Tuesday, 30 January 2018

5 Reasons Why Ex-Drinkers Rock



If you've recently quit drinking, and you're giving yourself a hard time about all those years of bad behaviour and self-indulgence, then stop it right now.

Perhaps you're a 'normal drinker' (curse you), and have a newly-sober friend who you're kind of avoiding because you're worried that they might not be any fun, or that they'll start judging you. 

Well, that is so lame.

Here are five (of the many) reasons why ex-drinkers are the best people around:

1. We Are People of Excess

We talk about having 'a genetic tendency towards addiction' as a bad thing. And in some ways it is. It's why we got into a bit of trouble with booze and ended up quitting altogether.

But being an addictive personality, an all-or-nothing person, is also an incredibly wonderful thing.

You see, we are not just excessive in our love for alcohol, or nicotine, or shopping, or whatever, we are also excessive in doling out love, in following our dreams, in indulging in our passions for other things like art, literature, running or yoga.

Whatever we do, we like to do with all our heart, its just that, for a while, that mainly involved booze.

2. We are Survivors

We made it through days, weeks and months of taking one day at a time and battling with our inner demons.

We learned how to pare ourselves down to the bone and then rebuild ourselves, piece by piece. And every emotion, every set back we dealt with head on, with no props or anaesthetics to blur the edges.

And we came out of all of that strong. We know that we can walk through fire and emerge, not only unscathed, but fiercer, because we've done it before, and we can do it again.

3. We don't Judge

In today's society we are always judging each other and ourselves. We scrutinise each other's Facebook and Instagram feeds, we gossip and we bitch.

Well, we ex-drinkers know better than anyone that no-one is perfect, least of all ourselves. We don't look at the glossy social media and fall for it, because we know that everyone has a secret pain, that we are all gloriously, messily flawed.

So we don't judge. You can tell us the very worst thing you've ever done, and we'll nod, give you a hug and say "I've been there too."

4. We Make Really Good Friends

Because of all of that, we are really good friends to have around. And we value our friendships, because for a long while we didn't deserve them, and we're terribly grateful to anyone who stuck around.

We nurture our friendships too. We don't just meet up at parties and tell the same stories on a loop, we'll get together for a coffee and a good chat, for a long walk, for a trip to an art gallery or a yoga class - in fact we'd prefer that.

And if we do meet up at a party, we'll give you a lift home.

5. We Have Stories to Tell

And ex-drinkers are far from boring.

If you want to hear tales of a life well-lived, of triumphs and disasters, of excess and passion, then talk to the ex-lush. And they'll tell them without slurring or repetition.

So hurrah for you! Hurrah for us! Hurrah for them!

WE ROCK.

To read my tales of drinking, and then not drinking, visit my Amazon page. You can read the first few chapters free with the 'look inside' feature.

Click here for daily inspiration and information on the SoberMummy Facebook Page ('like' page to stay updated), or follow me on Instagram @clare_pooley.

Love to you all,

SM x



46 comments:

  1. #2 on Amazon in Drugs
    #4 on Amazon in Alcoholism

    Getting up there SM you rocker you :)

    Love

    Rob

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  2. Hi. Do you have any tips on getting through a ski holiday with friends? I’ll only be on day 36 when we go & I'm starting to panic that I won’t be strong enough!

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    1. Morning ��
      I would focus on the hangover you wont be having. That's what helps me. I feel so bloody brilliant since giving up and I'm sure your the same.
      Imagine a holiday where you enjoy every minute!
      That's what your going to have.
      Maybe slope off on your own if things get really tempting. The wine witch or gin b**ch soon shuts up when we ignore them.
      I hope you have a lovely time ��

      Sarah b

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    2. Great advice. Thank you. I am very determined x

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    3. Great advice! Sober ski holidays are amazing. You can get up early feeling great and really appreciate the beauty and fresh air. Also, ski holidays are more about the exercise than the drink, so I think they’re much easier than beach holidays. Hopefully you’ll be able to find an AF beer or similar that will stop you feeling left out! You’ll love it, I bet you! Xxx

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  3. Hello to lovely Clare and friends. Just want to tell everyone today is my 63rd birthday. I am 221 days alcohol free and 10 lbs (slow but steady - well I am post-menopausal) lighter. My mantra for the first few weeks came from Holly at Hip Sobriety "never question the decision", but the Sober Mummy blog has been my constant companion and I ain't never going back to drinking again. Thanks so much Clare, so glad to see you flying so high.

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    1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS! Thanks for letting us know! I hope you have a really brilliant day - you deserve it! Amazing! Xxx

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  4. I'm on day 332 AF.

    I've had my first summer holiday, birthday, Christmas & New Year AF. I even have a small tattoo as a constant reminder of what I have achieved!

    I wish I had known about this blog when I started out on my journey last year. It was so hard on my own. The hardest thing being "friends" reactions.

    I now don't mind going out socialising when other people are drinking. I am who I am. I enjoy life, I face problems and I feel alive.

    Clare you are amazing and I'm loving your book. Every chapter reminds me of me!

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  5. Clare, thank you for continuing your inspirational work, although I continue to struggle with drinking, your emails always resonate and give me a reason to do some soul searching. I am determined to join the throngs of “survivors, who make great friends.” And yes, I WILL have many stories to tell.

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  6. How true that is! but I get bored easily listening to people tell me how they could not live without red wine, and don't know how I can. But - I am 16 months sober - and planning a trip to Portugal and Spain with all the money I did not spend on wine. :)

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  7. Hi Clare, I’ve wanted to post since I first read this blog, but for some reason I haven’t drummed up the courage until today. Thanks for reminding me why I am better without booze - on Saturday my neighbour, who is doing Dry January, said that he found life so much more exciting with booze in it, and since then I’ve been wondering if I’m boring without booze. You have reminded me that I’m a better friend and mother without it, that transferring the obsession to running instead of drinking is a good thing and as an ex-lush I can survive anything! Thank you for being there - got your book on my bedside table and I can’t wait to start reading it. Day 166. Today I will not be drinking.

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    1. Hurrah Margie, and huge congrats to you! Life is so much more exciting WITHOUT booze in it, it’s just impossible to see when you’re still drinking! Big hugs and WELL DONE! ��

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  8. Well said Clare! Recently I have been wondering when I might meet "my people". A great many of my friends disappeared as soon as I had children (says a lot, I know) which I think contributed to the loneliness I felt that caused me to drink. Day 66 today. Will keep chugging on...xxx

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    1. You will find them! You just need to find yourself first! Hugs xxx

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    2. Thank you Clare. Needing those today x

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  9. Searching sober here - 17 days - feel amazing - thanks to your radio 2 interview I’m done with the drink and armed ready and packin for any witchy onslaughts or very big walls - here’s to seedlip mock G&T - ps very expensive - I’m in the process of making my own - will send the recipe when perfected - or could possibly market it and make my millions :0 :)

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    1. Yay! You are awesome! 👌🏻💕👊🏻

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  10. http://grownupdrinksforthesoberimbiber.blogspot.com/

    Visit this bloggers page - she is amazing and rates all the AF drinks out there. The Tesco AF G&Ts are fab, very cheap and come in handy little cans so can easily be transported to any event in your handbag!!! Well done on 17 days - this 'sober' thing really does work - I'm at 31 days and still loving it xxx

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    1. Hi all, I'm 3 weeks af now. I'm in 2 minds about low alcohol or af drinks pretending to be booze. I want to be free from all that but at same time, there's no harm in it I suppose? I find the af drinks make me think of booze more, as in how does it taste compared to the real thing?? What do you lovely people think ?

      Love Sarah b

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    2. Thanks for the link this is exactly what I needed because I'm sick of trying all the crap ones myself! For me Sarah, I'm thinking about booze anyway. If this makes the habits easier then I'm gonna go with it. But it isn't for everyone I don't think x

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  11. Mummy/girlfriend/nurse-becauseimsobernow1 February 2018 at 02:10

    Hi everyone, I’m new to blogging so trying to find my way about this whole new world. I’m about half way through Clare’s book, I am 22 days sober today. Attended AA for the first 3 days but I’m a 28 year old girl and felt very uncomfortable there. Hoping to find other ways of meeting people who “get it” haha! Happy Thursday everyone ��☕️

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    1. Hello! Do check out Club Soda onFacebook and Soberistas.com - both great sober communities! Big hugs to you xxx

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    2. Mummy/girlfriend/nurse: Sorry to hear you felt uncomfortable in AA. Please don't give up on it. It took me a few tries to find a meeting that 'fitted', and now I have many new, female friends. We share the most amazing bond and understanding. I hope you, too, find it. And well done on your 22+ days. It does get easier x

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    3. I keep saying I will go back, and I will one day. Managing to stay away from the vino still 4 weeks and counting. I’ve become obsessed with the gym and healthy ish eating so that’s all helping to keep focussed. Life really is great. Never thought I’d find joy in anything that didn’t involve alcohol. We should arrange a big sober party for everyone to meet and share 😂😘😘😘

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  12. Well said! We do rock. We are brave and honest and open to others. I am so happy I found this community. I've started my blog at Mere'sMindfulLife on the blogspot.

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    1. Thanks Mere! Will check out your blog xxx

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  13. Bought your book two days ago. Read it beginning to end. Love every word. In complete awe of it. I am on day almost 100, and although I could be described as one of those annoying persons who can drink two glasses of wine and stop, reality is that on my size that's too much, and the desire to drink has been slowly creeping up and up as the years go by. So reading your book solidified my intention to quit, to the point that today I told my husband - I am not just moderating or quitting for a while. I won't drink anymore. Feels terrifying but "almost nice."

    I am not sure it is ok to include a link to my blog, but a little over a year ago I wrote something about alcohol, and thought I could share with you here... If not ok, please delete my comment and slap my hand, I won't do it again... ;-) (I am a food blogger, but sometimes write about my day job (science) and fitness routines)

    https://bewitchingkitchen.com/2016/12/29/the-complicit-conspiracy-of-alcohol/

    thank you again for a fantastic book , and I shall be reading your blog too

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    1. Huge thanks for sharing your blog link. I’ll check it out! All relevant sharing most welcome here ❤️

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    2. Thank you! Glad I did not ignore some etiquette rule on my very first comment! ;-)

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    3. Interesting read Sally and echoes what I've been feeling/reading. Claire shared this article which had me in tears - http://katiebickell.com/moms-tell-drink/ although that may have been partially due to hormones :) linked to those memes and jokes, the fact that we act like life with our children is unbearable without booze breaks my heart

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    4. I wrote this after reading that article, on what became my Day One... http://poppinsgoessober.blogspot.co.uk/2018/02/standing-at-precipice.html?m=1

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  14. I'm now day 33 days in and am starting to feel a bit more pressure. I'm certainly not going to have a drink and my alcohol free beer has really helped this week. My face is breaking out all over the place so I'm treating myself to a well earned facial tomorrow. Cost is about 8 bottles of wine. The cash I have saved is going to good use! Heaps of luck to everyone. We have got this! Jacqueline

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  15. Ps I love all your advice Clare. It really keeps me going forward - strong! Thank you!! X

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  16. Thankyou for this. My best friend recently told me I do everything with gusto which isnt a bad thing...im a dedicated vegan, I commit fully to any projects and keep going. Sadly that also applies to booze and anything else which could be addictive. I even had a bingo habbit once (i kid you not). Now my energy is focused on sobriety and being a better mother and person in gerneral. I have even bagged myself a job with MIND too after 6 years of being a stay at home mum..There is no way I would have had the confidence and focus to do this had I carried on drinking. Thankyou for your story. I have listened to the audio book twice and it is brilliant. I found the bit about nits highly amusing as we have recently been cursed. And I cried when you were diagnosed with Breast Cancer. But you never gave in. Thankyou xx Emma

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    1. Congratulations on your new job! X

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    2. Thankyou ��. First interview in 10 years too. Cant wait. Just admin and taking referrals for CBT now but its a start.

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    3. Yay! Huge congrats on the job, and hope you blasted the nits! xxx

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  17. I saw you on tv and tomorrow I'm reaching my 3rd week of being sober. You were the prompt I needed to save myself. Reading your book and lots of others on your list and am blogging and understanding how helpful it is. Thank you so much for being brave enough for all of us xxx

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    1. Huge congrats to you! The first three weeks are the hardest, so you are doing brilliantly! Hurrah!

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    2. Thanks so much Claire, it is lovely to get your encouragement. Am loving your book, especially now the smugness of the 'easy'ish three weeks are out of the way and reality is setting in!! I'm actually sat with my first Becks blue and lemonade (you should be on commission as I would never have bought them without you) feeling like I can enjoy a drink without the negatives. Thanks again, Big hugs, PMNM xxx

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  18. Searching soba here Oh HELP - just for second interview next week for dream job after 16 yrs with same company - I’m making dinner and I’m at a massive messivecwall - I SO NEED A DRINK OF WINE - wine Witch on me now - three weeks two days without - not been this desperate up to now - aaaaaahhhhhh - I’m so stressed - someone talk me down

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    1. Am I too late, Searching Sober? Hope you are ok! The second interview will be so much easier if you're sober and together, rather than hungover and anxious. We are all rooting for you! Big hugs xxx

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  19. NO - not too late I did it - got over that wall - it was HUGE - and that damned persistent wine witch sat on top of it whispering sweet nothings - I was a raging looney - my poor hubby didn’t say a word - thank goodness - cos I know he wanted to say - just have a drink - but bless him he just handed me a becks blue and gave me a hug - (I still wanted to kick him round the kitchen though) so thanks for checking - it helped to post knowing that someone would read it and share the pain - and the thought of having to admit ide given in made me fight a little harder - all good - onwards and upwards better prepared for the next wall, ditch’ or witch xxxxxxxxxxxx

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  20. I was 56 days free of alcohol and really blew it last night! I drank one and a half bottles of wine. Back to not remembering going to bed, woke a 4am sweating the booze out and feeling rotten. Back to day one again!

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  21. Hi all, first time on this blog �� day 4 ����and determined to quit for good thanks to Clare and The Sober Diaries.
    Reading the blogs of others is really encouraging too.
    I have been trying to quit for years, my habit of a bottle and an extra glass or two from a second bottle and then not wanting to waste the half bottle the following day every wine o’clock and plus a few g&t’s at the weekend. Very determined, praying to be strong this weekend ���� Wish me luck x

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