Saturday 15 August 2015

How to tell if it's PAWS?

The last few days have been a bit odd.

First I had a major attack of The Glums, and then I boomeranged out into a world of fluffy pink clouds and dolphins....

.....and now I'm back on an even keel (I think!)

Which all got me thinking why? And how can we tell the difference between Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome, known as PAWS (I've done several posts on this if you want to read more about it), hormones or just general bleurgh?

I imagine that everybody's experience is somewhat unique, but - for the record - here is mine:

General bleurgh: usually has a trigger, and you can often apply logic and come up with a solution

e.g. I'm feeling really grumpy because I've had no time to myself for weeks. Logic: if I go for a long walk and a coffee, and possibly apply a large slice of chocolate cake, all will seem better.

Hormones: usually involve irrational and self righteous anger

e.g. I have no idea why I'm so pissed off, but it is absolutely not my fault in fact it's yours! I would be fine if you just ......(insert as appropriate e.g. picked your clothes off the floor/loaded the dishwasher once in a while)

PAWS: usually characterised not by anger, but by general lassitude. A feeling of "what's it all about anyway? Why bother? What's the point?"

Plus - and here's the biggie - it's accompanied by overwhelming, unaccountable, fatigue. The sort that requires an afternoon nap to allow you to function properly.

Another clue is dippiness. The feeling of wading through soup. Forgetting names, why you walked into a room, searching for your glasses when they're on the end of your nose.

In retrospect, what I had a few days ago, and have had every six weeks since I quit drinking, was PAWS.

But what I read was right. It does get easier and pass more quickly. My first attack (at around 42 days) lasted about a week. This one had been and gone in 36 hours.

So, my parents have joined us on the family holiday in Cornwall.

This brings back vivid memories.

It was in Cornwall last summer that my Mother told me, kindly and gently, that she thought I was "drinking too much."

Did I thank her for her concern, think about it rationally, and decide to take action, thereby leading to where I am today?

Hell no!

I yelled at her big time. I made her cry. I called her interfering, cruel and a hypocrite. I stomped off to my room clutching a goblet of vino and spent the rest of the week making snide remarks about Attilla-the-fun-snatcher, and suchlike.

She hasn't said much about the fact that I've not had a drink for nearly six months. Understandably she's a little nervous about broaching any personal subjects around me.

I'm wondering how long it will take, and what she'll say. If anything, ever.

My Dad thinks I'm on some kind of fad diet and keeps banging on about my new trim(mer) figure, bless him.

Love to you all,

SM x

25 comments:

  1. Haha you just reminded me of my irrational behaviours of times BS. Just in the nick of time (I hope). Just booked a last minute/save my soul holiday. Problem is (which seemed like a bonus when I booked it - no cooking/cleaning) it's all inclusive. Ww is creeping back in. Surely I can have a couple of glasses of wine of an evening?! Be sensible!? For once?! I know the answer but she won't let it drop. x

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    1. Hi Lush NoMore,
      Just wanted to say I'm in my 4th year of soberness and several holidays in. The 3 and a.bit years ago me would have had a good laugh at the thought of a sober holiday. Whilst it's still a bit different, I was actually so grateful last week on hols that I wasn't sneaking off for that glass of rose or 10 and enjoying the holiday rather than the usual cycle of feeling ill, drinking etc etc. So, like all of it ups and downs but the downs get fewer and you can justify loads of ice cream! Enjoy the holiday.

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    2. Thank you moosey45! I appreciate your support and sound advice. Here's to another sober 1st. x

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    3. Hi LNM! This is my second sober holiday, and I LOVE them! Before you go try and remind yourself of all the BAD bits of drinking holidays - all the wasted mornings with hangovers and the stupid drunken arguments etc, then - when you get there - revel in the amazing morning swims and the active afternoons (no drunken siestas) etc. It'll be great!!!

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  2. You should go out for a walk with your sweet mum and tell her that she was right, and that you've mended your ways. She'll be so happy for you. She won't say a negative word, I'm sure, and you'll store up good karma for the time you may have to have the same conversation with one of your kids.

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  3. And thanks for the info on PAWS. I have yet to have my first attack, but it must be coming up - it's 31 days today.

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  4. Yeah I'd second Ulla on that one. Your mum sounds like she's got your back. Maybe it was her mentioning it that got the ball rolling for you? I know I'd have been OUTRAGED if either my mum or dad had said I was drinking too much, mostly because I knew I was. xx

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    1. I did the same thing the one time my poor mother dared to pipe up.

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  5. Have you thanked your mother yet? As a mother, I know what that would mean to me. She must have been so scared to bring up your drinking. As Ulla said, karma is involved here, I can't keep count of the times I have suffered the reckoning of my own misdeeds as a child by having my own child repeat my transgressions to the "nth" power.

    I suffered from PAWS also, but I think there's a bit of mourning thrown in there also. Just when we get to feeling strong and powerful, a wave comes and knocks our knees out from underneath us, reminding us that part of our life is gone.

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    1. Amen to all of that, Mary Kay. I don't believe in anything supernatural, really, but 'what goes around comes around', that's for sure. And you model to your kids how to treat an elderly mother.

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  6. You're right. I have to apologise. And say thank you. Am stupidly terrified of even bringing up the subject, however. Aarrggghhh.

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    1. We're all giving you advice,and secretly glad it's you and not us. I"ve got nothing. I'd carry on without saying a word, but being "extra" nice, and then mutter quickly 'Oh about my drinking, you were right, I was a total Bitch, sorry". There would be no long walks talking about our feelings. Luckily for me, my mum would be just as uncomfortable. It's a British Thing. Good luck xxx

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    2. Karma will get me when we visit my parents next Spring. So then you will completely welcome to smirk xxx

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  7. That's completely understandable. It's embarrassing. But it might help to think that the problem is pride - you would rather present yourself as perfect, even to your mother. But she loves you, she'll only be happy for you. It's not like the initial problem will be a surprise to her - you have only good news.

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  8. Oh, and if you have the time, you can tell ME what to do: With my mother, the problem is different. She uttered some worry many years ago and I reacted by drinking on but being a lot more careful never to be drunk in public. She will, honestly, be chocked if I tell her how much I drank, and that I go to AA and consider myself an alcoholic. The problem is compounded by the number of family members that have been in rehab and have relapsed several times. People have been to prisons, people have drunk themselves from their senses, been in long term care and died before their time. She honestly don't think alcoholics can change, so if I tell her about this, she will be infinitely MORE worried about me, rather than less. The problem is a weekend visit coming up - I can't very well refuse wine completely without giving the game away, but I really do not wish to drink anymore. So, what to do?

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    1. Antibiotics! Why not say you've just finished a course of treatment for something and that you're still not allowed to drink for another 48 hours :) or find some non-alcoholic wine to pour into your glass? Good luck x

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    2. Not a good idea. She is a registered nurse (former) and she will absolutely demand to know the nature of the disease, the name of the antibiotics and all other details. I can't pull it off.
      And it's probably a detail, but I don't remember ever being told to abstain from alcohol during a course of antibiotics, I think it is something peculiar to GB and the US.

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    3. Not a good idea. She is a registered nurse (former) and she will absolutely demand to know the nature of the disease, the name of the antibiotics and all other details. I can't pull it off.
      And it's probably a detail, but I don't remember ever being told to abstain from alcohol during a course of antibiotics, I think it is something peculiar to GB and the US.

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    4. Hi Ulla! Tell her you're cutting down - moderating! (Ha ha!) That you're giving up for a couple of months every year. She'll be thrilled to have a daughter with such self control surely?

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    5. I totally understand where you're coming from Ullapool, if I told my dad the truth he would be more worried because of my mums drinking? He would think it's all happening again.
      Why don't you tell your mum your on a diet or you're not drinking for a set period to raise money for charity.... These are all excuses I've contemplated x

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  10. SM, this post is starting to read like a fabulous children's book: The Glums and Dolphins flying through pink clouds and the evil Bleurgh lurking under the bridge. Love it!!
    Please tell your mom you're sorry, for me if not for you. I said horrible things to my mom and she's passed away now and I can never take them back. I'm she sure forgave me for them (as yours did you) but still, it's nice to hear. :)

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  11. hi sobermum, always looking out for your posts, I think you are funny, to the point, uplifting and honest!
    I do recognise the paws-phase although I find it hard to do so when it happens. I should remind myself next time as it's no fun to be in that space.
    enjoy your fam and holidays.

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  12. Hey girl! I call my mum once in a while, or when I visit, and apologise for being a teenager. She loves it, and she thinks its ridiculous at the same time. But when I realise how arrogant and snotty I was, I'm like 'Mum, was I ever like this? And she usually just looks at me straight on with a suppressed smile. I apologise and we chuckle about it. If you have a moment just blurt it out! I quit drinking...she's your mum. She knows. And she loves you. And you deserve an awsome mum-love/pride/support hug from her. DO IT!!!!

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  13. Hi SM,

    I wanted to say thank you for posting all of this info. I am past my 5month mark and felt terrible this weekend. I came back and re-read this post and realized it was PAWS. For nearly two days I had extreme fatigue and no will to do anything - I thought I was suddenly turning into a sloth. Today I feel much better, and although not terribly excited to go through another episode, very greatful that they are shorter each time. Thank you :)

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