Tuesday, 29 March 2016

I Am So Sorry

Most of the time I love this blog. It's helped me hugely, and many of you have been kind enough to say it helps you too.

In fact, I even wrote a post titled Blogging Saved My Life (click here).

But today I don't like it at all. And I'm really, really angry with myself.

You see, a few days ago I wrote a post called Sober Dinners. And I wrote this:

I'd done my usual trick of accepting a glass of wine at the beginning of the evening, then leaving it in my glass. No-one notices you're not drinking it, but it just avoids all the 'why are you off the booze?' conversations.

I am not an addiction expert. I'm not a trained counsellor. I'm just an ex-boozy housewife who's read everything I can find on the topic of alcohol, and muddles along the best I can, sharing my story as I go.

The problem is that sometimes I forget that I have a responsibility to people following me. And we are all different. What works for some people just doesn't for others.

For example, many of you will know that I have a love affair with Becks Blue Alcohol Free beer. During the worst day of the whole cancer thing I drank SIX of the blighters. Without it I swear I'd have been on the Scotch.

(By the way, I'm now back to one a day).

However, 'fake alcohol' does not work for everyone. In fact, for some it's a massive trigger and just leads to terrible cravings for the real stuff.

We all have different weak spots.

My own 'issue' is that I hate drawing attention to my 'not drinking' at parties or dinners. I see how it makes other people uncomfortable, and that makes me uncomfortable. I know I should ignore it - that it's their problem not mine - but I can't.

So often I fake it.

BUT that's just what works for me.

It works because I'm used to being surrounded by booze. Mr SM still drinks, and there's usually an open bottle of wine in my fridge.

It works because I quietly push the glass as far away from me as possible, and it only works in a big group. If there are only two or three of you it's obvious that your glass is untouched.

It's a bad idea if you're not with people you're comfortable with, or if you're likely to be feeling nervous or ill at ease.

However, when I posted about this I didn't mention any of the caveats. I didn't issue any warnings. I didn't remind everyone that what works for one person might be a disaster for the next....

....and a lovely lady who's been a huge supporter of this blog, and did six whole months sober went on a date, let him pour her a glass (having been inspired by reading my post that morning) and drank it. Then two more.

I feel utterly terrible. I am SO, SO sorry, H. I feel totally responsible. I just hope I didn't inadvertently tip anyone else off the waggon.

(I've added a warning to the original post so that it doesn't do any more damage).

Then, last night another lady posted some comments on yesterday's post on the irony of addiction. She accused me of 'demonising' normal people, because of my 'failure' and to 'justify my sobriety.'

I re-read the post (click here).

I can, to an extent, see what 'I'm a bit fat' means. I am very black and white about booze. But I need to be in order to stay off the damn stuff.

So today I feel like I'm hated by the non addicts, and, what's worse, letting down my tribe.

I'm so sorry, and I just hope that H is okay.

SM x

74 comments:

  1. We all make mistakes (not that I think you did btw). And we are all responsible for our own actions. Your blog has been a huge (massive) support network for me, even though we might disagree on a few things. Don't loose faith. You are doing brilliantly on SO many levels. Big hugs LNM x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. P.s I love the idea of being in a tribe! Can we all beggar off to the depths of the Amazon rainforest and try some of those mind altering herbal remedies?!? x

      Delete
    2. The more the merrier ;-) x

      Delete
    3. Firstly, if I could figure out how to put a name on this reply I would. Until then I'll be known as 'unknown'! Your blogs are the only ones I follow these days, and I think you're always on song. Some things you say I know don't work for me, but that's only because I've been down this road seriously phasing out the WW for a good 2 years, so I'm well seasoned with what works and what doesn't. Now H will know that she can't have a glass infront of her and 'pretend', which I'm guessing she hadn't realised before. It's all learning.

      Delete
  2. You're not perfect and you don't pretend to be. That is why I keep reading and btw I take the bits that help me and just enjoy the rest. You are not responsible for the people who read your blog and it's just a huge bonus of your funny and entertaining story that it helps other people quit or stay af. It's really really hard stopping and staying stopped. There are so many pressures to keep drinking. We all do what we have to in order keep off the booze. If you decided to start drinking again or to try moderation that would be your choice and,yes, you may be letting others down and maybe we'd all start drinking again. So what! Just keep doing what you are doing and as said by LNM don't lose faith!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, SM, don't feel bad. You have never pretended to do anything other than tell your own story, and that's what it is - your story. You have figured out what works for you and it's up to everyone else to figure out what works for them.

    Like you, I have chosen not to make a big thing about my non-drinking when out socially. It has nothing to do with being ashamed of it or non self-accepting. There are far more interesting conversations to be had than hearing a dinner guest bang on and on in a quasi-evangelical way about their sobriety and making their fellow guests feel judged. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  4. SM please do not feel bad. Your blog is a lifeline for me and for many others. I did not care for the comments that made you feel bad, there was a tone of self-righteousness there. I saw no point in why someone would post that other than to make themself feel superior. Hugs to you. Please keep doing what you are doing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree. I also didn't care for the comments. We are all a happy little band here - don't really care if others agree. We are all of a mind with SM if we weren't we would all go elsewhere. SM we all have our own ways of coping. Personally i couldn't have that glass of wine either and would never do that but find becks easy so do that in company instead. My choice. Anyone on here does not have a happy relationship with alcohol for whatever reason. We get support because we are all in the same boat. If one does not have this problem, probably best to go elsewhere I think. Personally I don't have a weight/food problem but would not pitch up on a diety website and have a go at someone who has. Can't see the point so try not to take it to heart (easier said I know).

      Delete
    2. If "bit fat" is truly at peace with their "2 large glasses", WHY go on an AF blog to explain/justify it? Why not just go on their merry way and not bother others who are trying to better themselves. Alcohol is toxic to humans, period. SM you and you blog are wonderful - every day in every way.

      Delete
    3. Quite Julie K. This is exactly what crossed my mind.

      Delete
  5. Hey there, I've never posted on your site before; in fact until two days ago I had never been on your site before. Today is day 1 for me and I just wanted to let you know that you are a big part of the reason I have taken that first step. Reading about your life, well, I could have been reading about my own. So, please take heart. You have been an inspiration already to me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome, Em, and huge congrats on Day 1! Stick at it, and please stay in touch x

      Delete
    2. I am new also....found you yesterday and plan to keep reading. No wine last night....but I will need the support of reading your blog to assist me in my "no more wine" effort ! Thank you....

      Delete
  6. I agree with everyone else: this was NOT your fault! You should NOT have to put a disclaimer on every post (really, that's just ridiculous!).

    I know that for me, I'd never be able to have a glass of wine sitting in front of me without drinking it. It would be MY CHOICE if I purposefully put myself in that situation, and I already know that I would fail in that situation. The strongest thing for me in this journey is realizing that I get to own my own choices. It's my CHOICE to drink, and it's equally my choice NOT to drink. Everything is a choice and the awesome thing is that once someone starts owning their choices, they realize how strong and powerful they can be.

    The silver lining is that now this gal knows that that type of environment doesn't work for her. It's like another piece of data in her own journey.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Having been on and off the wagon many times myself I know what will and won't work for me. Let's just assume we are all grown ups and responsible for our own actions. I lost several weeks of sobriety when I chose myself to try alcohol free wine TRIGGER for me but I also know there is no way I could sit with a glass of wine in front of me EVER. I'm not sure if the gal in question pointed the finger of blame at you or if you took that upon yourself to do but you are not responsible. the choice is always ours, would you feel responsible if someone laid out a line of cocaine for her to snort and she took it? No, again the choice is hers/ours, always the buck stops with us.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh SM! This is not your fault. These blogs are tools for all who read them- and they are started by those of us who use them as part of our own healing process. You have never promoted yourself as a recovery program. You have given a candid, poignant often funny account of your journey to sobriety and beyond. Which is a very personal journey. Everyone does things in their own time. If you are not at the point where you want to shout out loud to the world that you no longer drink, that’s ok! This says much more about the person making the judgement than it does you.We are each responsible for our own actions. We are each trying to make our way in this crazy world the best we can, trying to figure out the path that’s right for us. It’s like trying a new recipe-sometimes you like the finished product, sometimes you want to tweak it for next time and oftentimes you know that you’ll never make it again.
    You just keep on doing what you’re doing-coming from the heart!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Stop it. Everybody is responsible for themselves. Blaming you for drinking is the worst case of excusitis I've seen in a long time. What's next - trigger warnings because you use the words 'drink' and 'wine' all the time?
    For my part I thought BRILLIANT IDEA - I had actually chosen not to go to a swanky professional affair because of the whole 'I have to find a bartender and get an alcohol free drink and look extremely conspicous'-thing. Your idea that I could just accept a glass and walk around with it as a prop solved my problem.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think your journey is your journey. Your blog is your blog. You can say whatever you'd like. You started this blog to help yourself remain alcohol free. That was your goal. And I believe still is! What happened was that in your ability to share yourself through the internet you are helping soooo many people...like me! Did you ever imagine? I don't think so! So keep on writing what YOU feel and think. People can take it or leave it. This started about your thoughts and feelings...don't change that. This is YOUR journey with an ancillary benefit of helping others!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I agree wholeheartedly with everything said above. I have tried for a very long time, off and on, to modify my drinking or to stop completely. I did not think it was possible for me but I am now nearly at day 100 and feel utterly wonderful. The reason I have stayed sober is because of your blog. I no longer have the desire to drink, BUT I can still remember the first few days and weeks when it was so hard. Every evening though I sat down and read your blog. I read the whole thing 3 times and then went on to read all your recommendations. Then slowly it got easier and easier. My life is so much better than it used to be when I drank. I owe you so so much! Your message has resonated with me like no other. Your honesty, self-deprecation and message of hope that things do get better kept me going at first and now are just continued reinforcement that my life is so much better alcohol free. I lost my father to alcoholism - this stuff kills and destroys so many lives. Your message is so so important so please don't stop what you are doing or change anything about the way you write. I am personally very open with everyone about not drinking but then again I live in Denver where it's a very health conscious society and most people I know don't drink a ton. The reaction I have received has been very supportive. Actually most people don't seem to care one way or another..the only person who really asked me about it is another person in recovery who wanted to be supportive. But I do remember what England is like, and when I come home in September of this year I am slightly nervous about telling people and especially about my boarding school reunion weekend! Anyway... everyone is on their own journey in this life and you are not responsible for the actions of others (although I am wishing the best for the lady you speak about). Much love...

    ReplyDelete
  12. SM, it's your blog. If people don't agree, we can have a friendly debate - but that's it. You are not responsible for other people's actions. As Ulla says, Stop It. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's the problem with putting yourself "out there" in cyberspace. Some people like what you write and say, some people don't. It doesn't justify 'attacks" on you. And this lady, for whatever reason, was attacking. I know comments like this can take a side swipe at you, they really do knock your confidence. But just move on. Hopefully this lady will find resolution to whatever problem she has, and we will carry on enjoying and being inspired by your blog. xxx

      Delete
    2. How about some levity? I don't know Ulla - but this classic Bob Newhart's self help advice is a classic. Stop It. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw

      Delete
    3. I love this Bob Newhart sketch! Awesome x

      Delete
    4. Eeyore, you and Bob have made my day! Thank you x

      Delete
  13. Ditto to everything, everyone said above. Let it go...and don't stop doing what you do wonderfully, sharing your journey. I need you.

    ReplyDelete
  14. You haven't let anyone down. People must take responsibility for themselves.
    And there will always be haters. Block them.

    Keep doing things your way. It's working.


    I often get caught up in others journeys. But I have learned that I can not take credit for their success, and so I must not take responsibly for goer struggles.

    Big hug. You are shining a bright light. Don't stop.

    Anne

    ReplyDelete
  15. You should not feel guilty (that is just destructive). It is implied through any sober blog that we are just sharing what we do, how we cope, how we get through. Each person then takes what they can and leaves the rest. You are not responsible for the choices that others who are struggling make. I agree with everybody else - forget about her and let it go :) One HAS to question why anybody who is not struggling with some form of addiction would EVER WANT to read about the fight to sobriety.

    ReplyDelete
  16. You are a complete legend. I have been put off blogging by adverse comments on my own blog in the past; don't let them derail you. You're a huge support to so many people, and your wit and tenderness shine through every post you write. Annie x

    ReplyDelete
  17. I agree with everything said! It's about choice, accountability and learning curves! The one thing I dislike about the whole day counting thing is that when (some of us) experience blips/potholes etc We berate ourselves, beat ourselves up and throw the baby out with the bath water as we are 'back to square one'. If we could take it as feedback not failure and keep right on going then it's been a positive rather than negative experience. The poster, H has managed a huge achievement of 6 months sober, if she chooses, she can accept that it's now 6 months minus one day rather than day 1 and keep right on going, plus she has the evidence she can achieve 6 months again with a great support network. I'm rooting for you both. xxx

    ReplyDelete
  18. I agree with all the above. Your blog is for you, and for those of us who struggle with our relationship with alcohol. To be honest I can't remember how I found it but when I did it was such a treat to check in each day and read what you had written. It made me feel less alone, and for want of a better word, less "bad". All the things I thought only I did (e.g. hiding half empty bottles in the laundry basket) I found were fairly typical. But it wasn't just the stuff related to booze - all the other things you have written about resonated too. PS. someone said in a comment a while back that they found soberistas a bit gloomy. Lucy is a saint, and I enjoy the webinars, but I find the blogs/comments a bit dispiriting. your blog reveals the fun side of a sober life, so is more inspiring!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Agree wholeheartedly with the others...you have not let ANYONE down. We are all responsible for our own actions and finding what works best for ourselves, and that is the bottom line. You have always been clear that what you are describing is YOUR journey, and as such, it has been incredibly helpful to so many of us that you have shared it. But that does not mean you have to take on the burden, guilt and responsibility for your readers' interpretations of it and actions as a result, so please please don't feel that you should. X

    ReplyDelete
  20. You are not responsible for anyone else drinking, that is so unfair! You help so many of us. Don't be spooked by this. And what on earth is a not wanting to be sober person doing reading and commenting on your blog anyway. Tell them to clear off and find somewhere else to troll! You are doing a fantastic job and help so many of us, please try to ignore the haters. We are all responsible for our own sobriety but blogs like yours are a great help, not a hindrance by any means. X

    ReplyDelete
  21. I also want to chime in and agree with the others here. One thing I like very much about your blog is that you don't pretend to have all the answers. You do what works for you, rather than offer some pre-approved addiction expert wisdom. I wouldn't be able to sit with a full glass of wine in front of me either, but that's for me to decide, not you. Knowing it helps you lets me see that it migt help many others, and I wouldn't scorn anyone's decision to try it as a strategy. And there are no shortage of people saying that you shouldn't even be near a glass, so it's not like you're preventing anyone from finding that there are areas of disagreement. We all find our paths wth this drink problem, and by talking about what we think and how we do what we do,we help each other. But each of us must take responsibility for our own actions. I hope you accept that your friend and reader's drink was in no way your fault and you put it behind you and continue writing. And I hope she gets on with being sober too if that's what works for her.

    As far as the comment from the person who desagreed with your attitudes about alcohol goes, a little disagreement is fine and there's plenty of room to agree to disagree, which I believe was your excellent response to her comment. I hope you don't get too down about this! xo

    ReplyDelete
  22. As others have said we love your blog. I almost commented on the wine pour story when I read it - because I know it wouldn't work for me (unless it was at a big wedding or something where no one would notice as you said). But I didn't - sorry maybe I should have.

    Before I found your blog I used to belong to a group called Moderation Management - for folks self identified problem drinkers (much like here) - who are trying to learn moderation techniques. It works for some - and for others like me - I gave it a try for three years (I'm stubborn) before I decided that perm abs was a better solution for me. Again you've helped me with this choice and I'm 100+ days now.

    Anyway - at MM - there was an acronym that folks used when telling personal stories - YMMV - "your moderation may vary." I'd suggest for all your readers an implied YSMV - "your sobriety may vary" as a qualifier. Others have pointed out that this should be obvious - four letters if you'd like to use them. Thanks again for all that you do please don't stop. Hugs - Eeyore

    ReplyDelete
  23. You are not responsible for anyone else drinking, that is so unfair! You help so many of us. Don't be spooked by this. And what on earth is a not wanting to be sober person doing reading and commenting on your blog anyway. Tell them to clear off and find somewhere else to troll! You are doing a fantastic job and help so many of us, please try to ignore the haters. We are all responsible for our own sobriety but blogs like yours are a great help, not a hindrance by any means. X

    ReplyDelete
  24. Oh, horsefeathers (never said that before, but I'm trying to be PG here)...if what someone writes on a blog is so incredibly, magically powerful that it can hold a grown-up down and pour wine down their throats from thousands of miles away and never having actually, you know, MET, then please post, "EVERYBODY IS NOW SOBER IMMEDIATELY AND HENCEFORTH." Problem solved.

    I love this blog and have recommended it to dozens of others. "The Obstacle Course" alone got me through the first month and I am staring down 90 days tomorrow.

    You rock and thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Dear SM,
    This is the first time I have commented on your blog. I keep meaning to but I still feel a bit unsure where my AF journey is taking me. I'm 3 months in now and starting to slowly feel clearer that I want to remain AF.
    My wine habit was eroding the rest of my life and I am certain that if I had carried on I would have damaged my health. I have a lovely husband and two gorgeous children and I want to be present for them.
    I have tried to moderate but I toally accept that I cannot do it. I might be able to for a week, 2 weeks or whatever but gradually the wine just insidiously creeps back in ( like a really bad boyfriend!) and I'm back to square one!
    Please do not be disheartened by those comments. I do believe some people can moderate but this blog probably isn't the place for them. My best friend is the queen of moderation (I'm well jel!) An annual fag on her birthday, the occasional glass of red, the odd biscuit, square of chocolate.. You get the picture!! I would absolutely love to be like her but I'm not! I live life with extremes and I don't think that will change. However by choosing to cut out alcohol I'm finding can grasp life by the balls and squeeze so much more out of it!!
    Why did I never see this before?! Wine was depriving me of so much.
    Your blog has been an inspiration for me and I wanted to thank you on behalf of all the lurkers!! ( you know who you are!!)
    You are fab and doing a brilliant job!
    Xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lou! I just wanted to say welcome, HUGE congrats on 3 months, and thank you. SM x

      Delete
  26. You have helped more than you have hurt. So please don't beat yourself up
    Each of us need to take responsibility for our own actions. Alcohol free beer works for me - but I couldn't do the untouched glass of wine. So I read your experiences and then adapt it to work for me. It's 86 days, I have done it - but your help has been invaluable. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Can only echo the above comments SM, I say it's your blog, you need to use it to help you primarily, and we're all responsible for ourselves & own actions. Iys a shame about this person's relapse. But you're the kind of person who will take all this to heart, which makes you all the more lovely :-) Please try not to worry. Red xx

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hi SM,

    I have never followed another blog and I am not a social media person (do not post online, nor do I have FB or anything else), but I love your blog and would love to support you.

    I started reading your posts nearly 110 days ago and like most of your readers I immediately identified with what you write (in my 40s, highly educated, worked hundreds of hours a week before I had kids, traveled the world for work and play and drank a bit more than I should have).

    Two years ago, I stopped drinking for about a year and to celebrate my one year of not drinking I decided to have a drink! Now it seems so ridiculous, but I truly believed that I could moderate - two years later, with a bloated face, a hangover everyday and 10 extra lbs I decided to stop for good.

    In this process as I was reading everything I could get my hands on, I found your blog. Your writing has helped me realize many things including that I am not alone, that we are all so different as we go through this process, it has helped me go easier on myself, be more compassionate for myself, laugh at myself, not be sorry for myself, not take myself to seriously and in helping me with all of this I think it has made me a better person - not to shabby for a blog! As I pass my 110day AF mark, I am thankful to have found you. Could I have done it without your words? Yes. Has it been more fun, helpful, easier, with your blog? Absolutely! Would it be even better with your book? Definitely!

    Go on now, keep going, we will read if we want and stop reading when we want, we will laugh, cry, agree and disagree, but this is your blog, your thoughts and your views.

    Thank you :)

    PS.. I would definitely buy your book!

    PPS. I also do the wine glass trick in social situations to keep questions away. I, however, do not care for AF beer or wine, I am not sure, but I have a feeling they would be a trigger for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi WaxWing! Huge congrats on 110 days - that's awesome. And thanks also for the reminder that even after a year none of us are safe. You know I did - momentarily - toy with the idea of celebrating a year with a drink. So glad I didn't! Big hugs xxx

      Delete
    2. Found your post today. Gives me hope as I sit here on Day 10. I think I'm probably done for good but it's good reinforcement to hear that even after a year you fell right back in the trap. That would probably happen to me. I'm okay right now though. Blogging and following blogs helps....a lot... HD

      Delete
  29. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Please accept my apologies. I certainly did not mean to come across as self righteous, or to put anyone's recovery at risk. I was not being judgemental or trying to act superior.

    I find this blog at times frustrating, that the only way is total abstinence from alcohol and that anything else is living some kind of half life. That is simply not true.

    I just wanted to bring a balanced view. That enjoying a couple of glasses of wine does not invariably lead to wanting more and addiction. Indeed for as many reports that talk about addiction, there are reports that talk about the benefits of red wine. Each to their own.

    It is clear that this blog is not the place for a balanced view. It is shame because I do think that accepting that some people, genuinely, can drink in moderation with no risk to their health and sanity is important for true recovery.

    I honestly wish you all the very best with your recovery, and appreciate that you will do whatever it takes to protect that, and if that means thinking in a black and white way then I can only respect that. It is clear that there are only people who struggle with alcohol that read this blog, something that I did not appreciate.

    Again all the very best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It must be difficult not being able to control being a twat. So yes, this blog probably isn't for you. Maybe the 'my head is so far up my own arse' blog would be better suited.

      Delete
    2. Sincere apologies to everyone else. It had to be said.

      Delete
    3. Dear IaaBF,

      You are clearly not a troll - and that's a thoughtful response. It is also clear you are looking for a blog or website where things are not so black and white. So let me suggest two - The Moderation Manifesto - by wordpress - it's well written and best if you read from the oldest entry to up to date. Also there is a group called Moderation Management which I have been a part of for four years. That is a a group again of self identified problem drinkers who are trying to learn moderation. Moderation is very difficult after a habit of overdrinking is established (there are many books on why that is, brain chemistry and addictive substances play a role).

      At Moderation Management there are some problem drinkers that have developed tools and learned to moderate - perhaps this is a good place for you to look? For others (like me) we give it a good go and if success is not found go onto perm abs. Both choices are considered a success.

      The fact that you found this blog suggests that you have an interest in controlling your drinking more - so I'd suggest starting there - and I wish you luck on your journey. In the meantime - as before I thank SM for helping show us the way when we decide that abstaining is the best course of action for our lives.

      Eeyore

      Delete
  31. Well said Lush, we are all here because we can't moderate. If I didn't always finish the bottle, I would't be reading these blogs.

    Justonemore

    ReplyDelete
  32. Dear SM...what could I possibly add?? Just wanted you to know that the comments are so true and I am so much like you! I would have felt badly, felt guilt about another's drinking perhaps because of me, etc...oh the ugly hole of guilt. I attribute those feelings that I quickly glom onto without valid cause, due mostly to my addiction to alcohol! I think addiction is inherent with shame and self-blaming and even when sober will be a hard thing to not jump on when a possible occasion arises, but that's just my opinion. Thank you for your blog...thank you for sharing and opening yourself up to criticism. Another thing that is inherent when one does. Please know I continue to smile when I see your blog email in my inbox!

    ReplyDelete
  33. HI SM
    I read you blog every day and really look forward to it. It has been a huge help in me fighting to give up the wine witch. It has helped me change my thinking about wine, not as something I am sacrificing and depriving myself of but something that is really hurting me and that life is better without it. I read your posts about how to handle parities, dinners etc .. and they give really good advice and for me they work great! I have bought a case of beck's clue and also there is a really good one called Clausthaler from Germany. It helps me get over the hump in a PUB or dinner party and not get asked any questions and feel like I am fitting in. I only need to have the one AF beer and makes it easier not to think about it. Don't let the hater's get you down. If they were secure in their own drinking they would be able to understand where you were coming from and all your the people your blog has helped! They are probably worried about their consumption 2 glasses of wine as I am sure they are large ones, I use to have 2 glasses and it would be an entire bottle -LOL! Keep writing, I need you too as I am back on day 3

    ReplyDelete
  34. Oh SM, such an icky feeling for you, I'm sorry.

    But . . .
    You are absolutely not responsible for another person's choices no matter what you blog (good or bad). I do not think it is necessary for you to feel like you need to place a disclaimer on any of your choices. Your life and choices are yours and you kindly choose to share them with us. Feeling empathy for people who break with sobriety is one thing, but responsible - no.

    Keep blogging, keeping being real, keep being you - no apologies needed (ever). xx

    ReplyDelete
  35. Wow. Wow. Wow. Why is that by giving an opinion I am being "a twat" or "am up my own arse"? I haven't called anyone any names or sunk so low.

    It is no wonder that you have got yourselves into such a mess. You have no balance what so ever.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  36. Thanks everyone for your comments, but I think we should stop this one here, as it's all getting a bit heated. Love and peace etc. Xxx

    ReplyDelete
  37. Well, i'll try to sneak in with just one more. If your honesty and openness on this blog - really the most personal-personal of expressions - had helped just ONE person besides you, SM .....well, wouldn't that have been a grand feeling? But it hasn't.

    It hasn't helped just ONE person, it has helped dozens and dozens of us! (Those of us who comment along with who-knows how many others are appreciating, and finding support, quietly, without stepping forward.) Really, SM, how many people are lucky enough in life to be able to achieve that?

    This evening, I'm a day short of three months. I absolutely DO NOT think I would have achieved this without your voice, and the others who chime in. There is NOTHING easy about what all of us (w perhaps one exception) are trying to do. And alone.....? Fergiddaboutit.

    I am so very very grateful for the support and encouragement I find here. The impact is huge. As is my thanks, SM!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Dear All There is a rather nice book The Happiness Project - many might well be familiar as it was the NYT best seller for quite some time. The author references research on personality types and on moderators and abstainers. In summary - moderators are very comfortable cutting down and abstainers are very comfortable cutting out. The research is relevant to a range of behaviours but drinking and eating rather jump to mind. I recommend the book generally - well written and some interesting ideas....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have read this book too. Well away from the subject of booze, she also categorises maximisers and sufficisers. My OH is the former - will look til the cows come home for another restaurant, hotel, etc, whereas the sufficiser (me) will stop when they find what they want. Which doesn't actually mean they are easily satisfied. interesting stuff, and i would recommend the book for someone wanting to find some focus (I know this is one of my alcohol triggers, or perhaps the opposite actually - finding focus on something (enjoyable) stops me lusting after booze).

      Delete
    2. Sw6mum, do you live in London sw6 by any chance?

      Delete
  39. Hi SM when I read that you have a glass on the table I thought wow I could never do that how strong. I must admit my addict head popped up for a sec to say you can do this too wink wink. Gave myself a talking to & all was well. So yes we all must have our journey and be responsible for what works for us. X

    ReplyDelete
  40. Blimey, I just popped over to Annie's blog to see what the fuss was about, and the comments are terrifying. "Tough love" my arse. She's being attacked by a nest of vipers insisting their venom is medicinal. As if she didn't have enough on her plate. Where do people get this sense of entitlement? As if experience gives them a mandate to judge... I echo what others say of course, we are all adults responsible for our own behaviour. Some days the decoy wine goes untouched, some days it invites its mates round for an orgy. Our challenge is to work out what kind of a day it is and plan accordingly...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Which one's Annie's blog? I'll hop over and offer defense. E

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    3. That was a tease SM! Hope all is well with your friends in the blog world! E (I've got your back)

      Delete