Thursday 18 January 2018

Be Your Own Best Friend



I took this photo two days ago.

I was in a cafe with my friend, Harriet, waiting for the results of my blood tests.

Those of you who know my story will be aware that I am a breast cancer survivor. As a result, I have regular check ups at the cancer clinic to make sure that there aren't any pesky cancer cells rampaging around my body.

Currently, breast cancer that spreads beyond the breast and lymph nodes (secondary breast cancer), is incurable. So waiting for those test results is a bit.... nerve wracking. To say the least.

So Harriet came with me to hold my hand. And I took this photo to remind myself of the true value of a great friend.

You see, Harriet is a busy lady. She runs a business from home. Her incredible Spacemasks are so popular that the Royal Mail come to her house to collect her mountains of boxes, packaged up by herself, often with hand written note.

But Harriet wasn't too busy to take a whole morning out to sit in a hospital waiting room with me. And I wasn't exactly sparkly company.

True friends, I realised, will always put you first when you're having a tough time.

They don't expect you to be perfect. They applaud your strengths and forgive your weaknesses, which they know are what makes you human.

A real friend doesn't expect you to always be on best form. They know that sometimes you just need to sit quietly and have a hug.

And this got me thinking. Why is it that we are unable to treat ourselves the way we'd like our friends to treat us?

So, please, if you are having a tough time - whether you're giving up the booze or another addiction, going through a divorce, coping with illness, or just dealing with the lemons that life sometimes chucks at us, then treat yourself like your own best friend.

Make time to look after yourself. Give yourself a hug, by taking some time out to relax, buying yourself flowers, booking yourself a massage. You deserve it.

And stop judging yourself! We often focus on our faults and ignore our strengths. See yourself the way your best friend does - flawed, yes, but awesome.

And you know what the amazing thing is? If you start to really believe that you are worthy of friendship, you attract even more friends, and you'll have even more hands to hold.

And if you have a friend who's going through a hard time, please be like Harriet.

When I was drinking (a lot), I spent an awful lot of time thinking about myself. Usually negatively.

Now I have so much more time and energy that I can properly focus on other people, and I'm a much better friend. Still not perfect, but better.

And, by the way, the blood tests were all clear! Whoop whoop!

You can read my story, of quitting the booze (and getting breast cancer) in The Sober Diaries. Click here to go to my Amazon page. You can read the first few chapters for free using the 'look inside' feature.

There's loads more information and inspiration on the SoberMummy Facebook page here, and you can now follow me on Instagram at @clare_pooley

Love to you all,

SM x



29 comments:

  1. So glad to hear your results are clear. Your freind sounds pretty special. X

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  2. So very happy to hear your results were clear! And here’s to Harriet - there is nothing like someone being there to hold your hand when you truly need it. xx

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  3. I teared up a bit reading this. Because even tho I KNOW everything you say is so (about how we do treat our own selves and how we should), I think most of us still fail to keep it in our daily practice. Instead, we hear the negative, fault-finding voice inside, too often ragging at us....in ways that we would never think to treat a friend. This reminder would be great daily reading!

    I,m blessed to have some good, there-for-me friends, one of life's most important necessaries. And I'm glad that you are, too.

    And sooo glad - balloons, cheers and fireworks - for your good bloodwork results! Northwoman

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  4. So pleased your results are clear! True friends are so hard to find. Glad you have lovely support. Xxx

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  5. So pleased to hear your results were clear - what fantastic news. And thank you for your latest blog - here's to fabulous friends, giving ourselves a pat on the back and definitely rewarding ourselves a treat or two!! X

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  6. TryingtobeSoberQueen18 January 2018 at 13:47

    So pleased to hear this great news. I saw you on This Morning and purchased your book, I'm on day 93 declutterng, I'm loving it. You are such an inspiration. Loving Becks Blue too, the wine witch is trying her best, I'm staying strong. Take care for tonight lovely.x

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  7. Glad to hear your results are clear SM. We're all sending a big virtual hug all around the world.

    Love

    Rob

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  8. I am reading your blog and have read your book. I am ashamed as I am awaiting results re drink/driving. I don't know what to do next.

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  9. I am reading your blog and have read your book. I am ashamed as I am awaiting results re drink/driving. I don't know what to do next.

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  10. I am reading your blog and have read your book. I am ashamed as I am awaiting results re drink/driving. I don't know what to do next.

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  11. My comments have been published 3 times! My fault - just not sure how to publish stuff here.

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    1. Thinking of you 'Sweetie' - it must be a frightening time waiting for these results. For some people it's a huge wake-up call, too. So, even though you feel ashamed and are at a low point, keep reading the book, fb page and other recommended books and articles and see it as a sign that 'sober' is the only way forward and then you'll never have to be in a situation like this again. Sending love and stay strong xx

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    2. Hello Sweetie! I hope you are okay! Mail me if you want to talk more on sobermummy@gmail.com We’ve all done things we’re ashamed of in the past, the important thing is what you do next. Hugs xxx

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  12. Thanks for sharing your good news Clare and telling us about your lovely friend - we all need a Harriet in our lives. Yesterday was my 2 year soberversary. Another reason for celebration - with a sparkling water. x

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    1. Wow - 2 years - Congratulations xx Such an amazing achievement

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    2. HUGE CONGRATS DJ! That’s amazing! Hope you had a great celebration! Hugs xxx

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  13. Fab news Clare! I think being sober puts you more in touch with your feelings, good and bad and also helps you recognise what your body and soul need to stay healthy. As for friends, I have 4 that I know I could call at anytime of the day or night if I needed them and they would be there in a heartbeat, my squad! And they have all supported me in being sober, shocked some of them more than others but we are still so close, and I know I am a better friend to them sober than when I was drinking. I will be 14 months sober this Sunday and we are meeting one of the them for a family tea out and catch up, perfect! I hope everyone has a fab weekend and stays strong you can do this! Xxxxxxxxx

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  14. So thrilled your results were clear Clare, what a relief.

    I’ve always considered myself to be a caring person, someone there for my friends. I’ve realised that, particularly over the last two years, I have become self absorbed and constantly sorry for myself - in a ‘woe is me’ way. I have become one of those people that drains the energy of others, where I used to be the car mole the opposite. I’ve let my fitness down so many times, mainly because I was either hungover or just couldn’t be bothered to get myself out and about.

    I am determined to change that now. Whether some of the friends will still be there remains to be seen, but I’m going to give it my best shot to make amends and be a good friend again.

    Thank you Clare for prompting me to confront what I’ve been avoiding xxx

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    1. ‘Car mole’ and ‘fitness’ ??? Should have read complete and friends ....

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    2. I’ve been trying all day to post on this blinkin blog - step away from the pino - I’m still here - 10 days in -

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    3. Oh thank goodness - I’ve written huge long posts in response to the newbies and none have published - thought ide lost you all - major panic - you’ve been so helpful - had bad day yesterday but sitting here with seedlip and tonic - lovely and feeling pretty chuffed with my self - 👍👍👍

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    4. I puzzled for a while over ‘car mole’! Sorry about your trouble posting, Searching Sober - thanks for persevering, and huge congrats to you!

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  15. Great news Clare. Delighted for you, your family & friends 🌷 xx

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  16. Brilliant news! Onwards and upwards xxx

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  17. Delighted for you Clare. Wonderful news xo

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  18. I’m really starting to understand the principle of liking myself before I expect others to like me. I’m on Day 23 and so proud of myself so I thought it’s time I started to gently explore outside my little self created bubble. I did a Mindfulness session at work in my lunch time and I’ve booked a yoga class for this evening. Might be a bit much all in one day but I want to give it a go. Wish me luck ☺️

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    1. Oh no - so relieved was I to find you all and send a message I didn’t read Claire’s blog - feel dreadful now - says it all really - get wrapped up in our own bubbles - but reading your post I’m not going to beat myself up - congratulations Claire on your results and for having good friends around you - you deserve it - you - yes you alone have changed my life - still early days but still going in the right direction - thank you xxx

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    2. How did the yoga go, Step Away From The Pinot? I have a terrible habit of farting during the downward dog which rather ruins it for me....

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