Making it Happen

I've had a number of e-mails recently from people who gave up drinking at the beginning of January, are now at around day 60 and are suddenly finding it really hard.

If this is you, then you are not alone.

The early part of sobriety is often referred to as 'the pink cloud.' Although you might be scared, you're excited too. It's all a bit of an adventure. And in January, it feels like everyone is on the same sober bus as you.

But, by day 60, all the novelty has worn off, the pink cloud has disappeared, all your Dry January friends are back on the booze and making up for lost time, and you haven't yet got to the point where being sober begins to get really easy and all the benefits start to kick in.

At this point, it's difficult to remember why you're doing all this anyway. You've started to forget why the drinking days were so bad. You're beginning to think that it's really not worth all this angst. You're bored with it all.

So, if that's you, or even if it's not you, then here is a great trick for staying positive, motivated and making it happen:

MAKE A VISION BOARD

Mr SM thinks all this stuff is a bit 'woo woo', but I'm telling you, it works.

Find a simple cork board and drawing pins, or just a piece of card and some glue, and cut out pictures from magazines or from the internet that show the future as you want it to be.

How do you want to feel? How do you want to look? What do you want to achieve? What do you want to buy with all the booze money you're saving?

Put the board somewhere where you'll see it every day.

Now, if you've read The Secret, or anything about the power of attraction (also referred to as the power of intention), you might believe that visualising the future as you want it to be actually makes it happen. 

Even if you don't believe in that sort of stuff, just having that board there as a reminder of why you are doing all of this is a really, really helpful tool. It keeps you positive and motivated when times get hard.

In case you're rolling your eyes at this point, thinking that this is all total mumbo-jumbo, I'll tell you a few stories about people you may have heard of who really believe in it....

Back in 2008, Oprah Winfrey revealed that she uses a vision board to 'visualise her goals and harness the power of intention.'

A New York radio station asked Oprah what was on her board.

Oprah said that she'd been at a rally, chatting with Michelle Obama (as you do), and Michelle said to her 'I want you to leave here and envision Barack Obama taking the oath of office.' So Oprah created her first vision board, putting a picture of Obama on it, and a picture of the dress she wanted to wear to the inauguration.

And you know what happened next....

In The Secret, John Assaraf talks about how, back in 1995, he made a vision board which he put up in his office and would look at every day.

John then moved three times, ending up in California.

John opened the packing box containing his old vision boards that had been packed away for five years.

On one board was a picture of a house that he had cut out from Dream Homes magazine. It was the very house he was sitting in. Not just a house similar to the one he'd bought, the same actual house. 

Jim Carrey has talked a lot about the power of intention. Jim says he wrote himself a cheque, when he was trying to break into Hollywood, and he put it in his wallet. A couple of years later, he was signed for his first major movie, and the date and the amount on the cheque he received matched the one he'd written himself exactly.

When I started reading about the power of vision boards, about three years ago, I made my own. It sits by my bed, and my children call it 'Mummy's wish board.'

(When I'm not looking they stick things of their own on there, which is why there's currently a yellow Ferrari in the top right hand corner).

And you know what? At least half the things on my vision board have happened already. (I'm still waiting for the trip to New York and the invitation to meet Oprah).

One of the main images on my board was me at my book launch (well before I'd actually started writing the book), surrounded by my proud looking family and friends. I had to pinch myself hard two months ago, when I realised that I was actually there. In my happy place.

(If you'd like to see the pictures of the book launch, check out my Instagram page).

So make a board, and make your dreams come true!

If you need more motivation to keep on going, then read my book: The Sober Diaries. You can read the first few chapters for free by clicking here and choosing the 'look inside' feature. If you live in the USA, then click here.)

Love to you all,

SM x

P.S. Positive Possum is from the Instagram page of @harri_rose_

Manifestation

Apparently 'manifestation' is the latest wellbeing fad. It's the new 'gratitude', which was the new 'mindfulness.'

Fans of manifestation include Gwyneth Paltrow (obviously), and Oprah Winfrey.

But, it's not a new idea. 'Manifestation' has been practised, in one form or another, for centuries.

In our lifetime, the most popular exposition of the concept was the global bestselling book - The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.

More recently, and less successfully, Noel Edmonds repackaged the same thought as 'Cosmic Ordering.'

The basic premise behind all of these concepts is exactly the same: If you really, really want something, all you have to do is visualise it.

Or, to quote The Secret: If you see it in your mind, you're going to hold it your hand.

Now, I'm a Pisces, and I'm quite open to all of this sort of stuff (especially so since I got sober, and had time and space to think), so I finally got around to buying The Secret.

(By the way, it's not a very well kept Secret. It's on Amazon).

There's a lovely, simple (naïve?) thought behind the book.

It's that since everything in the universe is comprised of the same tiny atomic particles we are all connected, and our thoughts act as a kind of magnet (bear with me).

The universe is, apparently, ruled by the Law of Attraction - like attracts like. So, if you think happy thoughts, happy things will be attracted to you, and if you think bad things, bad things happen.

Comprende?

I confess I was a little sceptical.

But then I read that all you needed to do to get rich was to imagine yourself already wealthy. Ah ha! The solution to all my problems! What's not to like?

So I gave it a really good go. I followed all the advice. I thought about money - a lot. A lot of money. I acted like I was rich, spending money I didn't have (yes, that really is one of the recommendations!).

I even bought a lottery ticket and entered those competitions on the telly where you text a number to win a brand new Range Rover and wads of cash.

Then, as suggested, I waited for the money to flow in.

AND YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT?!?!

....nothing. Not a penny. Not even a magic bean.

I read through the book further and got to the section on health. They told the story of someone diagnosed with cancer who 'thought themselves well' and got well. The cancer, as if by magic, disappeared.

At this stage I started to get angry. Having just had my life saved (I hope) by surgery, radiotherapy and hormone therapy, I do think that anyone encouraging very sick people to believe that they can heal themselves through positive thinking is bordering on criminal.

However, the reason all these theories have had traction over the years is that there is something in it.

We are very often scuppered by our subconscious. However much we try to achieve something, or be someone, if our subconscious is not playing ball we will not succeed.

Also, our success is partly predicated by how other people see us. If people believe we are achievers - in whatever field - we are more likely to become so.

And that's how The Secret, and Manifestation, and Cosmic Ordering work (I believe).

If you imagine yourself being something, really, properly imagine it, then your subconscious will play ball, and the people surrounding you will help it to happen. A simple example: if you believe that you are sexy, men are more likely to fancy you.

(For more on visualisation and how it works, see my post: I am Khaleesi!)

This is really relevant to all of us, because I constantly get mails, and read blogs from people saying 'I really think I might be able to do it this time.' And I know that they're going to find it tough going. Not because they don't really want to succeed, but because you can tell by their language that they don't really, really believe that it's possible.

The way to think isn't 'perhaps I can do it, even though it's going to be hard and I'm going to be miserable,' it's this:

I have done it! I am, from this day forward, A NON DRINKER! Yippee! Hurrah! Clever me. My new life starts HERE. I know it'll take my body a little while to get used to the idea, and I know the Wine Witch'll try to throw me off course, but I'm READY for all of that.

You have to keep saying that to yourself until you really, really believe it. (And, more importantly, your subconscious gets with the programme and starts to believe it too).

When you visualise the future DO NOT picture yourself as a sad and miserable non drinker, picture a happy, healthy, sober you.

Here's a good trick. Take some pictures of your favourite sober people and stick them on your fridge. Bradley Cooper? Robert Downey Junior? Jessie J? Anna Wintour even?

Then add a photo of you from the days before you got bit in the butt by the booze. Find a picture where you're healthy, smiling, energised - doesn't matter if you were only five years old at the time - and stick it up there with the other happy, sober people.

Then, when the Wine Witch tells you you'd be happier having a drink say 'No, no, no! I am a HAPPY NON DRINKER, just like all these other happy non-drinkers you see here on my fridge door. So back off, b***h, and go bother someone who wants to listen.'

And that, my friends, is manifestation. If you really, truly believe it will happen, it will happen.

Love SM x

Gratitude

It's not happy people who are grateful, it's grateful people who are happy.

I found that the single most difficult thing about quitting the booze was dealing with stress and anxiety.

For years, or decades even, we have reached for a glass of our favourite tipple whenever the going got tough, 'to take the edge off.'

For me, this became such an ingrained habit that I'd automatically anaesthetise even the smallest stresses. (Uh oh, the telephone's ringing, better have a glass of vino).

So, when we quit, dealing with all of that day to day stuff, raw, is a bit of a shock.

That's why, whenever I attempted Dry January, I'd generally choose a start date of January 5th. Firstly, it knocked a few days of the month, and secondly because the beginning of January can be a bit stressful.

Yesterday was a case in point.

I had to get everything packed up and cleaned ready to move the family back home from skiing in the Swiss Alps to London, involving one taxi, one train, one plane and one car journey.

We were due to get home 10pm, with kids starting school 8.30am the next day (aarrrgghhh!).

Added to which, I knew that on my return I'd be back to earth with a huge bump, dealing with the flood in our cellar, the two pounds I've gained over Christmas, the annual tax return, and the biggie.

'The biggie' is the fact that over the last week I've managed really successfully to forget about the whole cancer thing. I've hardly thought about it, after two months of thinking about little else.

But now I have to get back to the reality of check ups and starting a ten year course of Tamoxifen.

In the old days I would have drunk my way through a day like yesterday. Not getting drunk (it took quite a lot to get me drunk by that stage), but providing a constant blur to all the stress.

A glass or two while packing, one at the airport, one on the plane (more if I could brave the disapproval of the air hostess), and the best part of a bottle on returning home.

Not now.

So I'm always looking for new ways of relieving stress. Usually I'd do a bit of 'time out.' A hot bath, a good book, a slice of cake. No good, however, if you have to travel hundreds of miles.

Well, apparently GRATITUDE is the new Mindfulness. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Pierce Brosnan, Barack Obama, and many more, swear by it.

Oprah insists that the 'gratitude diary' she's been keeping for the last twenty years is the most important thing she has done in her life.

Twitter is suddenly littered with #gratitude (accompanied by sick making pictures of minor celebrities doing improbable yoga poses in jaw dropping locations).

There's science behind it too.

Psychologists have shown that gratitude is linked to better sleep, less anxiety and depression, sounder relationships and higher long-term satisfaction with life.

It even makes us healthier, and Janice Kaplan, author of 'The Gratitude Diaries' swears that being grateful for our food can make us thinner.

The bestselling self-help book The Secret takes the concept of gratitude even further, claiming:

Gratitude is a powerful process for shifting your energy and bringing more of what you want into your life. Be grateful for what you already have and you will attract more good things.

What's not to like?

So I gave it go. I took my list of all the things that were stressing me out, and turned it on it's head.

Instead of fretting about the journey, I focused on what a great holiday we'd had.

Kids back to school equals more free time - yay!

Thank goodness we'd found the mains pipe leak in our cellar before we went away and were able to turn the water off.

A two pound weight gain is nothing compared to the eight pounds I'd have gained over a boozy Christmas.

Well done me earning (just) enough cash last year to qualify for a tax return.

And, the biggie: Thank you, thank you Universe, for the fact that I'm currently (as far as they can tell) cancer free.

And you know what? IT WORKS!

I went from dreading the day to feeling positively buoyant.

So, next time you hit a bump in the road and it makes you really, really want a drink, remember this one:

There are people out there who would love to have your bad days...

.....and have a hot chocolate instead. Or an AF beer.

(I do have to confess that I did need a crate of Becks Blue by the time I got home, despite all the Gratitude stuff).

Love to you all, and Thank you!

SM x