Within weeks they're back to square one.
I've been there too, and yet - even now, after thirteen months of not drinking, I still get haunted by that false promise.
In fact, in some ways it gets harder as, with time, the bad memories fade, and you're only left with the rose tinted ones.
It goes like this: You're overreacting! You were never a 'proper alcoholic'. Now you've 'reset' your relationship with booze and you can drink 'normally'. You're aware now, you know more. You'll never let yourself get into that position again....
I find that what helps me the most when I start thinking like this, is to hear the stories of people who've listened to the wine witch and picked up a drink after a good, long sober stretch.
Because it's never pretty. There's never a happy ending.
Because it's never pretty. There's never a happy ending.
So, I'm hoping that any of you who've been there, done that, can comment below, so that all of us who need an extra boost once in a while can read those cautionary tales and find strength in them.
(If you're having problems commenting, then go to Blogger.com and set up a user profile. It's completely anonymous, and can be under any name you like. Then you can comment on any Blogger websites, and even set up your own blog).
To kick things off, here's mine:
My only other long sober stretch was about three years ago. I was getting increasingly troubled by my relationship with booze, and how it seemed to be dominating my life. I desperately wanted to cut down. So I read Jason Vale.
By the end of the book I'd completely changed my view of alcohol. I realised that cutting down wasn't going to work for me - it never had in the past - and that I really could go alcohol free.
So I quit. For nearly two months. I joined Soberistas.com, but that was really the extent of my involvement in the sober world.
Then I had a bad day. I drove for a solid nine hours to Scotland with three squabbling children and a cooped up terrier.
When I, finally, arrived, I thought I really deserved just one glass of wine. After all, I'd reset my relationship with booze now. I knew how dangerous it was. I'd be cautious. Aware.
Within an hour or two I'd drunk the whole bottle! And after two months sober the after effects were ghastly.
Still, I wasn't worried. It was a good lesson. And, indeed, I didn't drink again for a whole week. When I had two glasses. See! Moderation in action!
Suffice to say, that within a month I was back to drinking just as much as before. And the amount kept creeping up, millilitre by millilitre.
It took two whole years for me to find the resolve to quit again. And this time it was harder. Much harder.
It took two whole years for me to find the resolve to quit again. And this time it was harder. Much harder.
So, I know that it's just not worth it. I know that I'd only end up back at the beginning, and that from there the trajectory is in one direction: down.
And yet, sometimes I still hear that voice saying after more than a year you really must have cracked it....
Which is why I'm asking you to share your stories too. Because stories really do have the power to change the world.
Love SM x
