But I've discovered that, like everything in life, it's about practise. The more you deal with adversity, fear and unhappiness raw, the better you get at it, the braver you become and the more you like yourself.
I had to remind myself of all of this yesterday.
I was taking #1 and a friend of hers to Go Ape, to celebrate the friend's birthday and beginning of the holidays. Go Ape is a three hour adventure trail, way up in the trees, of zip wires and aerial walkways.
I was booking tickets for the two girls on-line when an alert came up saying that as they were (just) under thirteen they had to be accompanied by an adult.
I thought, for a while, about fibbing. They definitely look - and act - like teenagers. But then I remembered that outside the comfort zone is where the magic happens (see my post: The Comfort Zone) and I booked myself in.
I was regretting this big time yesterday as I swayed in my harness thirty feet off the ground.
#1 and her friend were swinging through the trees merrily, like the teenage offspring of Tarzan, yelling back encouragements to me - the adult, supposedly, in charge.
Then we got a point where we had a choice of two directions. One was labelled DIFFICULT and the other EXTREME. What kind of a choice is that?!?
The right way to go was obvious, but the girls thought otherwise. "We can't do EXTREME unless you come with us!" they told me.
I stood there, up in the canopy, wishing with every fibre of my being that I had both feet on terra firma.
"Okay," I sighed.
I thought I was going to die. In fact, had I not been strapped into a harness attached to a safety line, I would have done, as at one point I slipped off the wobbling pole I was expected to tightrope walk along and ended up dangling from the wire. But I made it.
When we (finally) reached the ground #1 took my hand and said "Mummy, I am so proud of you."
I was already feeling somewhat shaky, so this made me all tearful.
"There were no other Mummies doing the EXTREME route. And, you know the people in the group behind us, who did the easy route?" *Eye roll.* "Well, they came up to me and said "your Mum is the bomb!""
"The bum?" I asked, confused.
"No, the bomb."
I have no idea what on earth that means, but apparently it's a really good thing.
So, Mummy is NOT a secret drinker, Mummy is THE BOMB.