5 Reasons to Love December 26th

There are two days of the year when it is really really good to be a sober person.

The first is New Year's Day (coming up soon folks!), and a close second is Boxing Day, December 26th, TODAY.

Here's why:

1. Because you are a Superhero!

If you made it through Christmas Day without drinking, then you are a total superhero. 

Being sober in a world where everyone drinks is always a bit hard, but no more so than on Christmas Day, a day when you are drowning in memories of drunken Christmas past, when you're surrounded by friends and family urging you to 'go on, just have one,' and where every image on TV, social media and press includes a bottle of something strong.

If you can make it through the 25th December sober, then you can do absolutely anything, my friend. So give yourself a HUGE pat on the back.

2. It's Never Going to be That Hard Again

The 'firsts' are always the hardest. First weekend sober, first party sober, first sober birthday and, possibly the hardest: first sober Christmas.

Now you know you can do it, and even - I hope - really enjoy it, so next year is going to be so much easier. 

By the time you're on sober Christmas number 4, like me, you'll be anticipating and loving Christmas more than you ever did when you were drinking.

3. No Regrets

Remember how you used to feel on December 26th? Hungover. Annoyed with yourself for drinking more than you meant to. Exhausted because you tossed and turned all night. Embarrassed about what you'd said and done the day before?

Well today you get to wake up with no regrets and bags of energy. Whoop whoop.

Having said that, I may never be able to eat again, and I am definitely giving up sugar in January, as I think I've eaten a whole year's worth in just a few days. I'm calling it Savoury January.

4. (*whisper it*) Feeling Smug

Remember all those Christmas parties, when you felt like people were feeling a bit sorry for you? Well, this is payback time.

Most of the world is feeling rather bleurgh, and you get to feel smug. Just a little bit. And quietly, obviously, as no-one likes a smug-face. But too bad, because you get to be one. Congratulations!

5. The Best Present Ever

Often, on Boxing Day, you have a sneaking feeling that at least some of the presents you gave missed the mark, just a little.

(For example, I bought two copies of Frieda, a fabulous book written by a friend of mine, who signed one copy for me and one for my dad. I accidentally mixed up the two books, and gave the copy addressed to me to my dad as one of his Christmas presents, and now it looks as if I re-gifted it!)

However, there is no better present that you can give your family, or yourself, for Christmas than being sober. So this year, you smashed it, my friends.

Please let us know in the comments below how your Christmas was! And, if you didn't make it through the day without drinking, then do not despair! You are not alone. Just climb back on that wagon, forgive yourself, and start again.

The book on my first year sober - The Sober Diaries, has now had more than 250 five star reviews on Amazon, whoop whoop, and is out IN PAPERBACK tomorrow! You can find it here.

(In the USA it's available in audio and Kindle, here).

There's daily inspiration and information on the SoberMummy Facebook page, as always.

Love to you all!

SM x

How Long Does it Take to Break a Habit?

We're not very good at waiting for things.

We've become so used to being able to buy anything online and have it arrive at our front door within twenty-four hours. We have any information we might ever need about anything just a few clicks away. We can find a date just by swiping right. Instant gratification is the new norm.

When I quit drinking, I knew that the first few days, possibly weeks, would be pretty awful, but I thought that, fairly quickly, life would return to normal and I could forget about the whole thing.

How wrong I was.

You see, changing a deeply ingrained habit takes time. 

I spent nearly three decades persuading my sub-conscious mind to equate any social event with alcohol. Then, over time, I taught it that alcohol was necessary to deal with any celebration, any commiseration, any stress, any anxiety or, in fact, pretty much any emotion at all.

However determined you are that alcohol, cigarettes, sugar, prescription drugs (delete as appropriate) no longer have a role in your life, you cannot hurry up your subconscious. It will catch up with the new agenda eventually, but you have to, slowly, slowly, build new neural pathways to replace the old ones.

For fifteen years, I was a terrible smoker. I adored smoking. I saw it as rebellious and sexy, and cigarettes were the prop I relied on to get me through any slightly tough times. By the end, I would need to light a cigarette just to answer the telephone, and I was smoking around thirty a day.

Quitting was really hard. I didn't think I'd ever be able to enjoy a party again, or a meal with friends without the cigarette at the end to look forward to. How could I have sex without being able to light up afterwards?

It took a long time to persuade my sub-conscious to get with the programme. I missed it less and less, but the cravings would still blind-side me for months after I quit.

Yet now, the idea of smoking after a meal, or after sex, or indeed any time at all fills me with total horror. Why on earth would I do that to myself?

And, three years after quitting drinking, I'm starting to feel the same about booze.

These days, I hardly ever think about drinking. I don't notice what other people are drinking. I have to remind myself to buy wine if someone's coming round for dinner, and I never look at their glass with envy. In fact, I don't look at it at all.

But getting to this point took a while. You can't do it in one month, which is why Dry January can be a bit off-putting. The first month is really hard, and not long enough to see the real benefits.

So how long does it take to break a habit?

Many addiction experts talk about the power of threes.

It takes three days for the toxins to leave your body.

It takes three weeks for the worst of the physical withdrawal symptoms to recede.

It takes three months (or around 100 days) for the worst of the mental cravings to go.

I would add that it can take over a year before you get to the point where it never even crosses your mind to go back there.

I'm sure that the reason a lot of people quit quitting is that they've done a few days, weeks or even months and it's still hard, and they can't believe that it should still be difficult, or that it's ever going to get any better.

I promise you, IT WILL.

100 days seems like a very long time when you're struggling. A year feels like an eternity. But it's nothing in the context of the rest of your life.

There are some tricks you can use to give your sub-conscious a kick up the arse.

If you're quitting alcohol, change all your passwords to ilovebeingsober, for example. Just typing that several times a day will help.

Make a vision board showing what life without booze/cigarettes/sugar will look like - happy, healthy and energetic. Put it by your bed so that your sub-conscious sees it every single morning.

Write a list of all the reasons you don't want to drink/smoke/eat rubbish and put it on the fridge door.

Don't give up giving up. Don't give up on yourself. Don't give up on life.

If you do find yourself constantly back at Day One, then read my post The Obstacle Course (click here). It's one of my most popular blog posts and many, many people have told me it's helped them.

To find out more about the ups and downs of the first few months sober you can read my book, The Sober Diaries, here (UK) and here (USA).

I also post daily information and inspiration on the SoberMummy Facebook page ('like' page to stay updated).

Love to you all,

SM

How to Get Rich - Quit Drinking

There were many things about my life that I thought would change when I stopped drinking, but becoming richer wasn't one of them.

Back in the drinking days, I was always broke. At the beginning of the month, my bank account might just sneak its head over the wall into the black, but within a week I'd be wallowing back in the depths of my overdraft facility.

I tried many ways of economising, but one thing that I didn't consider for a minute was the amount I was spending on booze.

I saw my wine expenditure as a necessary staple, like loo roll and washing powder. I didn't even consider buying cheaper alcohol, as I thought the fact that I bought relatively expensive wine made me a connoisseur rather than a lush.

It was only after I quit that I added up the amount I was spending on alcohol, and it was HUGE! I'm too ashamed to confess the numbers, but it was thousands of pounds a year, enough for a family holiday.

And it wasn't just the amount I was spending on the actual wine, it was the knock-on effects. I spent a fortune on taxis, as I was always drinking too much to drive. I spent loads of money buying things I didn't need on the internet late at night, a few glasses down. I bought many bunches of flowers, as an apology to various hostesses for my behaviour the night before.

It all adds up.

When I quit, slowly, slowly, the amount of time I spent overdrawn decreased, without any effort at all. By the end of Year One I was SOLVENT.

But that wasn't all.

The other thing you notice when you quit drinking is how much more energetic and creative you become, and how much time you have on your hands.

Many people have e-mailed me telling me that their careers took off as soon as they quit. They started bouncing into the office in the morning with all the enthusiasm of the youngest intern, firing on all cylinders throughout the day.

Being the sober person in an office gives you an edge. You don't spend hours shuffling paper back and forth while waiting for a hangover to recede, you can use office parties to network rather than snogging someone you'll regret and you are always on form.

It is no surprise that many of the most successful people in any field are non drinkers. Anna Winter and Tina Brown don't drink. Kim Kardashian doesn't drink. Many of the mosr successful Hollywood actors, pop stars and captains of industry are sober.

Also, many of us find that when we quit drinking we re-discover childhood passions, and sometimes those passions can lead to wonderful new careers.

In my case, going sober led to writing, starting right here with this blog, and (drum roll), I've just agreed deals for my first two novels with publishers in the UK, USA and all over Europe.

I've heard stories of people launching new businesses in a myriad of fields: teaching yoga, making jewellery, psychotherapy, recovery coaching, interior design. The list goes on and on.

So, if you're reading this while hungover and broke, then just consider the fact that those two things may be completely intertwined.

To find out more about the benefits of going sober, read The Sober Diaries here (UK), or here (USA).

There's daily information and inspiration on the SoberMummy Facebook Page ('like page' to stay updated).

Love and prosperity to you all!

SM x

When's the Best Time to Quit Drinking?

I get lots of messages from people who tell me that they really want to quit drinking, but they can't do it yet because they're going on holiday, have a birthday coming up, a special party to go to, or they're dealing with a stressful time at home or work.

For many years I did the same. I put off dealing with the inevitable because it was never the right time. Even if someone had erected a bright pink, neon sign outside my bedroom window reading IT'S THE RIGHT TIME, I would have ignored it.

There are always a host of brilliant (and many not so brilliant) excuses to carry on drinking, because there will always be (we hope) occasions to celebrate and, sadly, there will always be difficult things to cope with.

The truth it, the best time to quit drinking, once you know you have to, is always NOW. Because you may as well get on with it, deal with the tough few months, then start really living your life, free from all the angst, pre-occupation and general yuckiness that playing with an addictive drug inevitably brings.

However, there are some times that are, I believe, better than others.

January is one. Quitting anything in January is made easier by the fact that everyone seems to be quitting something, and we're all holed up inside, cold, broke and sad, wearing our hair shirts and feeling sorry for ourselves.

But, for that reason, January is all a bit miserable. And quitting drinking, whilst it's hard, should be a cause for celebration and for feeling good about yourself.

Which is why SEPTEMBER is my favourite time of year.

September, like January, is a time for fresh starts. It may not be the start of the calendar year, but it IS the start of the new school year, and - if you're a mum - that is way more significant than just changing a digit at the end of the date.

September is a time for brand new stationery, sharpened pencils, polished shoes and new friends. And it's a great time for new resolutions.

After the excesses of the summer holidays, everyone is 'back on it.' We're all starting diets, dusting off the gym membership and promising to get life back on track.

Also, if you quit drinking now, by the time Christmas comes around you'll have done the first 100 days, which are by far the hardest, and you'll be able to really enjoy the holiday season feeling good about yourself.

If you live in the UK, you can sign up for Sober October in aid of Macmillan Cancer Support. Then you can tell your friends you're doing it for charity (and avoid all the difficult questions for the time being), and make the most of Macmillan's great online support groups and tools.

So, if you're reading this and thinking I know I need to quit drinking but I'm not sure if it's the right time, then know this: it is. There will never be a better time than now.

If you'd like a great kick start to the new you, then I'm hosting a workshop in London in conjunction with World Without Wine on Saturday, October 6th and there are a few spaces still available. You can find more details here.

If you'd like to know what to expect in the first year of going sober, then read The Sober Diaries, and for daily information and inspiration, visit the SoberMummy Facebook Page ('like' the page if you want to stay updated).

By the way, my September resolution is dealing with my addiction to ice-cream. Over the summer I seem to have become a Magnum magnet, and a pesky gelato shop has opened up at the end of my street, taunting me with great mountains of creamy dulce de leche ice-cream. Argh.

Happy new school year to you all!

SM x

Filling the Hole

When you quit drinking it usually leaves a big hole. It certainly did for me.

So much of my life revolved around drinking - at parties, in restaurants and bars, and at home alone - that when I stopped, there was a huge... gap.

I've discovered that it is crucial to fill that gap with something else, ideally something that allows you to switch off, to get out of your head, the way that alcohol used to do.

My readers have found all sorts of ways of doing this - running, yoga, drawing, knitting, gardening, jewellery making, and much, much more. The crucial thing is that, whatever activity you pick, it keeps you in the moment. 

If you're in the early days of quitting, and you're really not sure how to fill the hole, then here's my advice: think back to when you were a teenager. What made your heart beat faster? How did you spend your spare time? What did you want to be when you 'grew up?'

Many people tell me that when they quit drinking they re-discovered long forgotten passions. I read a story about a lady who loved to ice-skate as a young girl, but stopped when she became an adult. She took it up again in middle age, and it's now her greatest joy in life.

Another lady told me that she was passionate about horses and riding. When she quit drinking she got back on a horse for the first time in twenty years. She can't believe she left it so long.

It is never too late to rekindle that fire. And, if you find the right thing, you'll discover that it gives you a much greater high than alcohol ever did. And without the hangover. Perhaps you'll even turn it into your new career....

My 'thing' as a teenager was words. Writing, reading, anything and everything. So, when I quit drinking, that's what I went back to. I set up this blog and started writing every day, for the first time in nearly thirty years. This blog led to my book - The Sober Diaries.

Then, as you may remember from a previous post, I applied to do a three month novel-writing course.

I've spent the last three months lost in a fictional world in my own head. It's been the most intense and mind-blowing experience. At times I've felt like I was going a little crazy. And apologies for not posting on here very much through that period.

But it's not just the writing that I've loved - it's the course itself.

There are fifteen of us in our group, and our ages range from twenty-three to around sixty. We come from very different backgrounds, have different careers and interests and are writing totally different novels, but we all have a shared passion.

I spent decades choosing companions by their ability to match me drink for drink. It's wonderful to have a diverse group of friends with something completely different in common.

I've loved spending two evenings a week discussing great literature and our own (not so great) attempts, rather than just exchanging idle gossip down the pub.

So, why not spend some of the money you've saved on not drinking doing an evening course? It'll keep your hands and mind busy, introduce you to a new social circle and may become your new passion.

Learn to make pots! Discover how a car engine works! Find out how to do your own decorating or plumbing.  The world is your oyster.

Do tell us what you're planning to do in the comments below.

I'm still posting information and inspiration daily on the SoberMummy Facebook page here. If you 'like' the page then Facebook will keep you updated.

Lots of love to you all!

SM x

Sober Date Night

I was looking for a picture to illustrate this post, so I typed 'romantic dinner' into the Google search. Almost all the images that came up featured two glasses of wine. And that really illustrates the problem. At least this one has two empty glasses. 

I get lots of letters from people who worry that giving up drinking will ruin date night forever. 

This was one of my main worries too. I'd had so many wonderful, drunken evenings out with my husband over the years, in restaurants, bars and parties. I really wasn't sure whether I could do 'date night' sober, without being haunted by memories of better nights in the past.

Well please, please don't worry! There will be a tricky few months of re-adjustment, but sober romance is not only possible, but fabulous. 

Date night is particularly tricky if your partner still drinks. They're sad because they've lost a drinking buddy, and you're annoyed because have to sit and watch someone drinking all evening. Aaarrrghhh.

There are a few things you can do to make it easier:

Firstly, try and be a bit more inventive of what you do on a date night. 

We drinkers get very lazy about nights out. So long as they involve lots of booze, we don't really care, so it's generally all restaurants, bars and parties. 

In the early few months I really recommend avoiding spending hours at a restaurant or bar table. You just won't enjoy it. 

Why not go to a great movie instead? You'll be so engrossed that you won't even think about drinking. Or, splash out some of the money you've saved on theatre tickets, or a concert or gig. Go and see some stand up comedy - laughter is a great aphrodisiac.

You'll quite quickly find that not only is date night still fun, it's way more varied and interesting than it used to be!

Secondly, think about what you (and they) drink.

I discovered that date night is much easier and more romantic if you can drink roughly the same thing. What I mean is that if Mr SM has a mojito, I have a virgin mojito. If he has a beer, I'll have an alcohol-free beer, and so on. That way, both of us feel as if we're on the same wavelength. And we are!

If your partner still drinks and your biggest issue was, like mine, wine, then ask them to drink something else on date night for a while. Staring at a glass of wine all evening when you're not drinking it is no fun.

And finally, try not to romance the old days.

It's easy to look back and remember the times when you were both merrily drunk and laughing hysterically over some shared joke, and to forget all the drunken rows, the terrible hangovers and the festering misunderstandings caused by something said after a few too many,

Date night may take re-adjusting to, but it will, eventually, be better than ever and, crucially, your relationship will be way stronger because you will be a much nicer person to live with - more even tempered, energetic, understanding and happy.

So hurrah for sober romance, and hurrah for all of you!

If you have some of your own tips and advice for sober date nights, then please do leave them in the comments below. Thank you!

To find our more about the first year sober, read The Sober Diaries. Click here UK, here USA, here Australia.

Thank you so much to Feedspot for voting Mummy was a Secret Drinker one of the UK's top 10 alcohol blogs. Whoop whoop. To see the full list click here.

If you'd like more face-to-face help and advice, there are still some places on the October workshop in London which I'm hosting with World Without Wine. For more information click here.

Love to you all,

SM x

Sober Easter Holidays

Before starting this post on Easter holidays, I just wanted to say a huge thank you, from the very bottom of my heart, to all of you for your incredible support after my mini meltdown last week.

I am so, so sorry that I haven't been able to reply to you all individually, but your messages meant so much to me.

I was reminded, yet again, that this sober tribe is made up of the most generous, thoughtful and amazing people. You are all superheroes.

Thanks to you, I'm back to feeling chirpy, plus the weather is improving, and we're into the Easter holidays!

But I know that holidays are not the easiest time if you've recently quit. I've had a number of messages over the past few days from people worrying about how to get through them without drinking.

I really love sober holidays now and can't imagine doing them any differently, but it takes a while to get there.

I think the biggest issue is that we've conditioned ourselves over years - or decades even - to associate holidays with partying. And by partying, I mean drinking. 

The Easter weekend, for me, was all about being able to have long, boozy lunches that went on well into the evening. Then long, boozy evenings that went on well into the night.

But, you know what? At the end of that weekend, I'd feel awful! I'd be toxic, anxious, depressed, exhausted and run down. I'd go back to work feeling like I needed..... a holiday. But wasn't that what I'd just had?

The trick is to redefine what holidays are about!

Now I see holidays as a chance to look after myself, to recharge and reset and get ready for new challenges ahead.

I get loads of sleep, eat well and go on long walks, so that by the end of the holiday I feel amazing.

More importantly, I see holidays as a time to reconnect with my family, especially my children.

Over Easter holidays of old, I'd spend a lot of time trying to escape the children so I could drink with my grown-up friends. Now, the holidays are all about doing things together. Making memories (that you actually remember!)

A bit of over-indulgence is still obviously crucial, so this weekend I will go a little crazy on the chocolate.

So, if this is your first sober holiday, be good to yourself. Easter is a great time for new beginnings. Hole up in a cosy cocoon for a few days and get ready to fly.

Talking of flying, my New Year's resolution was to do more new things this year, so a few weeks ago I booked us all an Easter holiday in Ibiza!

It turns out that no-one goes to Ibiza in April, because all the clubs are closed and the weather isn't great (but no worse than August in Cornwall, which is what we're used to), so I managed to rent a villa for a fraction of the normal cost.

I've always wanted to go to Ibiza, but - back in the drinking days - I was a bit worried that, on a party island, like that the wheels really would come off! I might never have come home.

Now, that's not an issue. My wheels are firmly stuck on.

I'm hoping that the island will be pretty quiet, and we can drive around visiting local tapas restaurants and deserted beaches and just chill.

Mr SM has obviously booked the cheapest flights available - RyanAir. He then had a panic about having to pay for everything apart from the actual plane as 'extras.'

"Do we really need any suitcases?" he said. "And surely we don't need to sit next to each other on the plane?"

I had a panic yesterday when I received an e-mail titled IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR FLIGHT!

Arrrgghhh! I thought. They've cancelled it (RyanAir have form in this area).

Turns out they haven't (yet), but as this is a flight which is very popular with hen and stag parties, they've issued a complete ban on any alcohol on the plane.

ALL BAGS WILL BE SEARCHED! ANYONE SHOWING SIGNS OF INEBRIATION WILL NOT BE ALLOWED ON THE PLANE!

Hilarious!

Have a wonderful Easter, everyone! If you want to see any of my smug holiday pictures, you can follow me on Instagram @clare_pooley

There's inspiration and information every day on the SoberMummy Facebook Page ('like' page to stay updated).

If you're looking for holiday reading, then look no further than The Sober Diaries. You can read the first few chapters for free by choosing the 'look inside' feature. Click here for UK, here for USA and here for Australia.

And, finally, you can see my TEDx talk - Making Sober Less Shameful here.

Love to you all, and see you on the other side,

SM x

Making Sober Less Shameful

Whenever I'm asked what the most difficult thing was about quitting alcohol, I always reply "other people."

I was horribly addicted to cigarettes too, many years ago, and when I finally managed to quit everyone was really supportive. I was constantly congratulated and told that I was brave and wise and amazing.

No-one asked me why I wanted to stop smoking, tried to convince me to 'just have one' or accused me of being boring.

Yet when I quit drinking it was very different. Instead of feeling virtuous, I felt ashamed. Instead of feeling supported, I felt shunned.

This makes me really mad.

So I did a TEDx talk.

I talked about why I found it easy to tell people I had breast cancer, yet impossible to confess to alcohol addiction.

I talked about shame and other people's reactions.

I talked about how alcohol is the only drug you have to justify NOT taking, despite the fact that the science shows it's the fourth most harmful drug after crack, heroin and crystal meth.

I talked about the link to cancer, especially breast cancer.

Then, crucially, I talked about three things that we can all do to help the superheroes who pluck up the courage to ditch the nation's favourite drug, by addressing the stigma around alcohol addiction.

Yesterday my talk went up on YouTube. There's a link at the top of this page. I'd love to know what you think. I'd love it even more if you could share, and help drive the Sober Revolution.

Full disclosure: I haven't dared watch it myself yet.

Love to you all,

SM x

To read the book about my first year sober, click here for UK, here for USA and here for Australia. You can read the first few chapters for free by choosing the 'look inside' feature.

Sober Birthdays

As IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on birthdays past (drunk) and present (sober)...

In the last of the drinking years, I'd begun to greet birthdays with a mixture of excitement and dread.

I'd be excited because a birthday is one of the only days of the year when you can properly let your hair down without any guilt or remorse. On a birthday, anything goes, and you have to be forgiven any bad behaviour, right?

But I'd dread birthdays too. Another year gone of nothing much changing and nothing much happening. More broken promises and unfulfilled dreams.

And I knew that it was likely to spin out of control. Which it inevitably did...

I would wake up on my birthday morning, and have to cope with three very excited children with a hangover. Because the night before had been the eve of my birthday! A great excuse to indulge a little more than normal.

And a little more than normal was an awful lot!

Then, because of said hangover, and said birthday, I would - obviously - have a long, boozy lunch.

By the time the evening celebrations rolled around, I'd already have drunk a bottle of wine, and would be well into the second, which meant that half way through the party/dinner/whatever I was up to, I'd be slurring, forgetful, confused and sleepy, and a terrible host.

I'd collapse into bed (possibly before the last guests had left), and then wake up with the 3am horrors, trying to remember which secrets I'd spilled and who I might have upset.

The next day would be ghastly.

The morning after my birthday party three years ago was the day I quit drink for good, and you can read about how awful it was on page one of The Sober Diaries. 

(If you click here, you can read the first few chapters for free with the 'Look Inside' feature).

My first sober birthday, nearly a year later, was a little bit hard. It's difficult not to remember, with rose՛tinted glasses, the ghosts of birthdays past, and to feel a little nostalgic....

....but since then, sober birthdays have been AMAZING.

This morning, I woke up feeling perky, but pretended to be asleep as I could hear the pattering of tiny feet and whispering outside the bedroom door.

I could be genuinely excited as three children and the terrier all piled into our ancient, creaking bed, and Mr SM produced bacon, eggs, coffee and presents on a tray.

I realise now that birthdays are as much about the children as they are about me, and today I can spend the whole day on the same level as them, not looking for ways to escape with a glass of vino.

Kit's birthday present to me is having his hair cut.

He's been resisting this for weeks, and his hair has got so long that he can barely see. As I type this, he's in the barber with his dad, and I'm looking forward to receiving his three inch long sideburns tied in a ribbon... It may be another year before I can get him in there again, so I'm going to make the most of it.

This evening, after birthday tea with the kids, Mr SM and I are going out for dinner and to the theatre in the West End.

It's going to be brilliant, and I won't wake up part way through the play to find that I've fallen asleep on the stranger next to me and am drooling on his shoulder (this did happen once, back in the day).

And I can spend the evening reflecting on a year when I did stuff. Stuff that mattered. 

I faced my fears and exposed all my secrets and vulnerabilities to the world, then discovered that my story was changing people's lives, which is the best birthday present ever.

And I'll fall asleep, tired, happy and sober.

Happy birthday to me, and love to all of you.

SM x

5 Reasons Why Ex-Drinkers Rock

If you've recently quit drinking, and you're giving yourself a hard time about all those years of bad behaviour and self-indulgence, then stop it right now.

Perhaps you're a 'normal drinker' (curse you), and have a newly-sober friend who you're kind of avoiding because you're worried that they might not be any fun, or that they'll start judging you. 

Well, that is so lame.

Here are five (of the many) reasons why ex-drinkers are the best people around:

1. We Are People of Excess

We talk about having 'a genetic tendency towards addiction' as a bad thing. And in some ways it is. It's why we got into a bit of trouble with booze and ended up quitting altogether.

But being an addictive personality, an all-or-nothing person, is also an incredibly wonderful thing.

You see, we are not just excessive in our love for alcohol, or nicotine, or shopping, or whatever, we are also excessive in doling out love, in following our dreams, in indulging in our passions for other things like art, literature, running or yoga.

Whatever we do, we like to do with all our heart, its just that, for a while, that mainly involved booze.

2. We are Survivors

We made it through days, weeks and months of taking one day at a time and battling with our inner demons.

We learned how to pare ourselves down to the bone and then rebuild ourselves, piece by piece. And every emotion, every set back we dealt with head on, with no props or anaesthetics to blur the edges.

And we came out of all of that strong. We know that we can walk through fire and emerge, not only unscathed, but fiercer, because we've done it before, and we can do it again.

3. We don't Judge

In today's society we are always judging each other and ourselves. We scrutinise each other's Facebook and Instagram feeds, we gossip and we bitch.

Well, we ex-drinkers know better than anyone that no-one is perfect, least of all ourselves. We don't look at the glossy social media and fall for it, because we know that everyone has a secret pain, that we are all gloriously, messily flawed.

So we don't judge. You can tell us the very worst thing you've ever done, and we'll nod, give you a hug and say "I've been there too."

4. We Make Really Good Friends

Because of all of that, we are really good friends to have around. And we value our friendships, because for a long while we didn't deserve them, and we're terribly grateful to anyone who stuck around.

We nurture our friendships too. We don't just meet up at parties and tell the same stories on a loop, we'll get together for a coffee and a good chat, for a long walk, for a trip to an art gallery or a yoga class - in fact we'd prefer that.

And if we do meet up at a party, we'll give you a lift home.

5. We Have Stories to Tell

And ex-drinkers are far from boring.

If you want to hear tales of a life well-lived, of triumphs and disasters, of excess and passion, then talk to the ex-lush. And they'll tell them without slurring or repetition.

So hurrah for you! Hurrah for us! Hurrah for them!

WE ROCK.

To read my tales of drinking, and then not drinking, in The Sober Diaries, visit my Amazon page. You can read the first few chapters free with the 'look inside' feature.

Click here for daily inspiration and information on the SoberMummy Facebook Page ('like' page to stay updated), or follow me on Instagram @clare_pooley.

Love to you all,

SM x

Beyond Dry January

I did Dry January a few times, back in the old days.

I would always start a day or two late. After all, a relatively boozy January 1st was the only really sensible way to cope with the hangover from New Year's Eve - right?

By this point in January, I'd be ready to throw in the towel.

I've made it through pretty much the whole month! I'd congratulate myself. I've proven to myself that I CAN DO IT. I'm not an 'alcoholic'. What's more, I've learned my lesson. I've 'recalibrated.' No more excess for me! From now on, it's 'everything in moderation.'

Yet, by the end of February, I'd be back to drinking just as much as before, probably more so.

Is that how you're thinking right now?

I really don't want to get all preachy here. If you really can drink happily and sensibly, then crack on. I admire you. (Although, full disclosure, I hate you a teeny bit too. HOW DO YOU DO THAT?)

But can you? Really?

Or are you an all-or-nothing person who finds trying to moderate stuff not just difficult, but exhausting and soul destroying?

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life just waiting for the next opportunity to have the next drink, and constantly hating yourself for drinking more than you were supposed to?

Wouldn't it be better to be free of all that?

Here are some good reasons to keep going:

You've done the hard bit already.

You've done the physical detox. You've probably been feeling utterly exhausted, maybe you've had headaches and felt a bit flu-ey, perhaps you've had trouble getting to sleep. You might have been grumpy and distracted and generally a bit meh. 

But now you're coming out the other side.

Your poor, abused body is emerging from its chrysalis thinking way-hey! Shiny new world of toxin-free loveliness! I am a butterfly! See my pretty wings! 

Do you really want to fill it up to the brim with poisons again?

The good bits are yet to come!

The real benefits of being sober take weeks, months and some take years to really emerge. You've seen nothing yet.

Right now you should be feeling your energy levels returning. Your brain starts firing on all cylinders and you feel more creative and 'buzzed' than you've done for ages.

Imagine what you could achieve over the next year or two if you keep on going? Write a book? Decorate a house? Start a business?

You might have lost some of the boozy puffiness, but usually the more dramatic weight loss takes a while to kick in. For me it didn't happen until after about one hundred days.

By now I bet you've started sleeping brilliantly. Your body is just starting to enjoy the deep, restful sleep it's been craving for years, and the benefits of that proper sleep keep on coming, if you let them.

After a few weeks off the booze you're probably feeling your anxiety levels subside and your moods levelling out. Imagine the impact of that on the rest of your life, and on all your relationships, if it continues!

And I've bet you've saved some money, right? Well, multiply that by twelve and think about what you could treat yourself to in a year's time if you're not throwing money away on alcohol.

Up till now, you've probably been thinking about booze an awful lot. It's taking up a huge amount of headspace. Well, after a few months sober, you just stop thinking about it.

It's really is such a relief having so much time and space to think about other stuff. And the sense of peace and freedom that comes from that is just around the corner, if you keep on marching.

If you start drinking again now, having done all the hard bits, but not yet got to the really good bits, then all you're doing is re-inforcing to your subconscious that life without booze is miserable.

Keep on going, and you'll soon discover that that is absolutely not the case.

Miracles wait around the next corner, so don't stop now....

If you'd like to know more about what happens in the first year after giving up booze, then check out my book, The Sober Diaries (available in hardback, e-book and audio). Click here to go to my Amazon page. You can read the first few chapters for free with the 'look inside' feature.

(By the way, a HUGE thanks to the ONE HUNDRED people who've left such incredible reviews. I am completely overwhelmed).

For daily inspiration and information go to the SoberMummy Facebook page here, or follow me on Instagram @clare_pooley

Love to you all!

SM x

Be Your Own Best Friend

I took this photo two days ago.

I was in a cafe with my friend, Harriet, waiting for the results of my blood tests.

Those of you who know my story will be aware that I am a breast cancer survivor. As a result, I have regular check ups at the cancer clinic to make sure that there aren't any pesky cancer cells rampaging around my body.

Currently, breast cancer that spreads beyond the breast and lymph nodes (secondary breast cancer), is incurable. So waiting for those test results is a bit.... nerve wracking. To say the least.

So Harriet came with me to hold my hand. And I took this photo to remind myself of the true value of a great friend.

You see, Harriet is a busy lady. She runs a business from home. Her incredible Spacemasks are so popular that the Royal Mail come to her house to collect her mountains of boxes, packaged up by herself, often with hand written note.

But Harriet wasn't too busy to take a whole morning out to sit in a hospital waiting room with me. And I wasn't exactly sparkly company.

True friends, I realised, will always put you first when you're having a tough time.

They don't expect you to be perfect. They applaud your strengths and forgive your weaknesses, which they know are what makes you human.

A real friend doesn't expect you to always be on best form. They know that sometimes you just need to sit quietly and have a hug.

And this got me thinking. Why is it that we are unable to treat ourselves the way we'd like our friends to treat us?

So, please, if you are having a tough time - whether you're giving up the booze or another addiction, going through a divorce, coping with illness, or just dealing with the lemons that life sometimes chucks at us, then treat yourself like your own best friend.

Make time to look after yourself. Give yourself a hug, by taking some time out to relax, buying yourself flowers, booking yourself a massage. You deserve it.

And stop judging yourself! We often focus on our faults and ignore our strengths. See yourself the way your best friend does - flawed, yes, but awesome.

And you know what the amazing thing is? If you start to really believe that you are worthy of friendship, you attract even more friends, and you'll have even more hands to hold.

And if you have a friend who's going through a hard time, please be like Harriet.

When I was drinking (a lot), I spent an awful lot of time thinking about myself. Usually negatively.

Now I have so much more time and energy that I can properly focus on other people, and I'm a much better friend. Still not perfect, but better.

And, by the way, the blood tests were all clear! Whoop whoop!

You can read my story, of quitting the booze (and getting breast cancer) in The Sober Diaries. Click here to go to my Amazon page. You can read the first few chapters for free using the 'look inside' feature.

There's loads more information and inspiration on the SoberMummy Facebook page here, and you can now follow me on Instagram at @clare_pooley

Love to you all,

SM x

Dry January

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Welcome to a brand new decade. A clean sheet of paper. A fresh start. A chance to be a new you, or to rediscover the old you.

Is your New Year's resolution to do Dry January?

If so, you're not alone. An estimated 5 million people in the UK are taking part in the Dry January challenge in 2020.

Whether you want to quit just for for the next month, or whether you've realised you've got to give it up forever, here is some advice on how to get through the first 31 days.

It's really hard to condense this into just one post, but there's more information on all of this - and very much more - throughout this blog and on the SoberMummy Facebook page.

1. Preparation

Getting your head in the right place is crucial. If you start the month with a sense of dread and deprivation you'll never make it.

You are doing an amazing thing. You are about to change your life for the better. Be excited!

If that last sentence is just incredibly irritating, and you can't imagine feeling anything like excitement right now, then read Jason Vale's book: Kick the Drink, Easily.

In fact, read it anyway. It'll completely change the way you think about drinking, and make the whole process of quitting much easier.

You could also read The Sober Diaries (click here) about my first twelve months off the booze, which will give you a really good idea of all the downs, and the ups, that you can expect, with a few good laughs (and some tears) along the way.

Write down, right now, while you can remember, all the reasons why you want to stop. The big ones (like health concerns) and all the little ones (like being embarrassed about all the empty bottles in your recycling bags).

Over the next few weeks there will be many moments when you will think "why am I doing this?" You'll need that list as a reminder.

2. Know what to expect

The first two or three weeks after quitting drinking can be physically and mentally gruelling, but it's much easier if you know what to expect, and know that it's all perfectly normal. After years of flooding your body with addictive toxins, it's bound to fight back a bit when you quit.

You will probably feel more tired than you can imagine. By mid afternoon you'll want a nap - like a toddler. You'll feel muggy headed, like you're wading through soup, and your concentration levels will be completely shot.

Don't worry - it'll pass. See it as a sign that your body's recuperating.

Ironically, you may find that you also have problems initially in getting to sleep. Again, this is temporary. Soon you'll be sleeping like a baby - better than you have in years. And no more waking up at 3am with the night horrors.

You might get headaches and/or constipation. That's all part of your body detoxing. Drink lots of water, fresh juices and smoothies.

You may be a bit (or a lot) tetchy and snappy. Like a bad case of PMT.  Try to avoid taking on anything too crucial or stressful over the next week or two.

You'll constantly think about drinking. Or not drinking. And, generally, the more you try NOT to think about something, the more you do.

I found that the best thing to do is to indulge the obsession - at least initially. I read endless books, articles and blogs about drinking. My favourite drinking memoirs are Caroline Knapp's Drinking: A Love Story and Sarah Hepola's Blackout. For great drinking fiction read Girl on The Train by Paula Hawkins, or Rachel's Holiday by Marian Keyes.

3. Find Some Friends

It's really difficult to quit drinking on your own. You might be lucky and have someone 'in real life' who's doing it with you. The problem with that, however, is if they cave they're likely to take you down with them. And they might not need to quit as much as you do....

Luckily, there's a huge amount of help online - a whole Soberverse!

Why not sign up to www.soberistas.com where you'll find huge amounts of help and support, or the wonderful Facebook community of Club Soda at www.joinclubsoda.com?

There's a fabulous group of sober people on Instagram too. You can find me @clare_pooley, and check out @soberdave, @soberfishie, @janeyleegrace, @sober_and_social, @thegaysober and many more.

There's also AA. I have to confess that I've still not been myself, but they've helped millions of people and saved endless lives. With AA you get all the help and support you'd get online plus real hugs, not just virtual ones.

4. Be good to yourself

You are doing a phenomenal thing. And it's not easy. So, for the next few weeks at least, don't try to do anything else. Don't worry about dieting, about getting a new job or redecorating the house. Just concentrate, for the moment, on NOT DRINKING!

Give yourself some rewards - you deserve them. And you're saving money! Eat cake. Drink lots of hot chocolate (it has magical properties - you'll see). Have hot baths with bubbles and candles. Book a massage. Whatever makes you feel good.

5. Watch out for cravings

You're bound to get them, especially at your main trigger points, like 'wine o'clock' or when you're hungry, tired, stressed or bored. Or pretty much anytime, actually.

Remember - THEY WILL PASS. You just need to distract yourself for as long as it takes.

Bake cookies. Or, the more healthy option, do some exercise. Go for a long walk, or a run. Getting away from the fridge or any drinking environment is a good idea.

Have a hot bath. Check out the SoberMummy Facebook page here for daily information and inspiration ('like page' to stay updated). Log onto Soberistas, Club Soda (see above) or your favourite blog. Take up knitting, colouring, the guitar - whatever works.

6. Wait for the miracles to happen

Just take it one day at a time and you will, slowly slowly, start to see the benefits.

You'll sleep better than you have since childhood. Your eyes will be brighter, skin fresher and hair bouncier. You'll look five years younger.

You'll lose the puffy face and the wine belly. You'll feel calmer and happier.

But the best things about being sober don't happen in the first month. They keep on coming, over the weeks, months and years.

So don't just do Dry January. Consider making it forever.

Just think about it....

Good luck to you all!

Clare x

By the way, my novel - The Authenticity Project - is out soon! You can pre-order here (UK), or here (USA)

Original post updated on 1/1/2020

It's Out Today!

I can't quite believe it's actually happening.

After eighteen months of pitching, writing, editing and publishing, the book is OUT TODAY, in all good bookshops (I hope!) in hardback, on Kindle and on Audible.

My publishers have described it as:

"A bravely honest and brilliantly comic account of how one mother gave up drinking and started living. Think Bridget Jones Dries Out!"

Here's what some Amazon reviewers had to say:

"This book is at once immensely serious, very funny and extremely well-written." 5 stars.

"A tough subject but a book you don't want to put down? Quite a feat!" 5 stars.

And the fabulous Lucy Rocca of Soberistas has chosen it as her book of the month.

But, what I really want to know is what YOU think. Because this would never have happened without you.

For a start, I'm not sure I'd be sober now without your support, and I wouldn't have had the courage to pitch the book idea to publishers without your encouragement.

So THANK YOU ALL. SO MUCH.

I've mentioned some of you by name (pseudonym!) in the acknowledgements. I'm only sorry I couldn't mention you all.

I really hope you like the book. You can find it by clicking here. If you use the ‘see inside’ feature, you can read the first few chapters for free!

Please help me spread the word, and - if you get a moment - leave a review on Amazon.

Hugest hugs to you all,

SM x

Is This Your First Sober Christmas?

If you're rapidly approaching your first sober Christmas Day, you are probably starting to panic.

Don't! This is going to be my fourth Christmas without any booze, and I promise you that, not only is it manageable, it's actually WAY better.

Here are my top 5 tips for making this the best Christmas ever:

1. Be honest about Christmas Past...

It's really easy to romanticise the ideal of past Christmases (and all of those Instagram-worthy memories in your head have you clutching a glass of booze, right?)

That's what I did, anyway. I remembered the glass of chilled white wine while packing the children's stockings, sharing Santa's whiskey with the husband before bed, pouring the first glass of champagne while dancing around the kitchen at 11am and peeling sprouts, then the full-bodied red wine to accompany the turkey.

WELL STOP RIGHT THERE!

Because those moments did exist, but they were fleeting and transitory. They were engulfed by a tidal wave of other, not so good, drinking realities.

Here's how it really went: I didn't stop at one glass while doing the stockings - I drank the whole bottle, and inevitably mixed up the presents. Then, having necked Santa's whiskey, I slept terribly, waking up at 3am, tossing and turning, so that by the time the kids piled in with their wide eyes and bulging stockings I was exhausted and grumpy.

And that glass of champagne while doing the cooking? Well, as you know, cooking Christmas lunch is a military operation requiring a clear head and perfect timing. So, once I'd drunk a glass, or so, of champagne it would all start going haywire and I'd get incredibly stressed.

The wine with lunch would go un until early evening, fanning those simmering embers of long-held family grudges into flames, so there would, invariably, be a drink-fuelled family argument of some sort before the end of the day that would take a month or so to diffuse.

Plus, it would inevitably all be about me, rather than the children.

I'd pass out, wrung out and exhausted, at the end of the day and wake up on Boxing Day filled with regret.

Perhaps your Christmases weren't quite like that, but I bet if you examine them closely you'll find that the booze didn't really make for a perfect day after all....

2. Keep it Simple

I know we all want Christmas to be perfect, and to keep up with all those idealised pictures we keep seeing on our Facebook feeds and TV screens. We put huge pressure on ourselves by trying to make the house look like the ones in the magazines, filled with the smell of freshly baked mince pies and the sound of laughing children.

But, really, all anyone ever wants is a day spent with the people they love, who are properly present, happy and relaxed, a few well chosen presents, some food and some rubbish telly.

Go through your to-do list and cross off anything that isn't absolutely necessary. If you have guests coming, get them to bring stuff - they'll be thrilled to be able to help.

Buy the sprouts ready peeled and the mince pies ready made. Next year you can add all the extras back in, but - just for once - make life easy for yourself.

3. Treat Yourself

It's your day too, and there are other ways to treat yourself that aren't bubbly and alcoholic. Think about what'll make you feel really good on Christmas Day.

Buy your favourite alcohol free wine, or the ingredients for a fabulous mocktail. Buy some aromatherapy oil for a relaxing Christmas Eve bath. Download some new tunes to sing to while making the lunch. I find that a bumper box of After Eights works a treat. Find whatever works for you.

4. Take Time Out

However much fun you're having, the effort of remembering not to drink can be pretty exhausting...

...so have an escape hatch planned, for times during the day when you just have to get away from Aunt Edna or else you'll sink the whole bottle of Baileys from the back of the drinks cupboard...

My personal favourite is a dog walk. If the going gets tough, I put my coat on, announce to the crowds that I just have to take the poor dog out, then escape for some fresh air and a chance to wind down. (Once I was so desperate to get away for a while that I actually forgot the dog).

If you don't have a dog, make sure you have something else up your sleeve for emergencies.

Perhaps you need to find a garage to buy an emergency pint of milk? Maybe you need to drop a Christmas card round to a neighbour? Or just tell everyone you're going for a quick afternoon nap, and escape to your bedroom where you can surf the sober sites for some solidarity.

5. Learn From the Children

They don't have to be your children, any children will do. Look at all the things they find magical about Christmas Day that don't involve getting drunk.

The really hard events to cope with when sober are the ones that only involve booze - like drinks parties. It can be pretty boring spending hours at an event which totally revolves around drinking when you don't.

But Christmas Day is not like that. It is filled with loads of things to do, other than drink. There's all the present opening, the family games, the great food, the guilt-free chocolate bingeing, the Christmas telly and catching up with friends and family.

IT'S AWESOME! And none of that needs booze to make it fun - the kids know that.

So please don't worry, my friends. It's going to be amazing! And once you've done it the first time, it'll never be scary again.

Merry Christmas to you all!

And, by the way, if you fancy treating yourself to a late Christmas present, you can order my book, The Sober Diaries here, in hardback, Kindle or audio.

And my new novel, The Authenticity Project, is out soon! Available on Kindle and Audio in the UK from February 4th (click here to pre-order), and in hardback in all good bookshops from April 2nd.

If you're in the USA, all formats available from Feb 4th! (Click here to pre-order).

If you're looking for distraction over Christmas, there's loads of information and inspiration on the SoberMummy Facebook page ('like' page to stay updated).

Love SM x

What I've Learned After 1000 Days Alcohol Free

It's been more than one thousand days since I had a glass of wine.

Blimey.

I didn't have a dramatic rock bottom moment one thousand days ago. I didn't wake up in a gutter, or in someone else's bed, or crash the car when drunk. Thank goodness.

It was more like the painfully slow break up of a serious relationship. Like having to face up to the fact that the man I'd turned to whenever I was in trouble, whenever I wanted to have fun, whenever I wanted to just chill, was no good for me any more.

I had to leave him. Throw him out. Pour him down the sink.

By this point, I was drinking a bottle of wine a day, more at weekends. As a result, I was overweight, miserable and stuck in a rut.

Again, it wasn't dramatic drinking. I rarely appeared drunk, or got into trouble. Rather worryingly, a bottle of wine disappeared rather easily....

This was not my first attempt at dealing with my alcohol problem, obviously. I'd spent weeks, months, years even, looking for an alternative, trying endless ways of cutting down, of 'moderating.'

But it was all exhausting. And every attempt (much like trying to crash diet) ended, eventually, in failure. Back to where I started, if not more so.

So, finally I realised that there was no alternative but to pack it in altogether.

That prospect was, frankly, terrifying. But I resigned myself to the fact that my party days were over and that from now on I had to be a good girl. I knew I would feel proud of myself, but - obviously - I wasn't going to have any fun any more. Life, as I'd known it, was over.

But here's what I've discovered one thousand days later:

Life, as I knew it, was over. But the new life I've discovered is WAY BETTER, better in a myriad of different ways.

First off, there was all the physical stuff.

Stopping drinking changed the way I look. Some changes came immediately - like losing the puffy face and the bloodshot eyes, some took longer, like losing all the excess weight.

Within the first year without booze I'd lost two stone (28 pounds), and I've remained consistently at my ideal weight ever since, without any effort.

Also, I may be one thousand days older, but I actually look younger. I have better skin, clearer eyes, bouncier hair and oodles more energy.

Next time you're at a party, check out the most fresh-faced person in the room, not the one with the fake, waxy, botoxed face, but the one with the natural looking glow. I bet they're not drinking booze.

When you drink, you lose your ability to listen to your body. You can't tell when you're genuinely hungry and need to eat, or when you're just craving carbs because you're hungover. When your body is dehydrated and is trying to tell you you're thirsty, you drink alcohol - a diuretic.

Now, I eat when I'm hungry, and rehydrate when I'm thirsty. Simples.

And one of the biggest physical changes is being able to sleep. 

I was a terrible insomniac for years. I blamed stress. I used to fall asleep, no problem, but I'd wake up at about 3am, tossing and turning, and be totally unable to get back to sleep until just before the alarm went off.

Lack of sleep affects everything. It makes it difficult to function at your best short term, and, longer term, has a huge impact on your mental and physical health.

Now, I sleep like a baby. And I'm a morning person! Who knew? I bounce out of bed like the Duracell bunny, all ready to take on the day.

But quitting alcohol hasn't just changed me physically.

When I was drinking, my moods were all over the place. I'd veer from euphoric to depressed, then back again, regularly.

Now I'm zen. Ok, perhaps not completely zen - I can still be a nutter from time to time, but everything is relative.

I used to feel anxious much of the time. I thought that alcohol helped, that it dampened down the anxiety. It was only once I quit that I realised it was the alcohol that was causing the anxiety in the first place. My medicine was actually my poison.

But the biggest change of all, the one that rolls out gradually over the months and years after you quit, is what's happened to my life.

You see, I drank to take the edges off life, to blur all the hard bits. What I hadn't realised is that I was blurring all the good bits too.

When I stopped drinking, I had to learn to deal with everything life threw at me raw. Initially it was a terrible shock. It was hard. 

But, once I got used to it, once I showed myself what I could do and how naturally brave I am, I felt like a SUPERHERO. I realised that I could conquer anything.

Not only did I find my superpower, but I rediscovered all the energy and enthusiasm for life that I had when I was much younger, before all the self-medication numbed it all.

And, without the booze anaethetising my brain constantly, my synapses started firing and I re-discovered creative abilities that I'd thought I'd just grown out of.

My horizons have broadened and my life has just expanded. It feels like a brand new start.

My not drinking has changed my relationships with other people too. I'm a much better mother, a better wife and a better friend.

Admittedly, some of my friends have taken it rather hard, mainly the ones that drink the most themselves. I'm still often asked when I'm going to 'fall off the waggon' and join in again.

But the truth is, I don't need to. Because I've discovered that parties can be just as much fun without the booze - more so, because you can remember them. 

A bad party is still a bad party, drunk or sober, and spending hours at a party which is only about drinking when you don't drink is a little boring. But the result of that is that I've become way more inventive about the ways in which I socialise.

I meet friends for long, rambling walks with dogs. I go to the theatre and concerts. I've bought back party games to dinner and lunch parties, and involve the children as well. I do galleries and exhibitions, trips and outings.

I've discovered that socialising is about shared experiences, varied experiences, not just getting pissed together, and that's deepened and strengthened my relationships as well as making life much richer and more interesting.

Plus, I've got more money to spend on all that stuff, now I'm not spending it all on expensive vino.

So if you're thinking about quitting booze, or you've recently quit and you're still scared that it's going to completely change your life...

....it will. It will change everything. But for the better.

If you'd like to find out more, you can read my book - The Sober Diaries. Click here to go to my Amazon Page if you are in the UK, here if you're in the USA, here if you're in Australia. You can read the first three chapters for free by using the 'look inside' feature!

Love to you all,

SM x

Alcohol and ABBA

Back in 1980, when I was 11 years old, I was obsessed with ABBA.

I had posters of them all over my bedroom, in their thigh high boots and American tan tights (the girls), open necked shirts and facial hair (boys).

I knew all the words to every single one of their songs, and would spend hours carefully lowering the stylus onto the vinyl records (remember those days?) and singing along, using my hairbrush as a make-believe microphone.

(I promise you, this post does come back to the subject of my blog eventually!)

I even wrote to Jim'll Fix It (decades before we knew the truth about Jimmy Saville) to beg and plead to meet them.

Then, one day, I was sitting in a German class. I was at the British School in Brussels at the time. A teacher came in and said "I have a letter for Clare Pooley's parents."

I was terrified. Why had I been picked out for special treatment? What had I done?

I wracked my brains trying to think of some past misdemeanour that had finally caught up with me.

I did think about steaming open the letter. Or quietly shredding it. Instead, I manned up and gave it to my Mum.

As she read it her eyebrows did that OMG thing (decades before OMG became a thing). She read it out loud, slowly. It said something like:

Dear Mr and Mrs Pooley,

The popular music group, ABBA, are doing a worldwide tour of their Voulez Vous album and are playing here, in Brussels. They are looking for a small group of English speaking children to accompany them in the chorus of one of their latest songs: I Have a Dream.

Your daughter, Clare, has been selected to form part of the group.

CAN YOU IMAGINE!?!?

All my wildest dreams had come true.

And I sang, on stage, in front of eighty thousand people. And I held the microphone in my sweaty hand. And I was patted on the head by Agnetha. And I got all their autographs. And they gave us so much free chocolate and sweets that I was nearly sick.

It was the most exciting night EVER.

So, I've always had a super soft spot for ABBA. Which is why (and here's where it gets relevant - thank you for bearing with me if you are still reading) I was thrilled when Benny Andersson was featured in the Times Magazine 'What I've Learnt' column.

And guess what? Now I love him even more, because he said, as part of his life lessons:

Stopping drinking was the best decision I've ever taken.

He carries on: It was a problem, absolutely. So 15 years ago I thought, I have to give this up. I wouldn't be here now if I hadn't. I triggered a lot of my friends to quit too and they are equally happy.

So hurrah for Benny! Hurrah for ABBA! And hurrah for all of you!

New of the SoberMummy Facebook page: a video inspired by you on 'the best things about being sober', the world's sexiest teetotal men, and - going up this evening - comedian Tim Minchin's hilarious and inspiring 9 lessons on life.

(To go to the SoberMummy Facebook page click here. 'Like' page to stay updated).

Love SM x

Will I Lose all my Friends?

This is the question that haunted me when I first quit drinking. In fact, I posted with this same title back on day 13. (To read that post click here).

And the truth is that I didn't lose any friends, in that no-one called me up to say Good God, you are SO BORING that I never want to see you again. (I really had expected that to happen).

What has happened, though, is that there are some friends who contact me a lot less. Needless to say, generally the ones who can't contemplate the idea of a night out without getting totally hammered, and don't want a sober person there pouring rain on their parade.

I'm not angry about this. I get it. I would have done the same, back in the day. I would have justified this to myself as being 'because they're no fun any more', when actually I was just worried that it would shine a light on my own out of control drinking.

This slight negative is, however, totally drowned out by the positive, which is that I have made lots of new friends. 

I hadn't made many new friends for years. It felt like too much effort. I was also somewhat aware that my old muckers would be more forgiving of any wayward antics than brand new, shiny friends.

But now I have a much wider social circle, including several women who hardly ever (or never) drink, the ones I would have written off in the past as being 'not my type.'

Then yesterday the lovely people at Go Sober for October sent me these fascinating statistics from a survey by Macmillan Cancer Support.

7 MILLION BRITS DITCH THEIR FRIENDS FOR DRINKING TOO MUCH

Apparently, 13% of adults (6.7 million people) have stopped going for a drink with at least one friend because they believe they drink too much.

And a Go Sober survey found that one quarter of UK adults avoid drinking with certain friends because of the way they behave after a tipple. 54% say their friend gets too aggressive, and 47% say they get too loud.

This is all driving a trend towards 'soberlising' - socialising without the booze - which is particularly popular amongst the young.

So, don't fret about losing your friends when you STOP drinking, worry about losing them if you CARRY ON!

And if you need some fabulous help and encouragement, then join my friends over at Go Sober for October.

(You'll also be raising money for Macmillan Cancer Support who were a huge help to me through the whole breast cancer thingy).

In other news, are any of you called Nigel? Apparently NOT ONE baby was named Nigel last year in the UK. This makes me sad, as my first ever snog was a Nigel. On a school trip, aged eleven. Just saying.

Love to you all,

SM (Clare)