He believes there are two ways to end a marriage. "You can come at it very aggressively and blame and blame. Or you can put yourself in the garage, so to speak. Take yourself apart and clean off the bits. Reassemble."
Blimey. Doesn't that sound familiar?
So, it turns out that consciously uncoupling from Gwynnie is much like consciously uncoupling from Sauvignon Blanc.
Chris goes on to say that his inspiration was a poem by the 13th century Persian poet - Rumi. And, in fact, it's a poem used by Mindfulness experts and recovery centres round the world: The Guest House.
Here it is:
The Guest House - Rumi
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honourably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
Chris's summary of Rumi's lyrical poetry is this: "It says that even when you're unhappy, it's good for you."
It is - I think - hugely relevant for addicts, because we used to meet each guest at the door with a large glass of vino.
"Hello anxiety! Have a bevvy! Disappointment! You look like you could do with a beer!" Any unwanted visitor was quickly drowned out and ignored.
"Hello anxiety! Have a bevvy! Disappointment! You look like you could do with a beer!" Any unwanted visitor was quickly drowned out and ignored.
But, as Rumi tells us, those visitors are there for a reason. We need to listen to them, and learn from them. Only then can we grow wise and strong and be good teachers for our children.
So, the next time someone unwelcome comes knocking on your guest house door, do not pour that drink! Meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. They are a guide from beyond.
Have a good, Good Friday!
Love SM x
