Back at Day One

Well, I went through the early days of alcohol withdrawal, into the pink cloud, and over the obstacle course (see my post on Obstacle Course).

Eventually I ended up in the promised land of happy sobriety.

Then - BAM - one cancer diagnosis, and it feels just like being back at Day One.

In the early days of not drinking I had a constant voice in my head - I called her the Wine Witch (see The Wine Witch) - banging on and on about all the reasons why I should drink. Now she's been replaced by the Voice of Doom which won't stop telling me I'm going to die.

Back then I was scared and apprehensive. I had no idea what was coming up, or whether I could cope. Ditto times one hundred.

I couldn't picture ever having fun, or feeling 'normal' again. Again, ditto.

And, funnily enough, the AA principles seem to be terribly relevant:

Admit you are powerless - oh yeah, baby.

Turn your will over to a Higher Power - in this case the breast consultant.

Have faith that all will be well - I'm trying, I really am.

Take one day at a time - each day is horribly long, with endless diagnostic tests, and waiting for results.

I'm sure that once all the tests are finished and I've had my op (in about a week's time), I'll be able to start moving forward. But, in the meantime, it's hell.

We told the kids today. Must have done a good job, because they seem perfectly relaxed about it all.

What I keep thinking is that frigging dolphin lied to me! (see my post: Let me not die while I'm still alive)

(Hope I didn't alarm you with the post title. Still not drinking.)

Love SM x