Alcohol is a Feminist Issue

I have always been proud to call myself a feminist.

I went to Cambridge University, to an all girls college called Newnham. Newnham was founded by Millicent Fawcett, the famous suffragist, who has just been honoured with the first statue of a woman erected in Parliament Square.

Newnham opened its doors to women in 1871, but they weren't made full members of the University, or awarded degrees, until 1948.

When we ate dinner in formal hall, we sat underneath a (rather battered) suffragette banner which was carried by the women of Newnham in the marches on Parliament.

I loved the history of my college. I was determined that I would do anything and everything that the boys could do.

I quickly discovered that all the mixed colleges had male-only drinking societies, which held the most riotous and popular of the student parties. 

So, my friends and I set up a women's only drinking society at our college, and we drank and partied as hard as any of the men.

I thought alcohol was a feminist issue. I totally bought into the idea - propagated in the 1980s - that keeping up with the men meant drinking as much as they did. 

I loved the 'ladette' culture, and drank like Bridget Jones, the Sex and the City girls and Absolutely Fabulous. 

Then I became a mum.

I grew up chanting the mantra that women could have it all. A successful career and a family. 

I quickly realised that that is possible, but it's incredibly hard. The men who'd managed to juggle careers and families had wives at home keeping the ship afloat for them. 

We had virtually no help, and were expected to do the lion's share of the domestic work and the childcare as well as the job.

It's not surprising that 'wine o'clock' has become such a thing. It's our generation's equivalent of the valium our mother's generation described as 'mummy's little helper.' It keeps us sane, it helps us relax, it's our reward for a job well done (or a job done, at least).

Only it's not really a reward. It's a drug. And more and more of us are becoming addicted to it and finding that it's having a terrible effect on our mental and physical health. 

We have created lives for ourselves that we constantly try to run away from, by self-medicating.

I've also realised that the way we use alcohol, instead of helping us keep up with the boys, is stopping us achieving as much as we could.

One of the things I hear from women over and over again, is that when they stop drinking their careers take off. They have more energy, they sleep better, they have more time, they become incredibly productive and creative.

The truth is, we cannot break down the glass ceiling when we have wine glasses in our hands.

Emmeline Pankhurst said "I would rather be a rebel than a slave." We did not fight for our freedom from the patriarchy only to become slaves to the booze. 

So, if you are struggling with alcohol addiction, take heart from this suffragette quote: Never surrender. Never give up the fight.

In other news this week, huge apologies to those of you in the USA and Canada who've been unable to download the Kindle version of The Sober Diaries. It's now back on line and (for a limited time only) at a discounted price. You can find it here USA, or here for UK, or here for Australia.

On Sunday 20th May 7pm (UK time) I'm hosting a live webinar on Club Soda on booze and parenting. Do tune in if you can! You need to be a member to watch, but membership is by voluntary donation - you just pay what you can afford. You can find Club Soda here.

As always, there's loads more inspiration and information on the SoberMummy Facebook page and on Instagram (@clare_pooley).

Love to you all,

SM x

Alcohol and Feminism

Isn't it extraordinary how, as the world becomes more and more chaotic, women are taking over?

In Germany they have the formidable Chancellor, Angela Merkel. Christine Lagarde is running the IMF. Theresa May is now Britain's second female Prime Minister, and Nicola Sturgeon is Scotland's First Minister. Even in the USA a woman looks set to take the reins.

Our generation were the ones bought up to believe that we could do anything, that it was our duty to keep up with the boys in honour of those who fought the good fight before us.

My Cambridge college (eagle eyed readers may spot that I referred to 'Oxford' earlier in this blog in a bid to stay anonymous. I now realise that this was somewhat futile) was all girl's.

It was founded in 1872, but whilst women were allowed to study with men, and sit examinations alongside them, they were not given a formal degree certificate until 1947.

The college had a strong suffragette tradition, and even today the suffragette flag, carried by Newnham girls during the protests, hangs proudly (if somewhat bedraggled) in the Formal Hall.

So, when I graduated from Newnham I was determined to beat the men at their own game. Anything they could do I could do better.

Including drink.

I wasn't alone. This was the era of the ladette, of Bridget Jones and Sex in the City. We were all drinking Cosmopolitans in fancy bars with our girlfriends, and drowning our romantic sorrows over buckets of Chardonnay.

(Was that what our sisters fought for? Our right to get drunk?)

But the truth is you can't beat biology.

Women are affected by alcohol at much lower levels than men, as they metabolise alcohol more slowly, due to lower body weights and higher fat percentages. We become addicted faster, and at lower levels of drinking.

Plus, men seem to get away with bad behaviour as a result of drinking (being described as 'bon viveurs' or 'one of the boys') whereas women who drink too much (especially after a certain age) are viewed as unstable and bad mothers.

(See my post on Alcohol and Sexism for the difference between the media reporting of a drunk Kate Moss and a legless Gerard Depardieu).

Times, however, do seem to be a-changing.

During the recent Brexit campaign, Nigel Farage (leader of the UK Independence Party) was constantly seen with a pint of beer in his hand (even before midday).

One of the quotes that helped scupper Michael Gove's leadership ambitions was this one: Michael Gove has an emotional need to gossip, particularly when drink is taken, as it all too often seemed to be.

Theresa May, meanwhile, came across as a steady, sober, hand on the tiller.

During her leadership campaign she said: I know I'm not a showy politician. I don't tour the television studios. I don't gossip about people over lunch. I don't go drinking in Parliament's bars. I don't often wear my heart on my sleeve. I just get on with the job in front of me.

And that's me now too. I'm done with gossiping over boozy lunches, getting legless in bars and drunkenly emoting. I'm just getting on with the job in front of me. Steadily. Soberly.

If you're struggling, then think of Emmeline Pankhurst and her mantra Never surrender! Never give up the fight! 

They didn't win the right to vote and for equal pay so we could sit at home drinking and having a pity party for one. They did it so we could get out there and change the world.

So, go do it!

SM x

Role Models

DAY 60!!!

I heard yesterday that a new movie of Absolutely Fabulous is being released. I was overcome by a huge wave of nostalgia for the wonderful Patsy (Joanna Lumley) and Edina (Jennifer Saunders).

In the early 1990s, when I was in my twenties, Absolutely Fabulous (or AbFab as we called it), was my favourite comedy sitcom - along with Friends, obviously. Not only did I adore Patsy and Edina - I actually wanted to be them.

And with my great fondness for nicotine and alcohol, plus my high paying advertising job, love of Harvey Nichols and convertible sports car, I was a pretty good approximation. For me, they were not an ironic comedy duo, they were role models.

So when I heard the news yesterday I looked them up on YouTube for a trip down memory lane (isn't the interweb just marvellous?).

Now please, please check out this compilation of 'Edina and Patsy's Finest Moments'. The amount they drink, in just this seven minutes, is horrifying. But at the time I honestly thought that drinking every day, and with abandon, was cool, rebellious, kooky and cocking a snoop at the establishment and the uninspired.  Just like Patsy and Edina.

These two were obviously extreme examples, but they weren't my only role models. My parents drank every evening. Gin and tonics before dinner. Wine with dinner. And, for my Dad, a brandy or whisky afterwards. They were never drunk, but often drinking.

All my friends drank, at least they did whenever we met up, and I assumed they did at home too. I never felt any concern, stigma or shame about daily drinking, or drinking at home alone.

The 1990s were, if you remember, the era of the 'ladette'. The cool girls who refused to be demure and cute, but worked hard and played hard with the men. Zoe Ball, Denise van Outen, Tara Palmer Tomkinson and the like, were pictured out drinking hard every evening (or so it seemed).

One of my main reasons for quitting now is so my three children don't grow up thinking that drinking every day is normal. Their example will be a mother who doesn't drink at all, and a father who drinks from time to time in moderation (goddamn him!).

Then, hopefully, even if they've inherited my 'caution to the wind' genes, they will at least question their habits well before I ever did. With luck, and good role models, they will keep their cucumbers unpickled (see Moderation. Is it Possible Part 2 if you don't get the cucumber reference - it's important!) and be happy, moderate drinkers throughout their lives.

I could hate Patsy and Edina for leading me astray, but I only have myself to blame and, the truth is, I still have a huge fondness for them in all their flawed fabulousness. The problem is that their new film, I'm sure, will portray them as unchanged - still chuffing and chugging away twenty five years later.

Yet we all know that, if that were really the case, they'd either be in rehab or dead. But where's the comedy in that?

An absolutely fabulous day to all of you.

SM x