Wednesday, 9 September 2015

Aarrgghh! I Fell off the Wagon!

Well, I didn't so much fall, as was pushed. In that it was entirely not my fault.

A few days ago, Mr SM had asked me to buy him some beers. His favourite brands were out of stock, so I'd picked up a few bottles of Becks.

Then, yesterday I cracked open a Becks Blue (AF beer), and poured it into a glass. I was cooking and watching Jamie Oliver on the telly, so was a bit distracted as I took a (large-ish) gulp.

Now, over the last few months I had convinced myself that Becks Blue is pretty much exactly the same as the real thing (only lovely and harmless, not totally evil). This, it transpires, is categorically NOT THE CASE.

I knew immediately that I had picked up the wrong beer.

I panicked.

Several thoughts ran simultaneously around my head, something like this:

Well, that's it. You've blown it now. This'll set you off on a complete bender. They'll be pulling you out of the gutter at 2am and sending you straight to A&E to have your stomach pumped.

As well as: OMG! Remember that whole furore at Soberistas about day counting? (See my post: It's All Kicking Off at Soberistas). Now you'll have to start back at Day One! After six sodding months!

And the wily old Wine Witch, who I'd managed to keep firmly in her box for some time, was back with a vengeance: hey, you don't know it's a real beer. You haven't actually checked the bottle yet! Why not drink it? After all, it wouldn't be your fault.....

I held the offending glass at arms length, took it to the kitchen sink and threw it away.

Just one sip and it really threw me. I felt anxious. Cross. Edgy. I had the worst night's sleep I've had in months (which can't possibly be due to just one sip of beer, but was a salutary reminder of 'the olden days').

Isn't it ironic that six months ago I'd panic if I didn't have two bottles of vino in the house at all times, and yet now drinking just one mouthful of beer can throw me into a tailspin? How things change...

Today I'm feeling better. It really was a teeny, tiny bit of alcohol. It can't have had any effect. It wasn't my fault, and there's no way I'm restarting the day counter.

And, in a way, it was a good thing. Because it's shown me that if I can panic that much about one mouthful of beer, then just think how hard I'd find it to forgive myself for a whole glass of wine.

There's no way I'm going there.

Love to you all, and be careful what you pick up....



  1. Totally a mistake SM. No way are you resetting your counter. Great that you are able to see it for what it is and maybe it's a good time it happened, it's shown you how much you really, really don't want to drink!

  2. If a moth flies into your mouth are you suddenly an insectivore? I really don't think you're drinking unless you're an active participant!

    1. Very true. That's like beating yourself up for eating some sherry trifle or xmas pudding that's been flambeed!

    2. Eew! At least the beer tasted better than moth! (Although not as good as sherry trifle....yum!) xx

  3. Hi SM,yep def put it down to a mistake and be proud that you didn't use it as an excuse to finish the bottle. As much as I love my Fecks (false Becks) after 135 sober days I've recently extended my non-alcoholic drinking range to non-alcoholic sparkling wine. Nice and chilled it can pass as a Cava so for a Saturday night treat I opened a bottle Not only did I drink an entire bottle, I had a small flash of resentment when my partner asked for a glass AND made up an excuse the next day so I could go to the supernarket and buy two more bottles! Behaving exactly as I used to with wine. This has made it very apparent to me how psychological the dependancy can be. Put it down to the wine witch's last desperate attempts to trick you! X x

  4. I agree. Not only was it unintentional, but you stopped immediately.

    Then the monkey mind starts its chatter.
    Don't let it throw you. Just say out loud. Stop. I am fine.

    My husbands therapist once said she hoped she has ruined drinking for him. I think that there is a lot to that. After 6 months in the sober sphere you have created some pretty strong anti drinking beliefs. That's all good.


  5. Aaargh I have nightmares about doing that! Well done throwing it away. Definitely does not count as drinking! Just dont tell the soberistas ;-) It did make me giggle a little... as did the responses! Hey at least we can laugh x

  6. Oh My Days! You had me worried then! Phew. x

  7. If you reset your counter I'm coming over there and slapping a hare-lip on you! (Old Southern saying). That's why I struggle with counting days, it has a purpose, it does, but it can be so demoralizing when you reset. I guess that's an incentive to not have to reset, but it also keeps people from coming forward, admitting they did wrong, and just getting on with it.

  8. Sm you had me totally freaked when I saw the heading !! Definitely does not discount all of those lovely sober days whatsoever the fact you reacted as you did shows you just how far you have come -

  9. I am with Kary May. You will get two slaps! No re-setting required. xx