If you're approaching your first ever sober Christmas, you're probably feeling a bit nervous about the whole thing.
I remember.
I was terrified about the idea of Christmas without booze. I thought it would be really
hard, dealing with the constant triggers. I expected it to be
boring and joyless. I pretty much wrote it off, and just wanted to get through the whole thing as quickly as possible.
Now, I'm approaching my fourth sober Christmas, and I promise you that I am more excited about Christmas than I ever was when I was drinking.
Like all of these things, the first time is the hardest, because it's all so
new. You've spent decades doing Christmas one way (drunk), so it's bound to be a bit peculiar trying to do it a totally different way.
I remember when I first got married, being really nervous about Christmas. You see, every family has their own Christmas traditions, timings and rituals that somehow become totally sacrosanct, and you know that as a 'new' family, you're going to have to compromise and merge your traditions to create a new template.
Well, learning to do Christmas sober is a bit like that. It
will eventually be just as good as the old Christmases (way better, in fact), but it will be different. You'll have to find new rituals and traditions to replace some of the old ones. But you will.
So, here are my top five tips for a fabulous sober Christmas:
1. Be brutally honest about Christmas Past
Okay, this is the mental 'limbering up' phase. You can start working on this one right away.
It's very easy to look back at Christmas with rose tinted glasses, and to remember only the jolly times. That glass of wine while wrapping the stocking presents on Christmas Eve. The first glass of champagne while cooking the turkey. The glass of red wine with Christmas lunch, and the whiskey while you watch Christmas telly in the evening.
STOP RIGHT THERE.
Go back and look again. Remember what happened next. All of it.
Remember how you drank too much while wrapping the presents and got some of them muddled up (or was that just me?). Remember waking up on Christmas Day with a hangover, feeling
meh, and unable to get excited about the day ahead.
Remember getting drunk
before lunch, messing up all the timings and forgetting the gravy. Remember the family arguments and falling asleep in front of the telly, missing the end of the film you'd been really enjoying.
Remember Boxing Day, feeling like death.
Does any of that ring any bells at all?
The truth is, Christmas probably stopped being really fun several years ago. The booze wasn't making it better, it was actually sucking away the joy.
Whenever you find yourself yearning after the 'good old days', replace those images in your head with the real ones.
2. Don't try to be Superwoman
This is really important.
You are doing an amazing and brave thing, for you and your family, in giving up alcohol. This is the very best Christmas present you could possibly give. You DO NOT need to make everything else totally perfect and prove yourself some kind of superwoman as well. Do that next year, if you must.
This year, keep it as simple as possible. Don't try to cram in too much socialising or hosting. Don't over promise. If necessary, claim some kind of illness and cancel some things. Just focus on you, and your immediate family. The rest can wait.
Try to build in some time when you can take yourself off and hibernate for an hour or two, and recharge your batteries.
3. Think about What You're Drinking
Make sure that, throughout the day, you have special drinks lined up.
The choices here are totally individual. Some people find 'fake booze' - like alcohol free wines and beers - really helpful, others find them too much of a trigger. Work out what works for you
before the big day, and make sure you have stocks in.
I will be having a Seedlip and Fever Tree tonic on Christmas Eve, a spicy Virgin Mary while I'm getting the lunch ready, and a glass or two of Torres Natureo alcohol-free red wine with lunch. The truth is, I'll probably finish the bootle of wine over the course of the afternoon, because old habits die hard.
4. Line up Treats
We big drinkers get out of the habit of treating ourselves, as for many years our go-to treat has been a glass of wine (or similar). Plus, drinkers tend to have very low self-esteem. We don't think we
deserve anything special.
Over the next few days have a really good think about other ways to treat yourself over the Christmas period.
Since you're missing all those booze calories, you can buy yourself some yummy foodie treats for the big day. Go wild. It's only one day. Feel no guilt.
Download your favourite books, music and movies. Invest in a pair of snuggly cashmere socks.
I'm going to book my eldest daughter and myself in for a pedicure on Christmas Eve, and I'm taking the whole family to Winter Wonderland.
Plan a giant lie-in on Boxing Day, or a shopping trip to the sales. Think how much cash you've saved by not drinking over Christmas, as spend some of it!
Do
whatever you know will make you feel special. Because you
are special, and you
do deserve it. You really do.
5. Be a Child
I realise now that Christmas is actually one of the
easiest times to be sober. I know this sounds counter-intuitive, so bear with me...
The hardest time, I think, to be a non-drinker is at a
drinks party. The clue is in the name. The whole event is built around drinking. Often sober people are really badly catered for. You end up with a glass of water wondering what it's all about.
Christmas, however, is the opposite. There is
so much going on, over and above the drinking.
Christmas is about friends and family, it's about wonderful food and fabulous company. It's about magic and gratitude and love. It's about music and singing and films and family games and presents.
There is just
so much to focus on, and you can properly focus on it, in all its wonderful gaudy glory, when you are totally sober.
Look at children at Christmas time. They are
hyperventilating with excitement about it all, and that has nothing
whatsoever to do with booze.
Be like them. Be a child. See it all through their eyes.
And if at any point you're finding it hard, then fast forward to the next day, because you know that on Boxing Day you are going to wake up feeling
absolutely fabulous and so proud of yourself for having done your last ever first sober Christmas.
Merry, merry Christmas to you all!
By the way, there is loads of info and inspo on the
SoberMummy Facebook page, and if you have any friends planning a Dry January, then the paperback edition of The Sober Diaries is out on December 27th (whoop whoop!). You can
find it here.
If you're in the USA, you can't get a hardcopy annoyingly, but you can download on Kindle or audio (
click here).
SM x
