Alcohol and Anxiety

Alcohol and anxiety are so closely entwined that it's difficult to know which comes first. Do we drink because we are anxious, or are we anxious because we drink?

In fact, both are true - one leading to another, creating a downward spiral, sucking us in like a spider down a plughole.

Alcohol gives your brain a dopamine hit, but, over time, it reduces the amount of dopamine it produces naturally to compensate, making you feel anxious and edgy whenever you're not drinking.

The good news is that when you quit drinking your brain will, over time, find its natural equilibrium and start producing dopamine again, all by itself. Woo hoo! Hello happy pink cloud.

The bad news is that in the early days of giving up you'll probably feel super anxious as your brain is missing all the dopamine you used to ply it with.

Added to which, you've been so used to self-medicating your anxiety with booze that you have absolutely no idea how to manage without it.

Well, here's an idea....

I was pottering around my kitchen a few days ago, with This Morning playing on the TV in the background.

I was stopped, dead in my tracks, half way through unloading the dishwasher, by Harry Judd - member of McFly and McBusted and winner of Strictly Come Dancing.

Initially, I have to confess, I wasn't even concentrating on what he was saying, I was just thinking OMG, he is just so gorgeous, and so charming, in an embarrassingly hormonal middle-aged mother sort of way.

Then I started paying attention. Harry was talking about how he had been crippled with terrible anxiety, and - as a result - had quit smoking weed and drinking.

He then discovered that the cure for his anxiety and OCD was exercise, leading him to write a book: Get Fit, Get Happy.

I bought the book.

Now I'm even more in love with him.

Harry writes honestly and engagingly about his issues, showing that anyone, however successful, talented and ripped (stop it, SM) can suffer from addiction and mental health issues.

Here's what Harry says about booze:

...I had been using alcohol to allow me to relax at gigs. I'd be hungover the next day, wake up feeling grumpy, have breakfast at midday, stagger to the tour bus and travel to the next venue. I would sometimes be pretty negative to be around and not as welcoming to the fans as I should have been. It wasn't until an hour before the next gig, when I would crack open the first beer of the day, that I would start feeling good about myself again. And so the cycle would continue.

Harry describes how drinking would lead to full on panic attacks and terrible anxiety. So, eventually, he quit. He says:

Kicking the booze was good for me in so many ways: it helped to stem my anxiety and it had a hugely beneficial effect on the way I was able to do my job....I was more positive around the fans and a happier person in general. My routine became healthier.

Hurrah for Harry!

Harry's book goes on to talk about why and how exercise is miracle cure for depression and anxiety, as well as being great for our physical health, obviously.

There are lots of exercises, categorised as 'beginner', 'intermediate' or 'advanced' which you can fit easily into your daily routine.

This certainly fits with my experience. I found running, walking the dog, yoga, swimming - any exercise really - invaluable in the early days of fighting off the wine witch.

I have to confess, I haven't yet done any of the exercises in Harry's book, but just looking at the (utterly gorgeous) pictures of him doing them has made me feel fitter, and happier. So there we go, job done.

If you'd like to see the interview with Harry on This Morning, it's on the SoberMummy Facebook page.

Also new on the Facebook page is a great Irish article about women's relationship with booze, and one of my favourite inspirational memes.

If you'd like to apparate onto my Facebook page, just like Harry Potter appearing in Diagon Alley, click here. If you 'like' the page it'll update you with new posts.

To read more about (and buy) Harry's book click here.

Love to you all,

SM x

10 things to do when you get sober

HUGE CONGRATS to RCW on 100 days! Awesome work RCW.

We're all getting there, baby step by baby step...

I love lists. So here's my top 10 things to do when you get sober. Please add your own ideas in the comments section....

1. Love yourself

Hell, at times it's hard and we need some treats. Plus we're saving buckets of cash. So get a new haircut. Get your nails done. A massage? Why not? And the key here is not to feel guilty. You're doing a great thing, and you really are worth it!

2. De-clutter

There's something about getting sober that makes us want to sort out the recesses of our houses as well as our minds and bodies. Clear out all those drawers and cupboards that we shoved everything away in when we were spending too much time drunk or hungover.

(Read more about de-cluttering and feng shui in my post: Clutter)

3. Love your space

Once you've de-cluttered you can start to really love your surroundings, to create a safe haven. Buy fresh flowers, frame all those old photos, dust off the scented candles.

Plus cleaning, painting walls and gardening are fabulous ways to banish the wine witch and practice mindfulness.

(See post on Monkey Brain and Mindfulness)

4. Get creative

Another great way of doing mindfulness. And lots of us seem to find that once we stop drinking our synapses start firing in all sorts of amazing ways.

We rediscover our ability to write, to paint, to dance. Write a diary, a blog or a book. Draw, sketch, sing, dance, knit, do origami, batik, needlepoint - whatever floats your boat.

5. Get physical

Many of us swear by yoga or running (both of which are on my list of things to do next). Try spinning, swimming, or kick boxing.

Exercise will not only help you lose the wine belly, but it's a great way of relieving anxiety and it boots your serotonin levels, just like alcohol used to.

Go wild: have lots of sober sex (I hesitated to write that in case Mr SM decides to read this and gets over-excited....)

6. Get outside

The great outdoors is another proven way to reduce stress and anxiety. Plus we have fewer 'triggers' when we're no-where near a bar or a fridge! Think about getting a puppy, or just borrow one. Dogs remind you how to appreciate the simple things in life, like a good, long ramble.

(see Dogs: A sober girls best friend)

7. Get with the kids

I spent hours with the kids wishing the time away, and not really concentrating on what they were doing. Now it's make up time. Take them swimming. Paint with them. Play Monopoly. Be really present, not just pretending to be.

8. Get healthy

Listen to what your body's telling you. Now it's not all confused with booze it will tell you when you need to sleep and when/how much you need to eat.

If you're craving certain foods (except sugar! Try to avoid that one!) it's probably something you need.

Avoid anything processed and go for good, clean nutrients. Buy a nutri-bullet (another one on my list) and get juicing. Your body deserves looking after, after all those years of abuse.

9. Listen

After years of self obsession and being stuck on 'transmit', try really listening to people. They can be fascinating - who knew? It gives parties a whole new purpose. Plus, people will like you more if you're genuinely interested in them.

10. Spread the love

We've been given a huge gift by the universe. A second chance. It's time to pass it on. Dole out free babysitting. Look after your neighbours. Rescue a stranger.

But, most of all, help other people following in your path. Pick up the fellow lushes and offer them a shoulder to lean on. That's good karma. It's good for them, and it's good for your soul.

Love to you all.

SM x

Dogs - a sober girl's best friend

Whilst it's great being on holiday in Switzerland (despite 2 days of total white out), I really miss my dog.

A number of people commenting on this blog have talked about how walking their dogs really helps them take their minds off drinking (or not drinking). It definitely works for me.

To start with, dogs get you out in the fresh air doing some exercise - and both outdoors and exercise seem to really help banish the wine witch. Plus, dog walking is one of the few regular activities I do which is not at all associated with wine. Even I never got so bad that I'd pack a hip flask for the dog walk!

On those days when you just want to hide under the duvet for ever, dogs make you get up and outside. And on the days when you hate yourself and assume everyone else does too, they prove you wrong.

For me, another huge benefit of the furry friend is that I usually arrange to meet a friend (plus dog) for my walks, and we spend an hour gossiping and drinking takeaway cappuccinos while the dogs chase each other around the park. Given that I'm avoiding parties as much as possible for the time being, this gives me a much needed social event.

Dogs are also a great reminder that we don't need artificial stimulants in order to love life. And now when my dog leaps onto my bed in the morning with a look of utter joy that it's a new day I know how he feels! Yay! It's morning!

It's not just me who believes in the power of pets. The Betty Ford Centre use canine therapy, and Hazleden use equine therapy. In fact, many studies have shown that 'interacting with pets can reduce stress and anxiety by reducing cortisol levels. Pets can also decrease your blood pressure, cholesterol levels and triglyceride levels' according to www.addictioncenter.com.

So, go hug your pet. Or, someone else's. Or get one.

But remember, dogs are for life, not just for recovery ;-)

As Flasheart used to cry in Blackadder, "Woof, Hurrah!"

Love SM x

Day 25 - Packing Up

Today is Packing Day. At 4am tomorrow Family SoberMummy depart for our annual ski holiday in the Swiss Alps. It sounds flashy, but since I gave up the lucrative career after #3's arrival we have done ski-ing 'on the cheap'.

Our ski holiday involves driving for 16 hours - through the channel tunnel, across the breadth of France and over a mountain range into Switzerland. It is always nerve wracking as we can never guarantee that the old banger is going to make it.

One year we broke down in France at lunch time (which the French take very seriously). We had to wait for hours until one of the local mechanics had finished his dejeuner before we could be towed away and repaired. Another year our licence plate fell off. We only realised when we tried to cross the border and were yelled at by the border police. Luckily, I have spent years doing arts and crafts with children and was able to make a temporary one out of cardboard and sticky backed plastic (thank you Blue Peter!). Plus, at least twice we've been caught in blizzards while crossing the mountains.

We stop at the last Hypermarche in France to buy all our food and drink as it's way cheaper than in the ski resorts, but after ten hours or so driving, the last thing you want to do is to drag 3 children round a supermarket! The final leg of the journey involves trying to fit snow chains on all the tyres in the dark (and often in a white out), to get up the final mountain to our (self-catering) apartment.

But then we wake up on Saturday morning and there will be icicles hanging from all the windows, and we'll look out onto the snowy alps and breathe in the cold, crisp air - and it'll all be worth it. Well, for the husband and #1, #2 and #3 it will. They will throw themselves down sheer rock faces shrieking with glee. Then they all wait at the bottom pointing up and laughing at me while I slowly edge down thinking "I have not got time for a broken leg" and "God, I need a drink".

Needless to day, this trip is usually fuelled by copious amounts of alcohol. There's the 'helping with the packing' bottle (the result of which is that, whilst all the children's stuff is remembered and neatly packed, I invariably forget something crucial of my own - like knickers), the 'thank god we've arrived' bottle, the 'we're on holiday and it's lunch time' bottle, the 'I made it down alive' bottle, etc etc. This time I'm going to have to have the bottle to do it all without the bottle.

On the upside, I will be away from all the usual triggers: my fridge, the wine rack in the hall, the wine shop, my drinking buddies and so on. Plus, I've found that the most effective way to beat cravings is being outdoors and exercise, and there's going to be loads of outdoors and exercise. And the beautiful Swiss Alps have to be the very best place to practice Mindfulness.

I notice that I have loads of readers in the UK and US, plus lots in places like Ireland, Finland, Belgium, Spain, France and the Netherlands. But only 2 page views from Switzerland - and I bet those were in error. I reckon the Swiss are just too sensible (and live in a place too beautiful) to end up as alcohol addicts. After all, Switzerland is where all the mad English aristocracy were sent to 'take the cure' in Victorian times - they got bored of all the fresh air and clinics so they tied planks to their feet and invented downhill skiing - I kid you not.

Given that we are doing budget holiday, our apartment has no wifi. I will try to post from a café or something while I'm away, as writing this blog and reading your comments has become rather an addiction in itself, but I'm not sure how easy it will be so do not worry if I go quiet for ten days. I may have fallen off a mountain, but I will not fall off the wagon. (repeat endlessly to self).

If you're new to this blog then "HELLO AND WELCOME!" and please do check out some of my previous posts while I'm away. Here are some ideas:

If you're looking for some good reasons for not drinking then have a look at: The wine belly, livers and mojos, sleep glorious sleep and why ex-drinkers rock.

If you want to know about the downsides of quitting look at: alcohol withdrawal symptoms, will I lose all my friends and fed up Friday.

If you're interested in my journey so far check out: Mummy was a secret drinker, the Maintenance drinker, secret drinker hits the high bottom, discovering mindfulness and Sundays - hair of the dog.

Love, and Happy Easter, to you all! SM x

Ex-lush goes spinning!

So, day four of sobriety, and I wake up thinking "Helloooo Morning!" (Mornings are so much better than evenings now, whereas the reverse is true when you are drinking, obviously).

The children think I'm crazy as I spend the whole of the school run telling them what a beautiful, sunny day it is. Then, in order not to dwell too much on the constant inner alcohol-obsessed dialogue, I decide to go to a spinning class! To put this in context, I am 46 years old and, thanks to thirty years of drinking too much, pretty out of shape.

So, there I am in a spinning class and, I kid you not, it's just like my old clubbing days! Same music, same lights, same hot DJ (fitness instructor) on a podium. The only difference is the stationery bikes. I'm surrounded by a bevvy of skinny, gorgeous twenty-somethings but I am not intimidated! I am thinking "You know nothing! I did the Summer of Love! I did the early nineties and ten thousand people standing in a field, dancing for 24 hours non stop. I did the Fridge, the Hacienda and Pasha back in the early days. I can do forty-five minutes of spinning!

And I did. And, you know, the endorphins were as good (well almost) as any of the mind altering substances back in the day. What's more, I didn't have to come out blinking into a bleak, grey dawn searching for a dodgy minicab to take me home.

Here's to an alcohol free life. Onwards and upwards!