Thursday, 3 September 2015

Six Months Sober!

Last night I was reading Alice in Wonderland to #3.

Looking back through the Looking Glass to six months ago, it struck me how much I felt like Alice.

Disappearing into a bottle of vino for a few decades is very much like falling down a rabbit hole.

 Like Alice, I'd picked up a bottle labelled 'Drink Me' and I'd got smaller and smaller.

As Alice gets increasingly tiny, she wonders where it will stop. Will it carry on until she becomes totally extinguished, like a candle? That worried me too!

When you drink, your world gets smaller. It revolves around the next drinking opportunity.  You stop growing, expanding, learning new things. You don't look ahead further than a few hours.

At one stage, Alice says to the white rabbit "How long is forever?" He replies "Sometimes, just one second."

It feels like that, sometimes, when you're waiting for wine o'clock, or when you first quit and you're trying to get through wine o'clock.

But when you stop drinking, slowly your horizons expand. You start looking outward instead of inward. You start planning ahead. You think about what you want to do with your life, not just where to get the next bottle from.

At the beginning, I counted in hours. Then days. Obsessively. I totally understood the maxim of one day at a time. If I looked any further ahead than one day I panicked. What? No more wine forever? Can't compute. Overload....

When I got to four months I stopped counting in days and switched to months. I now, honestly, have no idea what day I'm on.

In fact, I totally forgot yesterday to post on the fact that as of September 2nd 2015 I was SIX MONTHS SOBER. 

I forgot! Who'd have thought it? Curiouser and curiouser.

Now I realise that you use 'one day at a time' until you no longer need it. It's there to stop you worrying about forever (which, in the words of Prince is a very long time) until you can cope with it.

And now, my friends, I can.

Now, after six months, I can truly see myself never drinking again. It doesn't scare me. At all. It's liberating. Exciting. Miraculous.

I'm not, I hope, being smug, or over confident. I'm totally aware how easy it is to fall off the wagon and end up back at Day One. I read stories about people like me doing just that all the time.

I also know about the ups and downs. This time next week I could easily be a shivering wreck again.

But, the point is, right now I am no longer scared. Or miserable. Or feeling denied.

So, if you're at the beginning of this journey, then listen to the King from Alice in Wonderland:

"Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop."

And if you're reading this thinking OMG that SoberMummy is totally crazy, then take heed from the Cheshire Cat:

"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.

"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."

"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.

"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."

How true....

Love, to all my crazy, mad friends,

 SM x

28 comments:

  1. Congratulations on 6 months! Still one day at at time for me here. Annie x

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  2. well done on 6 months!!! am right behind you (well a couple of months) and continuing to appreciate advice on each next stage. i really feel like were all in this together and the support is amazing. onwards and upwards xxx

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  3. Well done on six months. Maybe Lewis Carrol was an alcoholic and these were subliminal messages?

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    1. Maybe! Alcoholism and drug abuse were rampant in the Victorian era! There's much evidence that he was a paedophile - in love with an 11 year old called, obviously, Alice...

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  4. I love you SM!
    Congratulations on the milestone which is definitely not a millstone! We are in the midst of Alice in our household as well and I marvel once again at the lunacy of it.
    I am still a newbie to all this AF business, a few weeks in but not counting in case that puts the kibosh on it, and this week I feel so much stronger, more hopeful and dare I say it, excited about the future! This optimism and outward gaze has been so absent from my life for so long that I'm dumbfounded. the scales have certainly fallen from the eyes.
    I want to include the world on my 'journey' (by the way SM you didn't warm about this risk of going sober- that one starts speaking like a reality tv weight loss contestant) and un press the pause button thereby preventing the same obit as yours.
    Thanks again sister!
    Off to go and and find my flamingo as the croquet lawn is beckoning!

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    1. Hope you had fun with the flamingo, Bubbles! You're so right about the reality TV speak! Now, go give it 110 percent, and really OWN that sobriety. xxx

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  5. well done on achieving so much and a fab blog.

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  6. This is an amazing post, I'm going to share it on my favorite message boards.
    Congratulations on the big 6!
    Kary

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    1. You already feel like a big sister to me Kary May. You're awesome. Thanks xxx

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    2. Love this! Thanks for sharing it Kary:-)

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  7. 6 months is awesome. And your attitude is infectious.
    Thank you for sharing your journey. It is helpful for everyone, no matter where they are on the path.

    It really is one day at a time!

    Anne

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  8. Well done SM. On soberising for 6 months and also for not noticing. How cool are you? xx

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  9. Well done SM. I was right when I thought you had forgotten yesterday, as I am just a couple of days behind you. How cool is that to forget it as well? That proves just how much you are healing and how normal, not drinking is becoming!
    You are a real inspiration x

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  10. Congratulations on 6 months! So reassuring too, for someone 3 months behind you, to see what a great place you are in mentally. X

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  11. Congrats SM! You rock! Keep up the good work. LNM x

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  12. Well done sm - 6 months where has the time gone ? So sorry I haven't commented for ages I have just been thoroughly enjoying the summer holidays and being free of the wine witch - I have still been checking in on your fantastic blog often and nodding in agreement with you and been right behind you every step of the way - I too have totally stopped tracking the time of being sober but I guess I'm a week away from 6 months too !!

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  13. Sorry pressed send before I finished the last comment !! Well done and thank you I am quite sure that if I hadn't stumbled across your blog 6 months ago I would still be sitting puffy faced and drinking feeling guilty each evening rather than enjoying this amazing zest for life that has returned and for that I can't say thank you enough x x

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    1. Nor I you, Kags. It's been such a help having you on the sobercoaster alongside me. You're amazing. I think of you, and the puppy, often xxx

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  14. Congratulations on six months!
    Still counting days and white knuckling through hours here. Thank you for showing what a bright light there can be at the end of this tunnel.

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    1. You go girl! You can do it. We're with you. Stay in touch, Linda. x

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  15. Congrats SM. You are my inspiration.xx

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  16. Congrats on 6 months! That is awesome! And you are amazing. A x

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  17. Congratulations!!!
    Keep going and never look back!
    xo
    Wendy

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  18. Huge congratulations. Now what?

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    1. The Book, obviously. You have a goldmine of material here. You should turn it into a narrative before you forget all the ups and downs. Then ad all your hindsight advice, maybe put it away, revisit and bring it up to date in another six months, and publish. Also, the YA novel. When you've written one it's clearly because you want to write.

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  19. Well done you! You fucking legend! You've helped more people than you think!

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    1. And to you, likewise mtts! You rock, Irish Mammy xx

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