations, as is often the case, it makes us really anxious.
So we drink. Easy peasy. Just taking the bottle out of the fridge makes our shoulders relax. Right?
But, the issue with our favourite coping strategy is that it only makes the problem worse! A bit like peeing in your pants to keep warm. The immediate sensation is an improvement, but you end up wet, colder than before, and smelly.
You see, alcohol causes anxiety. And depression. Because every time you stop drinking, your body starts withdrawing from alcohol, and that process makes you feel edgy and anxious. And the only way to take that uncomfortable feeling away is to drink more.
The other issue is that, because we've spent years using alcohol to medicate anxiety, we can't remember how to do it sober. We totally lose our confidence. We forget any other coping techniques we might once have had.
We're like the toddler who's terrified of sleeping without their comfort blanket. But you know that after a few nights of learning to manage without the blanket, the toddler's going to be just fine. They'll learn to cope, and be more confident than before. It's just a matter of practice, and faith....
.....and the same is true for you.
I found coping with stress and anxiety one of the hardest bits of going sober initially. And then, eight months in, I was thrown kicking and screaming into the advanced level class, when I got my cancer diagnosis.
Now, three months later on, cancer kicked into touch, I have graduated with a degree in Ninja Level Anxiety Management.
I still get anxious, obviously (like going back to the Cancer Clinic yesterday), but I know I can manage it. And, in managing it, I've found a sense of pride and self respect that I thought had been lost in the mists of time.
So, here's my eight top tips for coping with anxiety sober:
1. Relaxation techniques
As soon as you start getting that panicky feeling, try whichever relaxation technique works best for you. I love a hot bath (ideally with aromatherapy oils). Some people like deep breathing, mindfulness or meditation (there are several Apps that can help with these, like Headspace). Many swear by yoga.
2. Exercise
If you can't sit down and relax, because that'd only make you feel more edgy, then do the opposite: exercise.
Running, brisk walking, or any aerobic exercise helps get rid of the adrenaline and cortisol caused by stress and anxiety, and gives you a great shot of endorphins (nature's happy drug). Ideally, try to get outside too, as the outdoors is proven to boost mood and counter depression.
3. Distraction
If you're anxious about a specific thing, like an upcoming event, and can't stop yourself worrying, then try distraction. Make yourself focus on something else - ideally a creative task like baking, colouring, gardening, knitting. It's a form of mindfulness that helps your brain quieten down.
(see my post on Monkey Brain and Mindfulness)
4. Visualisation
If you're feeling scared, and unable to cope, try visualisation. Sounds daft, but it works! I like to picture myself as my favourite kick ass heroine. I used to use Madonna, back in the Desperately Seeking Susan days of corsets and conical bras. I moved on to Ripley in Alien (Get away from her, you bitch!). Now I focus on Khaleesi - Mother of Dragons.
(See my post: I am Khaleesi)
5. Congratulate Yourself
We forget, when things get tough, how awesome and strong we actually are. Remind yourself what you've achieved. You've got through xx days sober! Maybe you've made it through a divorce? A house move? Childbirth? You've coped with tough times before and you can do it again. And the more you do, the easier it'll be next time!
6. Props
Personally, I needed props in the early days. Something to trigger the subconscious into thinking ah yes, now I can chill out. Cake did it for me. Hot chocolate had magical powers. But my favourite prop was, and still is, Becks Blue alcohol free beer.
Some people find that AF drinks trigger cravings for the real thing. If this is the case for you, then avoid them like the plague. I don't (perhaps because beer was never my tipple of choice).
For me, Becks Blue fooled my subconscious into thinking it was getting a 'proper' drink. In the early days it even made me feel drunk. I have to confess, when I was going through the worst of the cancer days, I was drinking up to six small bottles a day. And they really helped. I know that I'm now feeling happier, because I'm down to one a day!
(See my post: Blue Without Becks Blue)
(Just be careful that your chosen 'prop' doesn't become another addiction. Ex alcohol addicts are notorious for sugar addictions, shopping addictions, nicotine or gambling habits.... you name it).
7. The worst that can happen....
Whatever is making you anxious, force yourself to think about the worst that could happen. Perhaps, for example, you're anxious about applying for a new job? The worst that could happen is that you don't get it. At least you tried!
Just remember that, whatever the situation, the worst thing that can happen is DOING NOTHING.
Scared about applying for that job, going on that date, making a new friend, so you don't bother? Find a lump and ignore it, hoping it'll go away. Crazy behaviour, right? But that's the kind of thing we did when we were drinking - we'd pour another glass and put it off until another day (that never came).
Fear is a natural part of life, of moving forward. If you're feeling fear and anxiety it's because you're living! If you're not, then you're slowly dying. A fly trapped forever in amber, or - more accurately, perhaps - pickled in vinegar.
8. Ask for help
Everyone needs a hand sometimes. And when I was going through the whole cancer thing, it was this blog and you guys who kept me sane. The first thing I did when I found the lump was to write a post on this blog. So lean on your family, on your friends, and on the sobersphere. We all like to help - it makes us feel useful!
I promise you, that once your body is through the physical withdrawal, which feels very much like constant anxiety, and once you get used to coping with those unfamiliar feelings sober, you will feel stronger, braver and less anxious than you can ever remember feeling before.
So go out there, and kick some ass!
Love SM x
Anxiety is a hot topic. I get a lot of e-mails about it. Because many of us started drinking too much as a way of taking the edge off anxiety.
I get the impression that a large proportion of us are perfectionists. We want to do really well in our careers. We want to have a great social life. And we want to be really good parents.
We're often hard on ourselves. Unforgiving. And when life doesn't live up to our expectations, as is often the case, it makes us really anxious.
So we drink. Easy peasy. Just taking the bottle out of the fridge makes our shoulders relax. Right?
But, the issue with our favourite coping strategy is that it only makes the problem worse! A bit like peeing in your pants to keep warm. The immediate sensation is an improvement, but you end up wet, colder than before, and smelly.
You see, alcohol causes anxiety. And depression. Because every time you stop drinking, your body starts withdrawing from alcohol, and that process makes you feel edgy and anxious. And the only way to take that uncomfortable feeling away is to drink more.
The other issue is that, because we've spent years using alcohol to medicate anxiety, we can't remember how to do it sober. We totally lose our confidence. We forget any other coping techniques we might once have had.
We're like the toddler who's terrified of sleeping without their comfort blanket. But you know that after a few nights of learning to manage without the blanket, the toddler's going to be just fine. They'll learn to cope, and be more confident than before. It's just a matter of practice, and faith....
.....and the same is true for you.
I found coping with stress and anxiety one of the hardest bits of going sober initially. And then, eight months in, I was thrown kicking and screaming into the advanced level class, when I got my cancer diagnosis.
Now, three months later on, cancer kicked into touch, I have graduated with a degree in Ninja Level Anxiety Management.
I still get anxious, obviously (like going back to the Cancer Clinic yesterday), but I know I can manage it. And, in managing it, I've found a sense of pride and self respect that I thought had been lost in the mists of time.
So, here's my eight top tips for coping with anxiety sober:
1. Relaxation techniques
As soon as you start getting that panicky feeling, try whichever relaxation technique works best for you. I love a hot bath (ideally with aromatherapy oils). Some people like deep breathing, mindfulness or meditation (there are several Apps that can help with these, like Headspace). Many swear by yoga.
2. Exercise
If you can't sit down and relax, because that'd only make you feel more edgy, then do the opposite: exercise.
Running, brisk walking, or any aerobic exercise helps get rid of the adrenaline and cortisol caused by stress and anxiety, and gives you a great shot of endorphins (nature's happy drug). Ideally, try to get outside too, as the outdoors is proven to boost mood and counter depression.
3. Distraction
If you're anxious about a specific thing, like an upcoming event, and can't stop yourself worrying, then try distraction. Make yourself focus on something else - ideally a creative task like baking, colouring, gardening, knitting. It's a form of mindfulness that helps your brain quieten down.
(see my post on Monkey Brain and Mindfulness)
4. Visualisation
If you're feeling scared, and unable to cope, try visualisation. Sounds daft, but it works! I like to picture myself as my favourite kick ass heroine. I used to use Madonna, back in the Desperately Seeking Susan days of corsets and conical bras. I moved on to Ripley in Alien (Get away from her, you bitch!). Now I focus on Khaleesi - Mother of Dragons.
(See my post: I am Khaleesi)
5. Congratulate Yourself
We forget, when things get tough, how awesome and strong we actually are. Remind yourself what you've achieved. You've got through xx days sober! Maybe you've made it through a divorce? A house move? Childbirth? You've coped with tough times before and you can do it again. And the more you do, the easier it'll be next time!
6. Props
Personally, I needed props in the early days. Something to trigger the subconscious into thinking ah yes, now I can chill out. Cake did it for me. Hot chocolate had magical powers. But my favourite prop was, and still is, Becks Blue alcohol free beer.
Some people find that AF drinks trigger cravings for the real thing. If this is the case for you, then avoid them like the plague. I don't (perhaps because beer was never my tipple of choice).
For me, Becks Blue fooled my subconscious into thinking it was getting a 'proper' drink. In the early days it even made me feel drunk. I have to confess, when I was going through the worst of the cancer days, I was drinking up to six small bottles a day. And they really helped. I know that I'm now feeling happier, because I'm down to one a day!
(See my post: Blue Without Becks Blue)
(Just be careful that your chosen 'prop' doesn't become another addiction. Ex alcohol addicts are notorious for sugar addictions, shopping addictions, nicotine or gambling habits.... you name it).
7. The worst that can happen....
Whatever is making you anxious, force yourself to think about the worst that could happen. Perhaps, for example, you're anxious about applying for a new job? The worst that could happen is that you don't get it. At least you tried!
Just remember that, whatever the situation, the worst thing that can happen is DOING NOTHING.
Scared about applying for that job, going on that date, making a new friend, so you don't bother? Find a lump and ignore it, hoping it'll go away. Crazy behaviour, right? But that's the kind of thing we did when we were drinking - we'd pour another glass and put it off until another day (that never came).
Fear is a natural part of life, of moving forward. If you're feeling fear and anxiety it's because you're living! If you're not, then you're slowly dying. A fly trapped forever in amber, or - more accurately, perhaps - pickled in vinegar.
8. Ask for help
Everyone needs a hand sometimes. And when I was going through the whole cancer thing, it was this blog and you guys who kept me sane. The first thing I did when I found the lump was to write a post on this blog. So lean on your family, on your friends, and on the sobersphere. We all like to help - it makes us feel useful!
I promise you, that once your body is through the physical withdrawal, which feels very much like constant anxiety, and once you get used to coping with those unfamiliar feelings sober, you will feel stronger, braver and less anxious than you can ever remember feeling before.
So go out there, and kick some ass!
Love SM x
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