Doom and Gloom

It's all a bit doomy and gloomy around here.

Since the Brexit vote on Thursday the pound has fallen off a cliff, stocks and shares are down, the Prime Minister has resigned, and half the Labour shadow cabinet have walked out.

It looks very likely that the next to leave will be all the good people of Scotland, as there'll be another Scottish Referendum.

Boris and Gove, who led the 'Leave' campaign, seem to have gone curiously quiet, and nobody's got a clue what to do next.

The black and white nature of the referendum vote and all the emotive language used in the debate, stirring up issues like immigration and inequality, has turned families and neighbours against each other.

Then, to add insult to injury, we got knocked out of the Euro 2016 football championship by Iceland. Iceland, who have a population the size of Croydon.

Not only is Tom Hiddleston no longer single, but he's flaunting his new bird all over the media.

And, worse than all of that, last night was the final episode in this series of Game of Thrones. We have to wait at least a year to find out whether the White Walkers can be defeated, and if Daenerys, Mother of Dragons, and Jon Snow will ever snog.

At depressing times like these it's very easy to find your mind fast forwarding to Doomsday scenarios.

Mine goes something like this: aarrrgggghhh. Mr SM is going to lose his job. We'll have to sell the house at a fraction of what it used to be worth. The kids will need to move schools. Then all the stress will bring my cancer back and I'll DIE and my children will be MOTHERLESS until Mr SM gets seduced by a large breasted, face lifted temptress who doesn't love them and spends all the remaining family money on HANDBAGS.

We drinkers are very prone to what is known as 'monkey brain.' I like to think that it's because we're all very clever and creative. Perhaps we're just slightly unhinged.

In any case, many of us used booze as a way of silencing all the endless CHATTER in our heads at the end of the day. When we quit, one of the hardest things to deal with is all that noise.

Plus, it turns out that all those random thoughts make us miserable.

A chap called Matt Killingsworth created an iPhone app that tracked the happiness of 15,000 people on a daily basis all over the world. He discovered that 'mind wandering', or monkey brain, makes us unhappy.

Funnily enough, even if our wandering minds are thinking about lovely stuff we are less happy than if we stay in the moment.

So, when we stop drinking we need to find ways of stopping our thoughts getting out of control, of staying in the now, that don't involve booze.

Many newly sober folk take up running, or yoga, gardening, colouring, knitting - anything that keeps you totally focussed on the task in hand will do.

Or why not try a box set - like Game of Thrones? Oh, bugger.

Love SM x

Cravings from left field

This weekend (day 41/42) was very much a game of two halves.

On the plus side, on Saturday I finally experienced what I'd read about in other sober blogs and memoirs: a real flash of elation.

We were in Holland Park with #1, #2, #3 and the dog. The children were playing hide and seek in the adventure playground. Husband was reading the weekend FT in the sunshine. The dog and I went for a wander - looking at the hugely diverse groups of people you find in Central London relaxing and frolicking in the warm spring sunshine.

Then, out of no-where, I felt a bolt of pure joie de vivre and love like I haven't felt since the legendary Judge Jules played at The Cross back in 1995. "This is it!" I thought, "this is what I've been promised!" Then it went. I'm sure it'll be back, though.

On the minus side (and the two things are definitely related), by Sunday evening the massive cravings were back with a vengeance.

I think that in the early stages of sobriety you are constantly on high alert. Because you are thinking about not drinking all the time, you always have your armour up. It's like the picture of a Roman battalion in #2's Roman Project (God, that was a nightmare. Enough to drive any mother to drink) book. The soldiers march forward slowly in 'tortoise' position - with shields positioned to protect their sides, front and back, and even over their heads like a shell.

As time goes on, you manage to forget about not drinking for whole minutes - or even hours - at a time. It's such a relief to have some lovely clear headspace. But, as a result, you let your shields down. Your Roman soldiers head off to the hot baths, the mess tent and the brothel. You are left exposed.

Where are my armies? Up your sleevies! (You can tell I spend too much time with children ;-))

So then, when a craving hits you it's feels like you're sitting on the toilet minding your own business, when the door flies open and you're confronted by an angry dwarf pointing a crossbow straight at your chest.

(Aarrghh! Sorry! Sorry! It's the Game of Thrones obsession coming about again! Did I mention that season 5 breaks in the UK tonight??)

My craving last night didn't just last ten minutes, the way they're supposed to. I spent hours feeling angsty and tetchy.

Thankfully I'd been reading up on visualisation (see yesterday's post I am Khaleesi), and I let loose all 3 dragons at the wine witch who, finally, slunk off into a corner.

Today I'm thinking of new reader Red, who unleashed Khaleesi yesterday too, and hopefully made it through to day 2 unscathed.

Stick with it, friends. We can do it.

Love SM x

Related Post: Fed up Friday: Angst and Wobbles

I am Khaleesi!

Day 42, and I have been reading up on visualisation techniques (that's visualization for my friends on the other side of the pond).

Visualisation has been around for centuries, and has roots in meditation, prayer and hypnotherapy. Many top sportspeople use visualisation, and Arnold Schwarzenegger famously took the visualisation techniques he used in body building and applied them to acting and politics.

Arnie says: "I visualized myself being and having what it was I wanted. Before I had my first Mr Universe title, I walked around the tournament like I owned it. I had won it so many times in my mind that there was no doubt I would win it. Then I moved onto the movies, the same thing. I visualized myself being a famous actor and earning big money. I just knew it would happen."

Think about the improbability of a scarily pumped up Austrian with an unintelligible accent becoming Governor of California, and you start to think that maybe there's something in this visualisation malarkey.

There are 3 ways to use visualisation on the road to getting and staying sober. The first is in relaxation and stress relief. The idea is that around wine o'clock, instead of thinking about pinot grigio, you find a quiet spot (like in a hot bath) and imagine yourself in your 'happy place'. Try and use all your senses - smell, feeling, sounds, colours, taste. Cravings only last ten minutes, so this can help you ride the storm.

My current favourite 'happy places' are: (1) On a deserted beach on Koh Samui with Buck the Texan (see Sober in Switzerland for the full story) (2) On the back of a horse galloping along the Cornish headland with my arms wrapped around the rippling, glistening six pack of Poldark (only my English friends will get that one) and, my favourite (3) In a calorie free cup cake bakery with the gorgeous husband and kids. What's yours?

The second way to use visualisation is the Arnie way - to imagine your future success. Here you picture yourself where you want to be in a year's (pick your own timeframe) time. My future visualisation is of a sober, skinny, beautifully dressed and groomed me, at the book launch of my soon-to-be-bestselling novel, surrounded by friends, family and my proud, happy, well behaved and well adjusted kids.

Future visualisations are believed to help with focus, confidence, motivation and self esteem. Knowing what you are working towards and really believing it can happen is the first step to changing your life. There are even those who claim that visualising a positive future can actually make it happen. This is referred to as the 'law of attraction.' It sounds like poppycock, but there are many studies showing that people who think positively have more positive outcomes, and vice versa.

But my favourite way of using visualisation is what I refer to as the 'kick ass method'. Alan Carr suggests visualising your cravings, or your 'inner addict', as a writhing snake or a monster. Every time you deny the snake a drink it dies a little. You have to keep going until it's well and truly despatched. One small sip and it leaps back into life.

In a similar vein, we all talk about the 'wine witch'. It's easier to beat your inner addict when you picture it as a vile, manipulative crone and not just your own subconscious. I like to take this one step further and imagine myself in 'kick ass' persona, battling with, and beating the enemy with great style and panache.

I first used this technique when I was promoted to the board of my Ad Agency. When I went into board meetings as the youngest, and one of the only female members, I would picture myself as Madonna circa 1987 wearing one of those cone tipped bras and leather hotpants. I also imagined that my nipples could fire laser guns on demand. Needless to say, I swaggered into those meetings with far more panache and confidence than I'd have had without Madge.

Apologies to Madonna, to whom I will always be grateful, but I have updated her. I am now Khaleesi from the Game of Thrones. Khaleesi - aka Daenerys Targaryen, Mother of Dragons - strong, wise and beautiful. You would never, ever see Khaleesi reach for the Chablis when in a spot of trouble. Oh no! She would let loose her army of Unsullied. Khaleesi would never have a problem overcoming a little addiction. This woman can walk through flames and come out unscathed!

So whenever the wine witch comes tapping on my shoulder, I picture Khaleesi and let lose my three dragons, burning the evil bitch to a cinder without hesitation or wavering. (n.b. it's important to ignore the end of Season 4 when Khaleesi's dragons turn bad and start frying small children).

You know where I'll be on Monday evening? Series 5 of Game of Thrones starts in the UK on Sky Atlantic. I'll be on the sofa with my hot chocolate cheering on Khaleesi as she gets ever closer to the iron throne.

Happy hangover free Sunday to you all.

Love SM x

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