I am blessed with two wonderful parents.
My childhood was, in my memory, a happy melange of butterscotch-flavoured Angel Delight, Space Hoppers, Blue Peter and Cindy dolls.
Throughout it all my parents have been endlessly patient, supportive and accepting.
So I know I really shouldn't worry about being honest with them about my past misdemeanours.
When I told my parents I'd quit drinking they were proud of me, if a little bemused.
When I said I'd landed a publishing contract for a book (The Sober Diaries) telling the story of the year I ditched the booze (and got breast cancer), they were thrilled for me.
But they haven't yet read it.
And because I love my parents so much, I only ever want them to think the best of me. They are the two people in the whole world who I least want to see my dark side.
But it has to happen at some point. So, today, first thing, before I had the chance to talk myself out of it, I sent this e-mail to my publisher:
Dear Charlotte
I've been putting this off for a while, as I find the prospect terrifying, but I think the time really has come for my ever-patient, supportive and sainted parents (copied above) to read the book. I'm hoping that they won't disown me.
I'd be hugely grateful if you could send two proof copies (so they can read it simultaneously, rather than one reading while the other yells out "she said WHAT?!?") direct to them.
Many thanks,
Clare
I told Mr SM what I'd done.
"Really?" He said. "I thought you were planning to keep your head down and hope they never read it!"
"No," I replied, "that's my strategy with your parents. I'll never get away with that with mine."
And now I know I'm going to spend the next few days in a state of abject terror.
It takes me right back to the days I spent, aged sixteen, lying in wait for the postman, hoping to intercept the letter from my headmistress telling my parents I'd been caught smoking behind the squash court.
"Really?" He said. "I thought you were planning to keep your head down and hope they never read it!"
"No," I replied, "that's my strategy with your parents. I'll never get away with that with mine."
And now I know I'm going to spend the next few days in a state of abject terror.
It takes me right back to the days I spent, aged sixteen, lying in wait for the postman, hoping to intercept the letter from my headmistress telling my parents I'd been caught smoking behind the squash court.
Aarrrgggghhhh.
Love to you all,
SM x