Alcoholism and Ancestry

It has long been accepted that alcoholism is, at least in part, an inherited trait. 40-60% of your susceptibility to alcoholism is genetic. The remainder is environmental. One study I looked at estimated that 25% of children of alcoholics become alcoholics themselves.

In her fabulous memoir - Drinking, a Love Story - Caroline Knapp writes: Alcohol travels through families like water over a landscape, sometimes in torrents, sometimes in trickles, always shaping the ground it covers in inexorable ways....In some families alcohol washes across whole generations, a liquid plague.

We can fight against our genes (after all, three quarters of children of alcoholics don't follow that path), but there are traits and tendencies buried deep within our souls.

I was thinking about this as I was dreaming (again) about our holiday in the land of my fathers: Cornwall (leaving tomorrow!). Despite the fact that I've never lived there, the minute I see the harsh, yet stunning, landscape unfolding in front of me, I feel an overwhelming sense of coming home.

There's something about the rugged cliffs, windswept moors, multi-coloured heathers and rough seas that appeals, at a fundamental level, to my Celtic roots.

I am a classic Celt. Dark haired, blue eyed, pale skinned. Years ago, when men were trying to chat me up, they used to say that I looked like Elizabeth Taylor in her younger years (they were lying, obviously). Spookily, until recently, I rather resembled Liz in her later years - puffy, overweight alcoholic, going slowly crazy.

It's often said that the Celts (particularly the Irish) have a genetic predisposition to alcoholism. I can't find a reliable study on this one but, spookily, there is a recent study showing that people with blue eyes (like the Celts) are significantly more likely to have alcohol problems.

Apparently, the genetic components that determine eye colour line up along genes related to excessive alcohol use. How weird is that? That's me, Liz Taylor, Richard Burton (Welsh - also a Celt) ....how many of you?

I worry about my blue eyed children and their mother with alcohol issues (still can't say the A word!).

I particularly worry about #2 who, at nine, is already horribly obsessed by sugar and Minecraft. He will happily spend hours (if he were allowed to) watching Stampy videos. (If you don't have children this age you will not have heard of Stampy. All I can say is "lucky you!")

But I remind myself that only half of alcoholism is genetic. The other 50% is environmental. And the environment that I'm creating now is one where alcohol is never drunk at home alone. It is a treat (for Mr SM, not for me, obviously), for special occasions.

Because no-one needs alcohol to be happy. Right kids?

Love SM x

Am I an Alcoholic? Part 3

My regular readers will know that I have been obsessed by the question: Am I an Alcoholic?

On Day 18 I posted Am I an Alcoholic? where I ranted about terminology and imagery.

I'd calmed down a little by Day 44, when I posted Am I an Alcoholic? Part 2. This one, based on Bill Wilson's 'moderation test', shows the light slowly beginning to dawn that perhaps I am.

Then, this morning, on day 82, I was looking at my list of potential blog posts (my aquarium of little fish that you may remember from Full Circle), and I realised that I'd never posted the NCADD's questionnaire.

I came across these 26 questions in Caroline Knapp's book (Drinking. A Love Story)

1.  Do you drink heavily when you are disappointed or have had a quarrel with someone? 2. When you have trouble or feel under pressure, do you always drink more heavily than usual?
3.  Can you handle more alcohol now than when you first started to drink?
4.  Have you ever been unable to remember part of the previous evening, even though your friends say you didn’t pass out?
5.  When drinking with other people, do you try to have a few extra drinks when others won’t know about it?
6.  Do you sometimes feel uncomfortable if alcohol is not available?
7.  Are you more in a hurry to get your first drink of the day than you used to be?
8.  Do you sometimes feel a little guilty about your drinking?
9.  Has a family member or close friend express concern or complained about your drinking?
10.  Have you been having more memory “blackouts” recently?
11.  Do you often want to continue drinking after your friends say they’ve had enough?
12.  Do you usually have a reason for the occasions when you drink heavily?
13.  When you’re sober, do you sometimes regret things you did or said while drinking?
14.  Have you tried switching brands or drinks, or following different plans to control your drinking?
15.  Have you sometimes failed to keep promises you made to yourself about controlling or cutting down on your drinking?
16. Have you ever tried to control your drinking by changing jobs or moving to a new location?
17.  Do you try to avoid family or close friends while you are drinking?
18.  Are you having more financial, work, school, and/or family problems as a result of your drinking?
19.  Do more people seem to be treating you unfairly, without reason?
20.  Do you eat very little or irregularly during the periods when you are drinking?
21.  Do you sometimes have the “shakes” in the morning and find that it helps to have a “little” drink, tranquilizer or medication of some kind?
22.  Have you recently noticed that you can’t drink as much as you used to?
23.  Do you sometimes stay drunk for several days at a time? 24.  Do you sometimes feel very depressed and wonder if life is worth living?
25.  After periods of drinking do you sometimes see or hear things that aren’t there?
26.  Do you get terribly frightened after you have been drinking heavily?
The interesting thing about this questionnaire is that, according to Knapp, people who answer 'yes' to questions 1-8 are said to be in the early stages of alcoholism, which typically last ten to fifteen years. Answering 'yes' to questions 9-21 indicates middle stage alcoholism which usually lasts 2-5 years. Questions 21-26 indicate the beginning of the final stage. The reason we become obsessed by the question 'Am I an alcoholic?' is that the underlying question - the one we really want answered - is do I really have to stop drinking? For ever? The problem is that we don't often really, truly believe that we are an alcoholic until we get to the final stages, when the evidence is irrefutable, and by then it's really, really difficult to stop. What this questionnaire showed to me is that alcoholism is a progression. It's an escalator which only goes down. I was at the beginning of the 'middle stage', still easily able to deny any problem, but who wants to go any closer to the bottom? But you know the really odd thing? The reason this post was still languishing on my list (swimming unnoticed around the aquarium) is that I don't really care any more. I realise now that the question isn't "do I really have to stop?" It's actually "do I really want to carry on?" Finally, finally, I have got to the stage where I want to be sober, rather than having to be sober. It strikes me that the reason people get into such a mess before they jump off the escalator is that the image of the alcoholic is so bad they can't associate with it, and the image of the sober person is not attractive enough for them to want to be one. It's up to us to change that. Happy Friday fellow revolutionaries! Vivre la vie sober!* SM x *apologies to any native French speakers.

Low Bottoms

Day 57 - Eight weeks!

I've just finished reading Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins. It's a brilliant, page turning, thriller - but that's not the main reason I bought it. The truth is that I was listening to a (glowing) review on the radio and discovered that the central character - Rachel - is an alcoholic.

If you're planning to read the book - and I highly recommend that you do - don't worry, I'm not going to reveal any crucial plot twists!

Now Rachel is hugely believable. A terribly flawed, deeply troubled 'heroine'. And I'm all for anything that draws attention to the issues that alcohol can cause people and society. However, I don't think that Rachel has done us any favours...

You see, Rachel is a classic 'low bottom' drunk. She has huge memory black outs pretty much every time she drinks, which is pretty much all of the time. She's alienated almost all her supporters. She's constantly hurting herself and other people. She's lost her husband, her job, her house, and is about to be thrown out of her rented bedroom.

The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence have a 26 point scale of dependence (which I'll do a post on if you're interested), and according to this, Rachel would be classified as a 'final stage' alcoholic. But in fact, only 3-5% of alcoholics are your classic 'low bottom' drunks. The vast majority of us are 'early' and 'mid stage' alcoholics, and manage to function quite admirably for many years.

"So what?" you may ask. This is fiction, and the 'final stage' alcoholic is way more interesting than a boring old 'high functioning' one. But the problem is that a bestselling novel like this just re-enforces all the massive pre-conceptions that people have about 'alcoholics'. It loads more and more negativity on the 'alcoholic' word, and makes it increasingly hard for any of us to want to admit to being one of the tribe.

Not only that, but had I not already quit drinking this book would have been classic wine witch ammunition. I would have read it, chortling away at Rachel's antics, feeling a massive sense of relief that that was what a proper alcoholic looked like, and that definitely wasn't me. Oh dear, poor Rachel, pass me another glass of that Chablis, please...

The truth is that there is always someone we can look at for reassurance - to convince ourselves that we are actually okay. And we are masters at surrounding ourselves with them. We seek each other out and then judge each other as a way of making ourselves feel better. As Caroline Knapp says (in my favourite book Drinking, a Love Story) "When you're drinking, the dividing line between you and real trouble always manages to fall just past where you stand."

I bet thousands of women will use Rachel as reassurance that they don't need to worry about their drinking. But the truth is that once that switch in your brain is flipped, once you've turned from a cucumber into a pickle (read Moderation. Is it possible? Part 2 if you've missed the post on pickles!) the only way is down. The only possible progression is from early to mid to final stage.

We shouldn't laugh at Rachel, scorn Rachel or dismiss Rachel - because Rachel is waiting for all of us at the end of the elevator. So don't wait until you get to the bottom! Get off as quickly as you can while it's still (relatively) easy.

Do read the book - it's great. But don't take it as reassurance. See it as a warning.

Love SM x

Weeping

Day 54.

I had an odd day yesterday. I was multi-tasking: doing the ironing while catching up on Poldark on the TV, about 11am.

By the way, have you noticed how clean and orderly your house gets when you stop drinking? We ex-drinking enthusiasts often find that cleaning and ironing really help to take your mind off the not drinking thing - it's like a less indulgent version of 'mindfulness' - it keeps you focused on the moment.

Plus, there's a lovely synergy between cleansing everything around you and cleansing yourself. A fresh start. A clean sheet of paper. Right now I'm finding newly laundered bed linen almost exciting as a chilled bottle of Sancerre used to be. How sad is that?

Anyhow, back to the point. There I am, watching telly and ironing the husband's shirts when, a propos of nothing, totally out of the blue, I start weeping. Profusely. And I'm not even sad. Nor is Poldark - he's just discovered copper in his mine and they're all celebrating.

Now, I'm British. I don't do weeping. Stiff upper lip and all that. The only time I remember being this emotional for no apparent reason was shortly after #1 was born. I was a mass of hormones and still in shock from being suddenly propelled into motherhood and it took me two days to get over the scene in Finding Nemo where Nemo's Mum, along with hundreds of his un-hatched siblings, was eaten by a shark.

Yesterday I felt a bit like an onion that's gradually had it's layers peeled away, leaving me all raw and vulnerable. And I was crying because I suddenly felt overwhelmed by emotion. It wasn't bad crying - it was actually rather cathartic.

I've read a lot about how we drink in order to avoid emotions; we're stressed, we drink, we're scared, we drink, we're happy, we drink. As a result, we fail to grow up.

The fabulous Caroline Knapp, author of Drinking, a Love Story, writes 'I'd never really grasped the idea that growth was something you could choose, that adulthood might be less a chronological state than an emotional one which you decide, through painful acts, to both enter and maintain. Like a lot of people I know (alcoholics and not), I'd spent most of my life waiting for maturity to hit me from the outside, as though I'd just wake up one morning and be done, like a roast in the oven.'

And that's so me: a raw chicken wondering when I'm going to get cooked. I still feel like a nineteen year old at heart.

Alcoholrehab.com states that 'Addicts usually struggle when it comes to dealing with their feelings. This is why many of them will have turned to substance abuse in the first place. Alcohol and drugs can provide a temporary escape from unpleasant emotions. These chemicals numb the brain so that the individual feels very little. Once the individual becomes addicted to these substances, they will be unable to mature emotionally. This means that when they become sober, they will still be faced with the problem of dealing with their emotions.'

When we stop drinking we don't mature immediately. It feels as if we have to be 'pared down', or rubbed raw, before we can build ourselves up again, before we can choose to deal with our lives and emotions properly, soberly, and become a real life grown up. A perfectly done roast.

So there I was, all raw and weeping. I felt as if I was looking at myself from a distance, and I'm thinking 'look at you, you ex boozer, sad case weirdo. But, actually, what an inventive use of bodily fluids! Who needs an expensive steam iron? Just weep all over your laundry.'

Have a fabulous Friday everyone.

Love SM x