Getting Through Wine O'Clock

The most difficult thing about giving up the drink is getting through the witching hour.

For me, it was longer than an hour - it stretched from around 5pm until about 8pm.

The clock seemed to move agonisingly slowly, and the wine witch would be jumping up and down inside my head yelling at me to stop being such a kill joy and just open a bottle of wine! (You don't need to drink the whole thing...)

I found that distraction really helped. Finding something interesting to read, or something funny to watch, or connecting with other people in the same boat.

Which is why I've created the SOBERMUMMY FACEBOOK PAGE! It's aimed at anyone who wants to quit or cut down on booze, or just drink more 'mindfully'.

I'm going to post something every weekday at wine o'clock UK time (I'm afraid that'll make it lunch time, or thereabouts in the USA) to inspire, inform or just entertain you.

There'll be newspaper articles, book reviews, mocktail recipes, TED talks, celebrity drinking stories (I know it's puerile, but I do love them. It makes me feel a little more glamorous) and much more. All upbeat and light-hearted - things you'll, hopefully, be happy to share.

If you check out my page now you'll find a the most widely shared TED talk on addiction, a newspaper article about Carol McGiffin drinking two bottles of wine a day, a wonderful video about parenting which I swear will make you cry (in a good way) as well as my favourite Absolutely Fabulous clip (because I blame Patsy and Edina for the pickle I found myself in!).

I'm on a mission to provide an antidote to all those drinking memes that crop up on your Facebook timeline!

All you need to do is to click the link here, or type SoberMummy into your Facebook search bar. Once you find my page, if you 'like' it Facebook will keep you updated with new stuff as I post it.

I'd love to make it all a proper community, so please do share, comment and message me via the page with any suggestions of content you'd like to see up there. You can also e-mail me on sobermummy@gmail.com.

Once we've got enough people on board I can set up some community areas like a 'Dry January' group or a '100 day challenge' group, so you can chat privately to people with the same goals as you and egg each other along.

So please, please drop in and 'like' my page (I'm aware I'm sounding needy!) I'd LOVE to see you there. And please leave any ideas, suggestions, issues in the comments below.

Love SM x

CLICK HERE TO GO TO SOBERMUMMY'S FACEBOOK PAGE

P.S. After two and a half years of blogging, I have finally managed to work out how to post images as well as words! That's my kitchen clock at the top of this post.

Sober Blogging Community

When I started writing this blog, I didn't realise how much camaraderie existed between the sober bloggers around the world, and with those readers who comment frequently.

I thought blogging would be much like writing a diary - just one that strangers can read too.

Actually, it's like being part of a huge global family, but one where everyone understands each other, and there are no secrets (so not like any real family then).

That's what makes it so hard when people disappear. In a real life family you could pop over and bang on the front door until they open up. Failing all else you can send the police round.

All we can do with disappearing bloggers is leave a message on their blog expressing concern and sending love. And disappearing readers can't be contacted at all.

I always hope they've just got bored with all this thinking about not drinking, and have swanned off into the sunset, clutching their virgin mojitos in one hand and a lush toy boy in the other.

I always suspect they're back to downing endless glasses of wine, and not wanting to feel any more guilty than they already do.

I hope they know that if and when they do come back they will be welcomed by all of us with open arms and absolutely no judgement. We've all been there, or if not there exactly then somewhere. We all have our baggage and our demons.

I was thinking about this because yesterday I had a lovely e-mail from a lady asking if I knew what had happened to Daisy H (Sober Girl, Wife and Mum).

I do have 'offline' (e-mail) relationships with quite a few of the other sober bloggers, but not Daisy, who has not posted since December 22nd.

Does anyone know how Daisy is?

Also missing in action is Bea of Be Sober Bea. Last posted two months ago, and has closed down her blog. Exploring Something Else - gone quiet for four months. And two of my early and favourite readers - Kags and Tallaxo. Where are you now?

If any of you are reading this, then please comment below, just to let us know how you are and if you need help.

If you're missing anyone else then please add their names, in case we can find them again too, or at least let them know we're thinking of them (should they find this page).

One of the bloggers I correspond with is Annie (A Dappled Path). We're meeting up tomorrow for the first time. Under a clock in a train station, just like a Hollywood movie.

So, if you see two middle aged ladies at a station hugging, but looking a little awkward, that'll be us. I'm telling you all so that she can't back out. I know what she's like....

Love to you all

SM x

Connection

I wouldn't be sober now if it weren't for the internet.

Maybe some people can do this completely on their own, but it can't be easy.

Johann Hari's Tedd talk on addiction (for more, see my post here) concludes with the words the opposite of addiction is connection. And connection is what AA have provided for alcoholics the world over, and what the sobersphere gives us today.

The reason I think connection is so crucial is that it is so very easy for us to give up on ourselves, to push the self destruct button in a moment of stress, fear, boredom or raging hormones. We're used to letting ourselves down, after all.

But, the more connections we have the more difficult it becomes to activate the ejector seat. Because we're letting down other people too. Our children. Our partners. Our AA sponsor. Our sobersphere buddies. And all of them have their hands out ready to catch us when we're falling.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I picture all of us round the world - so different in terms of culture, background and circumstance, but utterly united by common fears, experiences, hopes and dreams. It makes the world seem smaller, and our reach across it so much broader.

I remember feeling the same when I had my first baby. Buoyed up by all that serotonin and oxytocin, I felt 'at one' with all the other new mothers around the world.

Then the sleep deprivation kicked in, and I began to realise that mothers spend an awful lot of time criticising each other rather than supporting each other.

The sobersphere, however, is generally a really warm and accepting place. We look for similarities rather than differences, and we know (from bitter experience) that no-one is perfect.

We find the sober community when we're looking for help, then we hang around to give back. It's twenty first century karma.

Which is why I've found the news this week so shocking.

Fort McMurray in Canada has been burning for days. All 88,000 inhabitants have been evacuated. 1,600 of their homes, shops, schools and offices have been reduced to cinders.

In the old days I would have seen this news and felt a fleeting compassion for the people affected, then been jolly glad that I was okay, and carried on with my day.

But now I don't just see nameless strangers, I think of all those women like us. Women wrestling with all the day to day challenges of home, family and work, and dealing with issues like addiction, divorce, redundancy and so on. And now....facing this biblical style disaster.

And most of all I think of Anne and her family who live in Fort McMurray. Anne who has inspired all of us in the sobersphere by sharing her life, hopes and dreams (see her blog here) for the past two years. Anne who is safe, but must be dealing with the most unimaginable situation.

So, please send your love and strength to Anne. And Anne, if you find this post, point us in the direction of a funsdraising page so that your virtual community can do something to help rebuild your real one.

Love SM x