Wednesday 2 November 2016

Angels

The internet has been responsible for some terrible things; grooming, trolling, cyber bullying and those horribly irritating gaming videos on YouTube that the children are obsessed by, but it also has the miraculous ability to bring together people who would never normally have met, but who go on to change each other's lives.

Just over a year ago I received an e-mail from a lady called Elizabeth. She wrote this:

....I'm drinking a bottle of 12.5% red wine a night and would love to be one of those 'normal' one glass with dinner people, but I'm an all or nothing girl. When I smoked, I smoked 30 a day. Now I haven't touched a cigarette for 11 years but I have another crutch in red wine. I will stop one day and I read your blog every day. So please don't stop blogging because one day will be day one of never again....

I wrote back to Elizabeth, telling her that she sounded exactly like me, and that she'd never regret quitting once she decided that the time was right.

Then, just ten days later, I found The Lump in my left boob. In a bid to try to calm my terror, I wrote about it (see my post: I Need Help). That night I was lying in bed, unable to sleep and I found this e-mail from Elizabeth:

...I have just read today's blog and I really feel for you. I know exactly what you're going through. I found a lump when I was 42 (16 years ago) and it turned out to be cancer....

....what I can tell you is that the waiting is far worse than anything you have to come. The not knowing, the terrifying scenarios that play in your head every single second of the day far out-terrify the outcome...

....I am just one of so very many people thinking of you because you have done so much for so many. if anyone deserves good luck it is you.

I remembered those words over the next few weeks and, you know what? She was absolutely right: the waiting is always the worst.

When it turned out that I wasn't one of the lucky ones, Elizabeth mailed me again, telling me her story in detail, reassuring me that it would all be okay, and ending with these lines: Keep dreaming your dreams because there is a future for you and your lovely family and this is just a blip in that wonderful future.

When I posted from the depths of despair I found a message saying I don't know what to say, because whatever I say won't help while you are in this horrible fog of doubt. All I can tell you is the truth. You are going to be fine. I know this because (a) I've been there and (b) I'm a nurse :-)

Once or twice over those initial weeks I found myself on cancer sites and forums. Within minutes I'd be convinced I was going to die. So I stopped Googling. Instead, almost every day, I'd read one of Elizabeth's wonderful mails. It felt like she was holding my hand across the interweb.

Then, on 30th October last year I said farewell to a chunk of my left boob, and Elizabeth sent me this:

...we find the people we are meant to find, and, as a result, come Friday when you lose a bit of boob I'm going to give up my wine habit....It seems like as good a day as any to rid myself of a bad habit while you rid yourself of bad cells.

Elizabeth and I have mailed each other regularly over the last year, and then a couple of days ago this dropped into my inbox:

I can't believe that it is one year tomorrow that both our lives changed. Had I not pledged to quit drinking on the day of your surgery, I may have slid off the wagon in those early days, but you had been so supportive I couldn't even contemplate failure...

I replied that the support I had given Elizabeth was nothing compared to what she did for me.

The truth is that angels come in all forms, and some of them are wifi enabled and have addiction issues :-)

CONGRATULATIONS, Elizabeth my friend, on one year sober. You are my angel.

Tomorrow I have my check up at the cancer clinic. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. (Unless you're a surgeon on duty - that would be dangerous).

I'm going with a lovely friend (another angel who has dropped everything so that she can hold my hand) and have booked a table for lunch at the ferociously trendy Chiltern Firehouse afterwards.

If I'm going down, I might as well go down in flames....

SM x

33 comments:

  1. How wonderful that you have both found this friendship and support when you needed it. Coming up to my 8 month anniversary here !

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  2. How wonderful that you have both found this friendship and support when you needed it. Coming up to my 8 month anniversary here !

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    1. Huge congrats Wildcats! You're definitely in the home straight now! Xxx

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    2. Wildcats...I am celebrating 8 months sober on 11/6! And SM..I just had my 12 year cancer diagnosis date on 10/8 (I don't consider myself cancer free until the treatments were finished)! While there are always nerves when you go for those checkups, it does get easier...with time! Good luck tomorrow! xo And I would be remiss if I did not say "Congratulations" to Elizabeth! So happy you are sober free and so happy you and SM found each other!!! co

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  3. Wishing you well tomorrow- thank you for sharing and a big congratulations to your angel on one year. <3

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  4. Good Luck SM - and speaking on behalf no doubt of many more - thank you for being my angel. I had struggled with moderation attempts for more than ten years - the last four with an online group - and something (still not sure what - maybe it's the fact that I'm an Anglophile) - about your blog and honesty just resonated with me. Somewhat pessimistically I decided to try abs long term - and now I'll hit one year next month. So thanks for sharing yourself, your doubts, your thoughts, and your journey with us. It's brought much inspiration and motivation to myself and others. E

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    1. Can't believe it's been nearly a year Eeyore! I shall have to send you a pot for putting things in to celebrate! Thanks for being such an awesome member of the gang. We love you ❤️

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  5. Good luck for tomorrow SM. How lovely that you and Elizabeth found one another, it is a wonderful thing that your cyber paths crossed and you have been able to give one another strength and support.

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  6. Thinking of you SM. You are such an inspiration to me and many others. I'll be crossing my fingers. Lots of love, Jackie xxx

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    1. Thanks, Jackie, and huge congrats on the book! Can't wait to read it! Xxx

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  7. Good luck tomor. U do deserve it. What a nice friend to meet along the way xx

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  8. Oh good luck tomorrow! Loved this blog. What a lovely story and it's so true that sometimes paths are just meant to cross. I am so glad I found your blog just at the right time. Am a couple of months behind you and am looking forward to my second af christmas. How amazing that I don't even think about it all any more. Take care and enjoy your nice lunch x

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  9. Its refreshing to hear good news and to read about happy endings and honest purity of mankind especially in the era we live in. Good luck tomorrow and congrats on your angel's 1 year.

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  10. Yes, thanks SM, I seem to have discovered a new me and a refreshed love of stuff that doesn't come out of a wine bottle. Its 10 months for me today - Christmas doesn't worry me so should be OK for my next dry January!!! Be strong for tomorrow.

    Justonemore

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    1. Huge congrats on ten months, Justonemore! Awesome achievement!

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  11. Will be keeping everything crossed for you tomorrow SM xx

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  12. Goodness - every single one of us out here in interweb land will be thinking of you and wishing you all the luck there is for tomorrow. Your blog has, without doubt, been a major, MAJOR factor, in my now 39 days without a drink. Very, very good luck for tomorrow.

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  13. Lovely story. It's amazing how we get sent to person we need at the moment we need it. Congratulations Elizabeth on one year! SM,good luck tomorrow and be careful, I know for me the sense of relief after going through something stressful can be a big trigger.

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  14. Wishing you all the very best for tomorrow, SM, very glad you have a friend going with you, and a plan for afterwards. Strength and love to you. Nana xx

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  15. Thinking of you and wishing you well. This story is a shining example of the incredible power of support as a two way street.

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  16. Good luck today lovely SM! I'll have all my fingers and toes crossed for you xxx

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  17. Good luck today! And have a fab lunch! I firmly believe in angels and I imagine we are all grateful to Elizabeth for helping you through such a tough time. Congratulations to her on one full year off the vino.

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  18. Great post, hope the appointment goes/went well. Thinking of you!

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  19. SM, lot of people out here worrying about you tonight. And wanting to know what you had for lunch!!

    Justonemore

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  20. Will be thinking of you and sending love xxx

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  21. Thank you all so much for your comments! ALL CLEAR!!!! Feeling fat and happy tonight 😊❤️👍

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  22. That's the best news! So pleased for you SM x

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  23. YAY!! That is fabulous news congratulations SM

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  24. Yay for you on the all clear but also what a lovely friendship to have gained out of both of your troubles. It is nice to read about the cyber support instead of the cyber bullying. Wishing you and Elizabeth many glorious years ahead.

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