Headspace

Alcohol addicts often talk about having 'monkey minds'. I like to think that we are particularly interested and interesting people, whose minds just won't stay still. (Or maybe we're just slightly more crazy than the average person).

Sometimes we just want a little peace. An escape from all the endless thinking, analysing, worrying, predicting. And that's what the booze does for us. It stills the mind and allows us to relax, to change gear, to de-stress.

That's what I missed most when I first quit drinking - the ability to transport myself to a little oasis of calm with just a few sips (glugs) of wine.

Buddhists believe that one of the keys to happiness is learning how to still the mind. But, predictably, Buddhists are very anti-booze, advocating meditation instead.

Back in the early days of being sober I tried meditation. I was a complete failure. I downloaded a meditation and tried to sit still for ten minutes concentrating on my breathing. Ten minutes had never felt so long.

The more I tried to ignore random thoughts the more they jumped up and down demanding attention like errant toddlers. Then the dog jumped on my lap and started licking my face, the sort of thing I'm sure never happens to Gwyneth Paltrow.

I didn't try that one again. Until a few days ago.

I've finally downloaded an App that several readers have recommended - Headspace, and I've been doing a ten minute meditation every morning. I'm a convert.

Not only does Headspace give you ten minutes of calm in your day, it also teaches you how to deal with negative and unhelpful thoughts (without diving for a bottle).

So, next time you really, really want a glass of wine, try a Headspace meditation instead. Once you've got over feeling like a bit of an idiot, it really does work.

Namaste!

SM x

Doom and Gloom

It's all a bit doomy and gloomy around here.

Since the Brexit vote on Thursday the pound has fallen off a cliff, stocks and shares are down, the Prime Minister has resigned, and half the Labour shadow cabinet have walked out.

It looks very likely that the next to leave will be all the good people of Scotland, as there'll be another Scottish Referendum.

Boris and Gove, who led the 'Leave' campaign, seem to have gone curiously quiet, and nobody's got a clue what to do next.

The black and white nature of the referendum vote and all the emotive language used in the debate, stirring up issues like immigration and inequality, has turned families and neighbours against each other.

Then, to add insult to injury, we got knocked out of the Euro 2016 football championship by Iceland. Iceland, who have a population the size of Croydon.

Not only is Tom Hiddleston no longer single, but he's flaunting his new bird all over the media.

And, worse than all of that, last night was the final episode in this series of Game of Thrones. We have to wait at least a year to find out whether the White Walkers can be defeated, and if Daenerys, Mother of Dragons, and Jon Snow will ever snog.

At depressing times like these it's very easy to find your mind fast forwarding to Doomsday scenarios.

Mine goes something like this: aarrrgggghhh. Mr SM is going to lose his job. We'll have to sell the house at a fraction of what it used to be worth. The kids will need to move schools. Then all the stress will bring my cancer back and I'll DIE and my children will be MOTHERLESS until Mr SM gets seduced by a large breasted, face lifted temptress who doesn't love them and spends all the remaining family money on HANDBAGS.

We drinkers are very prone to what is known as 'monkey brain.' I like to think that it's because we're all very clever and creative. Perhaps we're just slightly unhinged.

In any case, many of us used booze as a way of silencing all the endless CHATTER in our heads at the end of the day. When we quit, one of the hardest things to deal with is all that noise.

Plus, it turns out that all those random thoughts make us miserable.

A chap called Matt Killingsworth created an iPhone app that tracked the happiness of 15,000 people on a daily basis all over the world. He discovered that 'mind wandering', or monkey brain, makes us unhappy.

Funnily enough, even if our wandering minds are thinking about lovely stuff we are less happy than if we stay in the moment.

So, when we stop drinking we need to find ways of stopping our thoughts getting out of control, of staying in the now, that don't involve booze.

Many newly sober folk take up running, or yoga, gardening, colouring, knitting - anything that keeps you totally focussed on the task in hand will do.

Or why not try a box set - like Game of Thrones? Oh, bugger.

Love SM x

Monkey Brain and Mindfulness

Alcohol addicts often talk about having 'monkey brain.' It feels like we have particularly active minds. Constantly whirring, analysing, criticising, worrying.

Or perhaps everyone has minds just as busy, but are just better at dealing with them.

Whatever the reasons behind 'monkey brain' it does seem to be one of the reasons we drink. We use alcohol to shut our heads up. Alcohol is, it seems, the only way to stop us agonising about the past or stressing about the future.

You know the feeling: you've been running around all day, your internal dialogue is driving you crazy, you sink into an armchair, pour a large glass of wine and - after a few good glugs - relative peace.

(Until about 3am when you're woken up by the monkey brain chanting a litany of self loathing).

When we stop drinking, one of the things we miss the most is that 'dimmer switch' or volume button.

Which is where mindfulness comes in.

Mindfulness is another (less toxic!) way of stopping the monkey brain for long enough to give ourselves a break.

I was a bit sceptical about mindfulness, as I thought it necessarily involved meditation and, being British, I feel a bit of a pillock meditating. Besides, who has the time?

But not so. According to Daniel Ingram, "mindfulness does not stop after you get off the cushion." In fact, mindfulness does not even have to involve a cushion.

Mindfulness is an ancient Buddhist practice, very similar to the psychological concept of 'flow'.

You know that feeling when you are totally lost in an activity, and the time seems to fly by - you're almost in a trance? You're not worrying about anything because you are totally focussed on the present moment? That's 'flow'. It's also 'mindfulness'.

Mindfulness is defined as paying attention in a particular way:  on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgementally in order increase awareness, clarity and acceptance.

So, to achieve a state of mindfulness, you don't need to learn to meditate - you can just choose an activity you love and give it your full focus. Pay proper attention to what you're doing. How it looks, feels, sounds, smells. Don't let your mind wander.

The activities that ex addicts tend to choose range from yoga and gardening, to cooking, knitting, art, dog walking or fishing. There's even a best selling colouring book called 'colouring for mindfulness.'

If any pesky worries creep into your mind notice them, then get rid of them.

(This process is known in mindfulness circles as 'wack-a-mole' after the arcade game).

After half an hour you'll have achieved something (baked a cake, weeded the garden, caught a fish - whatever), but you'll also feel great - relaxed, calm and peaceful. Without the drink.

So be mindful. Go with the flow. Get in the zone.

Love to you all,

SM x