Saturday 5 March 2016

Blogging Saved my Life

Exactly a year ago I started this blog.

I'd stopped drinking three days previously, and I was in a mess.

I'd quit before, for days, or sometimes weeks, at a time. It wasn't easy, but I'd just focus on the day when I could drink again.

Giving up for good was different. I couldn't stop thinking about drinking (or not drinking). And the more you try not to think about something, the more difficult it is. So my tactic was to indulge.

I read and read. Novels about drinkers, autobiographies of drinkers and self help manuals. I found Soberistas.com, and the sober blogosphere.

Whenever I could, I'd disappear into my room and read about someone like me who'd turned their life around, and dream about being them.

When I quit smoking (fifteen years ago), I told everyone. "I am a non smoker!" I'd announce, and they'd all cheer. I told no-one (apart from Mr SM) that I'd quit drinking, and I felt the need to be accountable.

So I decided to start my own blog. To feed my obsession. To give my hands something to do. To make a written record of what I was doing and why, lest I forget, and to make a declaration to someone - anyone - that I meant it (this time).

Blogging also tapped into my other secret: I'd always wanted to be a writer.

I imagined myself, like Carrie in Sex and the City, hunched over a laptop, fingers flying. I pictured myself at 4am, in a deathly quiet house, secretly sharing my hopes and dreams.

(Little did I know that, now I'd quit, the insomnia that had plagued me for years would disappear - almost overnight).

So, I wrote my first post (click here).

I didn't expect many (if any) readers. I was writing for myself. But I remember the thrill when I saw that one person had read my stuff (it transpired that it was only me. I'd not learned how to not track my own page views).

Then I, shyly, left my web address on Soberistas, and a couple of other sites, and - slowly, slowly - people started to visit and leave comments.

I WAS NOT ALONE!

And my readers stopped being just anonymous numbers, and started being virtual friends - Kags and Tallaxo (where are you now? Hope you're okay), and Laura from Belgium.

And the sober blogging community started dropping in and giving me a virtual hand - like Anne (Ainsobriety), Wendy (Tipsynomore) and Kary Mary (God walked into this bar).

Then, some of my readers set up their own blogs, and I subscribed to them - my family - Wine Bitch (now Sassy, Sober Life) and My Time to Shine, for example.

Now I really had to keep going. If ever I felt like a drink I thought about all those people willing me on, and those relying on me to show them the way. I couldn't do it.

Gradually, over time, the blogging morphed from helping myself to helping other people.

Then, in October, I found The Lump.

I couldn't tell anyone - not even my husband. I was too scared. All I wanted to do was to drink until I passed out and didn't have to think about it any more.

I didn't. What I did instead was to blog about it (see here).

Writing it all down kept me sane. It enabled me to stay 'normal' in front of the kids, who were on half term. And that's how Mr SM found out his wife had breast cancer - he read it on my blog.

I will never forget the waves of love and support from all of you through that time. Several readers mailed me with their own cancer stories, for which I am hugely grateful.

I remember one night, when I was waiting for the results of my latest scan to see how far the cancer had spread, I couldn't sleep. It was about 4am. I was reading cancer sites (I stopped doing that pretty quickly) and scaring myself stupid.

An e-mail popped into my inbox from a lady called Linda in Australia. She said you will be okay. I know this because I am a nurse, and because I've been there too. She added a smiley face.

Then, the next morning, a lady posted on my blog telling me that her whole congregation - around two hundred people - had prayed for me. I cried.

So, to all of you who left me wonderful messages on my Soberversary saying that I'd helped you, the truth is not as much as you've helped me.

Without this blog, and all of you, I would not be where I am now. There is no way I would have got this far, and through the whole cancer thing, without drinking, on my own. And since I started this blog I have never felt alone.

So, if you're just starting out, why not start your own blog? I'm a technophobe, but Blogger and Wordpress make it easy. Just start typing - one word at a time - and leave us your web address so we can come visit.

Happy Birthday, Mummy Was A Secret Drinker! 295 posts, and half a million page views later. And thank you.

SM x






30 comments:

  1. Your blog is a lifeline. Annie x

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  2. Your blog is helping me SM! It's not all roses and sunshine. I am weary sometimes from all the emotions and feelings that come up to the surface. It's like being being a bouy on the ocean, this sober life. Bobbing up and down through it all.

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    1. You're right, Jen. It's not all roses and sunshine, but nothing is all of the time! And it's real. Love you x

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  3. Yay!!! Thank you for these happy tears this morning :,-) much love for you SM xo

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  4. Thank you for your blog and congratulations on all your accomplishments!

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  5. Finding sober blogs helped me so much. They are a lifeline. Thank you for your blog. A x

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  6. Go Sober Mummy! You have been a wee life-saver. I had tried Soberistas but found it a bit gloomy. You, on the other hand, darling woman, have made not drinking into a joyous, glorious thing. Thank you so much, x

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    1. Couldn't have said it better Laura. On day 1 I was miserable. I felt hopeless it was all doom. Then I found Sober Mummy. I'm excited about my future and ready to embrace each day whole and light heartedly. Thank the universe for your true gift Sober Mummy. PS I made it through weekend number 1.

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  7. I LOVE your blogs, I check this page every day even if my blogger account doesn't say you've posted. You're an amazing writer and I thank you for sharing your journey.
    Love SO xx

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  8. You are amazing!
    I discovered your blog only 4 months ago, when I decided that I'd had enough of letting alcohol rule my life. I'm not totally free yet, but things have gotten so so soooo much better and reading your posts is such a boost of inspiration and motivation for me. You've also created a beautiful, wonderful, inspiring, patient, and loving community of people who post amazing comments and support you AND each other! It's awesome! :)

    I'm so glad that I found your blog!

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    1. Welcome, Nic! I'm glad you found me too! Big hugs xxx

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  9. You and everyone else in this wonderful community are my family too xxx

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  10. You inspire me every day. Keep writing.
    Anne

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  11. Hi
    I have been reading your blogs ever since I joined soberistas last November and really enjoy them. Thank you for all your hard work. Manda

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  12. Book Book Book - the first year is an awesome place to start. Let me know if I sound like a broken record. Thanks again Eeyore

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    1. Thanks so much, Eeyore, for your unswerving encouragement! I'm on it - you'll see ;-) xxx

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    2. I'm dottoing (if that is a real verb) this1

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    3. Sorry, "1" should have been "!"!!

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  13. Love this blog. Love. When I have a really hard day I hide out and read it for an hour, have a laugh or a cry and keep going, happy birthday blog!

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  14. I was going to email you privately but I want to apologize loudly here. I was too harsh on a couple of posts. It's all too easy to be Anna Wintour on line, but I feel a true sense of accountability because this blog is so honest and real. My posts came across as pot shots: a small criticism was delivered as a pathetic video game blow up. I'm sorry.

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  15. Oh and yeah, I was a jerk. ;)

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    1. Not sure if it's 'my place' to reply...but i do remember one of your posts....apologies arent easy for any of us, so good on ya!

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    2. Oh Clio - really, no need to apologise! You did me a favour. You made me realise that I was being (accidentally) patronising.

      Thanks so much for being big, bold and brave enough to post that apology. You're awesome. Xxx

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  16. Your approach has been honest but also very upbeat. You are a great example of how to totally embrace af life and it's so important for people to realise that there are great things about being AF. It's hard at times (esp at the start) but if you can see it as what you are gaining rather than missing then it really helps. And this is what you are so good at!

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  17. I tried many, many times before to stop drinking. Then I came across your blog back in November, and it all began to make sense the type of alcohol dependent person (I too dislike the alcoholic word) I was. I couldn't get enough of your message, your recommendations on books, and ALL the inspiring posts from your readers. Meeting you virtually changed my perspective on how I could give up the booze. And to quote you, "You're right, Jen. It's not all roses and sunshine, but nothing is all of the time! And it's real." Real is good, very good!

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  18. You and so many others have been key to my recovery. To my process. I hesitated on the blog idea and kept it in my journal for weeks but I finally reached out of my comfort zone. It was slow at first. Just sending a couple personal emails to a few of the bloggers I began with. To then actually commenting on a few posts...publicly! I joined an online sober living community just feeling that was the "right" next step. Then last Thursday I took the leap and started a blog. Your post couldn't have been more ironic in timing. I have NO idea what I'm doing but I realized the only reason I wasn't doing it is because I was afraid. After my first post I realized even if no one reads it, it's helping ME. Thank you for your inspiration!

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  20. aw, just read this now. As I've said a million times, if it wasn't for you I'm not sure I've have made the leap into soberity! xxx

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